Archive of Our Own

My name is Edie Alenko-Shepard and I am ten years old. On my summer holiday we went to Tuchanka-

My fingers flattened on the circular pad of my omnitool and it beeped shrilly to tell me off. I grimaced and glanced over to the bed beside mine where David was a small lump under the covers. I held my breath, half expecting him to stir and start to cry. After a few moments, I decided I was safe.

I didn't like our rooms on the Destiny Ascension, and neither did David, no matter what he said about it being his favourite. He only said that because I said I didn'tlike it. David was a pain in the quads, and yes, I know exactly what that means. Mor and I looked it up once after her dad made a joke about it to my mom. 

I leaned back against my pillows and tried not to sigh.

It wasn't that I wasn't excited to be going back to Tuchanka. It's been almost three years since we last went, when it took so long to get there, and David was still very small. The whole family had been talking about it for months, about Aunty Bakara’s stories, and about that time Uncle Wrex put me on his shoulders and raced Grunt all the way from one end of the city to the other. This time was going to be even better, I was sure of it. We could stay longer, for one thing, and at least David wouldn’t be crying all the time. Although I couldn’t vouch for Tom, who’s only three and still cries when he falls down. 

And I was excited to see Mor again. Some people think krogans are scary, but not me. Mor’s been my best friend ever since I was born, and I mean, since I was born. When mom was giving birth to me, Aunty Bakara came to see her, and brought Mor too because Mor was so young. There’s a photo of me and Mor in the same crib. My mother keeps it on her desk in her office. 

But still . . . Mor hadn’t been messaging me very often lately, though I still wrote my letters to her. Dad said it was because she was probably busy with school, but I know he’s just saying that to make me feel better. Mor’s teachers will be like mine. They don’t really care what I do, because I’m a Shepard, my mother is a Councillor, my father is a Rear Admiral, my whole family can’t go on holiday for the half-year break without taking the biggest ship in the galaxy with a detachment of marines and officially postponing parliament’s re-opening. 

I watched the stars as they stretched past my window. Suddenly, I didn’t want to be sitting here anymore, in these boring, grey rooms with the glowing security panels and sweeping, curving walls. Rallik liked to tell me how the Destiny Ascension was an asari built ship, back when Thessia was great. Once I told her that if the asari had helped my mother in The War then maybe people would like to help them now they were poor. I made Rallik cry and I was grounded for a week. My mother didn’t look at me for a day. It’s still true though. She might not tell me these things, but I know it is. The asari were cowards in The War, everyone says so. At least Aunt Liara didn’t give me into trouble for what I said. But then Aunt Liara never gives me into trouble no matter what I do. Rallik says she only ever gets trouble from her dad. And I have to admit, Uncle Javik scares me a little. Especially when he finds out if I’ve been lying by doing the hand-holdy thing. 

I was out into the corridor when I heard my mother’s voice coming from the living quarters. The bulkhead made it look like the corridor was separate, but nothing was separate on a ship. I couldn’t escape David no matter where I went and even Tom was beginning to toddle after me. I hesitated, knowing my mother could hear like a bat.

“Fifteen years to the day . . . On this . . . This day, fifteen years ago . . . Fifteen years ago today, I stood before the voice of the krogan people and made a promise,”

She was practicing a speech. I’d heard enough of them in my life. I snuck closer, peering around the bulkhead to see if she was in full flow or not. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. My mother, Councillor Shepard, was in a pair of short pants and a loose tank top that she slept in. Her hair was mussed and her stomach was beginning to stick out with my little baby brother or sister. Whatever was coming next. 

They ask me about her all the time. Everyone does. Even Rallik, who calls her Aunty Shep. My teachers talk about her when they think I can’t hear. Sometimes, when we have to go to open a station or a school or a starship, people will ask me when she’s right behind me. It makes her angry. 

But what is she like? What is Councillor Shepard like as a mom? That’s what the stupid summer holiday journal is really about. That’s why everything I write gets kept and remembered. I know it does. My classmates get things stuck to the fridge. I get digital copies stored in archives under Mars. 

She looked up, suddenly, her eyes piercing right through me. “Hey, baby,” she said, her voice startled and higher in pitch. Still cooing at me like I was David or Tom. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”

I shook my head, lingering by the bulkhead even when she flicked her omnitool away and beckoned me closer. 

“Can’t sleep, huh?” she asked me, taking a seat on the big white couch under the stars and again beckoning me forward. I crawled on top of the cushions and into her lap, although my legs stuck out over her knees and her stomach got in the way of my arms. “We’ll be there soon,” she said, stroking my hair like she always did, long, strong fingers pulling through my curls. “This is how we used to travel, you know,” she added. “When there were relays all over the galaxy.” 

“I know,” I pointed out, “and now there’s only three.”

“Four soon,” she said, her voice a little bit like she was angry, but she always sounded like that when she talked about the relays, or building after The War. I tried to get closer and she hissed as I leaned against her boob. Nowhere was comfortable for me, or didn’t hurt her. I rested my arm on the top of her belly. 

“I don’t think it’s moving yet,” she told me, though I hadn’t really been trying to feel. “You used to love feeling Tom kick, remember?”

“Yeah, but now I know how much he kicks in real life,” I said, a little sulkily. It made her laugh. Her laugh was loud, deep, it shook her whole body and it made me smile. 

“I guess so,” she murmured, after the laugh faded, and she went back to running her hands through my hair. When I was little I used to be able to curl up in her lap while she worked and sometimes I fell asleep there. “We used to do this when you were little,” she said, her breath making a funny noise in the back of her throat. “How did you get so big, little one?”

I hunched my shoulder together, for some reason I didn’t like the question. “I grew up,” I said.

“Oh you’re still going to be my little girl for some time,” she said, and her arms tightened around me. “We’ll have rebuilt the whole damn relay network before I let you go.” 

Way down inside me, something tickled, like I was annoyed at her. I didn’t know why. “Will everyone be on Tuchanka already?” I asked, trying not to think about it. 

“Aunty Tali and Uncle Garrus, yes. Uncle Jacob. Aunty Miri. I think Joker will be there, but I’m not sure.” Her arms tightened around me as she said that. “Aunt Jack and Aunt Karin will probably get there a few days after we do. The Ascension is a fast ship.” 

Her omnitool beeped suddenly and I scrambled out of her lap as she answered it. Councillor Urdnot Mawar appeared in the holographic screen, eyes pinched together in irritation. Urdnot Mawar was one of the few krogan I didn’t like. She hadn’t been on Tuchanka when my mother cured the genophage and whenever she saw me, she got annoyed. I sneaked away and my mother shot me a look, a little sad, but I think she was trying to say ‘thank you’ without speaking. “Councillor Mawar, what can I do for you?” my mother asked.

“You can come back and call off that Ambassador,” Mawar husked. 

I left them to it and headed back to my bed. What was my mother like? My mother was busy. Too busy for us. 

