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It was a slow, dreary afternoon at Welton, the final hours of another hellish Thursday like any other. Todd sat amongst some sixty-odd other boys packed into the tables of the Oswald Heron memorial study hall, his book of Latin exercises open but largely incomplete in front of him. He’d been staring down at the same place on page 42 for the last ten minutes:
Compose three complete sentences using a vocabulary word of your choice in three separate declensions.
There were examples earlier on in the chapter, Todd knew, but he could barely bring himself to flip back through the pages to find them. His eyes were bleary, his head was aching, and making out words on paper was becoming more and more difficult with each passing moment.
Consider: carte, cartas, cartarum
He looked at those words and sniffled miserably. He’d been feeling sick all day, but he thought he’d at least be able to make it through until the end of study hall. Of course, it wasn’t like he had any choice. The best he could hope for was for the next hour to pass quietly, and maybe with an opportunity to sneak a drink of water. His throat was scratchy, but he was too nervous to make any serious noise. He stifled a cough into the crook of his arm, cringing at the sound. Neil shot him a glance from his place diagonally across the table, which Todd tried pitifully to ignore.
He looked back to his paper, willing himself to produce something, even if it wasn’t perfect. If he didn’t finish this before tonight he wouldn’t have time to fill out his project proposal for chemistry and then-
His nose dripped. He sniffed, hurriedly bringing up a hand to stop it. There might have been a box of kleenex somewhere, but getting up to cross the room was a definite no-go. He didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself than he could avoid. He ducked his head and wiped his nose on his sleeve instead.
The Latin homework lay open in front of him, still only half-finished. The clock told him there was still a half an hour until dinner. Thirty minutes wasn’t much, he figured, he could make it through.
Maybe.
He cleared his throat, praying to God he could postpone a total coughing fit until after study hall. His eyes started to water from the strain.
The remainder of the period passed painfully slowly. He managed to finish his exercises, but already had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he looked them over, knowing not to expect any good marks. Being able to shuffle out of the room with the rest of the boys, however, was an enormous relief.
His little group of friends reconvened at the door, but he lagged behind, not in the mood for conversation. This did not go unnoticed by the others.
Charlie came up beside him and nudged him with his elbow.
“Hey pal, you doing alright?”
“Fine,” said Todd.
Knowing Charlie could be difficult to shake off, he offered a weak smile.
“Just tired.”
“I hear that,” said Pitts, “I nearly fell asleep.”
“Nearly?” (this was Meeks) “-you were drooling.”
“Shut up!”
Todd managed to laugh with the rest of them as they made their way upstairs to the dormitories to deposit their books and papers, then wash up for dinner. They’d be having a roast tonight, Todd knew, but he didn’t feel very hungry. In the dining hall, he picked at his food, only getting down a few bites of meat and a couple of green beans. The clattering of dishes and the clamor of tens of boisterous conversations just made the dull ache in his head even worse.
He probably would have been able to be excused if he asked, but that was just the problem - he couldn’t just ask. Even if it was just Mr. Keating or someone, that meant crossing the room into the line of sight of Nolan and his professors. He couldn’t make himself do it.
So he waited. It felt like forever until Nolan rose from the staff table and dismissed them all. It was either to the common room (though only until 10:00) or bed, and Todd would have no trouble deciding between the two. He declined offers to join study group or for Meeks’ help on their mathematics homework, though he really could have used it.
He collapsed face-down onto his bed the second he got to his and Neil’s room. The cool of his pillowcase was soothing against his skin, but the rest of him felt shaky with cold. He groaned, then sniffed hard. He felt pathetic, and was sure he looked it too.
He didn’t even react when he heard the door to the room open and close. He didn’t care if Neil saw him like this, even if it was embarrassing. All he wanted was to rest, and that was what he was going to do.
Unfortunately, Neil could never just leave him be.
“Hey,” he said quietly, “what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Todd deadpanned, speaking into his pillow.
“Did something happen? Are you sick?”
Todd lifted his head to look at his roommate.
“I’m fine, Neil.”
“It’s only eight o’ clock and you’re in bed with your school clothes on,” Neil pointed out.
“I’m just tired,” said Todd, “it’s nothing.”
“If you say so. I’m going to study group, alright? But I’ll be back later?”
“Yeah,” said Todd vaguely, eyes closed once again, “see you.”
Neil sighed as he grabbed his textbooks and headed back out. Finally alone, Todd curled up against the wall and tried to sleep. He kept his eyes shut, lamp flicked off, and one arm folded under his head. Somehow, though, it still wasn’t enough. His nose ran, and laying down only made it harder for him to breathe. He tossed and turned hopelessly, trying to relax enough to fall asleep.
It worked, but only barely. He was still semi-conscious of the noise that carried through the walls, the ticking of the clock, and his own sniffling. He barely reacted when the lights came on again announcing Neil’s return from studying. Could it really have been 10 o’ clock already?
“Sorry,” said Neil, “but you’ve gotta get up anyway. You can’t sleep in that.”
Todd only grunted in response.
“I brought you some stuff, too-”
Neil set down a box of tissues and a cup of water on the window sill.
“-if you’re feeling sick.”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“Yeah, yeah, I heard you-”
He pulled open one of his own drawers and rifled through it (Todd got anxious when people touched his stuff). He tossed a pair of pajamas to Todd.
“Put these on.”
Unhappily, Todd obliged. He got up to undress and found that it really was better to be in soft pajamas than in his rough Welton uniform. The fact that his new shirt happened to smell like Neil might have been an added bonus, too.
“Better, huh?”
Todd nodded sheepishly. Neil laced his fingers through his.
“Come lie with me?”
“It’s okay,” said Todd, looking at the floor.
No matter how good it would feel to be held when he felt so poorly, he couldn’t shake the thought that he’d be a burden on Neil, needing to be taken care of like that. His older brothers back home would have told him so.
“Come on,” said Neil, “please? I can make you feel better.”
“I’m all gross.”
“You’re sick,” said Neil, “it isn’t gross. Please?”
He made a pleading face, one that was nearly impossible for Todd to resist. He just felt so, so awful. Relenting, he let Neil lead him over to his side of the room.
“Drink this first,” Neil said, handing him the cup, “you’re probably dehydrated.”
Todd drank. He pulled out a couple of kleenex to hold on to, too, knowing he’d be needing them later. Neil lifted up the sheets and invited Todd into bed. Todd slipped in beside him, sniffling.
“That’s it, come here-”
He was too tired to be shy. He wiggled closer to Neil so that he could lay his head on the other boy’s chest. Neil wrapped an arm around him and rubbed gently up and down his back.
“Have you been feeling bad all day?”
Todd shrugged.
“I guess.”
“You should have said something.”
“I’m not a baby,” said Todd sulkily, “I can take care of myself for one day.”
“Yeah,” said Neil, brushing a piece of hair out of Todd’s face, “but I still worry about you.”
“Mm.”
"What if I even told you that I like taking care of you?"
Todd flushed. He didn't know what to say to that.
"I- I'd- maybe... allow it... in that case."
Neil smiled.
"Good. Now, come here."
Todd let his head fall. Finally, finally his body could relax. He let Neil rub his back, help him sit up when another coughing fit came on, hold him in his arms all through the night. Just before falling asleep, he felt Neil press a kiss to his forehead and whisper a quiet sweet dreams.
And for Neil, he tried.