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Seungmin returns home late today.
It’s late even by Hyunjin’s standards when Seungmin carefully opens the door to their apartment and tries to quietly sneak inside, perhaps sure that Hyunjin is already asleep.
Hyunjin, however, hears everything, and lets out a relieved sigh the moment their front door opens and closes with a soft click, because he’s been worried sick this whole evening. Of course, Seungmin sent him a quick text saying he would get home later than usually, but that was almost seven hours ago, and ever since then he hasn’t even read any of Hyunjin’s messages. Not wanting to pressure Seungmin and come across as a needy boyfriend, Hyunjin only sent him a few, but the fact that Seungmin ignored them all was for sure not a good sign.
The hallway is dark and quiet, Seungmin doesn’t even dare to turn on the lights, either too tired to do so or not wanting to disturb Hyunjin’s light sleep, and, somehow, Hyunjin just knows that it’s the latter. Seungmin is always so caring, so tender and attentive when it comes to Hyunjin, and, as much as Hyunjin appreciates that, today it makes his heart ache.
He puts away the sketchbook where he was doodling mindlessly for the past few hours and quickly jumps from the bed, trying to also keep quiet to not startle Seungmin, who doesn’t expect to see him still awake. Frankly, it’s him who should be sleeping right now and not Hyunjin, because Seungmin got up at sunrise and hasn’t been back home ever since then, because Seungmin is a morning person and he is always in bed by the time Hyunjin only gets to work on his hobbies.
It’s so out of character, so unnatural for Seungmin that Hyunjin doesn’t even need to ask him anything to know that he’s had a draining day and pushed himself beyond all the limits just to prove something to himself. Seungmin is a perfectionist, always feeling anxious and guilty when things don’t go as planned and especially if someone points out his flaws – which some of his university professors really enjoy doing in a harsh way.
Hyunjin guesses that it’s probably one of those days, so he doesn’t ask any questions when he walks out of the room and sees Seungmin leaning on the wall with his eyes closed. The sight pains him, because Seungmin is naturally a very strong person and doesn’t even let himself see how exhausted and vulnerable he may be sometimes, let alone demonstrate that to Hyunjin.
He understands and respects that Seungmin doesn’t like sharing his struggles and talking about the things that bother him deep inside, prefers to write it down on paper and overcome in silence, but there’s a limit to that, too.
Sometimes Seungmin doesn’t even notice that his desire to handle everything on his own and be the strongest man on Earth leads him to hurting himself, to only making things worse. That is when Hyunjin steps in, slowly, carefully, gently so that it doesn’t scare Seungmin away, and tries to show him that it is more than okay to lean on someone, to trust someone with his worries.
Hyunjin himself is very emotional and he was taught to always express the things on his mind, something not everyone accepted, and yet the amount of times Seungmin assured him that there was nothing wrong with that is impossible to count.
Every time he comes home tired, sore from practicing for hours on end, every time he is told that his dancing lacks this and that, Seungmin is always there to welcome him with a warm smile and hold him close.
Every time Hyunjin collapses onto the floor right after entering the apartment, Seungmin is there to take care of him, to give him a relaxing massage and shower him with kisses afterwards, once they’re both wrapped in their fuzzy blanket.
Every time Hyunjin struggles with something, Seungmin inevitably, constantly offers his shoulder to lean on, his hand to hold and his love to bask in, but he very rarely lets Hyunjin do the same for him – at least not openly, because he always tries to cover up his own hardships with a bright smile and a soft lullaby sung to Hyunjin before bed on dark rainy days.
Yes, Seungmin doesn’t let Hyunjin take care of him in ways he always does for Hyunjin, but that only means Hyunjin finds his own ways to do it subtly, to pretend that he doesn’t notice that Seungmin is suffering and yet gently push him towards opening up. It’s hard for Seungmin to accept help, let alone ask for it, so Hyunjin’s plans don’t always end in success, but he doesn’t give up, because what kind of a boyfriend would he be if he didn’t support the person he loves most?
