Archive of Our Own

At exactly five on the dot, Ben had his computer shut down, jacket on, and backpack slung over his shoulder. Locking up his office quickly, he then turned and saw Hux standing in his own office doorway down the hall. Ben’s anger flared hot as he tried to ignore the sharp glare directed his way, choosing to simply walk past the Senior Data Analyst in silence.

“So you’re not going to tell me?” Hux directed at his back. “Are you?”

Letting out a bone-tired sigh, Ben stopped and turned around. Giving his own pointed stare first, he simply said, “No, I’m not.”

Sipping his cup of coffee, Hux looked him over from head to toe. “So what is it? Sick mother? Dying of cancer? Something deep in the bone?”

Narrowing his eyes, Ben took a step closer and spoke barely above a whisper. “I said none of your business.”

“It’s not a date is it?” the ginger continued from over the rim of his mug. “I doubt anyone would since you have the personality of a stick. Or maybe a rabid dog is a better choice. What do you think?”

Curling his fist, Ben felt one of his knuckles pop as his phone in his pocket began to buzz. Knowing it could only be one person, he took it out and looked at the screen, confirming he was correct.

“I have to take this,” he uttered, his voice void of any emotion.

There was a scoff thrown his way but he ignored it too, choosing to round the corner before he made a repeat of a past mistake. Placing the phone to his ear, Ben picked up the call.

“Hey, I’m leaving right now,” he informed without any greeting.

“Ok,” sighed Rey happily, leaving Ben feeling healed by the sound alone of her voice. “I’m downstairs.”

“Just be a minute sweetheart.”

The elevator down was packed, leaving Ben squished in the back corner until everyone spilled out at ground level. The crisp fall air felt good to breathe in once he passed through the exterior doors, helping him breathe out whatever lingering rage that was dwelling in his chest. All he wanted was to start the rest of the night on the right foot. Waiting even a moment more felt like a waste of time, so Ben hurried to the other side of his building. 

There, standing by the large red cubed structure, was Rey. As he took in the very sight of her, and she spotted him quickly, Ben watched as her face lit up. Unlike their date, today she had on a dark grey knee length skirt and a comfortable looking cream sweater under a  matching grey blazer. On her shoulder was an overnight bag, looking so stuff he guessed she could stay the whole week if she wanted to. That thought alone had his heart pounding. As Ben walked towards her, he couldn’t stop taking glances at her sweater. It looked so soft and warm that he immediately wondered what it would feel like nestled against his face. Unable not to picture it, he thought about lying on his sofa, putting his head in her lap as her graceful fingers swept through his hair.

He was so caught up in his daydream that he almost missed that Rey was unable to wait for him, quickly crossing the remaining distance to meet him halfway. What little space remained between them was closed, ending in a tight but quick hug. However, before Ben could pull completely away, he placed an equally brief peck to her temple. Rey lingered close so he slipped an arm around her, putting a hand to the small of her back like it belonged there. Like she was home.

Knowing better than to press his luck and be spotted, Ben said,” Come on, in case evil co-worker decides to look out a window.”

“Oh?” Rey whispers in a conspiratorial reply while glancing back.

Together they moved to the other side of the building, the one that his office luckily doesn’t face. That doesn’t prevent Ben’s anxiety from fading completely, but it settles down once they are no longer in a clear eye shot of where Hux could see them. His attention then turns back to Rey and getting her to his apartment.

“Do you want me to take that?” he offers while looking at the bag hanging from her shoulder.

She gives him a once over, spying his backpack with a soft smile. “I’m stronger than I look, but thank you.”

Feeling a spark of pride for her, Ben returns the smile with a twitch of his lips. “Just let me know if you change your mind,” he adds with a gentle stroke of his thumb along her spine.

The two remain comfortably quiet until they make it a block away. Ben then feels Rey looking up at him while waiting to cross Pine St.

“A suit today?” she questions with a hand trailing down his tie.

Pulling her along the busy street after the light changes, a relaxed smirk rises on his face.

“I wear one when we have a lot of meetings or clients,” he answers casually. “Want to help me take it off later?”

The hot blush that appears on Rey’s face delights him, to know he was the one who put it there. Her shock lasts only seconds before she wraps a hand around his waist too. Her fingers moving gently, feeling up his side through the black wool material.

“Maybe, if you ask me nicely enough,” she purrs just low enough for Ben to hear.

He tries to hide the shiver that runs down his spine but he gets the impression by the way Rey is still smiling, that she knows. Together they walk the remaining block to the subway station until they are forced apart to pass through the turnstiles. Even without the busy crowd of people in suits and business attire, Ben would have kept close to Rey no matter what. When she latches on to his arm, trying to stay as close as possible, is when his pride swells deep in his chest. It drives Ben to use his size for once, moving people out of their way efficiently. He finds that his pointed stare too motivates even the most jaded New York to let them pass. Warm fingers penetrate through his suit jacket, wrapping tighter as they find a spot to stand and wait. 

The 3 train arrives on time and the couple fights to get on as people rush off and then on. Rey ends up having to lift her bag up, cradling it in her arms as Ben stands in front of her, acting like a wall near the closing doors. Leaning in close, he enjoys the wide-eyed look of apprehension she gives before he kisses her lips. She gasps lightly against his mouth as he pulls away, only wanting to have a brief taste.

“We’re the next stop,” he says as the train jerks ahead.

“So close,” Rey mutters and she sounds as nervous as she looks.

Ten minutes later they arrive at Clark Street and Ben is happy to be free of the packed train car.  A group rushes out first, surging towards the exit stairs that they linger behind. It gives Rey the time she needs to move her bag to her shoulder once again before they ascend to street level. Ben pauses outside the exiting doors, giving her time to gaze about his neighborhood as he wonders what she’s thinking. Her face says enough though, telling him she’s happy. He knows it even more so when she takes his hand again, fingers holding his firmly.

Without forcing her to move, he nudges her with his arm, chin pointing to the right. “I’m just down the end of this block,” he says looking south.

Giving a quick nod that she’s heard him, Rey squeezes his hand and he loves that’s becoming a thing they do. Little small reassuring touches that he’s already craving more of. At her side he watches as she takes in every stone building, the mixtures of reds, browns, and tans, all holding her attention. He loves the soft ‘wow’ she breathes out as they pass by an old umber colored church with a large front-facing stained glass window. He’s never been a spiritual man but he can appreciate the beauty of the gothic architecture. 

As they walk up finally to his red and white colored building, she cranes her neck back to take in all eight stories. “Ben,” she softly, awe tinting her voice. “This is so lovely.”

“Thanks,” he mutters feeling shy, wondering what her place looks like as he pulls his keys out of his pocket.

Tapping the fob to the side of the door, it unlocks and Rey’s eyes lock on to his hand. “Are you serious?” she whispers, leaving Ben unsure if that was for him to hear or not.

It’s hard for him not to smile as he holds the door open for her, watching as Rey enters into the front lobby all wide-eyed. He leaves her to stare at the flowers on a table in the center of the room as he checks his mailbox off to the right. Pulling out a few envelopes, it’s more junk than bills since he pays all of his online. Ben fingers through them quickly, ripping them in two once he’s done. It’s all tossed away in the nearby trash. 

Rey is quick to sense when it’s time to move on, leading Ben to grin as she stays to his right, giving him little side looks as they approach the elevator. The doors open quickly, the car already waiting at the ground floor, carries them up to the third. Ben’s door is down at the end on the left. His keys jingle when he unlocks it, pushing it open to let Rey enter first.

“You could put your bag down here,” he says, pointing to a spot in front of a closet.

He shuts the door behind him but Rey remains still, looking around at his sparse apartment. As her bag slips down, she bends to let it drop all the way. It hits the wooden floors with a solid but soft thump while Ben watches her take a few slow steps in. Placing his own bag next to hers, he moves to the small kitchen on the right and pulls down a glass from above.

“Can I get you something to drink?” he calls out, provoking Rey to spin around looking shocked.

As her skirt settles down around her, Ben can only stare as she’s bathed in warm amber light from the setting sun bouncing off the building across the street. She looks beautiful in a way he didn’t think was possible, and his face might say as such because she’s quick to blush and look away. 

“Water would be fine,” Rey replies simply.

He’s quick to pour two glasses from his Brita pitcher and tries to pay no attention to how one of his hands are shaking. Joining her standing in the middle of the living room, Ben hands over the cool glass that she takes with a small word of thanks.

She sips from it once and then looks towards the windows. “You really have a beautiful place Ben.”

“Thanks,” is all he can manage to say.

It never felt much like a home to Ben and he thinks his place obviously says as so. There is only a sofa in front of a bookcase built into the wall, a flatscreen TV, a coffee table, and a small dining table that seats two. Most of the books on his shelves are for work, accounting updates he usually has to brush up on once a year. There are a few fictional novels but he buys those less as of late, seeing as every time he tries to read, work has him already too tired to pay attention.