***


“David, take your sister's hand to the shuttle!” 

My dad was the second human Spectre, but I think he was probably the best. When he shouts, he stops everyone in their tracks, with the possible exception of David who just thinks he’s funny. I darted out from the Kodiak’s seat and snatched up his little hand, jerking his arm. “Come on, pyjak!” I snapped, tugging him back to the Kodiak. 

“Don’t call me a pyjak!” David howled, fighting me the whole way. He’s seven, so he’s getting pretty big, but Rallik moved to help me. She’s fifteen, supposedly, but asari age differently to humans and she looks younger than I do. She also doesn’t look much like most asari, with pebble green dashes on her cheeks and short head tendrils. Apparently it’s because her dad’s prothean, but I once heard my dad say he thought it was because Aunt Liara was pregnant when they were ‘hit’. I don’t know what hit them.

“Don’t call your brother a pyjak, Edie,” dad said, covering Tom’s head as he ducked under the Kodiak’s door and sat down. My mother and Aunt Liara were following along behind, arguing about something on Tuchanka. But my dad gave me a look and I knew he was pleased with me secretly. 

We piled into the Kodiak, our gear stowed safely. I watched my dad and my mom moving around one another as they secured Tom in his chair, checked the belts on me and David, and finally my dad caught my mom around the waist and pulled her close for a kiss on the cheek. “Relax, you’re on holiday,” he whispered.

She sighed heavily. “I wish other people could remember that,” she muttered, and she kissed him on the lips.

Rallik nudged me, giggling. I’m supposed to find it disgusting, I know, everyone says their parents kissing is disgusting (and I think if my dad looked like Uncle Javik I’d probably agree), but if I’m honest, I’m kind of fascinated when mom and dad kiss. She changes. She looks . . . I don’t what it is, but sometimes it’s like dad’s the only one who can really talk to her. Everybody else gets Councillor Shepard, who’s perfect and hard and everyone does what she says. But he gets something else. It’s like he doesn’t see the Councillor. 

And he loves her. I know he does. I know he loves me and David and Tom and the probably new baby too, but this is different. When mom’s not around sometimes he tells me the story of how she died once, and he always, always cries and hugs me tight when he tells me the story. Mom’s never told it. 

Aunt Liara leaned forward to catch me eye. “Are you excited to see Mor again?” she asked me.

I couldn’t help myself from smiling. It seems like everybody knows how excited I am, but I have tried not to talk about it all the time. 

“I remember last time we were on Tuchanka, you tried to paint yourself to look like Mor,” Liara added, sitting back with a funny smile on her face.

Dad grinned. “Yeah. Let’s maybe not go through that again. Had to wash the stuff off with ryncol!”

Squirming in my seat, I bumped against David who shouted at me. The Kodiak began to shook as it lifted us up in the air. I wondered if Uncle Steve was flying, though I hadn’t asked. Rallik turned her head towards me. With the noise of the engine, no one else could hear her. “Do you think Mor’s still going to want to play with you? Krogan grow faster than humans, you know.” 

“And faster than asari too,” I said, but very quietly because that’s exactly the kind of thing my mom hears when no one else does. 

“Mother?” Rallik asked over the sound of the Kodiak tearing through space. “Do you think the krogan will have rebuilt their city?”

“I hope not,” I said, before Liara got a chance to say anything. “I liked it like it was.”

“So did I,” my mom said, with a smile, and my dad grinned too. She took his hand. “We had our honeymoon in that city.” 

“You had a honeymoon?” Aunt Liara asked in surprise. I grinned like my mom did, it wasn’t often anyone surprised Aunt Liara, and when mom did, it felt like we won somehow. 

My mom was nodding her head and my dad leaned over her to say, “I think technically we called it a diplomatic mission.”

“Oh.” Liara laughed and even Javik smiled. “That one. Okay.” 

“Still our honeymoon,” my mother said resolutely. She unbuckled her seatbelt suddenly and rose to her feet, freeing me from my restraints before I realised what she was doing. She lifted me up, despite the shuttle rocking, despite Aunt Liara’s warning to be careful, and she brought me to the window, pointing to the ruby among the diamonds. “Look, little one,” she murmured. “Tuchanka. I bet Mor’s watching for this shuttle right now.” 

I leaned my head against her shoulder, my heart thumping for some reason. “You think so?”

“I’m positive,” she said, giving me a little squeeze. I think she turned back to look at my dad, but I didn’t want to see that. I fixed my gaze on Tuchanka and we didn’t sit down until it was time to land. 


***

The dust was still clearing from the shuttle when I heard Uncle Wrex thumping his chest and shouting on my mother. “SHEPARD! SHEPARD!”

“Wrex!” My mother was out of the shuttle before we were cleared to disembark and in Wrex’s arms, being swept up into a great big bear hug. I took one look at my dad who nodded, badly hiding his own laughter, and I escaped the shuttle and David’s clutching hand and sprinted over the dust-bowl. Wrex turned just in time, managing to grab me up with one hand while he held my mother in the air with his other. He rubbed his big face into the crook of my neck where I was tickliest and I screamed and wriggled and my mother punched Wrex in the shoulder so hard that he dropped her. She landed like a cat and then headbutted him, and Aunt Liara shouted something about being careful. 

Aunty Bakara was next, her rumbly voice laughing as she managed to steal me from Wrex’s arms and she gave me the same tickling treatment. “You’ve grown so big!” 

“I’m ten now,” I told her, holding up all my fingers to prove it. 

“No, I don’t believe it,” she teased me, her gaze going to my mother as she approached. “What are you feeding this child?”

“Everything,” my mother responded and Bakara laughed as though it was funny. “She’s got biotics, that one,” my mother added, kissing me on the cheek as she approached. Then she kissed Bakara on the cheek. “It’s so good to see you,” she said quietly.

“And you,” Bakara’s voice never quite lost its laughter, but sometimes it was more like a purr than a rumble. “You look tired, Shepard.” 

“It’s been a difficult year,” my mother said. 

Bakara reached out to pat my mother’s stomach. “And another one? You know you’ll never catch up with me, right?”

“We all have to do our bit,” mom said, patting her tummy too. “Mordin! Look at you!”

I managed to kick free of Bakara and dropped to the ground myself, not nearly as gracefully as my mom had. For the first time in years, I came face to face with Mor. 

She had grown. She was nearly up to my mother’s shoulder in height, her scarlet hump patterned with yellowy blazes that made it look like she was on fire. I did once try to paint my back to look like it, and it didn’t work out nearly as well. She turned her head to regard me with one grey eye, and I knew that was the respectful side. Krogans don’t just look at anyone with their left eye. She was wearing a loose blue tunic with a pattern stitched into the cuffs and hem that I almost recognised, but couldn’t quite place. “Edie?” she asked me, her voice was deeper too.

