Chapter Text
Part One
It was only the first week of school, and somehow Max had been late three days in a row already.
“Max, we have five minutes, I mean it!” Mom was yelling from the bottom of the stairs. She sounded really annoyed.
Max dropped her hairbrush and looked around her bedroom, trying to remember where she'd left her sneakers. “I know! I'm almost ready!”
She actually wasn't almost ready. She'd gotten too used to sleeping in over the summer and she'd hit the snooze button on her alarm clock four times this morning. She'd overslept on Wednesday, too, and then yesterday Mom's car hadn't started for twenty minutes.
Max hadn't meant to make them rush around again. She wouldn't be late enough to get a slip from the office at school or anything, but it was late enough that it would make Mom late to work driving her. That wasn't great. Mom had gotten a new job at the bank in June, and she'd been super stressed the whole summer.
“Max! I'm not joking!”
“I know!” Max hollered again. “One second!” She gave up on the search for her sneakers – she could wear her old Keds from last year. They were downstairs in the hall closet somewhere, she was pretty sure, and would probably still fit.
As she went down the hall, she paused to peer into Billy's room as she passed. Billy was her stepbrother and he was four years older. He'd totally yell his head off if he caught her in his room unsupervised, not that he really let her in there much when he was home, either. Technically it didn't count as snooping because he'd left the door open, she reasoned. Anyway, last night he'd gone out to the movies and totally ditched her with Mom and his dad Neil. He definitely deserved Max going through his stuff, not that he even ever had anything cool.
Billy's bed was unmade like usual with a bunch of clothes and records tossed on it, and his window was still open from the other day. Maybe he hadn't even come home last night. He'd also left three empty beer bottles on his dresser like a total dumbo. Max rolled her eyes – sometimes she swore Billy tried to get in trouble on purpose.
There was a creaking sound from the bottom of the stairs that meant her mom was heading up. “Is Billy still here? He didn't oversleep again, did he?”
Crap. Max jumped away and pulled the door shut slightly. Billy and her mom didn't exactly get along great. Mom wasn't like super strict or anything, but she'd totally tell Billy's dad about the beers, if he didn't know already. Max was pretty sure he didn't know, though, since he hadn't been yelling his head off about it this morning or last night.
“Um, I think he left earlier.” Max stepped forward and popped her head around the hallway corner to peer down the steps. “Mom? It's okay, you can go without me. I'll just take the bus, I'll only be like fifteen minutes late.”
“What?” Mom had stopped on the first landing and she looked up at Max, surprised. She had the same blouse on from Tuesday. “No, that's okay. Sorry if I was yelling. I can still take you.”
“It's just that I … can't find my math book. I don't want to show up to class without it, it's only the first week still.”
Mom stared at her. “Really?”
“Yeah, I have to check under my bed again.” Max tried hard to make her face look as innocent as possible. Billy always laughed at her and said that she was the worst liar in the world; Mom could probably tell too.
“You're not going to just skip if I leave?”
“What? No!” Max scoffed. She'd never played hooky from school in her life. They called the house and you'd get in even worse trouble. Plus, it's not like she could even drive yet or do anything fun. “Seriously, I don't want you to be late! I'll just catch the 25 by Fairfax. Don't worry,” she added.
“All right.” Mom hesitated, gazing up at her. “Do you need any change? I can give you some money for the bus.”
“It's okay, I still have two bucks from yesterday.”
Max waited a few minutes until she was sure her mom had left, then she headed downstairs with her backpack and Billy's empty beer bottles; they were just his dad’s gross Coors Lights. The sneakers she'd been looking for – ripped up black Converse that were falling apart but were still the coolest things she owned – were under the kitchen table. She'd totally forgotten that she'd left them there last night, sitting and doing her homework while Neil and Mom had been laughing together in the living room.
The digital clock on their crappy little stove said it was seven forty-two which meant that she needed to get moving. Max got her shoes on, looking out the front window as she did. The sky was overcast and everything looked grey and washed-out. Another great day. Max locked the kitchen door behind her and headed off to the bus stop, tossing the beer bottles into the big recycling bin at the side of their yard as she went by.
