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Dearest Gimli,
Hope you’re well. I must admit that I miss you terribly; I know you’ve business with your people to sort out before the wedding, but I yearn to run my fingers through your tresses as I braid it, kiss the tips of your ears, as well as do some things that I rather blush to think about, and am not quite brave enough to commit to paper.
In any case, don’t be concerned that I’m doing nothing but moping; I find myself quite busy these days! I am consoling myself in your absence by beginning to plan our wedding! Please don’t be terribly upset about my father’s reaction to the proposal; I promise I’ll talk to him. Still, perhaps avoid Mirkwood for the time being. More importantly, the banquet! Have you put any thought into what you’d like on the menu? Let me know!
-L
***
My treasure,
I am very interested in the ear kisses and hair braiding you mentioned, and very very interested in those acts you saw fit not to mention! You must expound on the latter in greater detail when next we meet.
I forgive your father for all comments made about my suitability as a husband for you. Don’t worry about my hordes of relatives either; if they give you any trouble let me know and I’ll set them straight. Now regarding this banquet business: if you want my family to take kindly to this match we need some good dwarven fare on the table. I propose the following:
- First Course: maitake and fine lichen puree hors d'oeuvres
- Second Course: grilled oyster mushrooms with a tarragon and pepper yoghurt
- Third Course: broiled cave whitefish on a bed of chanterelle mushrooms
- Fourth Course: seared trumpet mushroom steak on a mushroom ragu, topped with enoki mushroom flakes
- Fifth Course: cake!
My heart will ache until our next meeting! Forever yours,
Gimli
***
G,
I understand there will be some elements of cultural blending at play, but I put my foot down at five courses of fungus. Papa would swoon. Could we have some nice venison, perhaps? Sun dried vegetables? Fruits, even?
-L
***
My Jewel,
What’s wrong with fungus? Some of my best friends are fungus farmers; it’s an honorable and noble profession, I’ll have you know. And it’s not five courses; I hadn’t planned on doing a fungus cake. Although I hear there’s a wonderful recipe for one using dried mushroom flour, actually. But if your poor father’s sensibilities would be oh so offended by eating a few good mushrooms, perhaps we could alternate? Two of my courses, two of yours, plus cake? Mushrooms for the main course, of course!
May the time of our next meeting come swiftly! Most ardently yours,
Gimli
***
G,
My apologies for any mushroom-related offenses. That said, while your idea of switching courses has merit, I’m not sure that I like the message that it sends: that our ways are so separate that they cannot be blended.
I took the liberty of inviting your cook to pay a visit to mine. We’ll see if perhaps they can come up with something that melds both culinary traditions. I’ll admit mine was cagey about working with a dwarf (of course!) until I let slip that if she didn’t help, we were considering hiring in human cooks as a compromise. That got her going!
They’ve been working in there for days, and occasionally I hear screaming and breaking crockery. I’m scared, love.
-L
***
My diamond,
I’m amused your chef bought your threat of a human chef; mine would’ve looked me right in the eye and told me she well knew I’d rather die before I’d let some filthy man cook my wedding banquet. She knows me too well, alas.
I got a copy of their proposed menu shortly after your last letter arrived and I must say; I’m quite enamored of what they’ve come up with. What do you think?
- First Course: Quince, pecan, and oyster mushroom hors d'oeuvres
- Second Course: Mirkwood wine mushroom soup with bay and thyme
- Third Course: Pheasant sunflower risotto dusted with pepper-crusted maitake
- Fourth Course: Venison with a roasted cremini mushroom polenta and hard cheese shavings
- Fifth Course: Cake, flavored with Mirkwood-grown raspberries (though I still say it should be made with mushroom flour!)
All the gems under the mountain pale before your beauty, my love. Passionately,
Gimli
***
G,
Oh my, that sounds delightful! I’m sold! Tell you what: I’ll make up the lack of mushroom flour in the cake by letting your cook bake it in the shape of a giant mushroom. Papa’s reaction will be a wedding gift of its own. And of course, I’m happy to make it up to you in other ways as well. I shan’t say how in writing, but come by when you have a chance and I’ll show you.
-L
***
My pearl,
Deal.
Your husband-to-be,
Gimli