11 Bookmarks by Swess
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“So where do you want to start?” asks Frank, and god, even the simplest questions are tough. How to even begin explaining the details of how you methodically destroyed every aspect of your own life. How do you explain chasing your own son out of the state? How do you explain burning your life down in pursuit of the ghost of your late wife?
“Buck got a boyfriend,” Eddie hears himself say, and then pauses, frowning in confusion at himself. “That’s not actually– I didn’t–” He lets himself take a breath under the heavy weight of Frank’s unwavering gaze, “It actually started with Pepa.”
//
While Chris is in El Paso, it’s Eddie’s summer of Realizing Things, such as comphet, what Buck means to him, and how to let himself be happy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 106,697
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 373
- Kudos:
- 1,231
- Bookmarks:
- 526
- Hits:
- 25,241
Bookmarked by Swess
10 Oct 2024
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Missing Chris is less of an emotion these days and more of a physical entity. He’s sure everyone can see that he’s slowly hollowing himself out, that he can’t do much of anything else.
But when Jee laughs at him trying to get his tongue to touch his nose, and Mara loops one of her arms through his to keep him from tossing the rest of his cup in the garbage, Eddie feels solid again.
Maybe he likes yellow birthday cake ice cream after all.
(or, gerrard messes with the team's schedules and eddie 'i just drove my son to flee the state' diaz is the only option to watch mara and jee-yun after school on tuesdays, which, shouldn't be a problem at all, right?)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 58,577
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 1,885
- Kudos:
- 20,322
- Bookmarks:
- 8,095
- Hits:
- 335,789
Bookmarked by Swess
13 Sep 2024
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“You’re in love with me?” Buck asks, like a laggy computer system that just finished booting up.
“Er. Yes?” Eddie says. “I thought we established that.”
Buck nods, once, glacially slow, and Eddie sees when the synapses of his brain snap into place.
“... But I’m straight?”the one where it takes eddie a while to get over buck, and it takes buck even longer to figure out he doesn't want him to
Bookmarked by Swess
02 Jan 2024
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“It’s just that—I died,” Buck continues, voice unsteady enough that Eddie wonders if this is the first time he’s acknowledged that out loud. “I died, and there’s so much more. There’s so much more I want to do, things I don’t even know I want to do yet, and I almost had the chance to have and live them taken away. I don’t want to die and regret missing out on everything else, Eddie.”
“So let’s make a list,” Eddie says. “Let’s do them.”
or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along
Series
- Part 1 of bucket list fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,477
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 679
- Kudos:
- 5,385
- Bookmarks:
- 2,129
- Hits:
- 84,729
Bookmarked by Swess
26 Dec 2023
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Something is wrong.
“Buck”, Eddie says his name slowly, like he’s a deer that could easily be startled, “do you remember Monday night, after I got home from working a shift without you?”
“We had a few beers and you told me about that crazy call.”
“Yes. And do you remember what happened afterwards?”
“Uh — no? Should I?”
The ice in his veins spreads and soon his whole body feels frozen, like a bucket of icy water has just been dumped all over him.
“Oh shit, did I drink too much on an empty stomach again? That always leaves me way drunker than I should be and I can’t remember shit the next day”
Buck doesn’t remember.
He doesn’t remember.
Eddie’s entire world crashes down around him. He feels like his body has stopped working. He doesn’t know if he’s breathing but he’s pretty sure his heart has stopped.
Buck’s memories of them can’t be gone.
OR
Buck and Eddie finally get together only for lightning to strike a few days later, leaving Buck with no memories of them ever becoming a couple.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,405
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 208
- Kudos:
- 2,192
- Bookmarks:
- 569
- Hits:
- 39,806
Bookmarked by Swess
22 Dec 2023
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[Podfic] The Hallelujah Chorus by Mistchievous for letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
31 Oct 2022
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Buck was created to follow orders. But then he falls, and Falls, for Eddie Diaz, and both of their destinies are rewritten.
[This is Part 17 of The Monsterfucker's Symphony which is a series of unrelated one-shots.]
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“I'm gay.”
He's looking at his feet, because he hasn't quite come to terms with the fact that he's saying this in a room where other people, strangers, can hear it.
But this is still the first time he's said it this way: out loud, in a declarative sentence. Being nervous is fine. Frank said that being nervous is fine, and Buck just said he's proud, and the only thought Eddie has in his head is that it's embarrassing he can't raise his head and say it like a man, so clearly, he's going to need to hang on to other people's words for the time being, someone who isn't his dad trying to explain the ways Eddie's allowed to inhabit the world.
He doesn't need to ask anyone's permission to be who he is. That's also a thing Frank said.
in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,228
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 790
- Kudos:
- 5,762
- Bookmarks:
- 2,150
- Hits:
- 77,365
Bookmarked by Swess
21 Jul 2022
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[Podfic] Your Fingerprints Smeared on My Heart (Lead Me Back to You) by Mistchievous for letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
14 May 2022
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In 1880, Evan Buckley of the arriviste set is sent out west to oversee his family's railroad and recover from a broken heart - and meets Eddie Diaz, cowboy. When fate tears them apart, they make a promise: find each other again.
In 2018, Buck walks into his fire station in Los Angeles - and meets Eddie Diaz, new recruit.
Bookmarked by Swess
15 May 2022
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“Didn’t know you were seeing someone.”
Buck just laughs. Like, honest to god giggles. Eddie is stuck fighting off doubly massive waves of butterflies and confusion, all while Buck just gazes down at him.
“That’s cute,” he hears Buck mumble, just before climbing into the truck, calling Eddie after him.
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or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,258
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 638
- Kudos:
- 20,722
- Bookmarks:
- 5,151
- Hits:
- 240,891
Bookmarked by Swess
25 Mar 2022
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For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12
Eddie Diaz learns a lot as a kid.
Boys aren’t soft.
Boys don’t cry.
Boys don’t kiss boys.
As he gets older, he realizes that everything has exceptions. Boys can be soft sometimes. Boys can cry sometimes. And some boys kiss other boys.
But Eddie likes kissing girls. And since he likes kissing girls, that’s the end of the story.
Isn’t it?
[Or: the one with all the repression]
Bookmarked by Swess
03 Oct 2021
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“We have to keep this quiet,” he realizes.
“That’s,” Eddie starts, his eyebrows tilting inwards adorably. “I mean, yeah, if that’s what you wanna do, then—”
“Not for long,” Buck protests. “I’m thinking until tomorrow.”
The eyebrows rise with interest; the eyes beneath get their spark back. “Yeah?”
“It’s Maddie and Chimney’s wedding day,” Buck says, slipping his hands down the last bit and entwining them with Eddie’s. “Today should be solely about them, about their love. You and I can have tomorrow. All the tomorrows.”
Series
- Part 9 of Buck and Eddie
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,698
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 252
- Kudos:
- 3,490
- Bookmarks:
- 769
- Hits:
- 32,640
Bookmarked by Swess
15 Jul 2021