She actually didn't feel much like taking the bus today; it was starting to rain and Max hated waiting for stuff. She wished that she could just ride her board to school, but Mom would lose her total crap if she found out. Their house was on a block of run-down townhomes five streets from the highway and it was on kind of a busy street too. Mom was always freaking out and screeching that Max was going to get herself hit by a bus or a taxi or something.
She wished she didn't have to go to school at all. It seemed like eighth grade was going to be pretty much as lame as fifth, sixth, and seventh had been. Max and her mom had moved here to Riverside from Verde Heights three years ago when Mom had married Neil. Even though it had been a few years, Max hadn't really made too many close friends or anything. People here were really snooty if you lived in the bad section of town. Last year, Dawn Martinez, who'd basically been Max's best girl-friend, had moved away to Carlsbad near the end of term. Now Max only had Alyssa and Cam left, and Cam was kind of a nerd even if he was super funny.
Max sat on the bench to wait for the bus and listened to her Walkman. Billy had let her borrow his new Minor Threat cassette; he was always showing her the music that he liked so she'd be less of a drip, he said. Jerk. Sometimes Billy would give her a ride to school in the mornings if he was in a decent enough mood – Parker Intermediate was on the way to the high school and Max didn't mind being early. She'd barely seen him at all this week though.
She wondered if Billy had even come home at all last night, or if he'd stayed out at a party or at Tracey's house. Tracey was Billy's girlfriend and she was basically Max's favorite person - her only flaw was that she dated Billy for some reason. Tracey was the coolest. She was fifteen and she had three piercings in each of her ears. She was also super nice and never teased Max like Billy did. She lived four blocks down on 44th Street near the old library. Max bet that Billy'd taken Tracey to school.
The bus dropped her off a street over from the middle school and Max had to rush in before homeroom ended at 8:20. They were having an assembly in the cafeteria which she'd forgotten about; she hadn't had to hurry after all. Cam and Alyssa waved at her from the back so Max slunk through the rows of bleachers to sit with them. She ignored Jessica Peterson and Marie Miller snickering at her as she went past. Billy always said that girls like them were stuck-up brats and she shouldn't care what they thought. Max knew he was right but it was hard not to care when people were giggling about your clothes or asking if you got the free lunch just to be a-holes.
Alyssa grabbed her hand for a moment and then dropped it. She was a little heavyset and had dark curly hair; Cam was thin and blonde and always looked like a surprised ghost. “Max! We thought you were going to be late again!” Alyssa was really nice too, but her parents were super strict and almost never let her hang out after school. Sometimes Max wondered if it was just that they didn't want Alyssa to come to her house.
“I know, I almost was.” In a whisper, Max told her friends about stupid Billy leaving his stupid beer bottles out. Billy covered for her sometimes when she went out skateboarding with Cam so Max always tried hard to make sure his dad didn't kill him over something dumb. She didn't say that part though. “I don't think he even came home last night, anyway.”
Alyssa got a stupid dopey look on her face; Max caught Cam's gaze and they both rolled their eyes. “You brother is so cute.” Max gagged exaggeratedly and Alyssa laughed. “Oh my gosh, I'm just saying!”
“You’ve only seen him like four times,” Cam pointed out.
“I know, it’s not enough.”
“Ew!” Max cried, too loud; Alyssa laughed again. God. Girls got so gross about Billy - even Dawn had had a crush him. “Just remember, you don't have to share a bathroom with him,” Max told her, rolling her eyes again.
Cam gave her a stick of gum. Max put her headphones back on.
The bus home was super late and by the time Max got back to the house, it was after four-thirty. Mom and Neil were both just getting home from work, talking together in the living room.
Max went upstairs to her room instead of crashing out in front of the TV. Neil wasn't exactly mean to her like the way he was to Billy, but he could be weirdly strict about certain things. He'd lectured Max before that sitting in front of the TV all day and watching syndicated crap would rot her brains out. Billy usually did whatever he wanted no matter what his dad said, and sometimes if he was actually home, they'd watch a movie or some of the comedy shows on CBS together. Billy wasn't home now, though, and Max didn't feel like being downstairs alone with his dad.
After a couple minutes Mom came upstairs to check on her. “You're home a little later than usual. I thought maybe you were hanging out with your friends since it's the weekend.”
“The bus was just late.”