“Do you want me to show you the rest?” Ben inquires suddenly, setting his glass down on the dining table.

“Sure,” Rey says with a smile just as warm as the sun as her glass joins his.

He leads her towards the back, quickly showing her the door to the bathroom before moving on to the second bedroom that’s on the immediate right. Opening the door, she peeks in and sees his rack of weights on one side and a small desk on the other. She doesn’t comment but makes a low hum in approval before he turns and opens the door to the bedroom to their left. There’s just a bed, a small dresser, and a nightstand. He catches her spying the fire escape at the window before she walks over and peeks down at it.

“Do you ever go out on to here?” she asks excitedly.

Reaching up, he rubs the back of his neck to work the knot that had built up there throughout the day. “I haven’t, but the window opens. It’s nice when the weather is good.”

Her eyes are wide and bright, brimming with a happiness that he’s not sure how he directed caused. Slowly Rey walks to him, taking a look over at his made bed first and then to him. He reaches out for her, wordless taking her hand as they stand face to face.

“Is it ok?” he asks tentatively, as if she were to say no he would have moved immediately just to make her happy.

“It’s wonderful. I’m truly jealous.”

“You don’t have to be,” spills out of Ben before he can hold it back.

Wonder fills her gaze before she looks to the floor, lost to her thoughts. Squeezing her hand, Ben hopes to get her attention again, not wanting a moment to go by without her looking at him.

“We’ll see,” she says so quietly that it’s barely a whisper.

Having her alone, in his bedroom of all places, is the only reason Ben needs to reach out and touch her. He cups her jaw, enjoying how she leans into his hand before he’s bending down, kissing her lips slowly. The setting light and her touch warms him in a way he’s never felt before. It feels like falling, like breathing, and like love. Separating but lingering, Ben gets lost in the green-grey hazel of her eyes that follows his wherever they go. He wants to make love to her right then and there. Peel off all the layers that stand between them and touch her until she’s crying his name in a sweet voice that surely she has hidden within her. Ben’s thumb strokes Rey’s cheek, leaving him confident that if he was to ask she would say yes. 

Somberly he thumbs her skin again, feeling suddenly every bit the tired old man he shouldn’t be at his age.

“Hungry?” Ben asks, breaking the spell they had fallen into.

Rey nods as she covers his hand with one of her own, firmly keeping it there so she can turn her head and kiss his palm. Ben watches as her lips touch him so lightly that he barely feels it. The urge to stay inside is so strong but he only needs to think about why they need to go out, to buy what they lack, keeps him from stealing her lips again.

“There’s a pharmacy across the street,” he says slowly. “Supermarket’s a block away with some restaurants we could get take out at. I don’t keep much in my fridge so… If you are going to stay a few days, we should get you a few things. I mean, you are still staying? The few days, I mean?”

Rey’s cheeks pull upward as she seems amused by him floundering. “Yes Ben, I’m still staying a few days, so long as you’ll have me.”

There’s a tight inescapable tug on his heart that motivates Ben to quickly gather Rey into his arms much to her surprise. She gasps against him as he curls his head down into her shoulder to hideaway. He feels open and full of the fear of repeating Sunday night. Her small hands touch his back delicately, soothing the building tremors as if Rey knows exactly what his fears are made of.

“Sorry,” chokes out Ben in a tight whisper.

She places a soft kiss at his temple as she shushes him, becoming the calm in his storm. “I know,” Rey states in a tight emotional tone. “I know Ben. I’m starting to get the idea we both so badly want the same things, and that scares us.”

All he can do is nod and feel the smile in the kiss she places on his jaw. 

“I don’t want to let you go,” he confesses.

“I don’t want that either.”

Parting before his tears can build up, Ben kisses her forehead and turns away, needing space to breathe before he does or says something impulsive. Rey seems to understand, following him silently back to the living room. He picks up his glass, downing it quickly in one shot. Rey doesn’t reach for hers, but moves instead to her bag and unzips it. She pulls out her purse and looks to him expectantly.

Taking a moment to stare, Ben shakes his head, “Rey, you won’t need that. You’re my guest, I’ll pay.”

His offer pinches at her face, leaving her torn between practical and polite. “I can pay for my own food,” she tries to protest.

Ben shakes his head again and moves to her, holding her gently at the elbow. “I know, it’s fine. I barely had anything back in college so I don’t miss the days of having to count pennies. I know what it’s like when you have to pay for stuff you weren’t expecting, and I doubt I made it into your monthly budget yet.”

She pins him with a stare for a moment but in the end, does set down her purse. “Fine” Rey huffs. “But I don’t like it. I can pay my own way.”

“I know,” whispers Ben before kissing her forehead.

He wants to tell her what is his is hers already in his mind. That if he died tomorrow she can have all of it just so long as she would be better off. It's a silly thought, one far too early for him to have, but Ben knows that doesn’t make it any less true. She only has to ask and he’ll freely give. What thought he can’t control, or hold back, is the fact he wants her to know she’s always welcomed. Will always will have an open door just for her.

“I want to make you a key,” Ben announces suddenly, compelling Rey to take a step back away.

“What?” she asks, sounding breathless.

The quick courage he just had slips away, leaving Ben to wonder if he’s done it now, made some horrible misstep. 

His want wins in the end though, letting Ben bravely repeat himself, “I want to give you a spare key to my apartment. In case I’m stuck at work or if you just want to come over.”

“Ben,” Rey says placing a hand over her heart. “That’s… too much.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, I mean, I’m not looking to trample over your life.”

He shrugs and motions around him. “Rey, what life? I just work and sleep. How is that a life?”

She looks at him clearly frustrated, unable to get the right words out to describe what she means. Rey glances once around his apartment, the act sobering her into calculating all the pros and con’s in her mind.

“Ben” sighs Rey. “That’s just… too much.”

“It’s not,” he’s quick to insist. “Rey I love you and I want to be with you. So if I come home and you want to crash here some nights of week here, how could that be bad? If I could, I’d spend all my waking hours with you.”

Gaspings softly as tears brighten her eyes, Rey blinks them away, turning to look at his lone plain sofa. Her smile becomes tainted with a fond bitterness, leaving Ben desperate to know what she’s thinking, what she could be picturing.

“How are you real?” she whispers.

Ben reaches out to her shoulders, pulling Rey back against his front. He holds her there as she puts her hands on his crossed arms while he lazily noses the back of her ear. Kissing the skin there, he loves how she smells, fresh and her.

“Be with me,” he urges.

“I am with you.”

Another soft kiss is planted to her neck as Ben nuzzles his face into her hair. “Stay with me,” he tries.

“For how long?” Rey asks quivering.

Pausing his roaming touch, Ben hovers next to her ear and breathes. 

“Do you want the truth?” he asks with a heart full of hope and fear.

Gasping softly, Rey replies, “Yes. Always.”

“I think you already know.”

“Ben,” she whines as her body leans further into his.

Holding her easily, he pulls the shell of her ear into his mouth and licks it as she shivers. “Say it. Tell me you don’t want the same.”

“I do,” she gasps. “I do so much.”

“Do you want me to help you break your lease?”

Her head shakes no, “I can’t do that. Ben, I can’t take that sort of hit on my credit score.”

The reality of her situation is sobering, enough of a splash of cold water that it allows him to stop kissing her. Rey spins in his arms though, looking up heartbroken. He didn’t want to cause that sort of pain and he hates himself now it’s on her face.

“Do you really mean that?” Rey demands. “Would you do that?”

“In a heartbeat,” Ben answers without needing to think.

“How about this,” she purposes. “If you still feel the same come December, then I will because I’m up at the start of January.”

A shock of joy hits Ben so hard he rushes to grab Rey, lifting her up and spinning her around as she howls with laughter. As they spin a second time, she leans in as they stop, kissing Ben just as deeply as he is with her. They hold one another and Ben feels full. If this is what he’s been missing out on in life then he knows he’s been the world’s biggest fool.

“I love you,” he pants into her mouth. “I want to wake up every morning with you.”

“Christ Ben,” Rey gasps. “Why are you so easy to love? Why do I want the same? To turn that bed of yours into ours. I want to feel your arms around me every night. Jesus, I want a life with you.”

They share a desperate kiss, feelings pouring out as they taste and touch one another. Ben buries a hand in Rey’s hair and holds her tight. She said all the right things, everything he’s wanted to hear. He could cry from how happy he feels, how utterly complete he is.

“I wasn’t joking sweetheart,” he pants into her mouth. “I’d marry you right now if I could. I haven’t been more sure of anything in my life. I love your smile, your face. God your heart is fucking radiant and I’m just drunk on it.”

Letting out a low moan, Rey wraps her legs around his waist and Ben can’t stop thinking about how easy she is to hold.

