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Cougar wouldn’t always admit it but sometimes Jensen scared him. It was a fucked up thought to have about a teammate and an even worse thought to have when said teammate was also your lover but there was something dark that lurked beneath Jensen’s skin and sometimes it really fucking scared him.
When he’d first joined the team he noticed that the blond watched him…he was a sniper, it was his job to be observant. So when Jensen kept turning up in places he had no reason to be Cougar realized that something was off. He’d thought that maybe the tech just didn’t like Hispanics, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d run into that prejudice and he could deal with it but Jensen never came after him, not for that.
It was strange how a man as big as Jensen could move around so silently and Cougar had to train himself out of flinching whenever the blond popped up in his blind spot.
It went on for months until one day Jensen started talking at him…it wasn’t to him because Cougar hadn’t said a word to the tech when the man flung himself down and started to explain the history of sexuality within the Armed Forces. It was a strange and informative rant later that Cougar realized that Jensen wasn’t following him around because he didn’t like him but the exact opposite.
He didn’t usually mix business and pleasure but Jensen was something new and Cougar found himself drawn to the blond despite his personality. It freaked most people out to see them together and Cougar knew that Roque had laid down bets as to just how long it would take for Cougar to snap and try to cut Jensen’s tongue out. Roque had lost that bet because Cougar really liked Jensen’s tongue, it was very talented, much like everything else on Jensen’s body.
It should have been perfect but then they’d run across Antonio Rivera, a drug lord who decided to take offense when the Losers burned down one of his warehouses.
Rivera had paid them back by having a few of his men snatch Cougar three weeks later and when the Losers found him, he had more broken bones and bruises than he wanted to think about. He’d blocked out most of those memories, everything except the look in Jensen’s eyes when Rivera’s man grassed him up.
The blue that Cougar had once found such comfort in was blank and dead in a way that Carlos hoped he’d never see again and when he woke in a hospital bed to find Jensen sitting by his side, he’d stayed quiet as Jensen told him about his brothers. He knew there was something that the blond wasn’t saying but he didn’t truly understand until Bolivia.
*O*
Jensen loved children; Cougar knew this because he’d seen Jensen with his niece. Jensen loved kids and they loved him back, it was probably why what had happened hurt Jensen the most. He was quiet and withdrawn, flinching at every loud sound and shying away from the light like some sort of vampire. Cougar didn’t know what to do, his own guilt was eating him alive and when Jensen pulled away from him he didn’t fight it. Maybe this was for the best, they had never promised each other forever. He didn’t know anything about Jensen other than what the man wanted him to know, breaking it off now would probably be better for the both of them in the long run.
That was what he convinced himself and at night he left Jensen to take the bed while he found a warm body to help him forget, even for just a few seconds. It wasn’t perfect but they were surviving and if they wanted to get the cabron who had brought them this low all they really needed to do was survive.
*O*
The call came one Saturday night when Cougar was on his way back from the factory. The shrill of the payphone made him freeze, his eyes darting to the phone before he shook his head and moved on. He’d barely made it a few feet when another phone joined in then another and another until the entire street was drowning in the shrill cries from the phones.
Growling he strode forward and yanked one form its cradle, it didn’t make sense to hide because whoever it was obviously knew that he was there. He didn’t get a chance to speak as the person on the other end began to talk.
“Look, Alvarez, you don’t know me and I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t necessary because I don’t mess in my brother’s affairs but you need to find Jake and stop him or help control him!” the voice barked and Cougar frowned in confusion.
“Que?”
The person sighed, “He’s hunting again, he’s hunting and it’s fucking up all of us and if you want him to live, if you want any of us to live, then you need to make him stop or slow the fuck down!”
Cougar opened his mouth to demand an explanation but the only sound that met his ears was a dial tone.
Dropping the phone he glanced up and down the street but there was no one there. Sighing he turned from his phone and lengthened his stride as he made his way home.
Pulling the door open he almost ran into Jensen. The blond blinked slowly when he caught sight of him, a series of expressions flickering across his face before it settled onto the blank mask that Jensen had taken to wearing around him.
“Hey, Cougs, can’t chat got a hot date with a lady called vodka,” the tech babbled as he slipped by and Cougar’s eyes narrowed as he watched Jensen swagger down the street.
Cougar didn’t trust a man whose face he’d never seen but something told him that he needed to see where Jensen was going….just once, just to make sure that the man was safe.
*O*
Following Jensen was easy, keeping up with him, not so much. Jensen moved like he would on a mission, taking unnecessary routes and for a second Cougar worried that the man had spotted him until Jensen headed away from the bustling streets, heading towards the more dilapidated part of the town that they were staying in.
Cougar kept a steady distance between them as he trailed Jensen to an old house that made their safe house look like a palace.
The windows were hanging from their shutter and the porch creaked ominously as the blond stepped onto it. The paint was peeling off the exterior walls and Cougar was fairly certain that the whole house was one string storm away from toppling over, which didn’t explain what the hell Jensen was doing there.
Jensen glanced over his shoulder once before opening the door and slipping inside.
