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THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES by WhatMurdah
Fandom Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
19 Oct 2025
- Words:
- 368,861
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 254
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
27 Jun 2025
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Summary
Hermione was suspicious when she found an old journal amongst her things.
Tom was intrigued the night someone else's handwriting appeared in his diary.
Lord Riddle watches his past unfold from Hermione's side of the timeline to make sure history repeats itself without Albus's interference.
Tomione. Canon shifted up 20 years. No Canon Uses of Time Turners/Horcruxes/Prophecy. Eventual Slytherin!Hermione & Slytherin!Harry. Anti-Ron. Anti-Dumbledore. T at first, M later on.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 207,521
- Chapters:
- 64/?
- Collections:
- 17
- Comments:
- 2,070
- Kudos:
- 5,630
- Bookmarks:
- 1,606
- Hits:
- 235,714
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
19 Jul 2024
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Summary
Sure enough, not five seconds later, the door cracked open, and a tall boy with green lining on his robes strode into the Hospital Wing. Hermione absent-mindedly noticed his attractive face, but she was more focussed on his uniform.
Lord, that looks stuffy, was her first thought.
At least he knows how to tie a proper Windsor knot, was her second.
Hermione wakes up in 1943 alone, annoyed, and uninformed.
And why the hell was life so determined to pit her against Tom bloody Riddle, anyway?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 167,484
- Chapters:
- 67/?
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 1,418
- Kudos:
- 4,359
- Bookmarks:
- 1,154
- Hits:
- 148,647
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
25 Jun 2024
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YAAASSS QUEEN: Queer Eye Comes to Hogwarts by MotherofBulls for ElleMalfoy65
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
08 Aug 2018
Tags
Summary
The Fab Five face their greatest challenge yet: Rubeus Hagrid. He's got no closet, no bathroom, a bad recipe for rock cakes, a fifty-year-old moleskin coat, and an overgrown beard. Along the way, the Fab Five realize that Hogwarts itself seems to need their help just as much as Hagrid. YAAASSS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WINNER for 2018 Beyond the Nook Fanfiction Awards, Best Comedy!
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
13 Jun 2024
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Summary
In the middle of a war, Hermione is stuck in the middle of nowhere.
With Draco Malfoy.
Without her friends, her magic, or her books, she has only her wits to rely on to survive her plight- to say nothing of her company. They've declared a truce, but somehow Draco keeps slipping past all her defences.Stranded together in the wilderness, Hermione and Draco are in for cold nights, endless snark, bad wine, and some interesting scars.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 39,811
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 37
- Comments:
- 1,504
- Kudos:
- 16,190
- Bookmarks:
- 4,932
- Hits:
- 344,232
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
05 Jun 2024
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Summary
"All her growth was the conveying of a corpse of hope."
(From 'The Rainbow', D.H. Lawrence)This is a story about coming into one's own, a meditation on the twilight of girlhood and the violence of crash-landing into womanhood. Follow Hermione as she navigates through the quagmire: Saving the world, getting top grades, falling in love, lust, and a whole lot of trouble, and comes out of it hopefully (at least) partially sane.
Series
- Part 1 of Here We Go Round The Prickly Pear
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 728,096
- Chapters:
- 108/108
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 7,430
- Kudos:
- 12,445
- Bookmarks:
- 6,936
- Hits:
- 1,426,259
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
04 Jun 2024
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Public Bookmark 13513
Mystery Work
Part of mightbewriting fic archive
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
03 Jun 2024
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Public Bookmark 1662
Mystery Work
Part of HiddenWorksDarkCloud190
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
31 May 2024
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Tags
Summary
The true Time-Turner was slammed savagely into Hermione's throat. It shattered against her neck, bits of glass and gold piercing into her skin. The last thing she saw before blackness consumed her was a plume of metallic dust and vitreous fragments, tiny prisms dancing behind her eyelids.