“I know you would love,” she breathes out hot and hard. “You make it so difficult for my heart not to just say yes.”

“I’ll wait,” he promises like a vow. “However long it takes, however long you need. I just want you Rey.”

She shakes in his arms like a leaf and squeezes him with all of her strength until he lets out a low wheeze. It feels so good for a moment, to feel a sense of possession from her over him. All Ben knows at that moment is now that he’s found her, has her, there is a deep part of him that is screaming to never let go. To hold on with everything he has so long as she’ll love him. If he has something like a soul, it feels tied to hers.

They kiss until the final rays of sunset end, leaving the world muted and dim. When Rey’s feet touch the floor again, she doesn’t go far, just keeps her hands on his arms.

“Ben,” she speaks low and hushed. “I want the same thing, but I need time. To see if this is true. I can’t… I can’t take that big of a chance. I’m sorry if I’m broken or too hurt but-”

“Rey,” Ben pleads, cutting her off before she can cry. “It’s ok. I’m not asking you to force yourself or rush into it. It’s just, I know. Alright? I know myself and I have to tell you, let you know I’m here. For you. You’re my heart too.”

A few tears slips down Rey’s cheeks, but she looks so happy with her lips pressed tightly together and nodding enthusiastically yes. 

“Why do I feel like I’ve known you, longer than I can remember?” she wonders.

Ben’s heart skips a beat, then thuds to life screaming she’s telling the truth. He can’t help feeling drawn to her, over the phone it was surprising but in person, she’s his siren call. A lighthouse showing him the way.

“I don’t know,” he confirms. “But I feel it too.”

They kiss again, slowly and briefly as the wave of emotions takes their toll on their energy. A laugh is shared, easy and light as they both sense their tiredness in the other.

“Food,” says Ben.

“Food” agrees Rey.

Being past sunset brings a chill to the air, drawing Rey to keep close to Ben as they move along the sidewalk. Their hands firmly grip the other, but he uses hers to stop her at the corner. Looking down, Ben chews on the inside of his mouth for a moment.

“I was serious about the key Rey. We could go now while the place is still open.”

“Are you really sure about this?” she asks looking torn. “Seeing as how close you are to my job, I might take you up on your offer more times than you like.”

Reaching for her other hand, Ben holds both while gazing down at her. “I’m sure, I wouldn’t give you a key if I wasn’t. This also isn’t me saying something stupid like I expect us to be intimate every night. I know we both work a lot and I can’t stop thinking about just going to bed holding you.”

Watching as a few different emotions cross her face, Rey switches between pleased, unsure, happy, and perplexed.

“You’d let me move in tomorrow if I could,” she remarks like a statement instead of a question.

“Yes,” Ben answers honestly. “I would. This also isn’t a one-way street, if you need to go home and I don’t have to work overtime, I could go with you.”

That truly shocks Rey, leaving Ben to watch her lean back with her mouth partly hanging open. “I would never ask you too, that’s too much Ben. You don’t need to suffer my commute.”

Pulling her in a little closer, he leans and touches his nose to the tip of hers. “I would, gladly, if I just get a little more time with you.”

He observes how Rey’s lip starts to shake and he feels awful he’s made her cry in public again, but the tears don’t come. She schools her face rather, holding back the wave of emotions threatening to drown her.

“That’s the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me,” she chokes out after a bloated pause. “You really love me, don’t you?”

Laughing easily, Ben fights himself not to smile too much, knowing how boyish it makes his face look. 

“I do,” he quietly admits. “I really do.”

A smile breaks on Rey’s face, visibly surprising her as she laughs. “How could I say no then. You’d really ride that damn train with me back and forth?”

“Of course.”

“My place is small, and my bed is a little crowded.”

“That’s fine.”

“And Bridgeport is truly a shit hole.”

Squeezing both of her hands, Ben smiles. “But you’ll be there.”

Rey’s lip trembles a final time before she leaps into his arms. Sensing this might be a thing they do too, he holds her steady as they kiss hot and quick. When she pulls away, Ben sets her back down to stand as Rey stands all wide beaming smiles. The way she looks so happy has his heart beating loud and proudly.

“Can I make you a key too?” Rey asks sheepishly.

Feeling almost dizzy from how strong his heart is pounding, Ben nods frantically.

“I’d call first, of course,” he says starting to ramble. “I wouldn’t want to show up unannounced, but I really want to see your place too. All the furniture you’ve fixed, your bed with all the pillows you told me about. We could do that thing I see couples do sometimes and share an earbud on the train.”

“Wow,” laughs Rey. “You are really excited about this.”

Catching himself first, Ben blushes and tries to look away but can’t seem to. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “I have a lot of time to think at work.”

A hand lightly touches Ben’s chest as Rey looks up at him still smiling. “And you think about me?”

“All the time,” he gasps breathlessly.

“I think a lot about you too, but we can talk more about this later. We have shopping to do.”

Rey gives him a quick wink, turning and walking ahead without him. Ben can only stand still, stunned by the feelings he has for her. When she looks back, he’s suddenly rushing to catch up, crossing the street in a few long-legged strides. He can see her shoulders shake from laughter but Rey holds her hand out behind her, waiting for him to take it. Just before he does, Ben can’t help but think he would follow her anywhere.

As darkness falls, Ben enjoys for once having to walk to get around. It feels so much different when it’s with someone he wants to be with, wants to hear everything they have to say or don’t say. Rey’s face is so expressive, and unlike himself, she doesn’t try and hide it. Gaze full of wonder, she looks into every shop window as if there is treasure just waiting behind the glass. Her mood is infectious, lifting years of bitterness from his heavy chest. He feels like he might just do anything to keep things this way, remaining close to her.

At the home center, Ben finds the key copying kiosk and begins to duplicate his key. As the machine whines loudly with metallic grinding, Rey nudges his arm and then holds out a key of her own.

“Shouldn’t we get both done at the same time?” she asks over the noise.

Taking the item like it was precious, Ben stares at it, feeling how light it is in his hand but it feels so heavy in her heart. There is a part of his mind that’s yelling about how he’s moving too fast, that he’s dragging her along to some unseen disaster, but the voice is drowned out the moment he looks her in the eye. She’s happy and open, waiting for his response with such a small giving smile.

Ben nods, not being able to find his words at the time since this is all really happening. It feels almost stronger than saying words of love because it’s such a sign of trust. He wants her in his life, wants her as close as she’ll be to him, and if this is what it takes he’ll happily make that leap of faith.

With both keys copied, Ben hands Rey hers along with her new one to his apartment. As they work the keys on to their rings, he wonders if he’ll never forget this moment because it feels like such a turning point in his life. This is who he is now, a boyfriend, a man who wants to be open with another, and later tonight, maybe even a lover again. It’s hard for him not to turn red just thinking about that, how it would feel to be pressed up against Rey. As he puts his keys away into his pocket, Ben’s hands itch to touch all of her. For now, he’s fine with taking her hand again as they leave the store, knowing it’s another step closer to heading back to his apartment.

When they arrive at the supermarket it’s busy with shoppers gathering what they need for dinner. Ben grabs a cart, pushing it next to her while she looks him over standing next to the baskets.

“We don’t need a whole cart,” she comments looking a bit perplexed.

“Rey,” Ben says with no room for argument in his tone. “Get whatever you want.”

He’s not sure what to think when she clearly disapproves of his choice but she doesn’t fight him on it either. Taking his small victory, Ben leans on the cart’s handles and follows behind her, watching her take in the selection. There is a hesitation in her movements as she walks slowly, how she stares at one item but then seemingly changes her mind the next moment.

“You can cook,” he calls out to her. “If you need to.”

Taking in his words, she slowly loses what trepidation is hanging on her face and turns back to the bags of beans. This time Rey looks overly interested and Ben learns another thing about her that she’s a frugal shopper. Leaving the cart against the side of the aisle, Ben comes around and stands at her side.

“Having trouble?” he chuckles.

She bends over a little farther, squinting to read the prices and weight. “I don’t know some of these brands so I’m unsure which is the best deal.”

Glancing at the nearest bag, Ben quickly does the math in his head for how much each ounce costs. Then another, and another, until he’s quickly glanced at the whole section. Grabbing a bag of pinto, he holds it out to Rey.

“What about this one?”

She looks at it and then the price, eyes lighting up at what he’s found. “That was fast,” she says impressed.

He huffs through his nose with a smirk, “Sweetheart, I’m a CPA with a master's in accounting. Numbers are sort of my thing.”

With her mouth hanging open uselessly uttering a soft, “Oh.”

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll do the rest.”

She had been already looking at him half impressed, but Ben observed she fully became enamored with him then. Never in his life did he think being fast at division would be appealing to another but the longer Rey gawked, the more she proved him wrong. Aware that he may have given her a powerful tool, she was quick to motion him over towards the rice. Repeating the process over, Ben found the trouble was more than worth it since Rey’s smile grew a little more after each find.