“How's school been so far without Dawn?” Mom asked her. She knew that Dawn had been Max’s best friend. Martinez and Mayfield; they’d had all the same classes together for two years.
“It's okay. Cam got transferred into my English class, so I have him at least.”
“Have you talked to any new people yet?” Mom had her cheerful voice on. Max knew she wanted to hear all about the first week of school.
“Not – not really.” Max felt bad, just for a minute. Lately it felt like it was so hard to talk to her mom about anything. She knew Mom wished that she had more friends.
Sometimes she thought that maybe she wasn't the kind of daughter that her mother had imagined herself having. Mom was so pretty and she always looked put-together, even when they had no money. She was always trying to see the best in things while Max thought most stuff was crap. Max was kind of a tomboy and she didn't really care about boys or clothes yet. Her whole face was basically one giant freckle; she knew she wasn't pretty or anything. Last Christmas Mom had made her put makeup on and Billy'd said she looked like a clown. Max had cried it all off in the bathroom, then had to pretend she'd just wiped it off. Billy was such an a-hole sometimes.
Mom was just smiling at her. “Well, we still have our day tomorrow. Are you excited to go out?”
“Yeah! It'll be fun.” Ever since Max could remember, she and Mom had always gone back-to-school shopping at the end of August. Max would get some clothes or a new bookbag and then she and Mom would eat lunch together, sometimes go to a movie. It was like a thing they did together every year so that school starting wouldn't suck too bad. At least she had one thing to look forward to over the weekend.
Mom went back downstairs and Max had nothing to do: her Walkman batteries had died on the bus ride home. She started on her homework and tried not to feel like a total geek. It was just the first week so she didn't have much to do. Two pages of algebra problems, and they were reading Flowers for Algernon for English class. Really exciting stuff. Billy kind of read a lot; maybe he could just tell her what it was about.
At seven-twenty Max went downstairs and set the table in the kitchen for dinner. Mom was making her meatloaf specialty like she did every other Friday; Max wrinkled her nose up and tried not to say anything. Her mom wasn't the best cook, but she'd started doing it a lot more since she'd gotten married to Neil.
Last year all the seventh-graders had had to take Home Ec for a semester and they'd done a cooking course (Max had given all her food to Billy and his friend Jack). Mrs. Petsky had said that no one could ruin something as simple as a meatloaf – she clearly hadn't ever tried Max's mom's.
Max checked the fridge for drinks. All they had was a pitcher of lemonade and milk that expired in two days, a couple of Neil's beers. Max put the lemonade on the table and sat down, watching her mom at the stove. In the living room, she could hear Neil putting away his work briefcase and messing with the TV. She guessed it was okay if he wanted to rot his brains out and watch syndicated crap.
She wondered if he and Mom would go out later tonight. Billy usually wasn't around on the weekends, but sometimes if he was home he'd let her hang around with him, if he wasn't in one of his giant a-hole moods anyway.
Dinner was always at seven-thirty sharp and Neil usually made them all eat together at the table. It was one of the things he was pretty strict about. Half the time Billy was late for it anyway – he was always getting yelled at by his dad, usually worse. One time Neil had hit Billy in the face right at the table, pretty hard, and Billy'd just stared at him and asked Max to pass him the mashed potatoes. Then he’d just sat there and ate with his nose bleeding.
Mom had cried after that, and Max had heard her and Neil having one of their whispered arguments later that night in the living room. Max had kind of felt like crying, too. It was … scary. She'd never really seen somebody's parents hit them the way that Billy's dad hit him. He did it a lot, too, mostly when she and her mom weren't around. It made Max feel scared inside in a way she couldn't exactly understand or explain. Unsafe or something. Billy was definitely a massive jerk sometimes, but he didn't really deserve to get hit all of the time over it.
That had been a long time ago, though. Now whenever Billy's dad laid into him, Mom would lower her eyes and act like she couldn't see it or hear it or something. It was so screwed up. Max wondered what her mom would do if Neil ever hit her, or if she'd even do anything. He wouldn't, Mom had said a dozen times.
