oitiddies



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    Shane: You know, believe it or not, eating women out actually wasn't my favorite pastime
    Ilya: Sure.
    Shane: Ilya. I’m GAY
    Ilya: Not too gay to eat lots of pussy

    In which the women Shane has slept with share their experiences on social media, Shane and Ilya both react totally normally, and Hayden would like some clarity on his best friend's sex life

    A sequel to "ten out of ten"

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    25 Apr 2026

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    The problem is that Shane’s not just a sweet, occasionally funny, soon to be famous millionaire. He’s also fucking hot. He’s got these warm brown eyes, perfect skin, and abs. Actual, literal abs.

    But when Jessica licked them last week, he didn’t even get hard. He said he was too stressed about the scouts coming to his next game. Her entire Centaurs loving family would be disappointed in her, but she’s really starting to hate hockey.

    Or: 5 times someone wanted Shane (and later found out why they couldn't have him), +1 time Shane wanted someone back

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    12 Apr 2026

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    Cliff sighed. It was time to bite the bullet. “Man, y’know, I always wanted a little brother. And my dad, God bless him, he musta been shooting just X chromosome sperm. Love all three of my little sisters, but what the fuck? No brother? I was born to be a big brother. I think of you as the little brother I never got growing up. You’re my favorite person to hang out with, and I feel like I’m at least sort of mentoring you. My kids adore you and call you Uncle Ilya. You’re the little brother I never had, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

    “Aww, Cliff, I like you too,” said Ilya jokingly.

    “Roz, what I’m saying is, it’s okay that your Montreal girl is Shane Hollander. Scott Hunter is an asshole for whatever he was doing.”

    Ilya was silent for a minute, “He was threatening to out us.”

    “I’ll break both his fucking legs,” Cliff promised. “No one is getting you fired.”

    “We’ve never thrown a game,” said Ilya, looking nervous, earnest.

    “Of course you haven’t: you’re too competitive and he’s too autistic.”

    “Artistic?” repeated Ilya. “I don’t think he can draw.”

    Here's a story of six times people clocked Ilya and Shane over the years.

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    05 Apr 2026

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    Want to win a date with an All Star?

    When the NHL hosts a charity gala during the 2016 All Stars weekend, both Shane and Ilya are put on auction as donors bid on a chance to go on a date with them in support of a good cause.

    Too bad they bet on each other.

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    02 Apr 2026

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    “So,” Cliff starts. “Ottawa.”

    “Ottawa,” Roz repeats, and the way he says it, half-amused, half-quizzical, gives Cliff nothing.

    “It’s not Montreal.”

    Roz looks offended. “Why would I go to fucking Montreal?”

    Cliff shrugs, going for casual. “Montreal Girl? I thought, you know, if you ever go to Canada…”

    Roz scoffs. “You and Montreal girl. You say I am obsessed with her, but is you who always talks about her.”

    “Yeah, because you’re always texting her!”

    “Well, I like to get laid.”

    And there’s Cliff’s opening.

    Or: Cliff has been suspecting that Roz moved to Ottawa for his Montreal girl for a while now. And tonight, they’re going to go out for drinks and he’s finally going to get some answers. Not even two overeager rookies are going to stop him. Except things don’t quite go as Cliff planned and Jane from Montreal is not what he expected.

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    12 Mar 2026