The cart was filled with beans, rice, vegetables, chicken, eggs, yogurt, and some fruit. After she asked him about what he had to food storage or rather the lack of it, a 5 pack of plastic containers was added too. Ben enjoyed watching the pile grow, that with each item she picked that it meant she might stay a little longer. Maybe he could go shopping for her, just in case she wanted to stay and he could cook dinner. Pour a glass of wine and let her put her feet in his lap while they watched some mindless show they could easily laugh at.

In the end, they walk out with two bags that Ben had quickly taken before she could. Rey seemed unhappy about that so he provided instead, “You can carry the food. What are you in the mood for?”

“Anything easy,” she groans.

He leads her to a nearby deli and Rey looks pleased with the choice. She even doesn’t fight him this time and orders double meat on her meatball hero without any hesitation. Ben settles on a salami with cheese. As he’s about to pay she slips a bag of chips across the counter and stares up at him, as if almost testing his limits. 

Ben shakes his head and points to a bag of salt and vinegar, “Grab those too.”

Light in her feet, she nabs the bag and minutes later she’s happily carrying their dinner. Even with all they bought, Ben can easily carry the two bags in one hand so he can hold hers with his other. When they approach his building he looks across the street to the CVS and debates putting the food away first or just going in. They only need one thing so it shouldn’t take long.

“In here,” he directs Rey with a gentle tug of her hand.

Moving towards the back of the store once inside, Rey seems to lose some of her bright confidence as they approach a locked cabinet and she spots the collection of condoms. Ben notices her watching him look though, which he does more so out of necessity since it’s been a while since the last time he bought a pack. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, Ben leans in closer to speak softly.

“Should we get lube too?” he asks.

She meets his eyes looking surprised, but it fades quickly. Nodding with her head first, Rey appears a little happier now that she has a reason to look too. While she mulls over the different bottles, Ben hits the call button and waits for a worker to appear. It takes a few minutes but an older woman approaches with a set of keys, she looks them over and then turns towards the case.

“Which one?” she inquires, sounding as tired as she looks.

Ben points to the Trojan Magnum and hears Rey choke suddenly. He glances at her but she’s turned away, staring very pointedly at the lube. The worker hands over the box and gives him a once over with a raised brow. Ben sighs and motions with a hand towards his girlfriend.

“Um, she has something too she wants,” he explains.

Quickly Rey stands upright, looking red and flustered as she meets the woman’s bored gaze.

“Oh right! Yes! Umm, this one please!” she says and points at a bottle of strawberry Astroglide.

He watches curiously, charmed a bit that she’s gone with a flavored lube. The worker hands it over and looks at the two.

“Anything else?” she asks reaching for the keys already.

“No! This is just fine. Thank you!” Rey chimes up, her voice a little higher than normal.

The case is relocked and they are left standing alone in the aisle. Quickly Rey spins around and glares down at the box in Ben’s hand.

“What are those supposed to be for?” she harshly whispers.

“Uhh,” Ben blurts while thinking. “My dick?”

Her eyes rocket to his and he almost takes a step back from the intensity Rey is staring at him with.

“Ben, please tell me you didn’t go with those to stroke your ego or something,” she says pointedly.

Rolling his eyes, he turns and proceeds towards the front of the store.

“I’m not,” he says over his shoulder but stops when he doesn’t sense Rey following.

Ben finds her standing where they were.

“What?” he asks.

His voice seems to snap her out of her daze because Rey rushes over to him, taking him by the arm to pull him further away from anyone who could hear. They end up in the kid's section which is crammed next to where all the snacks are. Ben snorts when he notices this. He carefully moves the box of condoms to his other hand as the bags hang from his wrist, and then reaches for a box of Galaxy Wars fruit snacks.

“Ben how big are you?” whispers Rey.

“Getting pretty personal now, are we?” he comments, sounding almost as bored as the older woman.

“I’m being serious,” she hisses.

Handing her the box, Rey takes it and looks visibly confused.

“You want to get it?” he says with a smirk.

“What? No Ben, I don’t want any snacks.”

Looking down he points at the box, tapping at an image of Kira. “But look who’s in it.”

She gives him stare that says she’s unamused.

“Ben.”

“Rey.”

“Aren’t you going to find out soon enough? Why worry about it?”

“Because!” Rey snarls. “It’s going to have to go into my vagina !”

A mom passing by puts her hands over her small child's ears as she quickly tries to pull them away. Ben catches all of this and tries very hard not to laugh. Covering her face with her hands, Rey groans into them. Ben takes pity on his girlfriend and leans down, placing a firm hand on her shoulder.

“Yes I’m on the bigger side but you have nothing to worry about. Ok?” he says calmly next to her ear.

Her face says she doesn’t trust him and Ben feels a little hurt by that.

“Rey,” he tries again. “If you are really worried, I told you we don’t have to do anything.”

A sniffle is followed by another, leading Ben to lean back to look at her face. His heart stops when he sees how upset she’s become.

“But I want to,” she mutters sadly.

“Oh god,” he groans. “Look, I wasn’t trying to scare you. I was just getting what fits me.”

Covering her face again, Rey lets out a low painful moan.

“That’s so much worse,” she mutters behind her fingers.

Feeling helpless about what to do, Ben looks about the store then back at her.

“We really don’t have to, I can put it back,” he says weakly.

Slowly Rey lowers his hands and tilts her head up at him. “Ben. I-”

“It’s ok. I understand.”

Shaking her head, she leans forward, resting her head against his chest as their dinner hangs between them.

“I don’t care,” she mumbles into his shirt.

“But you do.”

“God,” Rey laments. “I never thought I’d have to deal with this.”

“Sorry,” whispers Ben in return. 

Shaking her head, she clutches at his sleeves with her fingers. “Don’t. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not? I mean, it’s my dick.”

A deep sigh rolls out Rey. “Ben, you know what I mean.”

Getting the message loud and clear she’s not in the mood to joke, he remains quiet. Doubt starts to creep in but Ben bites his tongue from asking her if she wants to go home. Leaning down, he touches her head and kisses just above her ear.

Speaking softly, Ben says, “Rey, do you trust me not to hurt you?”

She nods yes and he gives her another light peck. “Then we have nothing to worry about. Sweetheart, it’s not like I’m hiding some 12-inch monster dick, ok?”

“But those,” she quietly protests.

Ben exhales feeling frustrated as he keeps his nose to her hair.  “I'm a little longer than average, that’s all. Sweetheart, whatever happens, we’ll take our time. I don’t exactly have the energy right now to act like some horny teen and run you through if that’s what you are scared of.”

A low snicker shakes from Rey. “You really are an old man.”

Unable not to laugh too, he warmly chuckles as they break away. Rey looks visibly better about the matter but Ben refuses to leave her side completely, keeping careful watch of her drifting gaze.

“No matter what, it’s going to be fine,” he states as a matter of fact.

Nodding in silence, Rey reaches out to take his hand but Ben in his place he hands her the fruit snacks. Taking it, she pins him a curious look while he reaches for two other items off the shelf behind her.

Placing a Galaxy Wars coloring book and a box of crayons into her arms, Ben explains while trying not to laugh, “In case the night gets boring.”

“Christ Ben,” Rey snickers.

“I want at least one Kylo page,” he mutters before pressing a quick kiss to her lips that leaves a blush on her face.

To save her from further embarrassment, Ben has Rey wait outside while he pays the same woman who helped them from before. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to give him any sort of look. He rejoins Rey quickly and in no time at all, are pushing through his front door. Everything is set down on the kitchen counter but Rey moves first to help Ben first. She’s quick in pulling everything out but he can’t help but notice she completely ignores the CVS bag. Not wanting to draw attention to that fact, Ben gives her a quick tour of where everything is as she carefully folds the plastic bags. 

The silverware sits neatly in a drawer while the glasses stand above on an open shelf. The few pots and pans Ben owns, he ensures her that she can use them at any time. Most of his cabinets are empty, so he opens one near the stove.

“You can put all your stuff in here.”

Rey pauses to look at him but then smiles. He happily takes the quick kiss to his cheek before she migrates to putting the dried goods away. The rest ends up in his fridge, placed neatly all to one side. There is plenty of room for her there too since he only has a half-gallon of milk, a few condiments, and a take out container he’s yet to finish off.

As she finishes with her items, Ben takes out the coloring book, crayons, and fruit snacks. He places them next to their food and grabs the bag with the remaining condoms and lube.

“I’m going to get changed, if you want to hang up anything the closet is mostly free,” Ben tells her as he points to the closet next to the front door.

Rey opens her mouth for a second, appearing like she might protest him leaving, but she doesn’t seem able to get out her thoughts in the end. Ben eyes her warily but recalls what he joked about earlier. With her hands free, Ben moves to stand before her and smile.

