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There's no life in anything when you're not here by 23squirrels
Fandoms: One Piece (Anime & Manga)
23 Jun 2026
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Summary
Roronoa Zoro had a problem. Sanji Vinsmoke. The prince he was hired to protect and watch over kept sneaking out each night going who knows where. The first time it happened he thought it was a fluke, a one time thing. Then it happened again, and again, and again. Zoro was tired of it, he tried following him last night but…he lost him.
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Medieval Knight and Prince AU where Zoro finds out he might like the prince more than he shouldBookmarked by Kpuff
14 Apr 2026
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Harry always thought soul mates were the domain of overly-soppy romantics. What he didn't realise was that they were very real, very dangerous, and very inconvenient...especially when your soul mate is the very dead Severus Snape. Fortunately, with the help of his friends and a Time Portal, he's able to get past that pesky obstacle...and finds his life completely changed.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,674
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 185
- Kudos:
- 8,614
- Bookmarks:
- 1,770
- Hits:
- 110,427
Bookmarked by Kpuff
31 Oct 2025
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Harry indulges in an enormous eye-roll at the universe when he wakes up on his nineteenth birthday with “Property of the Half-Blood Prince” written on his neck like a collar. He goes on to live his life like normal, without being too upset about it—and without telling Snape, who he’s sure wants his freedom now.
Series
- Part 7 of From Litha to Lammas
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,244
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 373
- Kudos:
- 16,329
- Bookmarks:
- 3,035
- Hits:
- 186,953
Bookmarked by Kpuff
29 Oct 2025
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Summary
Sanji and Zoro share a drink together, but their conversation heads into dangerous territory. Eventually a bet is made, and Sanji has to wonder if it's worth it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,038
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 77
- Kudos:
- 8,188
- Bookmarks:
- 1,094
- Hits:
- 78,502
Bookmarked by Kpuff
15 Aug 2024
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Summary
Zoro and Sanji finally give in to each other, a long-standing desire they both can't deny. The only problem is, Sanji still has his pride, and Zoro definitely doesn't keep trying to tempt him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,206
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 175
- Kudos:
- 6,891
- Bookmarks:
- 1,564
- Hits:
- 123,007
Bookmarked by Kpuff
30 Apr 2024
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Summary
She usually only lets Astarion feed on her while she is asleep. Not that she has any problem with Astarion, the case just is that him feeding from her while she is still conscious is profoundly intimate and she can’t really be sure if Astarion has noticed or even if he particularly cares, about how quickly her heart races when he does it. So while she is asleep is better, it's much better.
But she can't get to sleep tonight, so she is just going to have to make do.
Bookmarked by Kpuff
24 Nov 2023
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Summary
After weeks of pining over a certain vampire, boredom and a particularly talented wizard's illusion magic almost get the better of you.
Astarion x You story!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,851
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 343
- Kudos:
- 3,105
- Bookmarks:
- 506
- Hits:
- 40,571
Bookmarked by Kpuff
17 Nov 2023
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Summary
You wake to Astarion satiating his hunger in more ways than one.
Bookmarked by Kpuff
06 Nov 2023
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Astarion doesn't appreciate a certain stunt you pulled at the Circus of the Last Days. He's going to make you pay, and you're going to enjoy it—after all, that's what you want, isn't it?
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Preview:“Is it funny now, darling?” Astarion had your face pressed into the dirt, a fistful of your hair in hand.
It was utterly degrading. He had pulled you aside at the first opportunity, snuck off into some unkempt plot of land behind the circus, and stripped you bare without so much as unbuttoning any of his own clothes. Now, you were bent over beneath him and fully at his mercy. You just hoped nobody would stumble across the scene.
Bookmarked by Kpuff
03 Nov 2023
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Summary
Astarion, like the rest of your party, has somehow come to the misunderstanding that you have a thing for Gale. Your resident vampire teases you, you tease him back, there’s an accusation of jealousy, and things devolve from there.
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Preview:“All I’m saying,” you started, “is that he can quite literally bend reality for sex. I think there are a lot of possibilities that you’ve failed to consider.”
Astarion glanced toward the rest of your party, now far ahead, and took hold of your wrist. In the next moment, you were pulled into the woods along the trail. His crimson eyes gleamed with interest. “Indulge me.”
Bookmarked by Kpuff
02 Nov 2023
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Summary
Tav pulls Astarion's face into the crook of his neck and there, the vampire inhales faster than he can get the breaths in. The smell; blood below the skin and sweat sat on top of it. His tongue is out before he realizes, lapping over the area, dragging up any taste he can get.
Tav’s other hand presses into the small of his back, arching Astarion into him, making him whine at the feeling of the cock shifting inside him, until Astarion’s chest is flush against Tav’s.
“Feed.”
When the Shadow-Cursed lands lack suitable prey, Astarion distracts himself from the hunger with sex until he can’t anymore.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,677
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 242
- Kudos:
- 9,718
- Bookmarks:
- 1,232
- Hits:
- 106,239
Bookmarked by Kpuff
31 Oct 2023
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Summary
It’s a little miraculous, Tav thinks, that those wrinkles could survive undeath and two centuries without much occasion for genuine laughter. But Astarion is nothing so much as he is a collection of small miracles.
