Work Text:
Toge blinks awake at the sound of knocking on his door. It’s late –so late that it’s early– and no one should be awake at this hour, and yet there’s someone asking to come in. He lets out a grumbling noise of affirmation before closing his eyes and turning back to the wall; Toge already knows who it is, because really, who else would come into his room at the ass-crack of dawn to sleep with him?
“Sorry, did I wake you?” Yuuta asks, slipping into the far-too-small bed. His voice is raw and weak, and Toge knows that he just came back from a mission so he doesn’t care that Yuuta’s feet are cold and bare against his legs, Toge’s too tired from his own grueling day.
He mumbles out a gentle, “Shake.” Followed by an even groggier, “Mentaiko.” You’re fine, just go to sleep.
“Sorry, yeah. I just…” Yuuta trails off, pulling the blanket up higher on both their shoulders to try and keep some of the warmth from seeping out. It’s not winter yet, but November is inching towards its end, and the wind outside is biting.
Toge shifts and turns to face his boyfriend, eyes still closed while he asks, “Sujiko?” What’s wrong?
“Nothing.” And Yuuta’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Just had to make sure you were okay.”
Ah, so it’s that kind of night.
Yuuta is lying on his back, dark eyes staring up at the ceiling that’s littered with glow-in-the-dark stars haphazardly placed around. Their glow has faded over the past two years, but the soft hue of green they expend is still clear enough for Yuuta to discern the triangular shapes.
Toge opens his eyes to watch him, and he raises a hand to rub against dried tear streaks on the older boy’s face. They don’t say anything (they’ve never needed to) and instead lay in silence. Toge doesn’t pretend to understand the thoughts that haunt Yuuta’s mind, the blood-stained nightmares and gory images that stay stuck in his mind. At first, when they were younger and times were somehow considered easier, it was Rika. Yuuta told him about the crashing sounds that would replay in his head, how he memorized the 119 call. But now Toge knows he sees something else, something he never actually witnessed as the guilt eats Yuuta up inside like a starving curse, begging for more.
Toge doesn’t remember too much from his time in Shoko’s office, too doped up on pain medicine and Reversed Cursed Technique to really understand what was happening, but he’d heard about what Yuuta almost did. Rika had fully manifested for the first time since The Night Parade of a Hundred Demons, ready to tear the already crumbling city into ashes. He remembers a figure, broad and full, standing over his hospital bed one night as elderly voices whispered in the walls. He remembers the tumbling and sobbing and shattering as he tried to adjust to the lack of weight on his left side, and how strong and callused hands helped him through it all.
He knows Yuuta feels guilty for being late.
Toge wipes the final dried tear away with his remaining fingers and Yuuta grants him a small but sincere smile.
“You should go back to sleep,” he says, running a hand through silver hair.
Toge blinks slowly before murmuring a quiet, “Shake.” You should too.
Yuuta grins and it’s a tired, burdened thing. “Mm, I will.”
Toge pretends to believe him as he rests his head on Yuuta’s chest, letting his ear reach to cover the beating heart of the boy below him. An arm wraps around his waist, pulling him close as the hand in his hair continues to rub circles against his scalp in hopes of lulling him back to sleep.
He whispers a final, “Yuuta.” before closing his eyes.
A kiss to his crown. “I love you too.”