“Did you want to help me?” he asks teasingly.

When he thinks she’s going to say yes, is when Rey spies the bag in his hand and seems to wilt. He tries very hard not to take it personally, but it’s hard when his whole life he’s always felt just too big for things. The fact that might be true for her too has him faltering, his smile turning bittersweet.

“It’s fine, I’ll be right back,” he says, not waiting for her to stop him.

Walking into his bedroom, Ben shuts the door and tosses the bag on his nightstand. He runs his hands down his face, groaning and hating himself completely. A soft knock comes shortly, halting him from dwelling on such thoughts. Slowly Ben opens the door, finding Rey peeking around the wooden frame.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Rey exhales softly, her eyes not quite meeting his but clearly trying to. “I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

“It’s fine,” he sighs, feeling it’s anything but.

Rey shakes her head, leaning in closer. “It’s not, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Whatever break Ben had from feeling bone tired, it dissipates, leaving him wishing he could say fuck eating and crash on his bed to sleep.

“Ben,” continues Rey in a soft weak voice that sounds a bit too much like guilt. “I’ve only had sex once, it was with a boy when I was 16 and it was so stupid. He barely lasted and but it was enough for me to say I wasn’t a virgin anymore, but, that was it. Everything else has just been, well, me.”

Shock hits Ben harder than he was expecting and he quickly recalls she’s only 20 with an already very busy life. That on top of dealing with her foster situation, she’s somehow made it to the US and started a new life. Whatever stupid feelings of hurt he wanted to lament in are forgotten as he opens the door and his arms to her.

“Come here,” he asserts softly.

Wasting little time, Rey nestles herself in his embrace and they hold each other for a while.

“Look,” Ben breathes out into her hair. “It’s been a while for me but I’m not someone who’s slept around a lot either. Just a few times in college, usually after we had both been drinking. I barely even recall any details sadly so we’ll take this slow. I’m in no rush, and if I say anything to you that makes it seem like I’m pushing, I’m not. It’s been a while since I’ve had a reason to want to tease someone so beautiful.”

“I’m beautiful?” Rey repeats lighting fast.

Leaning his cheek against her head, Ben hums. “More beautiful than any sunset I’ve ever seen.”

He feels her clutch at his back as she presses a damp face to his neck. 

“Ben,” Rey whimpers.

“Let’s not worry about this right now,” he reassures. “I’ll get changed and you get into your pj’s. We’ll settle on the couch, eat, and watch a movie. I’ll even clear a drawer out in the dresser for you. Ok?”

He hears a soft sniffle but she nods enthusiastically. Wanting Rey to feel better, Ben leans down and kisses the top of her head firmly.

Warmly he utters, “I love you.”

Rey’s reply comes as a forceful kiss, one Ben welcomes as she grabs at his suit lapels and holds him in close. His hands find their way to her waist, slowly moving up along her sweater that feels just as soft as the thought it might. The urge to ask her to keep it on is strong but it’s getting late and he knows they haven’t eaten or slept well since the previous night. When they part, she touches his lips, looking his face over like he has a secret she’s been searching for. It’s jarring to feel that but when she smiles it’s all forgotten.

“I love you too,” Rey murmurs before clearly trying to pull herself back together. “I’ll go grab my bag and change after you.”

He watches her go, walking away slowly like she could rush back to him at any moment. In the end, he shuts the door and finds his way out of his suit. Hanging it up to get dry cleaned later, Ben feels so much better once he has on a pair of well-worn sweatpants and an old college t-shirt.

When he exits, hand pushing through his hair, Rey is waiting. He lets her in, shows her the drawer he’s moved some old shirts out of, and leaves her to it. She comes back out while he’s bringing their food over to join two glasses of water he’s set out along with the coloring book with crayons. They sit on the coffee table and he enjoys the smile Rey gives them as she settles down on the right side of the sofa.

He joins her and takes the food out, putting her hero before her along with some napkins. She thanks him and leans over it, looking like she might inhale her hero in one bite. Ben feels the same but only holds back long enough to turn on the tv and start a movie that hasn’t left his Blu-ray player in a while.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he smiles at her.

Rey stares confused for a tick until she looks to the dark screen with the blue titles. The music snaps on loud and suddenly, causing her to sit up and grin.

“Oh my god, which one is this?” she laughs giddily.

“The Last Jedi,” he reveals. “I hope you don’t mind.”

She turns to look at him and Ben swears he’s never seen Rey look so happy.

“It’s perfect.”

They both polish off their meals like it was their last and share a laugh about that too. With nothing for their hands to do, they drift together. Rey eventually makes her way to his side, curling easily into it. Ben puts an arm around her shoulders and everything feels right again. As they watch the two Force users connect, Ben feels Rey lean her head on his shoulder. It’s strange to think about how the characters they both love, share physical similarities with them as well. 

Personally Ben knows Rey is better looking than the actress who plays Kira, but he also freely admits he is very biased about that opinion now. They both have dark brown hair, though but Kira’s eyes are more steel than Rey’s soft greenwood. He has given some thought about dressing up one Halloween as Kylo, just because he thinks he could pull it off and no one would know it’s him with the mask on. This train of thought leads him to think of the first photo Rey had sent him, her telling him about how she was near a convention. He wants to ask her later about if she’s ever gone to one or not, and maybe if she might want to go with him someday. That he wouldn’t mind checking one out and possibly buying together a pair of lightsabers.

Ben doesn’t say anything he’s thinking though, not wanting to break the spell he feels Rey is under. That is until he feels her grown tense as Kylo and Kira’s hand touch. She shifts a bit, as if she’s not really comfortable that on the screen Kira is confronting her new master.

“Can we go to bed?” Rey asks suddenly.

“Sure,” Ben says reaching for the remote.

He turns the movie off and the room darkens, lit only by the light on in the kitchen. Ben helps Rey up by putting a hand on her back. Giving her cheek a quick kiss, he pushes her gently in the direction of the back of his apartment.

“Go get ready and I’ll clean up in here first. I’ll be right behind you.”

With a yawn Rey nods and Ben listens to the sound of her feet walking across his floors. As he tosses out the trash and puts the glasses in the sink, he can hear her brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Standing in the middle of his kitchen, he breathes, feeling happy and nervous. His mind gets lost for a moment in the fact they’ve made it to this point. That he is going to do the same, brush his teeth and then crawl into bed with her.

Not wasting any more time, he hears Rey move and he tries not to rush cleaning his mouth. The last thing he wants is to give her a mouthful of salami breath. After turning off the light, he enters his bedroom and stops in the doorway to gazes at his bed. Rey is already in it, the pillow she brought set down next to his. It amazes Ben how comfy she already looks there. Leaving the door open, he walks to the left side which is closest to the door, and gets in. She wiggles back a bit, having the room to make a space for him.

This time feels different laying next to her, that unlike in the park, there is no hard ground beneath them or people around to see if they go too far with their touching. His bed feels comfortable to him, but Ben turns on his side, looking over to Rey who’s peeking out from over the top of the comforter at him.

“Comfy?’ he asks.

“Yes,’ she happily hums. “You may not have as many pillows as me but this mattress is pretty nice.”

He can’t help but not smile at the compliment.

“I’m happy, it’s the one thing I may have indulged in when I bought it.”

Closing her eyes, he watches Rey wiggle down further, looking pleased. “Feels like a cloud.”

“Good, we can finally get some rest.”

His comment sparks Rey to look at him again, leaving Ben unsure why she looks a little displeased about what he’s said. He feels Rey move, gliding a hand towards him under the blanket that’s slow enough for him to meet with his own. They touch like Kylo and Kira before grasping one another's hand. Her eyes smile like how he imagines her mouth currently hidden away. Sensing something, Ben shuffles his body towards her to talk, knowing full well he doesn’t need to whisper but it feels like they might talk about secret things.

“Why did you stop the movie there?” he asks low.

She looks away but meets his gaze again after finding her words. “Why do you think I did?”

“I asked first.”

Pulling their joined hands to her lips, Rey kisses his knuckles and keeps her mouth against his skin.

“You know the director said that was as close to a sex scene Galaxy Wars could get,” she informs.

“Oh,” Ben chuckles. “So when it got to the porn you had to stop?”

Rey laughs and dips under the blanket completely, drawing Ben to slip below and find her in the dark. The street light outside is just strong enough that he can see her faint outline as she smiles his way. With her free hand, Rey touches his face as Ben leans into it. He lets her trace over his cheeks and chin, follow the line of his nose to his hairline before falling back down again to his lips. She runs a thumb over his bottom lip and moves it to test how plush it is. It all feels so sensual to Ben that he hopes she won't stop. In the end, Rey pauses at his jaw, cradling one side gently.

“It feels like I’ve waited so long for this, but now that we’re here, and I have you. I don’t know what to say,” she admits.

“What do you want then?”