Tonight Billy came into the kitchen ten minutes late like usual. He had a new bruise fading along one cheekbone, not from his dad. Max was pretty sure he'd gotten into a fight with someone already at school. Billy was always getting into fights and crap with kids at the high school or beating up guys over his girlfriend. Getting into fights was like in his DNA. He grunted and knocked at Max's chair with his leg so Max kicked him back. That meant Billy had to kick her back again. Max slugged him discreetly and Billy laughed.
Neil didn't yell at or hit Billy for being late for once, or scold the two of them for roughhousing with each other. He was busy being super gross and flirting with Mom. He danced her over from the kitchen counter to the table and spun her around once before letting her go (Max and Billy made terrible faces at each other). They could be so vomitrocious when they weren't fighting.
Max helped her mom bring the food to the table and everyone served themselves. Billy's dad seemed like he was in a good mood for once. He started talking about their plans for tomorrow night; he said that he wanted to take Mom out for a date. He even called her 'my girl' which caused Max and Billy to make even more terrible faces at each other. Sick.
“We could go out to the city, see one of those plays that you like.”
Max tried not to scowl or make a face. When Mom and Neil had first started dating, he'd taken her and Max out to a lot of places, sometimes Billy too. She'd actually thought he was pretty nice at first. Over the years he'd started mostly just taking Mom out, though. That was fine with Max, aside from when she and her mom actually had plans. He was going to ruin their Saturday, she already knew.
“Oh, I don't know, Neil,” Mom said. “Why don't we just go next weekend? The weather will be nicer.”
“What's wrong with this weekend?” Neil asked. He poured himself a glass of lemonade and then slid the pitcher over to Billy.
“It's just that I told Max that we would go out shopping tomorrow. School's already started, she still needs some things. A lot of things. We were going to have, you know, do a girls' day.”
“You could still take her on Sunday.” There was an edge to his voice that hadn't been there a moment ago.
Max could see her mom hesitating. “A lot of the shops are closed then. It's ... I told her we would go.”
“Well, that's no problem, then. Billy can take her tomorrow.”
Billy scoffed loudly right away. He was already shoveling eighty pounds of Mom's disgusting meatloaf into his mouth. Max shuddered looking at him - he was like a caveman, honestly. Maybe she'd become a vegetarian. “Yeah, good luck with that. I gotta work.”
Neil looked at him evenly. “Until when.”
“Dunno. Like three or four, however long they need me.”
“Well, you can take her after you're finished.”
Billy dropped his fork onto his plate. “Man, are you serious? No way. I got stuff to do, I'm goin' to Tracey's house.”
“No, you're not, not anymore. You're taking your sister shopping.”
“She's not my frickin' sister!”
Max looked at her plate and blinked. That kind of hurt her feelings, she guessed. Billy could be a huge jerk, but sometimes he was okay. She'd known him since she was nine and he was thirteen, almost fourteen. He’d taken her to her first concert ever. He took her to the movies sometimes for no reason; he'd taken her to see Return of the Jedi. Sometimes he let her drive around with him in his car when he had work. When mom's brother, Max's Uncle George, had died two years ago, Billy'd sat around with her all weekend and hadn't said one mean thing. He'd been letting her hang out with him a lot more this year and with him and Tracey, probably because she was thirteen now and not a baby. Max knew that Billy wasn't really her brother, but sometimes he felt like he was her brother.
“Billy.” Neil put his fork down too and looked at him. “You want to start with me right now? Because we can start.”
“Neil,” Mom tried. “It's really not a big – ”
“No, no. It’s all right. I asked him a question.”
There was a long silence as Billy stared back at his dad. Max felt this nervous monster clawing up in her throat, making her skin feel hot. Today had already been crappy. She didn't want Billy to get hit again, or have him be ticked off at her all weekend. “It's okay, really!” she burst out. Mom and Neil looked over at her. “I can go by myself. You guys can still go out. I'll just, I'll go to like the Plaza or something. I won't just buy stupid stuff, really.”
“Honey, I don't want you to do that,” Mom said.
Max looked at her plate again. “It's fine.”
“You know we don't want you going out along the highway on your own,” Neil said. “It's not up for discussion, Billy can drive you,” he said, with finality.
Well, that was that. Max had tried, she guessed. She and Billy finished their dinners in silence; Neil and Mom chattered on.