Tonight isn’t any different: when Seungmin slowly opens his eyes to look up at Hyunjin’s figure wrapped in a huge gray hoodie, all Hyunjin does is smile at him softly.
“Hi, Seungminnie,” he then whispers, opening his embrace for Seungmin to hide in.
Seungmin doesn’t hesitate to do just that, burying his head in Hyunjin’s chest and sighing in content when Hyunjin hugs him by the waist and slowly rocks them from one side to the other; that makes Seungmin chuckle, and, though he sounds tired to the bones, Hyunjin considers it a small victory.
They stand like that for a few moments, the only sound breaking the silence is their breathing, and Hyunjin wordlessly lets Seungmin know that he did well today by patting his head before he reluctantly untangles Seungmin’s arms from his neck.
He doesn’t ask any questions, but goes straight into the kitchen, followed by a confused Seungmin, where he starts rummaging through their fridge until he takes out a bottle of honey and the remaining half of a lemon. Seungmin hasn’t said a word yet, but Hyunjin just knows that he spent all those hours singing and that his voice would sound insanely hoarse right now, and he shows that he is worried through making Seungmin a warm honey drink.
Just like Seungmin always easily finds the places on his body that hurt the most after a long day of practicing, Hyunjin knows what he can do in situations when Seungmin overworks himself too.
“There’s your order,” he jokes, happy to see that it puts a faint smile on Seungmin’s face.
“Thank you, Jinnie,” Seungmin whispers, looking away as he accepts the mug from Hyunjin’s hands. “I’m sorry you had to stay up because of me.”
Hyunjin only rolls his eyes at that, and, if Seungmin wasn’t holding the mug right now, he would’ve pulled him in for a hug, but he has to settle for only ruffling his hair. He wishes Seungmin could one day see himself the way he does, wishes Seungmin would understand just how much he means to Hyunjin and how important his well-being is; to Hyunjin, he is never a bother.
“I was drawing anyway,” he says instead, however, because he can see that Seungmin isn’t emotionally ready for hearing words like that at this moment. “Tried drawing Kkami, but he’s just as stubborn as in real life, so I haven’t made that much progress.”
“Can I see it?” Seungmin asks, clearly happy to avoid the topic.
It makes Hyunjin let out a barely audible sigh, but he nods nonetheless, hoping that this way he will at least be able to keep Seungmin in his arms in the softness of their bed, or else, there’s no doubt, Seungmin will spend half the night working on his assignments. Usually, Seungmin comes home after a few extra hours of practice and spends the evening doing his homework, but even on nights like this, when he’s just a few minutes away from dozing off, he still doesn’t let himself go to sleep until finished with all the work.
Such nights are rare, so sometimes Hyunjin lets it slide, though it almost physically pains him to wake up in the middle of the night to see Seungmin still sitting at the desk and trying to write one of the required essays. Tonight, however, there is clearly something more than just the workload that bothers Seungmin, and Hyunjin decides to get him to rest at any cost.
As Seungmin drinks his honey water, Hyunjin empties a glass of water as well and then takes the mug from Seungmin’s hands, wordlessly asking to let him take care of it – and of Seungmin, too. Though Seungmin looks a little hesitant at first, the weight on his shoulders is just too much for him to carry alone, so, when he makes sure that Hyunjin isn’t looking at him while doing a quick washing up, he quietly shares what happened.
It would normally take a lot more coaxing from Hyunjin’s side and a whole bunch of kisses and cuddles to remind him that Hyunjin wants Seungmin to lean on him, that there is nothing wrong in not always being strong and unbreakable.
Usually, Seungmin would only open up if after all the hours of subtly pampering him Hyunjin asked a direct question, but something is different about this night and Hyunjin felt that from the moment Seungmin opened the door with a sigh. It wasn’t just a tired or a relieved sigh, but rather a sigh of despair that Seungmin didn’t even notice when it slipped from his lips.