Her eyes dance across his face and her smile is sweet but painful. Fear taints it, so much that if Rey was to speak her mind it might break the dream she looks to be in.

“For you to make love to me.”

A silence settles between them, one that isn’t truly quiet. It’s made of the sounds of them breathing and the muffled noise of cars driving by, but the air still feels so still. It creates an edge, one razor-sharp that could cut through a final wall that remains between them. It feels like agony, feeding a darker part of Ben that savors the lingering at a point in time that will mark what was before and what came after. Rey has expressed her needs and nothing will stop Ben from giving it to her.

Unable to able to hold back, Ben reaches out and puts a hand on her neck, stroking the soft skin there. Wordlessly he pulls them together, kissing Rey’s lips gently as she shakes under his touch. With each unrushed caress, she slowly settles, her tiny gasps turning into sighs as he tastes her thoroughly. Rey’s hands open, spreading out over Ben’s chest as something electric runs down his spine, spurring them to move in closer. Slowly her legs press against his own, one slipping upwards that Ben takes careful hold of. He lifts it higher still, above his waist as their hips touch. A shocked gasp escapes Rey as Ben knows she can feel him, half-hard already in his pants. What he doesn’t expect is for her to rock into him, gasping again at the shared feeling.

Pulling away to breathe, Ben groans as his fingers curl into the meat of her thigh. “ Fuck ,” he hisses as she grinds against his cock.

The hand he has on her leg moves to stop her hips, needing a moment to breathe. She looks at him not understanding, but Ben just smiles. “Take off your shirt sweetheart.”

It’s painful to part from Rey, but they carefully detangle their limbs to allow her to sit up. The blanket falls to her waist as she looks down at him, nervous and hopeful. Taking the bottom in hand, Rey lifts it up and Ben watches as she pulls it off, showing she hadn’t been wearing a bra this whole time. His lips part, mouth open and dry. Her lips pucker as she keeps a careful watch of him, trying to judge his reaction.

“May I?” Ben breathlessly asks.

She nods once and watches his hands curl over her skin, stroking her sides at her ribs. His touch stays feather-light as Ben traces his way up to her tits that he’s so sure will fit easily in his hands. Carefully he palms them, just holding the two to see he was right. As his thumbs rub across her nipples, he watches as her eyes flutter with a gasp. He’s not satisfied with just that and slowly leans in, placing a kiss to the top of each where they curve down and out. Taking his time with both, Ben lightly kises the center before drawing it into his mouth. He loves the sounds that Rey makes as he savors her skin. Small sharp little hitches in her breath, sounding just as surprised as he feels hearing them.

“Take this off,” she gasps as her fingers twist at his own shirt.

Ben pulls away and does what he’s told. The sound that Rey makes next is painful but her hands rush to touch him.

“Jesus Ben,” she says with a trembling hiss.

It’s hard for him to judge his own looks but he does to try and keep in shape. It started out as something to do, then a way to work out his anger, but now he’s pleased with how she is looking at him. It’s hard not to let it get to his head as her fingers touch him like he’s sacred, someone who might actually be worthy of a girl like her.

“How much do you fucking lift babe?”

Unable not to laugh at her question spoken quick as a shot, a bright chuckle escapes Ben. “I think my highest deadlift ever is 500, but I normally lift around 180 to 200 for just working out. Heavy days I’ll go up to 280.”

She then lets out the softest,” What the fuck?”

Rey’s fingertips ghost along his skin, carefully following the lines of his body as he quietly watches. He doesn’t think anyone has ever touched him so carefully before, that Ben’s the kind of guy who more often than not breaks things on accident. At his right side she pauses, touching a scar that still stands out on his skin.

“What happened?” she asks tracing it.

“Car accident,” he answers simply. “Wrapped a car around a tree and got stabbed by a damn branch. I’m fine.”

When Rey looks up, staring into his eyes, he finds her to be searching them. He can almost feel what she’s thinking about, all the other things they don’t know about each other. Ben can see in her gaze that it's also warm and longing. What he doesn’t expect is for Rey to twist at the waist, pointing with a hand at a gash on her lower back. It’s a thin rough-looking scar.

“I tried running away once,” Rey explained. “Cut my back open trying to get into an abandoned building to hide. My foster parent, the bad one, Plutt, wouldn’t take me to a doctor so I had to patch it up the best I could.”

Ben runs his fingers along the mark, as if trying to soothe the long since healed wound. It’s strange for him to think things like this might make him love her a little more. That he finds he feels so much respect for how strong she is under all of her softness she always appears to be. 

“The next day when I was at school,” she continues. “The paper napkin I had taped over it came off and I bled through my shirt. When the teacher saw she sent me to the nurse who was kind enough to put a plaster on it. She had asked me what happened.”

Letting out a weary sigh, Rey reached down and took his hands into hers. She looked them over, smiling softly at the small scars dotting his knuckles from the times he did put his hands through a wall. Slowly Rey traced the worst one, the one that needed five stitches after Ben had smashed a window. Lifting his hand to her lips, she kissed it and met his eyes.

“I lied,” she said through a bitter smile. “I told her I fell or something of the sort, I forget what exactly. What I didn’t tell her was that I ran out of the house after he came at me with a belt. Normally he didn’t come near me but that night he arrived home like a storm. Going on about money he lost until he saw me, then he snapped. I think when he found me bleeding later he couldn’t stay that mad anymore, but I was always scared he’d do it again.”

“Did he?’ Ben chokes out through a tightening throat.

“No,” Rey says with a shake of her head. “I started working out after then, running, lifting what I could. I think he got the idea I wouldn’t let him frighten me again.”

Turning his hands, Ben laced his fingers between Rey’s and rested them on his leg. “I crashed the car because I was mad at my dad. We got into a bad fight when I was 13 and I took it without thinking, just needing to get away. I didn’t know how to drive but I didn’t give a fuck. My parents came at me with shit like I was too much trouble, might have to go live with my uncle or worse, some private school for kids with my sort of issues. I just wanted them to listen to me but they were always busy. Mom with her fucking politics and dad getting into trouble that mom was bailing him out of in the middle of the night.”

Pulling one hand away, Ben ran it through his hair with a frustrated growl. “After the crash, they of course were all I love you, I’m sorry, but that only lasted half a year before we were right back at it. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of until I was 18 and left them behind. I worked my ass off to get a career that I now hate because I’ve sold myself to the company. They paid for my schooling, which is how I got my job in the first place. I’m sure I was easy pickings back then, hungry, angry, and didn’t give a fuck so long as I got pointed in a direction.”

“What about now?” she inquires softly, still touching his hand.

“It’s better, I had to spend the last year seeing someone after I took a swing at Hux. The evil co-worker. I didn’t hit him, but the only reason I wasn’t fired was because the CFO thinks he owns me. I honestly have just done anything he’s asked of me so I can see why. I’m sure he worked something out with Hux to keep him from pressing charges. It’s why he thinks he can lord over me. I had to see a counselor and it’s been good. Really good. I don’t feel like something that could blow at any time. It was nice to have someone just listen instead of ignoring me. Not treat me like I was some fucking burden when I didn’t ask to be their fucking kid.”

Tears rise in Rey’s eyes and Ben looks away ashamed. He’s not sure how they got here, half-naked and spilling their guts. It doesn’t feel bad, just more raw than he might have liked.

A hand lightly touches his face, drawing him to look up at Rey. “I see you love,” she whispers with a voice full of emotion.

Her words take him so harshly by surprise that Ben feels like he can’t breathe. The way Rey moves her hand makes it worse, drawing out the frightened boy Ben as hid from most of his life. Instead of pain and fear, relief washes over him as if she’s broken a spell he’s been a prisoner of. He wants just to love her and her endless kindness she gives easily.

Drawing her into a fierce kiss, Rey smiles against Ben’s lips. It spurs him to pull her closer, falling back on to the bed so she can sit on his hips. Her legs slip on either side of his waist and Ben stares up as Rey’s hair falls loose around her face. Reaching up he pushes some behind her ear as she bends down, meeting his mouth again with hers. Everything in him says this is right, this is where he belongs, trapped under her firm weight. She uses that weight to rock against him, bringing them right back where they had left off.

Needing to have her closer, Ben groans into Rey’s mouth as he grips at her pants desperately. She pulls off his mouth, dragging his bottom lip between her teeth with a wet pop that has shivers running down Ben’s spine. Rey looks like heaven as she rolls her shoulder back, sitting upright and placing a hand over his.

“Let me get these off,” she announces as she had never been nervous in the first place.