“Mor,” I said, staring up at her. “You grew really tall.” 

Her yellow lips curled back over needle teeth in a grin and she smacked her fists together. “Yeah, I did! So come on, runt, let’s go see the others!” 

“Don’t go too far!” my mom was calling as we tore off down the hillside together. I ignored her. Mor was running beside me, the wind was in my hair, there was a real sky above my head and real dirt beneath my boots. I was never happier than when I was on Tuchanka. 

The city was so unlike anything on the human worlds, or the quarian colony of Titan, or the rebuilt worlds of Eden Prime and Terra Nova. Every building was tall, red sandstone reaching up to kiss the yellow sky. Mor looked like she had been crafted from the planet itself, a daughter of something real, solid. We were heading for the old temple, it’s diamond shaped pillars supporting tall roof, the stairs crumbling and cracked where green tried to grow through. We clambered higher and higher, Mor didn’t look back to check my progress, and I was so glad she didn’t. Where she could stride up the stairs, I had to stretch my arms and haul myself up, but Mor knew I could. I did see, however, two krogan battlemasters watching us from below. 

Mor reached the top plinth, where the two old Maw hammers had been restored, although I don’t think they still worked. The city stretched out beneath us, the old buildings reclaimed from the desert, the new ones that looked more familiar, closer to the temple. And not too far from where we were, the ruins of the Shroud. They called it Reaper’s Grave. My mother said they wanted to call it Shepard’s City, but she had insisted Aunty Bakara change her mind. 

Reaper’s Grave was my favourite place in the world. It was home. 

Up here the wind was colder and it tangled my hair about my head, snagging the black curls together. I shoved my hand through them impatiently and noticed my marines had joined Mor’s battlemasters. I nodded to them, catching Mor’s attention with a low whistle. “You have them too?”

Mor’s lip curled up in irritation, revealing her teeth. “One of the rebel clans tried to kidnap me last year.”

Kidnap Mor? I hadn’t been told! I hunkered down behind a pillar, out of the wind, and Mor circled round to join me. We sat on the top step and looked out over Reaper’s Grave, over to where the palace was, its secure walls high enough to separate it entirely from the rest of the city. Supposedly, the Reaper had died there, and that’s why Kalros had given this land to the krogan who lived. Liara says it was because of the poison in the soil, but that doesn’t affect krogan and I get medicine for it when I visit. “Were you okay?” I asked, noticing for the first time that krogan guards patrolled the perimeter of the wall regularly.

“Fine,” Mor scoffed. “My mother killed two of them with her bare hands, but she says she shouldn’t have. She should have given them a fair trial, but she saw red.” 

“A fair trial would have ended the same,” I told Mor, because Aunty Bakara was never wrong. “Is that why you didn’t write me back?” I asked before I could think about it. Tuchanka made me say what I thought, instead of hiding it. 

Mor looked at my with one grey eye and she sighed softly. “No. My mother wants me to become a Shaman. I’ve been starting lessons. It keeps me really busy.” 

We sat together as the wind blew dust at our backs and I wondered why Mor didn’t seem excited about that. Her mother was a Shaman! And Mor was going to become a Shaman! 

“Are you mad at me for not writing?” Mor asked quietly, trailing her stubby fingers in the dust. 

I shook my head quickly. “No.”

Mor swallowed and nodded, her big throat echoing around the gulp. She shifted a little closer to me, her krogan smell filling my nose. “I found something in the caves when I was training,” she whispered. “Nobody knows about it. It’s my secret.” 

“A secret?” I whispered back, throwing a quick glance down the stairs. Our guards were amusing themselves, throwing rocks and shooting them. 

“Yeah.” Mor checked them too and dropped her voice even further, speaking into my ear. “I think I found a bit of a Reaper.” 

We headed down to the palace pretty soon after. My head was spinning. A bit of a Reaper? They should have all been cleared away. But bits of Reaper were worth a lot of money, the Council paid lots for them. The tech in them was partly how we started building relays again. Mor wanted us to go down into the caves, early in the morning when nobody was watching, and bring it back. 

It would be something. They’d love me to write about that in my summer journal. 

My mom would kill me. She’d be so angry. 

I was halfway across the courtyard when I heard someone whoop my name and I felt the prickle of biotics as someone caught me up in a perfectly controlled lift. I soared over Mor’s head and straight into my Aunty Jack’s arms, and she proceeded to dance me through the great hall where it seemed like every person I ever met had congregated. “Look at you! Edie, I thought I told you not to grow any more!” Jack shouted at me, dropping me down to my feet and I fell into her legs, dizzy from the spinning.

“Sorry,” I offered, steadying myself by sticking my fingers behind her knee and tickling. She squealed and leapt to the side, grabbing me and rolling on the tiles for a brief tickle fight. I noticed Shep Taylor watching us from behind his parents. He doesn’t like me very much because I was the first one to call him Shep Taylor and now everyone calls him Shep Taylor no matter what. He wasn’t watching me but Aunty Jack, and I guessed it was because she wasn’t wearing much in the way of clothes. 

“There you are,” my dad said as he walked past, bouncing Tom in his arms as he went. 

“Hey Kaidan,” Jack added, releasing me with a parting kiss on the cheek. She went straight to Tom, taking him from my dad’s arms and cooing. “Oh he’s looking so much better after those surgeries. How you doing?” 

“Fine,” my dad said, patting Jack on the shoulder the way he did when he was trying to convince David that there were no monsters under the bed. I ducked away and found myself face to face with Joker. Most of the kids called him Uncle Jeff, but not me. I don’t know why, but he didn’t like it, it made him look sad. 

“Edith, you are getting tall,” he said, crouching down to look me in the eye. 

I gently pressed a kiss against his cheek. I couldn’t hug him or I’d break something, and I never corrected him when he got my name wrong. “I missed you,” I said.

That made him smile. “I missed you too, you been doing well in all your classes? Doing your homework?” I made a face and he laughed. “That’s my girl!”

“David wants to be a pilot now,” I drawled. “He only wants to be a pilot because we saw a film about you.”

“Oh.” Joker blushed bright red. “You guys watched that?”

I nodded. “Yup. It’s David’s favourite film now. He even wrapped toilet paper around his arm to pretend he broke it.”

“What did your mom say about that?”

“She laughed.” I shrugged, hearing something on the other side of the room. My head snapped up. “Is Uncle Garrus here already?”

“Yeah, on you go, I’ll catch up with you later.” He patted the top of my head gently and I gave his hand a little kiss. The expression on his face changed, like he was upset for a tiny moment, but he was smiling almost before I noticed it. “Remember, you owe me a talk, Edith,” he said.

I nodded and hurried off, spying my Aunty Tali in a corner with Aunty Bakara, my mother and Aunt Sam. Tali had her hand on my mother’s arm and the others all looked sad about something. My mother caught sight of me and smiled.

