Immortalaries
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the fuckboy passport by lipstickliterature
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
16 May 2026
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Summary
Ilya posts a casual video of himself covered in a necklace of hickeys given to him by his beautiful, freaky boyfriend. In an unfortunate turn of events, girls all over the world join forces to share the details and video evidence of their own sexual exploits with Russia’s pass-around party boy. Shane is not at all consumed by jealousy and absolutely does not fall into a spiral of competitive obsession over these events.
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Or, 5 times Shane tries to be as good as every girl that Ilya’s ever been with, + 1 time Ilya shows him that he has always been better.
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“Holy shit, dude,” Hayden whispers, too loudly, as he pulls Shane away. “No way you were just talking to Ilya Rozanov.”
“Uh, yeah. We just met. Wait, did he lie to me?” Shane asks, looking back over his shoulder where Ilya is now standing next to a short but very muscular woman with long black hair. “What does he play?”
Hayden stops, so Shane does too.
“You don’t know who that was?”
Shane makes a face that says ‘no shit’, and waits for an answer.
“Dude. You are so innocent. Ilya Rozanov, ‘Russia’s Greatest Love Machine’?” Hayden says, like it’s obvious.
Shane looks at him blankly, and then Hayden laughs. Not like, a chuckle. He full on cackles, bending over like he can’t even contain it. “Man, he’s like prolific.”
“At what?” Shane snaps, because he’s getting really sick of not being in on the joke.
“He’s a porn star, man.”
“A-” Shane says, swallowing thickly. “What?”
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Ilya is a porn star, Shane is a hockey player, and their paths cross.
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Shane swallowed hard. “This is such a bad idea.”
“It is,” Ilya said.
His hand came up, thumb settling beneath Shane’s jaw and tilting his face upward. The touch alone sent a shiver through him.
“You are too young,” Ilya murmured. “You are going to get me into trouble.”
Shane barely had time to breathe before Ilya leaned in.
Shane Hollander has made a lot of mistakes in his life. Getting pregnant by a married Russian man twice his age is easily the worst one.
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Summary
Subtitle:
The Wizarding World Should Really Invent Therapy- Words:
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“Come on in, sweetheart, get out of the rain. We can talk in the living room until it tapers off.”
“That’d be amazing. Way better than standing in the doorway,” Steve agreed with a little laugh. He felt almost giddy and knew his hopes were too high, but he couldn’t help it. It felt like he was getting one last chance to prove to the universe that he could do this, that he could make a sale, that he could keep going.
Eddie moved aside to let him in and took a quick glance along the street again before shutting the door.
He locked it, too.
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based on my x/twitter post: 'thinking about door to door salesman steve who willingly walks into stalker!eddie's house bcus he's terrible at his job and just wants to sell one encyclopedia :( eddie seems interested! and nice! :) (he never comes back out again, eddie locks him in a cage in his basement <3)