(In which Hermione accidentally ends up in 1950, pitted against an ascending Dark Lord in his prime, caught in the entanglement of pureblood politics, dark magic, and Tom Riddle's interest)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 516,319
- Chapters:
- 80/80
- Collections:
- 93
- Comments:
- 13,689
- Kudos:
- 32,637
- Bookmarks:
- 7,561
- Hits:
- 1,513,968
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
30 May 2024
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Summary
Voldemort intended the object to be used by his most loyal follower in the event that his horcruxes were destroyed, but it ended up in Hermione’s possession instead.
It sent her back to a time when he was much less the monster that she’d always known him to be. Nothing could have prepared her for the intelligence and charm of Tom Riddle.
He isn’t who she thought he was.
Hermione discovers that it’s a dark descent into the madness of the man she should hate, but can’t… a descent she will never emerge from.
COMPLETE
Series
- Part 1 of Severed Souls Saga
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 458,343
- Chapters:
- 107/107
- Collections:
- 18
- Comments:
- 6,129
- Kudos:
- 13,294
- Bookmarks:
- 3,619
- Hits:
- 918,933
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
27 May 2024
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Summary
Hermione Granger comes back to Hogwarts for her eighth year. She has no idea how she ends up on the radar of Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott but once she does, she realizes her life quite possibly will never be the same.
+++“Draco.” She whispered.
A small smile, cold impassive grey eyes looked up. “Cheers, Hermione.”
Then the door slammed close in her face, the sound reverberating throughout the empty corridor. She just stood there, completely stock-still.
And she knew for absolute certain that he had cast a silencio. Because right before it went into effect, she heard the beginning of a yell that rattled her bones, doused her in the pain that she heard in the chords.
Hermoine stood there, outside of the room, watching over the door as Draco silently fell apart.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 94,513
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 447
- Kudos:
- 3,870
- Bookmarks:
- 1,592
- Hits:
- 179,862
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
23 May 2024
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Tags
Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,507
- Kudos:
- 31,636
- Bookmarks:
- 12,551
- Hits:
- 1,927,800
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
19 May 2024
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Tags
Summary
When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 222,827
- Chapters:
- 58/58
- Collections:
- 50
- Comments:
- 2,279
- Kudos:
- 8,554
- Bookmarks:
- 3,497
- Hits:
- 450,561
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
14 May 2024
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Public Bookmark 28631
Mystery Work
Part of archived works
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
09 May 2024
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Bookmarked by queen_debugger
05 May 2024
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Summary
Every living creature is driven by biological urges colloquially known as the Four Fs. Fighting. Feeding. Fucking. And… Flying?
It’s no secret that Hermione Granger has never been a particular fan of Quidditch. But when the Derbyshire Dragons offer her a position as the team’s healer, in return for a blank check for her research, she’s not about to let the attentions of one man derail her, let alone two. No matter how tempting they may be.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 159,257
- Chapters:
- 22/28
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 932
- Kudos:
- 2,099
- Bookmarks:
- 1,015
- Hits:
- 116,570
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
30 Apr 2024
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Public Bookmark 284
Mystery Work
Part of Char's Privated Works
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
29 Apr 2024
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Tags
Summary
Nothing good happens at a party after two am. Or does it?
The Slytherin boys help Hermione find her tether.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,658
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 425
- Kudos:
- 6,885
- Bookmarks:
- 1,961
- Hits:
- 259,822
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
26 Apr 2024
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Tags
Summary
“I need you to have sex with me.”
Draco stared at her, sure he had misheard. “Pardon?”
Hermione looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “I have it on good— I have heard— oh bloody hell,” she muttered. “I’m bad in bed. I need practice.”
His lungs had entirely stopped working. “Practice,” he repeated dully.
“Yes, practice.”
“At sex.”
“At sex.”
“And you came to me why?”
“Because what else are we going to do here this month?”
Series
- Part 1 of call it what you want
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 35,965
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 1,815
- Kudos:
- 9,088
- Bookmarks:
- 2,740
- Hits:
- 256,021
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
25 Apr 2024
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Master Mine Book 3: A Lesson in Forever by LissaDream, Snowblind12
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Mar 2024
Tags
Summary
See Summary under "Synopsis" below.
Series
- Part 3 of Master Mine
Bookmarked by queen_debugger
01 Apr 2024