“Look at who it is!” I’d barely made it another two steps before someone else lifted me up. I kicked at his chest as if I was annoyed and poked the curling tattoos that crawled up from under his shirt. 

“Uncle James, put me down,” I snapped. 

James did so instantly, snapping to attention like I was my mother. It made me laugh and he grinned at me. “What have you been up to, Edie? Causing trouble, I hope!” 

“Always,” I responded. And then I realised I was too late. An ear-splitting wail pierced the air and I groaned. “Oh, crap!”

“EDIE!” My mother yelled at my language, but I tried to hide behind Uncle James. No luck. Something flew into the back of me, knocking me to the ground. 

“Rael!” Aunty Tali shouted. “Your plates are hard, you can’t do that!”

I wriggled out from underneath Rael and managed to get two steps away before Sammy Lawson caught me round the legs and again I hit the ground. Rael was grinning at me like turians did and I could hear Mor laughing from the other side of the room. 

“One, two, three, not it!” Rael hollered.

“Edie’s it!” Sammy Lawson yelled. 

The other kids scrambled in every direction, laughing and shouting as the adults completely failed to stop them. I was on my feet in seconds and pretended to try and catch David, my eyes looking for Rael Vakarian. He and Mor had planned this, I was sure of it. “One, two, three, I’m it!” I yelled back, noticing my mom was watching me for any sign of injury. I grinned at her and took off after the others. Our game of tig lasted for hours, through family and friends we hadn’t seen in years.

David fell and cried because he grazed his knee. Bailey picked him up and talked to him till he stopped, I only paused the game for a moment to make sure he was okay. Mor’s sisters and brothers tried to charge Rael when he was it, but I yelled and Grunt came to stop them, acting like a wall between us. He picked me up and put me on his shoulders for a bit and we became an unstoppable team, only until I made him stop chasing the little kids, even if they were the weak ones we had to kill off. 

Aunty Tali and Uncle Garrus were watching Justis, their quarian son, carefully. I’d never seen a young quarian in a suit before and the last time I saw Justis he was in the strange kind of bubble the quarians kept their kids in. I guessed they wanted him to be like Rael, so I made sure not to let the others catch him too many times as he ran about after his turian brother. 

Rael’s a little older than me, but he was adopted round about the same time I was born. Justis is only a year or so older than David. I think they wanted to have a turian and a quarian son, and maybe a quarian daughter too because of the law. 

The worst argument I ever heard my parents have was about Justis. They don’t know I heard most of it. When my mother destroyed the relays, a lot of quarians were stranded on Earth. Some of them decided they were going to go back to Rannoch, no matter what, even if it took them one hundred years. Some, like Aunty Tali and the ones who colonised Titan, said that the races of the galaxy had to stick together. The only way the two kinds of quarians got to go different ways was if they made sure they still had genetic diversity.

I’ve bred pea plants in school, ones with wrinkly pods and ones with smooth pods. I know genetics like I know maths and physics, English and Trade languages. It’s not my favourite subject though, and I have no idea if the quarians needed to do it or not but . . . it's their law. 

Every quarian has to have two children, and they have to be with a different dad or mom. Aunty Tali had Justis with someone called Veetor. Not long after David was born, I remember waking up because I’d had a dream, and creeping into our living room. 

“I couldn’t do it. I don’t know how Garrus does,” my dad was saying, pouring dark red wine from a bottle into the glass my mother held out. 

“Are you saying you wouldn’t love my children if they weren’t yours?” my mother asked, in this cold, hard angry way she has. 

“What? No, I . . . it would be hard, that’s all I’m saying.”

“What if we’d had to adopt?”

“But we didn’t.”

“But what if we’d had to? Or if I couldn’t have kids, or you couldn’t, what if any number of things had gone wrong?” I’d never heard my mother shout like this, never. She sounded so angry at him, and she was never angry at him. 

“I don’t know, baby, I can’t imagine not having our kids, that’s my point. I can’t imagine how Garrus must feel.” 

“No. You said you couldn’t do it. That’s not the same, Kaidan. If I hadn’t been able to have kids, would you - ”

“No” Dad doesn’t really shout, but sometimes he crackles with biotics, gives me static shocks, but only when he’s really angry or really happy, or really something. “I couldn’t let you be with anyone else, not even if it gave you a baby. That's what would kill me. That’s what I don't understand Garrus coping with. You’re mine, and no one will ever take you from me again.” 

“Kaidan!” her voice made me ache and I peeked my head around the wall to see them wrapped up in each other, the wine spilling on the floor. It was half way between fighting and arguing and it made me cry. That stopped them. They picked me up and dad made me some hot cocoa while mom cleaned and after they put me back to bed I listened for the sound of their arguments, but I could only hear the tell-tale dead silence of a dampening field.

All the same, Rael and Justis don’t seem to care, and Uncle Garrus certainly doesn’t. He chases both of them when we run up behind him and announce that not even Archangel can catch us. Mor and I ate our dinner under one of the trestle tables and as the sun went down I could hear the adults singing and laughing and telling jokes. The way they talked, as me and Mor curled up hidden from their sight, it was like listening to an ocean lapping against pebbles, it rose and fell, sounded all around us. 

I only woke up when I was being carried off to bed. I curled up tighter in dad’s arms, “can’t I sleep in the nursery with Mor?” I asked. 

I could hear my mom sigh unhappily from somewhere ahead of us. 

“They’ll only be down the hall,” my dad pointed out gently. “You know how she misses Mor.” 

“We only get one half-year break from parliament a cycle.” 

“Honey, she wants to be with her friends.” 

“Fine.” We stopped moving and I could just make her out in the shadows as she leaned over to kiss my forehead. “Sleep well, my baby.” 

“I’m not a baby,” I muttered, before, safe in the knowledge that I’d be with the others, I fell back asleep. 

***

We had been enjoying Tuchanka for almost a week when it happened. It was still dark out, Aralakh hadn’t risen in the sky, and I woke because Mor clasped a hand over my mouth. “The guards are changing,” she whispered. “We go now.”

The Reaper. I hadn’t thought about it since she mentioned it on the temple steps. I think I maybe didn’t want to. My mother was going to be so angry. I stayed frozen under the furs for a moment, listening to the gentle snores of Mor’s brothers and sisters, of the other kids who liked to sleep in the big nursery nest with us. It couldn’t be real, the Reaper, because Aunty Bakara would never let there be a bit of a Reaper in caves she sent Mor into. 

Nothing scares my mother as much as watching a vid of the Reapers. She has nightmares for weeks after. Sometimes she comes in my room and climbs into my bed. Sometimes she just watches me as I pretend to sleep. 

“Edie,” Mor hissed. 

I slipped out from under the heavy tawny throw that was warmest and pulled my hoodie on over my shirt. My pants were a little harder to find and I kept my boots off as we crept down the corridor. From the nursery it was a short walk into the gardens and Mor gave me a boost over the wall so we could head out into the old city. I put my boots on now, and it was only then that I felt the prickly skin feeling that means someone’s using biotics.