“I messed up in class today,” Seungmin mutters more to himself than to Hyunjin’s back. “And then professor Park scolded me for not being able to keep myself at the same level throughout the term and doing worse lately.”
Hyunjin frowns at those words, putting the clean dishes away and closing the water tap, because this is just unfair and doesn’t make any sense: Seungmin’s just recently recovered from a serious flu, so it is only natural for him to not show his best immediately. Sure, the professors at university don’t care about it in the slightest, but that still doesn’t give them the right to talk to their students like this, to make them feel incomplete and unworthy of success because of something so normal.
“He said I wasn’t paying enough attention, wasn’t practicing enough,” Seungmin continues as Hyunjin wipes his hands with a towel, the frown still present on his face. “I wanted to prove him wrong, wanted him to see that I practice more than anyone else in class, but it’s just never enough! I was meaning to stay there until seven or eight, but got so blinded by that…”
“Hey, come here,” Hyunjin whispers, pulling Seungmin in for a hug. “I’m so sorry you had to hear those words again when they’re obviously not true, baby.”
“But I really can’t improve—” Seungmin tries weakly, only to be shushed with a quick peck on his lips.
“With each passing day you only get better until the day you stop trying, but that’s not about you, my Seungminnie never gives up, right? You’re doing so, so well, but it’s not your fault that there are certain circumstances making things harder for you. You’re going at your own pace, and that’s what’s important, not your university grades or what your professors think about you.”
Seungmin nods slowly, hesitantly, but it is obvious that he’s not really convinced with those words, that his brain doesn’t let him agree with the truth. Hyunjin doesn’t push, leaves this talk for later when Seungmin won’t feel so tired and won’t be this affected by the harsh words he heard today.
He leaves a kiss on Seungmin’s forehead and whispers just how proud he is of his boyfriend for making it through this hard day; though Hyunjin still doesn’t approve of Seungmin overworking himself in the practice room, he doesn’t say it, knows Seungmin will not appreciate being lectured again.
What Seungmin needs is to know that there is someone who will support him through thick and thin, as well as to be reminded that he is extremely talented and that his self-worth should not be defined by things that do not even depend on him in the first place.
And, maybe, he also needs to be cuddled and kissed until they both fall asleep, or maybe he doesn’t, but Hyunjin still adds that to the plan as he laces their fingers together and leads Seungmin in the direction of their bedroom, where his sketchbook still lies forgotten on the bed. Hyunjin first helps Seungmin get changed into one of his comfortable hoodies and then crawls into bed, pulling Seungmin to sit between his legs.
His arms wrap around Seungmin’s waist protectively and chin comes to rest on its rightful place – Seungmin’s shoulder, making them both smile at how familiar and warm it feels to just sit together like this. Almost mindlessly, Hyunjin starts humming the song his friend Changbin made as a university project and dedicated to his sunshine boyfriend, and he doesn’t even notice it until Seungmin suddenly freezes with his hand halfway to the sketchbook.
“What’s wrong?” Hyunjin asks in a pout.
“Nothing,” Seungmin quickly assures him, relaxing in his arms again. “It’s nothing, I just…”
Seungmin trails off at that, but he doesn’t need to finish the sentence for Hyunjin to guess that he was secretly craving to hear those words from someone yet safely hid it even from himself. That’s just how Seungmin is: he needs a lot of attention and care, a lot of reassurance and love, but struggles to admit it, hesitates to accept it, always questioning whether he’s good enough to be receiving something like this.
“I love you, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin whispers in his ear, pressing a tender kiss on his neck afterwards. “I love every little thing about you.”
“Hyunjin—” Seungmin begins, but whimpers and all but melts when Hyunjin starts to slowly kiss his way up, showering Seungmin’s neck and face with soft kisses.
“No one in this whole white world would be able to walk on your path the way you do, face the struggles you have to face and overcome them with your head held high,” Hyunjin keeps leaving kisses on Seungmin cheeks with every phrase he says.