Ben nods, reaching then to grasp at his own and shove at them forcibly. He hates how she has to get off of him though but the urgency they both feel can’t be stopped or held back any longer. Tossing his pants and briefs towards the wall, Ben turns to see the backside of Rey as she slips her own off. Her ass appears, perfect and round. Looking over her shoulder, Rey catches him as he slips back under the blanket. He watches patiently as she slips in, coming face to face with him as he lays on his side. Their hands find each other, touching hips and legs in explorative caresses. One of Rey’s hands runs up his thighs, drawing an appreciated moan from her over the thick cord of muscle she finds. Ben lets out his own low groan when his hands find her ass and squeeze her round cheeks.

Rey rocks towards him, her hips and body seeking his own greedily. This time when they touch, Ben knows Rey can feel all of him hanging hard against his stomach. He tries not to pay much attention when she peeks under the covers and finally sees all of him. She does look shocked but not horrified like he thought he could have been. Tentatively he swallows, deciding to distract himself by touching her chest which she’s immediately vocal about. As Ben starts to knead the soft tissue, rolling her perked nipples in his fingers lightly, Rey’s moans change to high needy whimpers.

Not totally distracted by Ben’s touch, at his hip Rey follows the dip of it and wraps a hand around his cock. He freezes, gasping as he recalls that he hasn’t been touched in years by anyone except himself. She follows his length, pulling the skin up in a lazy dry stroke.

“Fuck,” Ben curses as she rubs her thumb over the head of his cock, spreading the precum around on it.

When he can’t take much more of her touch, he reaches down and stills her hand, meeting her eyes with his own.

“Wait,” he pleads. “Turn around.”

Rey appears unsure but slowly does as he’s asked of her. He moves himself to right behind her and takes careful hold of her leg. As she tries to look back over her shoulder, clearly worried, Ben places a soothing kiss on her shoulder.

“Trust me,” he whispers.

“I do.”

Slipping his cock between her legs, Ben puts it just under where he really wants to be and sets her leg back down to hold it there. She gets the idea quickly enough and reaches down to touch him again.

“Wait,” Rey says suddenly and then reaches across the distance to the nightstand grab at the bag.

Pulling out the lube, she fights to remove the safety seal for a minute until it gives. She pours some on her hands, rubbing them together to warm the cool liquid. The fake candy-sweet strawberry smell of the lube hits Ben’s nose as she touches him, her hands gentle as she slides them between her legs to coating him thoroughly.

With a slow rock of his hips, Ben slides easily against her skin, forcing him to moan into her shoulder. Her hand easily catches his cock with each thrust, holding him close as he brushes just outside of her hot center. Ben moves in lazy strokes as Rey groans, one of her hands spreading the rest of the lube over her clit. Resting his chin on her shoulder, Ben’s height allows him to see her touch herself as his cock peeks out between her legs. The sight makes him even harder than he already was.

Ben slips an arm over her waist and meets Rey’s hand, compelling her to turn her head with a gasp. His thick fingers cover hers, following along as she teaches him what she likes. Their pace remains unrushed until he feels her tense up underneath their touch.

“Ben” she gasps breathlessly. “Christ almighty.”

“I know sweetheart,” he pants against her skin. “You feel so fucking good.”

A violent shiver runs through her body as Rey lets out a painful moan that has her thighs clenching tightly. Ben chokes on a gasp as he stills, the pressure a little more than he can take. Slipping away, they both gripe at the loss.

“Sorry,” he hisses.

Reaching back, Rey grabs Ben at his hip, rolling her ass against him as she begs with a needy, “Please.”

“Shit,” he curses. “Fuck sweetheart, just, let me get one on.”

Rey helps of course, grabbing the box that she hands over. He rips it easily, the cardboard opened just enough for Ben to pull a foil out. Tearing at it with his teeth, Ben rolls on to his back and slides on the latex. It goes on easily thanks to all the lube but Ben freezes when he sees Rey staring at him. She looks over his length and places a hand over his resting at the base.

“Sit up,” she instructs as she makes room for him to move.

He does so despite not sure what Rey is planning. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Ben watches as she climbs over his lap, standing up on her knees. He holds her steady at her waist, watching as she strokes him gently then taking his head into her hand. Slowly Rey lowers herself, leaving Ben helpless to do anything but simply watch and feel himself slip into her. He’s happy enough to support her as she tries to go further but it feels like a tight fit. Pain starts to pinch her face and Ben is quick to stop her.

“Rey don’t,” he snaps with no heat in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffles and that’s all he needs to hear to move her to sit on his thighs instead.

Taking a hold of her face, Ben pulls Rey in for a soft kiss. “Don’t be, you just need more time. Let me help you.”

Her eyes look sad but hopeful. She nods slowly and he’s smiling, trying to reassure her they aren’t finished yet.

“Lay down,” he tells her.

She listens, carefully moving until her hair is splayed around her head like a halo over her pillow. That image alone has Ben kissing her deeply as he moves a hand between her legs.

“Relax,” he whispers as he slips a finger between her folds.

She tries to but seems still frustrated they had to stop in the first place. He runs a soothing hand over her forehead and kisses there too.

“Sweetheart you have to try and relax, I’m not going to let you hurt yourself.”

Shutting her eyes, Rey takes a deep breath in and out. “I’ll try.”

“Good.”

Ben keeps his eyes fixated on her face, using her expressions to judge where she likes to be touched. His hands glide easily but he still gets more lube and warms it before resuming. Taking his time he feels Rey from end to end, finding just where her clit is nestled and the opening right nearby. Slowly, and with light shallow thrusts, Ben slips a finger in. Wordlessly Rey gasps as he curls back and up before slipping the wide digit back out. Slowly he thrusts into her, careful in stretching Rey open while he kisses her shoulder.

They remain pressed together as Ben slowly adds a second and then a third finger. Rey holds on to his arm as sweat coats her skin, leaving her moaning and gasping frantically for more. She does help any time he needs more lube, the bottle always ready in her other hand. When he thinks she might be ready, Ben can’t help but think it would be a waste not to try what she’s picked out. 

Boneless in her own skin, Rey let’s a soft, “What?” when Ben moves away.

He easily slips down the bed, pushing the blankets away to make room for his size. She lifts her head up, watching wide-eyed as he pulls her legs apart and moves in between them. Having spent enough time touching her with his hands, he wastes little nuzzling his mouth to her cunt. The first lick Ben gives her has Rey making deep sinful sounding moans. She sounds surprised, as if she can’t seem to help herself while Ben rubs his nose against her clit. He eats at her like she’s the dessert after dinner, greedily lapping up all the strawberry he’s coated her with.

“Jesus Ben,’ she cries as her hand finds his hair, yanking on it forcefully.

He looks up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “What?’ asks Ben breathlessly.

She looks frustrated and angry before waving at him to get up. “Get the fuck up here and fuck me already,” she cries out.

The smile Ben gives her is all teeth but her rage vanishes the moment he moves over her. She parts her legs easily, welcoming him to line himself up to her. He glances down, uses his hand to place the end of his cock to her, and slips in a shallow dip.

They both groan again, eyes rolling in bliss as he easily slips in. There’s still a give Ben has to rock against but keeping in mind his promise, it’s all he needs not to give in to some heady rush. He keeps just above her, letting a little distance be his guide as not to go in too deeply. Her hands reach for him, holding on to his strong arms as he holds himself up. She looks happy, satisfied even as he moves in a little deeper. They rock together slowly until he’s far enough in her that their hips almost touch. Being so close now, Rey grabs at his face, forcing him to bend down to kiss sloppily back.

The laugh that rings out of Rey is thrilling, how happy she sounds with him rocking into her leaves Ben swelling with pride. They kiss again and again, more teeth and brushed lips than anything proper. It doesn’t matter to him in the end, he feels too good inside of her, moving deeper inch by slow inch. Ben finds he loves watching her squirm in delight, to see the same bliss on her face that he knows is rolling through him too.

When he bottoms out finally he has to take a moment to breathe as sweat rolls off his face. Rey’s fingers catch some of it, wiping it away as she moves back some of his hair. Her skin and eyes are glowing and Ben feels like he might have fallen for an angel.

“I love you,” she sighs as if he’s enough for her.

He kisses her without thinking, desperate to taste her words. “Why are you so fucking perfect?” he growls before pressing his face to her neck.

Rey rolls her head, welcoming his mouth as he takes in a section of skin between his teeth. He sucks lightly, not enough to leave a mark but just enough that she squirms from the experience.

Rocking a little more freely into her, the slow pace that they had to endure is giving way to something more substantial. Ben stays tightly pressed to her, only pulling back just enough to fuck her in short shallow thrusts she seems to be swimming happily in. Rey’s hands move around his head, curling up into his hair and making him groan when she runs his nails across his scalp.

Keeping him close, Ben stares as she looks up at him with such a loving gaze he’s not sure how he’s earned it. 

“Ben,” Rey sighs as her back arches up, drawing a quivering groan from his mouth. “I’m so happy I found you my heart.”