Rallik soared over the wall and landed beside us in a crouch. “Where are you two going?” she demanded imperiously, her green spattered nose wrinkling in annoyance. “Why are you sneaking out?”

“Sssh!” Mor grabbed and placed a hand over her mouth but it was too late. I heard the gate open and prepared myself to face a day of being grounded. 

But instead Rael and Justis trotted through, Justis’ green suit glowing in the early morning gloom. “What are you guys doing here?” I hissed.

“We wanted to know where you were going.” Rael flapped his mandibles casually, taking Justis by the hand.

“We’re going into the caves,” Mor said. “You can’t come,” she added, putting her hands in her hips and glaring down at them. 

“Why not?” Rael asked. 

“I’m going to tell if you don’t take me with you,” Rallik added hastily, in that horrible whiney way she has when she knows you’re going to do what she wants. 

“We’d better take them,” I said. “But maybe not Justis, he’s too young.”

Rael frowned at me, his eyes narrowing. He tightened his hand on Justis’s gauntlet. “He’s my brother. He’s coming with me.” 

David was my brother, and there was no way he was coming with me, but . . . Tom was my brother too. Like me and David, Tom was exposed to eezo when he was in mom’s tummy, but Tom didn’t take it well. He had to have surgery earlier in the year to make sure he wouldn’t get something bad. They cut up inside of him. I wanted to hold his hand lots after that, especially when he cried and looked so sad with his head all bandaged up.

“Okay, but we should go now,” I said. “Before the sun rises, come on.” 

“Fine,” Mor muttered. “But it should be just us.” 

I knew what Mor meant, but I couldn’t help thinking, as Rael started walking behind me, that I was a little glad to have him along too. My stomach kept clenching, as though I was hungry, and I couldn’t think of a way to tell my mother ‘hey, I found a bit of a Reaper for you’ that didn’t end with me grounded till I was twenty. At least I would have company. 

It took us a while to get to the caves, Aralakh beginning her rise in Tuchanka’s sky before we finally reached the dark hole that led down into the red earth. Mor led the way, Rallik following, and Rael and I helped Justis down into the darkness. Rallik and Mor switched the flashlights of their omnitools on and revealed where we had found ourselves.

***

“We’re in a street,” Rallik announced, her light playing over the smooth ceiling and the tiles on the wall. “Look at this, this must be an ancient krogan city.” She turned to Mor, her nose wrinkling. “Why isn’t anyone investigating this? What do your people do all day?”

“There aren’t a lot of krogan archaeologists,” Mor said, her voice rumbling with amusement. “And your mom likes Prothean ruins better.” 

“Well they are much more interesting,” Rallik said, running her fingertips over a painted krogan fighting with what looked to me like a really big rat. “But still, this should be documented.”

“Knock yourself out,” Mor muttered. “This way.” 

It was a long walk down into the bowels of the old city. I asked Justis if he was scared but he laughed at me through his mask. Rael crept closer and whispered that he might be a little scared if I was. He didn’t let go of Justis’ hand though, and I don’t think Justis tried too hard to get away. 

“It’s here,” Mor whispered as we found ourselves in a larger square. The omnitool lights didn’t reach to the corners of the room. In the centre of the room, the floor dipped down, like it was supposed to be a pool, and I could hear something in there, like you can hear a generator when you get closer to it. 

“Oh!” Rallik ran forwards, stopping at the lip of the pool. “This looks like a bath! Doesn’t it? My mother would love to see this. Where’s - ” when she took a step forward, she triggered a switch. 

Lights pulsed in the middle of the room, all the way down a long purple claw. It shone in the dim light, iridescent like a beetle’s back. White lights danced down the side of it.

“It didn’t glow before,” Mor said, and for the first time I heard in her voice what I had been hearing in mine since she suggested this. 

“Is that-” Rael began, tugging Justis back behind him. Even Rallik was backing up, joining us at the top. “Edie, is that a Reaper?”

“A bit of one,” Rallik said breathlessly. “Like a bit that came off of one.”

“It’s dead though, right?” Rael asked me. “Your mom killed all the Reapers, this is dead, right?”

“It wasn’t glowing before,” was all Mor said. 

Why did Aunty Bakara ever send her down here, I wondered. Why was there no adult watching us? Why hadn't I told my mother the moment Mor mentioned anything about a Reaper.

It was . . . beautiful. Like a wasp is beautiful. 

"Look here," Rael said suddenly, shining his omnitool's light on thick cords that snaked their way across the floor. "Were these here before, Mor? Somebody's powering this, that's why it's glowing now." 

Mor and Rallik looked at Rael, I could see the relief in Mor's face. I felt sick. Somebody was giving a bit of Reaper power . . . somebody knew this was here.

And somebody was probably not the kind of person we should meet.

Whatever had made me come down here, whatever made me think we could take a Reaper artefact to our mothers and get a pat on the head, changed right then. Now we had to get back and quick. We had to tell everyone that there was something dangerous under Reaper’s Grave. I had to get the others back too, especially Justis, I never should have let Justis come with us. 

“Edie what are you doing?” Mor cried out. 

I realised I was right beside the purple claw, close enough to touch it. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

My mother had said nothing, still watching me and my brothers sleep. My dad sat down beside her on the floor. “Today’s a bad day, right?”

“Always,” she’d said. “I’m not sorry, Kaidan. I can’t be sorry when I have them.”

“No. Me either.” 

“Edie, don’t touch it!” Rael shouted, running forward to grab me by the arms.

I pushed him off. I remembered this, remembered some vids talking about indoctrination and the bad things that happened to people because of the Reapers. Was this indoctrinating me? I slammed my palm against the metal, feeling its coolness spread under my skin. Reapers made you think strange, made you do things you wouldn’t normally. Aunty Liara said it was like something whispered at you.

“Edie,” Rallik hissed. 

How would I know if I was being indoctrinated? Would I hear the whispering? I never really know what I should do anyway, I’m not like my mom who always knows what’s right. I listened, carefully, but all I could hear was my heartbeat and the hiss of Justis’ suit. This was just a machine, like a car or a ship, there was no heartbeat, no hiss. There wasn’t even that something I felt when I talked to Progress, Bastion Station’s AI. “It’s dead,” I said. “I mean the lights are on, but it’s not doing anything.”

“Edie, come on,” Rael tugged me away. “We need to go.” 

I turned, and then I did hear something, a boot echoing on the stone floor in the corridor. The others heard it too, their eyes widening. Rallik opened her mouth as if she was about to call out but Mor pounced, grabbing her and sticking a hand on her mouth. 

“This way!” I hissed, darting further into the gloom of the square. 