The wine makes it harder to deny and, mercifully, easier to face: Tav’s in love. Giddy, stupid love. The kind Astarion could crush in one fist without batting an eyelash.
Which is exactly what he’ll do if he ever finds out.
Tav’s never been good at keeping promises, but for Astarion, he wants to be a better man. One of them should try, at least. Late Act 1, set before, during, and just after the battle for the Emerald Grove. Astarion x m!Tav.
Series
- Part 5 of a crooked touch (Astarion x m!Tav)
Bookmarked by Kpuff
24 Oct 2023
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Summary
“I want to know who taught you how to make all those delicious sounds you made when the priest was kissing you with his steel. And then perhaps I want another demonstration.”
Tav feels his body responding to the smoky curl in Astarion’s voice. His trousers are growing uncomfortably tight. Fuck, he knew exactly what was going to happen; he should have kicked Astarion out of his tent when he had the chance. But he’s never had any godsdamned self-discipline, has he?
“I’ve had dealings with his kind before,” Tav says. “Loviatar worshippers.”
“You’re such a tease. Tell me more.”
After watching Tav receive Loviatar’s Love, Astarion has a few questions. Pressing ones. Mid/late Act 1. Astarion x m!Tav.
Series
- Part 4 of a crooked touch (Astarion x m!Tav)
Bookmarked by Kpuff
22 Oct 2023
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Summary
Astarion pauses in the opening, evidently taken aback. “Oh. You’re awake.”
Moonlight falls over him, rendering him impossibly, achingly beautiful. Or maybe that’s Tav’s impossibly hard cock talking. If Astarion so much as brushes his shoulder, or calls him darling, Tav is going to come. Right now.
Fuck, couldn’t Astarion have waited five minutes?
Tav’s protective side kicks in, and after three days without blood, Astarion’s composure slips and Tav almost gets his wish. Mid Act 1. Astarion x m!Tav.
Series
- Part 3 of a crooked touch (Astarion x m!Tav)
Bookmarked by Kpuff
22 Oct 2023
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Summary
Astarion sees him as a tool, a warm body to shield him, a pliant protector. Tav knows that. Knows the odds are a hundred to one that a vampire spawn could be capable of anything more. And even if Astarion is capable—that doesn’t mean he’s inclined.
Tav wants him. Gods, he wants him in every fucked-up way possible. Neck-deep in blood and filth, honeyed lies on his tongue, fingers around Tav’s throat. It’s frankly insane, this desperate lust he feels that only grows stronger by the day, every hour he spends in Astarion’s presence.
And the worst part is that it isn’t just lust.
It’s Tav who goes crawling back to Astarion, begging him to feed. Early/mid Act 1. Astarion x m!Tav.
Series
- Part 2 of a crooked touch (Astarion x m!Tav)
Bookmarked by Kpuff
22 Oct 2023
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Summary
"How would you feel," Rewan began, a bit hesitant, his tone light and unserious as though in his wizardly ponderings he had only just now stumbled upon the thought, "about killing me?"
In which Rewan has eight wisdom and way, way, way more than eight kinks.
Bookmarked by Kpuff
20 Oct 2023
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Summary
It isn't like him being so... easy.
Others are usually the ones fawning over him. Not the other way around.
Astarion stares at him from across the camp, distractedly sipping on the cheap wine one of the saved tieflings provided. That silky hair and toned body, those broad shoulders and long legs… the way he folds when he laughs, how he scratches his head when he’s embarrassed and really holds onto people’s gazes… even the scales, horns and tail have him stirred. Hard not to imagine holding onto them while–
He clicks his tongue.
Bookmarked by Kpuff
20 Oct 2023
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The Accountant’s Guide to Taking Down an Evil Vampire Lord (and maybe bagging Astarion while you are at it) by Cinnamontails
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
07 Nov 2024
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Summary
“Fine,” she said. “Do you know the statistically most common way for the authorities to take out organized crime?”
Well, if that was her idea of enticing conversation, it was no wonder she had all those evenings free to chase after scoundrels like him. Still, Astarion didn’t want to antagonize her further and ruin the game, so he pursed his lips and guessed, “A very large, well-placed cannon?”
“Tax fraud.”
She looked at him as if she expected some sort of reaction – maybe a dramatic gasp? A palm flung to his forehead in a theatrical rendition of How could I not think of this?
Everything he could muster was a blink. “Tax … fraud.”
She nodded, obviously excited about what Astarion was sure were two of the most boring words in the English language, combined.
"That's how we'll take down Cazador."- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 112,858
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,020
- Kudos:
- 5,268
- Bookmarks:
- 1,383
- Hits:
- 127,775
Bookmarked by Kpuff
10 Oct 2023
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Bookmarked by Kpuff
04 Oct 2023
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Bookmarked by Kpuff
29 Sep 2023