Her words unexpectedly causes him to suddenly break, forcing Ben to thrust into her with a few hard thrusts that leaves her crying out in pleasure. He lets out his own a low powerful moan. Breathing heavily, Ben feels his spent cock twitch as embarrassment washes over him.

“Fuck,’ he pants. “ Fuck! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean.”

“Shhh,” Rey hushes. “It’s fine darling.”

“It’s not,” he growls while trying to pull out.

They both shiver from the action, but before Rey can stop him, he’s between her legs once again.

“Ben, what?” she only has time to say before he’s sucking at her clit aggressively.

Her body stiffens, spine bending up as Ben lifts up by her hips. He easily holds her as his mouth savagely mouths at her. She grabs at him blindly, just trying to hold on as he refuses to not let her come. Rey finds she's helpless against his touch and breaks with a desperate sob cracking her voice. He can feel her body tense as firm as stone, legs squeezing his arms painfully so until she relaxes into a blissful dead weight. Fighting to catch his breath, Ben sets her down and stares at Rey with wild dark eyes. His heart pounding away with the want to know he’s made her happy.

An arm flaps lazily in the air, Rey beckoning him to come join her. He pulls off the condom first, tying it up before tossing it in the trash. Ben then fills the space next to her easily as she rolls her head in his direction, looking a bit drunk. It’s hard for him not to smirk at seeing how blissed out Rey is. He leans in and kisses her shoulder. Finding it to be one of his favorite spots as he feels whatever remained of his finish own still dancing down his spine.

“You ok?” he asks.

“Mmm,” Rey hums before turning on her side.

She wipes at his face again, laughing at how much sweat is there. “I think we might need a shower,” she lazily comments.

Looking past her, the clock reads only 10 and Ben feels a little relief it isn’t too late yet. 

“Yeah,” he huffs in agreement. “We both do. I’ll change the sheets too.”

“What a gentleman,” she giggles happily. “How are you love?”

“Well,” he sighs. “Seeing as I just finally had sex with my girlfriend, pretty fucking good I’d say.”

A belly-deep laughter bubbles out of Rey as she holds her stomach. He looks at her with a wicked smile, rolling over to curl into her as his hands grab at her sides. Ben playfully tickles at her hips and she howls with laughter.

While gasping, Rey swats at his hands, “Ben, Ben please!” she cries out.

He gives in, switching to peppering her skin with kisses instead. “God I love how you laugh,” he says to her collarbone.

Rey giggles again between all of his quick little pecks until he stops, settling above her propped up on an arm. Ben looks fondly upon her, brushing her hair away to clear her face. 

“I’m happy you’re not a ghost anymore,” he proclaims quietly.

Rey blinks at Ben and he smiles a little more, knowing she doesn’t understand him. “The gif you sent, the ghost hug. You can’t feel it but it’s still there. You were my ghost, hiding in my phone Rey. Not with me, but I still felt you. I actually cried when I read that, the first time I think in maybe ten years. That’s when I knew, that I never wanted to be without you.”

“Ben,” trembles out of her. “Babe, you can’t just say shit like that.”

A displeasing huff comes from Ben as he watches Rey cover her face with her hands. “Why not?” he asks.

“ Because! ” she yells into her palms. “I’ll really have to marry you then.”

His eyes light up and moves in even closer. “What did you say? Rey? Say that again.”

Trying to roll away, Ben is quick to catch her. “NO!” she yells into her hands and he can start to see how red her face is turning.

“You want to marrryy meee ,” he sings as his hands drift back down to her hips.

She tries to slap him away but ends up in a fit of another fit of giggles the moment his fingers find her sides again.

“Admit it!” he barks.

“Never!” she wheezes through her laughter.

A loud dramatic gasp comes from Ben as he reels back, clearly pretending to be wounded. “Well I at least want the dog if we’re getting a divorce,’ he exclaims.

She looks up at him, puzzled and amazed. “You can’t have a divorce if we aren’t married!”

He looks surprised but then thoughtful. “That settles it then,” he declares. “We have to get married so we then can get a divorce and I can have the dog. You can keep the rest, just leave me with my faithful furry best friend. Shit, we don’t have the dog either, guess we have to get that too.”

“No,” Rey says sticking her chin up into the air. “The dog stays with me, they love me more anyways.”

“Oh I’ll see you in court wife of mine,” he playfully threatens.

Unable to keep a straight face any longer, she breaks into another fit of laughter as Ben leans in and kisses her neck. Her arms come up to wrap around his neck, holding him close as she settles down enough to kiss her on the lips. Rubbing the tip of her nose against his, Ben looks into her bright shining eyes that holds him firmly under their power, one he’s sure she doesn’t know she has over him.

“Husband,” breathes out Rey so warmly that it scares Ben into changing his mind. That he’s actually wrong and she knows exactly what sort of control she has over him. “You wouldn’t stand a chance against me.”

Ben wonders if it’s possible to fall in love with the same person a second time or even a third. The longer he looks at Rey, staring up at him naked and proud, the more he feels he’s in a constant state of falling with the bottom nowhere in sight. Giving in, Ben just lays down on top of her in as a deadweight while she laughs and wheezes.

“You win,” he grumbles into her hair.

“ Christ Ben! ” Rey gasps, smacking at his side as he lays his face against her neck. “How much do you fucking weight?!”

“Are you calling me fat?”

A sudden snort bursts from her and Ben can feel her holding her face, trying to stop it from happening again. He wants to know how she just did that, turn a stupid sound into something so fucking adorable that he wants to hear it again.

“Jesus,” he says sounding hurt and sad. “Laughing at me too. That’s so mean. ”

Lifting himself up suddenly, Ben quickly gets up and slips off the bed. “I don’t have to take this,” he grumbled. “I’m leaving!”

As he marched out the door, Rey sat up, too shocked to move as he disappeared. Just as she was about to chase after him, Ben pokes his head back in, staring pointedly at her.

“You going to come take a shower or what?”

Picking up a pillow, she tossed at him as he ducks laughing. When she rounds the corner, Rey walks directly into him standing in the middle of the bathroom. Taking her by the arms, Ben snickers as she playfully slaps his arm.

“Sorry,” he chuckles first and then gives Rey a quick kiss as an apology.

She welcomes it with a smile as her hands settle on his hips.”Does anyone else know you’re this silly?”

“Nope,” Ben laughs while popping the p. “Just you.”

“Good.”

They kiss slowly and Ben is so certain this is what he wants his life to be, silly and in love with Rey.

Once they enter his shower is when the late hour makes itself felt. Neither lets their hands wander too far, what could have been another moment to touch and feel, becomes instead a job to quickly complete. In the stark bathroom light though, they each get a clear picture of the other's body and Ben catches Rey’s eyes constantly wandering his.

After redressing, Ben remakes the bed with fresh sheets and Rey watches as he even takes the time to fold the corners crisply. He sees her staring and smiles bashfully.

“Old habits,” he says as if to explain why.

She doesn’t appear to mind when they crawl back into bed and he holds her from behind. Ben’s bedside clock now says 11 and he can feel Rey tense for a quick moment then relax again with a sigh.

“Everything ok?” he asks.

She lays a hand over his resting on her stomach and he can hear a smile in her voice. “Yeah, just panicked when I saw the time and realized I didn’t have to be up so early.”

The reminder of work is sobering, leading Ben to fall back into being responsible. “What time do you start?”

“8.”

He hums against her neck, lightly kissing it. “We could get breakfast if you wanted to.”

Squeezing his arm in return, Rey wiggles back and presses ever closer to him. “You’re spoiling me.”

“Mmm, no. Just being decent and making sure we both eat after burning all those calories off.”

She laughs lightly and runs a lazy thumb across his knuckles. “That’s one way to do it.”

“Yeah,” Ben utters through a yawn and curls himself a little tighter around her. “Careful, you could become my new workout routine.”

Letting out a thoughtful hum, Rey’s eyes drift closed. “Maybe I could get those abs I’ve always wanted.”

“Mm, abs.”

Ben’s fingers rub slowly across her stomach, touching the soft skin and slight layer of protective fat. “This is good too,” he mutters. “I’d love you at any size.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course.”

“Even if I got really fat?”

The arm around Rey’s waist tightens before relaxing. “I’d love you fat or thin,” mumbles Ben. “Young or old. So long as you were happy and I could hold you like this.”

“Ben?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you want to marry me?” Rey asks carefully.

His nose nuzzles in behind her ear as he sighs. “Because I love you.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Ngh, it is.”

“Ben,” whines Rey. “There has to be more to that.”

“Shh,” he whispers. “I love you and that’s all I need, just you. If you keep doubting me I’ll prove it to you.”

“What? How?”

“By marrying you of course. Now go to sleep Rey or I’ll buy a ring after work tomorrow.”

There’s a long pause and Ben comes close to falling asleep before her quiet voice breaks the silence.

“Goodnight Ben.”

“Goodnight sweetheart.”