Once she was finished eating, Max escaped upstairs as soon as possible. She took a shower and put her pajamas on, scrubbed her face hard in the sink. Her stupid million freckles were still there. She put her hair in a ponytail and went into her room and sat on her bed. She kind of felt like crying and she really didn't want to do that.
It was so stupid. Billy's dumb dad always screwed up everything. Mom hadn't even really tried to argue with him; maybe she didn't care about going out with Max at all.
Max had nothing else to do so after a while she opened up her journal and started doodling in it. It wasn't a diary or anything. Mostly she just drew in the notebook or wrote down stuff she didn't want to forget. She and Cam had been talking about trying to build a ramp for their skateboards in the empty lot behind his house; she spent a while drawing up some new blueprints.
After another couple minutes she heard the sounds of Billy stomping up the steps and then down the hall. You could always tell when it was Billy – he always sounded like a herd of elephants or something, especially when he was trying to sneak back in at two AM. Max wondered what he'd been doing downstairs with their dumb parents for so long, anyway.
She hadn't closed her door all the way. After another moment it creaked open and then Billy was standing in the doorway staring at her. Probably just wanted to bug her or tease her or something. Max scowled and wrote in her notebook even harder, pretending he wasn’t there.
Billy just stood there in the doorway, being annoying. In her peripheral vision he was super annoying. Massively annoying, the worst person. She should have locked her door. The seconds ticked by; finally she couldn't ignore him anymore. Max narrowed her eyes at her notebook. “Do you want something?”
“Not really.” Billy kept staring at her and being a super creep-weirdo. “What you doin', writing about your period?”
He was such a cretin. Max looked up and glared at him. “Wow, ha-ha. That's so original, you say the same crap every other week.” She hadn't actually even gotten her period yet but Billy didn't need to know about it.
Billy was still standing in her doorway, leaning and annoying her. “Go away, Billy.’
“Can’t.” Billy grinned at her and then stopped grinning. “Hey. Sorry for what I said downstairs.”
“Whatever.” Max pretended she didn't know what he was talking about. She didn't need Billy thinking she was some kind of giant baby or whatever. “You know, going around shopping with you on a Saturday isn't my idea of a great time either. Mom and I always go out to get school stuff, it's like the only time I actually get to hang out with her now.” Then she felt like a gigantic baby anyway.
“Yeah. I know.” Billy kept looking at her. Now he probably felt sorry for her. “What you need to get?”
“I don't know. Just some clothes and stuff.”
“Okay.”
Okay. Max guessed that he wasn't in one of his a-hole moods, but she didn't really know why he was standing and staring at her. Their parents weren't fighting right now so he didn't need to check up on her. She looked back at him; his red-brown was sticking up all crazy and he looked tired. “So, what, did you even come home last night? Were you at a party?”
Billy made one of his obnoxious faces at her. He stretched up to grip the top of the doorframe and leaned forward into her room. “Why are you so obsessed with what I'm doin’ all the time?” he asked her, scrunching up his stupid face. “Like, I'm seriously curious, Max.”
“You suck, ” Max told him.
Billy laughed at her. “Yeah, I came home, asswipe. I had to go into work this morning, do deliveries. I've been going in early all week. I missed first period like three times already.”
“Oh.” Billy worked at the little supermarket a few blocks down. Part of his job was bringing groceries to customers in town who had a tab or a credit account; sometimes he'd let Max tag along when he had to drive around. But he usually didn't do that during school. “Why're you doing that?”
“Wanted to pick up hours.”
“Your dad will kill you if he finds out you’re ditching school to work.’
‘I know.’ Billy let go of the doorframe finally and put his hands in his jeans pockets. “Just come to the store at like four tomorrow. Bring your board, okay?”
“Okay.” Max usually had her skateboard with her anyway. “Hey, do you have batteries? My Walkman died.”
“I guess, lemme look. You still got my tape?”
“Yeah.” She followed Billy to his room and he gave her two AA batteries. Of course he didn't noticed his missing beers or how she'd saved his butt.
Billy shooed her off to her room and Max got into bed. She changed out the batteries in her tape player, then decided she didn't feel like listening to her headphones anyway. She felt super tired from school all week. It was after ten, almost eleven. She could hear Billy's stupid punk music blaring away in his room. Some kinda love, some kinda hate. She fell asleep listening to The Misfits.