We were in the shadows only a moment before two humanoid figures entered the room. Batarians, I recognised them from the few times I’d seen them at diplomatic things. One of them stared exactly at where we had been standing and the other pulled out a big, black painted gun that jumped to life in his hands, unfurling its deadly barrel. 

“Justis!” Rael hissed, and I saw it too. Justis hadn’t run with us but cowered behind the Reaper’s tapered end. 

I jumped to my feet, moving forward before I had a chance to think about it. “RUN!” I yelled, and Justis did, scrabbling towards the others. 

“This way!” Mor cried, dragging the others along with her, deeper into the tunnels. I was still running at the batarians, their eyes were wide. And then I saw the one with the gun move, bringing up the barrel around and down.

Towards me.

I never taught David to fish. I had promised him I would. And who would give Tom a cuddle when he fell and grazed his knee at day-care, when mom and dad were working? And nobody liked watching Blasto movies with dad but me. And mom . . . 

Who was going to get Mor and the others out of here?

It started in my stomach, where something had been gnawing at me since I woke up. It built suddenly, the gathering thrum of biotics that I studied with dad and mom and sometimes Aunty Samara. This was not going to pull a glass across the room. I wanted to go. Now.

The world seemed to twist around me and I charged forward, slamming into the batarians faster than I’ve ever moved in my life. The world seemed to shake and contract and before the batarians were on their feet, Rael grabbed me by the arm and dragged me down the next corridor. I had to stop to be sick, retching onto the rocks.

“We need to keep going!” Mor hissed, and Rael kept dragging me, even though I stumbled and fell more times than I could count. 

“Mor, we have to stop,” Rael said. “She can’t go any more.” 

“I’m not surprised,” Rallik said, her face ghoulish in the flashlights. “That was a biotic charge, Edie, you’re not supposed to be able to do that.”

I sank down on the stone, realising it felt rougher here, like this part of the underground city was even older, or less important somehow. We had run further away from our parents, and I felt like I was going to be sick again. Rael was crouched down beside Justis, his mandibles lit by the glow of Justis’ face plate, and he pushed his forehead against the glass. 

We had to get out of here. But I had no idea how. 

Mor stared down the passageway. “I don’t know where we are anymore,” she whispered. Her grey eyes were wide in the darkness. “Do you think they’re going to try and follow us?”

“Yes,” Rallik said instantly. “Edie couldn’t possibly have hurt them. She’s just a child. And she’s human.” 

Rael stood, bristling, “she saved my brother’s life! I didn’t see you doing anything.”

“You shouldn’t have let him go!” Rallik retorted.

“Sssh!” I hissed from my spot on the floor. “They’ll be listening for us. We need my mom.” As the others turned to look at me, I realised we probably needed more. “All our parents,” I amended quietly. But it wasn’t that. I wanted my mom. My mom was going to be able to get us all out of here. If only she could find us. Although it hurt everything, I climbed back to my feet. “Mor, Rallik, do you guys think you can get us closer to the surface?”

“Maybe,” Rallik said, though Mor just looked doubtful.

“I don’t know these tunnels,” Mor said in a very quiet voice.

“But if you’re going to be a shaman you’re going to have to dig,” I said. “We just need to be closer to the ground.” I rubbed my stomach which was now in cramps. 

Rael scratched at the soft skin at the back of his neck, where turian plates were softest. “What are you thinking, Edie?”

That I had to learn how to fish. That I needed my dad to hold me. That those batarians would find us if we didn’t move soon. “I know your mom, she wouldn’t let you have just any omnitool. I bet there’s a military grade transmitter in there. Try transmitting something, I bet once we get closer to the surface it’ll get through.” 

“Okay, but Justis is better at it,” Rael said. “He and mom built his omnitool together.” 

Justis was on his feet and nodding. His fingers danced over the orange glow. I tried to nod, but that made me feel sick again, so instead I leaned against the rocky wall. “We need to keep going.”

Rallik reached into her pocket and came out with half an energy bar. “Here,” she said softly, handing it to me. “You humans need to eat after you use biotics.” 

I closed my fingers around the opened bar and found myself staring into Rallik’s eyes. “Good thing you’re here,” I said softly. 

“Well we need to keep going,” Mor announced. “I think this way.” She hesitated a moment. “Rallik?”

The asari nodded. “I think so too.” 

In the darkness we could hear them. It sounded like more than two, but I didn’t say that. Mor was thinking the same thing though, I could see it behind her eyes. Whatever I was feeling, she had to have it worse. This was her planet, her parents ruled here, and here was where they were supposed to be safe. I tried to think about what would happen if someone invaded Bastion Station, but it made me feel sick again.

Bastion was based on the old Reaper station, the Citadel, although not nearly as big. But during the War, the Citadel was attacked by humans. I saw a vid about it in school once, and there was an interview someone had done with my dad on the Normandy, and the woman asked if he regretted killing a human Councillor. We sat there behind our desks, watching a younger version of my dad stare at us through the camera. I don’t remember what he said. I just know that expression that was on his face. He was angry at himself for letting it happen. 

We came to what was a dead end. Mor pushed against the cave-in with everything she had, but the rocks barely budged. Rallik approached. “I could try moving it with my biotics?”

“Best not,” Rael said, staring up at where the earth had come in through the tiles. “We don’t know if this will all come down on us.” 

“I think I might be able to transmit from here,” Justis announced and I looked down at the little quarian. He lifted his head, the flash light glinting off his face plate. “But they’ll definitely hear us.”

I swallowed roughly. “The batarians?”

Justis nodded. 

“We could try finding another way out?” Rallik whispered.

I strained to hear the thump of boots, but my heart was racing and I was tired. I wasn’t sure if I could run anymore. “No. They’ll be looking for us. Call.” 

Justis nodded and tapped out a few commands. His omnitool only blinked. “We’re transmitting.”

I held my breath but no one, batarian or parent, suddenly sprang from the rock. Rael giggled and Rallik shushed him, scowling. I sat on the earth, digging my fingers into the dirt. Justis came and sat beside me, close to my side, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. Mor stepped forward and looked at me, I could see she wanted us to be on our feet, ready to run again, but I couldn’t do that and neither could Justis. Rael and Rallik were poking around in the rocks behind us, Mor guarding the passage ahead of us. I stroked my fingers along the smooth suit surface on Justis’ arms, resting my cheek on the crown of his helmet. This was how I held Tom when he cried. 

I could hear them now. The echoes of their whispers on the earth. 

“We need to go,” Mor hissed, crouching down.

“Where? It’s a straight passage for five minutes,” I murmured. “My mom will come. My mom’s going to save us.” 

“Maybe,” Mor said.

The sound of boots was echoing louder. 

“You really sure?” Rael whispered. 

I got to my feet as I heard a voice in the tunnel – shouting that he’d found us – “I’m sure,” I said, pulling Justis to his feet too. “My mom’s coming.” 

I saw the first batarian’s light in the gloom. 