Cougar waited for a beat of ten before crossing the yard, ducking beneath one of the windows as he waited….for what he didn’t know. Maybe Jensen just used this place as his escape or he brought his hook ups here. The last thought made something sour coil in Cougar’s gut but he didn’t have a leg to stand on so he just waited.
He could hear Jensen moving around inside then there was the sound of skin slapping skin and a groan.
Cougar shut his eyes tight, he should just leave, he shouldn’t have come in the first pla…..
The thought trailed off as Jensen started to speak, his voice low and cold in way that Cougar had never heard.
“Hey, Julio, remember me? I told you I’d be back, didn’t I?”
There was a muffled whimper from within the room and Cougar frowned, checking the yard before slowly rising to his feet as Jensen continued to talk.
“Guess what? I talked to Lucia and her friends. See kids are awesome, they’ll keep a secret but they never forget and those little girls didn’t forget you.”
Cougar peered through the broken panel of the window and his eyes widened at the sight inside the room.
Jensen was standing beside a man who was bound to chair, his face a bloody mess. The man shook his head frantically when Jensen reached for him but the tech ignored the gesture as he tangled his fingers in the man’s hair, forcing his head back while he pressed a knife to the man’s throat.
“Don’t even feel special because you’re not,” Jensen smirked. “You’re number ten, in this town…number; I lost count a helluva long time ago, if you think of all the other places I’ve been to. See I like kids and guys like you….” Jensen paused as he pressed the knife against the man’s throat and Cougar was frozen, his eyes glued to the line of red that bloomed to life against the man’s skin even as the man cried out, tears mixing with the blood on his face. “…guys who like to hurt kids, you make me sick but you’re in luck Julio, see your times up.”
Julio’s muffled cries grew louder at that and Cougar was moving before he knew it, racing for the porch and kicking the door open. It slammed against the far wall with enough noise to wake the dead but Jensen didn’t even flinch, didn’t move to acknowledge Cougar’s presence.
“Let me guess, it was Steve right….or maybe Johnny? He’s been restless ever since we dropped off the radar. If you guys think I’m bad you should wait until you’ve got a chatterbox nagging you at every turn…you’d be bat shit crazy in a week,” Jensen laughed.
“Jake, do not do this,” Cougar pleaded and Jensen glanced at him, his blue eyes narrowed.
“Why not? I don’t have shit to lose, Cougs. I’m not a soldier anymore, my brothers are miles away and you’ve moved on to greener pastures. Why the fuck shouldn’t I take that all out on this fucktard who thinks it’s a good idea to hurt a little girl?” Jensen snarled.
“You are better than this. You are a good man,” Cougar entreated as he stepped closer but Jensen shook his head, his attention returning to Julio when the man began to sob even louder.
“I’m really, really not,” Jensen whispered. “You should remind me to tell you about my brothers sometime, then you’ll get it."
“Jake….” Cougar began but Jensen just sighed.
“Carlos, this is me. You wanted to know why I never gave you all of me, why I kept hiding things? It’s because of this! I’m fucking warped on the inside and ain’t nobody gonna set me right. Steve knows that, Johnny knows that. Steve thinks he’s the fucking lynch pin that keeps us all here but he isn’t, it’s because of me…I need to atone for my sins and all that shit but it’s hard to atone when I’m not sorry. How can I be sorry when all I’m doing is cleaning this place up, one asshole at a time?” Jensen chuckled bitterly and Cougar flinched when Jensen’s entire being seemed to flicker, like static on a TV set. His fingers itched for his crucifix but he didn’t move because this was Jensen, the only man he truly trusted to have his back….the only one that he’d trusted with his heart.
He was grasping at straws now but all he needed was to make Jensen stop. They’d killed before but not like this, not without provocation.
“Twelve little girls, not one of them older than eight and this fucker thinks he’s hit the jackpot. You can’t ask me to walk away from that,” Jensen continued, his fingers tightening in Julio’s hair. “You know what; it’s ironic that you’re the one who found me because you were the reason why I’d been so good for so long. I’m not good at attachments; at least that’s what Steve always said.”
“Lo siento, I thought you did not want me any longer.” Cougar offered up and Jake snorted.
“Are you fucking insane, I’d burn the world down for you Cougs, I love you so much it makes me feel even crazier than usual and seeing you with those women….” Jensen shook his head like he was shaking away the thought before his eyes refocused on Cougar’s face. “It’s ok though cause this….this is me, take it or leave it because I’m tired of living a lie.”
Cougar froze for a moment. He remembered the look on Jensen’s face when the chopper went down, remembered the desperation in the caller’s voice. The man had said stop or slow down, there was an option, stop Jensen or……
Cougar swallowed slowly as he took a step forward and another. Jensen watched him from beneath hooded lids and when Cougar pressed against his back the tension seemed to melt from Jensen’s muscles.
“Yeah?” he asked and Cougar nodded as his fingers found Jensen’s curling around the knife in the man’s hand.
“Si,” Carlos whispered and he closed his eyes, focusing on the image of Beth laughing as Jensen swung her in the air even as the knife’s handle became soaked and the sound of gurgles filled the air.
Cougar had always known that something dark lurked beneath Jensen’s skin but even as a child he’d never been afraid of the dark….he’d loved it.