“Hyunie…” Seungmin tries, but Hyunjin quickly shushes him with another peck.
“No one would be able to have such hard days yet deal with them the way you do, and then come back home to still take care of me when every cell of my body hurts. The world is so lucky to have you and to have you sing the way you do, because your voice is sweeter and warmer than honey, and it always leaves me in awe, no matter how many times I listen to you.”
“You know who else is lucky?” Seungmin asks quietly, leaning his head back a little and pouting slightly as though asking for a kiss on the lips.
Who is Hyunjin to ignore this humble request from his favorite person on the planet?
Once he pulls away, caressing Seungmin’s soft hair with his fingers now, there is a sincere smile playing on Seungmin’s glistening lips, and this sight already makes Hyunjin feel a little lighter.
“Your professors are also damn lucky to have such a hardworking, talented and devoted student, but if they are not ready to appreciate you yet, they’re just blind and it’s their bad, not yours,” Hyunjin adds then, feeling a little bolder because of that. “And I am lucky, too, because you trust me of all people, because of all the bright stars you chose me when I was just twinkling faintly.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Seungmin replies, hiding his grin in Hyunjin’s neck, making him giggle because of how ticklish it feels.
“If you say that it’s you who is lucky, I will riot,” Hyunjin half-jokes, but he knows that this is exactly what Seungmin is going to say.
“Please don’t,” Seungmin asks softly, tickling Hyunjin’s neck with the tip of his nose again. “Because I really am lucky that you still put up with me, show me that the things I do are enough, that I am enough, too. It means a lot to me, but I’m so bad at expressing or even accepting it…”
“Shush,” Hyunjin hugs him tighter. “I want to always be by your side like you are for me, and, like it or not, I won’t stop trying to show you that you are worthy of the whole world simply because you are you.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Seungmin admits suddenly, voice small.
“You’d still be rocking even without me,” Hyunjin assures him. “But you’d be robbed of the best and warmest lazy cuddles, that’s a big loss.”
“Good thing I have you then, right?”
Hyunjin laughs at the joke, happy that he managed to brighten Seungmin’s mood up to the point that he started to make his teasing remarks again; though he can’t really do much, Hyunjin feels proud of himself for having Seungmin let him in. To Hyunjin, it is a big achievement, because Seungmin doesn’t open up easily, and it took him a while even after they started dating to realize he could trust Hyunjin with his worries.
Now that he has Seungmin’s trust, however, Hyunjin never takes it for granted, because he knows just how fragile such things are, and so every day he tries to strengthen it, careful with his words and actions, hoping that one day he will be able to truly become Seungmin’s home, his safe haven.
“You wanted to see my doodles…” Hyunjin brings that up in a few moments, but hears no response.
He can’t stop a fond smile spreading on his face when he looks down and sees that Seungmin is already fast asleep in his arms, head still buried somewhere in the crook of his neck. Hyunjin knows that Seungmin is going to pout at him in the morning for not waking him up to brush his teeth, something he never skips, but right now he simply doesn’t have the heart to interrupt Seungmin’s peaceful sleep.
For the next half an hour, Hyunjin just sits there, fingers playing with Seungmin’s soft brown hair, and thinks about all the rare nights when it’s him taking care of his boyfriend and not the other way around, but soon his eyelids start to feel heavy too.
Sighing, Hyunjin carefully untangles Seungmin’s arms from himself, trying to not disturb him; though he doesn’t wake up, Seungmin still makes grabby hands in his sleep, and Hyunjin’s heart nearly explodes because of this.
“Sleep well, Minnie,” he mumbles quietly, giving Seungmin another forehead kiss before he starts to doze off too. “I love you.”
Even when Seungmin returns home late and tired, Hyunjin will always be there to make sure that it truly feels like home, where Seungmin can feel sheltered from all the bad things that may hurt him during the day.
He feels so lucky to have his own world’s brightest star sleeping soundly in his arms.