I squeezed Justis’ hand, beckoned for Mor to take my other. Rael took Justis’ other hand, Rallik took Mor’s. Our little line was squeezed together in the narrow tunnel. “My mom’s going to come,” I said again, as the light grew bigger. 

“There they are!” a man’s voice shouted, echoing around us with the pop of a heat sink accompanying it. 

And the ceiling crumbled above us. Rallik screamed and the others ducked. My hands flew up and the rocks seemed to crumble against something blue and shimmering and hard as steel. 

That wasn’t me. 

My skin prickled and I turned my attention to the oncoming batarians. I knew these biotics, they felt like . . . home. 

The batarians’ eyes widened, their pupils contracting as the passageway flooded with light. The barrier protecting us pulsed as the last of the ceiling came down and then something dropped to the ground in front of us, blazing bright and blue and ferocious. I heard a deafening roar, but above that, above everything else, I could see my mother as she slammed the batarians backwards with a biotic throw that had them crashing against the walls. 

Dad was there too, dropping in from the surface. I could see beads of sweat on his forehead. He stood beside mom, side on, one hand flexed to keep our barrier intact, the other arched in the direction of the batarians.

Uncle Wrex was there, Uncle Garrus too, landing with a thud in front of us.

“COME GET ME!” Wrex roared, and even Mor whimpered. 

“Get. The. Kids.” My mother’s voice seemed to cut through the whole world, slicing Tuchanka’s atmosphere cleanly. Uncle Wrex faltered in his charge, while my mother and my father aimed their pistols down the corridor. Garrus grabbed at Wrex’s arm.

“Alenko!” Garrus warned, and my dad’s face frowned before the barrier shifted, suddenly appearing in front of my parents. Garrus moved in, grabbing Justis up in his arms and lifting him up to the hole in the ceiling, where Aunty Liara caught him up with her biotics.

Wrex grabbed Mor up in his arms and jumped, managing to get both of them out. He dropped back down for Rallik as Garrus picked Rael up. 

I shifted forwards, while my uncles were busy getting the others out, and I reached my hand up to take my mother’s. 

She glanced down sharply, her face hard, and something inside her seemed to crack. Her fingers closed over mine and she twisted, putting her body between me and the batarians. “Close your eyes, Edie,” she whispered, and dad turned too, noticing me suddenly. I did I was told and I could feel her arms wrap around me. “Kaidan!” she hissed. 

“I got you,” he responded, and I could feel the prickle of his barrier again. 

Somehow, my mother moved upwards, while keeping me wrapped in her arms. I could see light behind my eyelids, feel the heat of Aralakh on my face, and I could hear shouts and cries. I had to open my eyes and saw we were on the outskirts of Reaper’s Grave. A little way away from the hole, Aunty Tali and Uncle Garrus were crouched in the dirt, hugging Rael and Justis to them. Aunty Bakara was not far off, Mor in her arms and Uncle Wrex bowed over both of them. I could see tears streaming down his face, milky and opascent. I had never seen a krogan cry. Aunty Liara still had Rallik in her arms, and even Uncle Javik looked concerned, one hand on Liara’s back.

My dad clambered from the tunnel, there was some blood on his arm and under his fingernails. “Grunt!” he yelled, pointing to the tunnel. “Clear thatinfestation.” He was so angry that I turned my face away, into my mother’s chest.

The Reaper!

The thought of Grunt running headlong into the tunnel made me cry out and my mother knelt, planting me on the ground in front of her. She held me by the shoulders and I stared at her dirt smeared face, I could see the flush on her cheeks under the grime, the way her eyes bored into me.

“There’s a bit of a Reaper down there,” I said. “They have to be careful!”

Her fingers on my arms seemed to spasm and I cried out in pain. My dad crouched beside us. “Edie, what?”

“It’s true,” Rallik called from where Aunty Liara was trying to inspect every inch of her. 

“I should have said before,” Mor added through tears. “I wanted to bring it back as salvage!”

I couldn’t look away from my mother’s face, from the sudden mask that seemed to sit there, like I was looking at a hologram. I felt suddenly cold, as if I’d been frozen. “Edie,” she whispered. “Did you see it?”

I nodded. I think I saw her heart break.

“Edie,” she whispered, as if she had never been so disappointed in her life, but I don’t think that was quite right. “This is very important,” she said, each word sounding clipped and shaky. Dad placed a hand on her shoulder, his knuckles white. “Did you taste anything funny? Like . . . ginger, on your tongue?”

Everyone was staring at me now, our marines, our friends, the krogan who’d come running at all the noise. I shook my head. “No.” 

“Did you hear anything? Like a whisper? A voice?” She gave me a little shake at that last word.

“No.”

“Did you feel anything? Like a memory that’s not - ” she cut herself off, biting her lip so hard she drew blood. It welled up on her skin. “Like watching a video of yourself that you don’t remember being recorded?”

“No!” I insisted, because her fingers were really beginning to hurt. “Mom, it was dead. I know it was.” 

She lowered her forehead to mine, sucking in a deep breath, but instead of taking my word for it she cried out, like she was in pain. “Javik!”

Uncle Javik approached and he crouched beside us too. “Shepard, I don’t think - ” he began.

She released me and seized his hand. I’ve never seen Uncle Javik look as though he was frightened of anything, but whatever he saw in my mom’s memories was enough to terrify him. “You felt that,” she growled at him. “Now search her!” 

Javik nodded once, wresting his hand away from my mother’s and looking at me. “My apologies,” he said, and he touched me. It always felt like somebody ripping at my hair from the roots and I caught flashes of him, things that I didn’t understand, that confused me. And then as quickly as it began he released me. “There is nothing, Shepard,” he whispered. “She is completely free of any taint of indoctrination. I still feel it on you, though. I do wish you wouldn’t make me.” 

At this my mother fell to the earth and dad just managed to catch her before her head hit the ground. She clung to him and beckoned me forward, and I ran to her arms. “You are so grounded,” she whispered in my ear, while dad held us both. 

“I knew you’d come,” I whispered back, and buried my face in the crook of her neck. 

There was no chance of me sleeping in the nursery any more, but that didn’t really bother me. Uncle Wrex spent two whole hours shouting at the marines and battlemasters who were supposed to be watching us and now they were guarding the nursery twenty four seven. 

I was supposed to be asleep in our quarters in the palace, but I was starving. Aralakh’s long sunset set the rooms on fire with its orange glow and how David and Tom could sleep through it I had no idea. I found myself in the living room, with its big windows and balcony looking out over the city. 

Dad was sitting at the coffee table, his hands busy with his gun, the gentle click of metal and machinery more than enough to muffle the sound of my approach. But I didn’t move quietly, I coughed and tried to smile when he turned his head to see me. “Hey, baby,” he said, calmer and happier than I thought. I hadn’t seen much of him since he escorted me and mom back to the palace. He had taken charge of the team that had gone underground to clean out the pirates and salvage the Reaper tech. Maybe he’d only just got back, his greying hair was still damp from his shower. “You okay? Can’t sleep?”

“I’m hungry,” I admitted.

He grinned and nodded, almost to himself. “Yeah, I bet you are.” He patted the sofa beside him. “Sit here. I’ll be back in a minute.” I did as he suggested, but I noticed that he didn’t put the gun away. He finished assembling it and clipped it to his hip instead. He ruffled my hair as he passed and I curled up on the pillows of the vast sofa, staving off my stomach cramps by rubbing my hand over my belly. We always brought lots of our own food to Tuchanka, but I was surprised when dad came back with so much food, including silver wrapped MREs with the symbol for Eezo printed on the side. 

While I tore into the food, he unclipped his gun and set it down on the opposite side of the table, like I wasn’t smart enough to know not to touch. He sat down beside me and pulled me into his lap, not even minding as I stuck my hand in the packet of peanut butter paste. “Why didn’t you tell us about the Reaper, baby?” he asked me, as I finally started to slow down.

I thought about it for a moment. “I guess . . . it was Mor’s secret. I didn’t want to get her into trouble.”

He stroked my hair. “I want you to know, you can tell us anything. Anything. No matter how much trouble you think it will be.” His arms tightened around my waist and he kissed my forehead. 

“But you don’t tell me anything,” I blurted, shifting in his lap to stare up into his eyes. Everyone says I have his eyes. They say I look just like him, until they say I look just like my mom. “Everyone has all these stories about mom and she never tells me any of them.”

Dad’s lips pursed and he sighed softly. “She wants to protect you. Some of those stories aren’t good ones.” 

“The Reaper wasn’t a good thing either,” I pointed out. “But you wanted me to tell you about it.” 

That made him chuckle softly and he kissed me again. “You got me there, kiddo.” His hands worked at a tangle in my hair. “I’ve always said you’re the best of both of us,” he said softly. “Sometimes I forget we were damned good fighters too.” 

I didn’t know what he meant by that so I ignored it. I grabbed at the bowl of popcorn sitting on the coffee table, wondering how he knew exactly what I wanted to eat when even I didn’t. The saltiness was just what I wanted. 

“You did good, Edie,” he added. “You got them all out of there. I’m proud of you.” 

I twisted to look up into his eyes. “Even though I shouldn’t have been there anyway?” I asked, sticking my tongue out.

He laughed and bowed his head to mine, rubbing our noses together. “Even though,” he agreed, and he stole some popcorn from my hand, his eyes laughing. 

“Oh.” We both looked up at the voice from the hallway. Mom was standing there in her pyjamas, the tank top and her shorts. Her hair was mussed and there were bruises under her eyes. She looked exhausted. “Sorry,” she offered. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. You okay, Edie?” It suddenly seemed to hit her that I should have been in bed. 

“Biotic munchies,” dad offered. “We’re having a snack.” His hand went back to my head, running through my hair. I wish they wouldn’t do that so much, but neither of them can stop themselves. Today I had to let them. “And a chat.”

My mom bit her lip, where earlier she had drawn blood. Councillor Shepard, the saviour of the galaxy. They all asked me what she was like. Today . . . I made her scared. “Come sit with us,” I added, twisting so I could face her. 

She hesitated. “I don’t want to disturb you two . . .”

Dad laughed. “You won’t. Come on. Seems like we should probably have a family talk about common sense anyway.”

“Definitely,” my mother muttered, but she wasn’t really annoyed. She came and sat with us. I wriggled so I was leaning my back against dad’s stomach and my feet were resting in mom’s lap. The bowl of popcorn sat in mine and we all stuck our hands in. “How you feeling, Edie?”

“Tired,” I admitted. I was less hungry now at least. Honestly, a part of me kept thinking about it, and every time the memory got re-run, the fear seemed to get a little less. It was . . . kind of exciting. They wouldn’t appreciate that though. “How are you?”

She smiled at the question. “I think you shaved ten years off my life, but I’m okay,” she said, and she squeezed my toes.

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically, through a mouthful of popcorn. And I really was. 

Mom just shook her head. Dad rested his arm along the back of the couch, his fingers trailing over her shoulder and she leaned her head against them. “You know,” dad said, “Edie thinks we don’t tell her enough.” 

She frowned, her eyebrows meeting in the middle and she shifted her gaze to me. “What do you mean?”

I licked salt from my fingers. “Everyone’s got so many stories about you.” I could see her frown deepening. “But you don’t tell me any.”

“I don’t want that for you,” she said quickly. “You need a better life than that.” 

“But they’re exciting!” I almost shouted, and dad made a soothing noise. “They are though. I want to hear them,” I added in my inside voice. “Your my mom and I should - ” 

Mom tilted her head to the side, scrutinising me. “Should what, Edie?”

I sighed and leaned my head against dad’s chest. This was home. Not Tuchanka, not Bastion, not any of those places, but right here, us three and David and Tom nearby and the new baby in mom’s tummy. This was my home where I was safe. “I should know all the stories they teach me in school,” I said quietly. 

Mom raised a hand to her mouth, her fingers playing over her lips. Dad sighed softly. “She’s kinda right,” he said. Mom’s eyebrows arched but she didn’t say anything. 

“Besides,” I added. I was grounded and I’d said too much anyway, what was the harm in saying it all now? “I was scared today, but it was still really cool when you guys came through the roof. Your stories must be cool.”

Dad was laughing silently, shaking so much that mom reached out to hit his shoulder. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily. 

“Oh come on,” dad said softly. “We had some fun times.” He reached out to cup her cheek in his hand. They looked at each other in silence and her mouth curved upwards. She turned her face to kiss dad’s palm and I groaned, making them both smile. Dad reached for the popcorn. “Tell her about the Thresher Maw. I love that one.” 

“Which time?” mom asked, and she must have seen my eyes widening because she laughed, she really laughed, a big laugh that almost upset the popcorn bowl.

“The one with Grunt and Mordin,” dad said. 

“Mordin?” I asked. “Who’s Mor’s named after?”

Mom nodded. “Okay. So, this was after I first met Grunt. Your father, who shall remain nameless, had pretty much just dumped me-”

“Hey!” dad exclaimed.

“And Grunt was acting very strange,” mom continued, as if she hadn’t even heard him, “so Mordin suggested we take him to Tuchanka.” 

“What was Mordin like?” I asked, settling back into dad’s arms.

She grinned. “Oh he was great, one of the funniest, smartest people I’ve ever met. He used to tease me and say I had a crush on him.”

“Well considering you were allegedly single at the time,” dad muttered. 

“Oh, so single,” she drawled. “And also a single mother of a krogan going through puberty. Anyway – we found ourselves heading to Tuchanka, and you’ll never believe who was sitting on his throne, listening to some political hot air being blown his way by some Urdnot clan . . .”