Chapter Text
It was fifteen years ago today when the Krang’s ship ripped a hole into the sky. It was fifteen years ago today that they saved the world against said Krang ship.
It was fifteen years ago today they had lost their beloved blue masked brother.
With a sigh the soft-shelled turtle stood up from his lab chair with a groan, extending his arms above his head and listening to the tell-tale cracks of his spine as he stretches. He wasn't wearing his battle shell today, it felt too heavy of a burden on his shell. His spines flexed freely as he stretched. Donnie swallows back the heavy feeling that forms in his throat. Despite all the time that has passed, every time this particular day comes, another celebration on the surface begins; meanwhile the Hamato family mourns.
Each Hamato had their own way of coping, healthy or not.
Raph would isolate himself in their dojo, beating his training dummies until his knuckles are raw and bloody; despite the layers of bandages wrapped tightly around his fists. Mikey would bury his snout into his art, his artworks entirely based around their blue cladded brother, sketches and paintings of their striped slider brother. Each artwork was admittedly beautiful, if it weren’t for the fact, they made each member of the family cry without fail. Despite Donnie’s emotional bad boy image, he too would cry if he stared too long.
Donnie would lock himself in his lab and worked till he inevitably passed out.
With his back thoroughly stretched, the soft-shell takes his headset off his head and places it onto his desk. The sound of Shelldon whirring behind him is the only sound filling his lab as he stares down at his newest blueprints, now taking a look back down at them he realised they were just a waste of time. He wasn’t going to use them. He never really used the ones he would draw up on this day anymore.
Leo has been gone for years.
Taken from them.
From him.
He still missed his twin horribly.
He was thirty this year and his twin would have been too. He wonders what Leo would look like, be like… sound like. There isn’t anything Donnie would give to have Leo back.
He would sit and listen to every pun, every quip, every tease without ever complaining again. He would gladly listen for the rest of life if that meant the slider was back. There wasn’t anything that would make the soft-shell happier than having his twin back. Even with his aversion to touch, if he had the chance, he would take the slider into his arms and never let him go again. The universe just had to give him the chance. A second chance of having Leo back in his life.
There wasn’t anything that would take his dearest brother out his hold again. Never again.
There were stacks upon stacks of failed blueprints of different machinery that Donnie had implemented to try and bring their lightning witted brother back.
Emphasis on the word try.
It just simply wasn’t possible with his limited resources. His father had begged him to stop years ago, it broke his old father’s heart to watch him pour every ounce of his being into building worthless machines that never worked. Working himself down to the bone in each and every desperate attempt to bring his beloved twin back.
That didn’t stop the soft-shell from trying. Now, he just locked his lab door to keep his father’s judging eyes away from his ever-failing creations. After all, it just kept him busy if anything.
He was in desperate need of coffee though. Yes. Coffee. That will distract him from the approaching whirlwind that was his next break down.
To which he will have after he has retrieved and consumed said coffee.
Making his way out of his lab and towards the living room, turning to see the television still on and a familiar snore coming from the lounge chair. Well at least he’s actually sleeping this time. Their father usually took to spending this day in Leo’s train car, which remained untouched and cleaned regularly by Shelldon. It was an unsaid thing that if one family member was occupying their brother’s room, for whatever reason, it was best to let them be. Their father would often sit on Leo’s bed and cry, Raph would sometimes go in and just look at any old photos the slider had kept of them when they were younger. Mikey would often bring his sketchbook in and just draw, claiming it felt safe and sometimes like Leo never left- something about mystic energy. Donnie didn’t have the heart or any real right to tell Mikey he might be a little delusional about it.
Mikey often now practiced on his mystic abilities, training with Draxum most days.
Donnie very rarely would enter his twin’s bedroom, bringing back too many memories that would have him break down at the thought. Memories of their twin sleepovers and movie nights, going to sleep those nights apart only to wake up the next morning in a tangle of limbs and comfort. Sometimes he would wake up early and just pretend to sleep so that he could enjoy just a few more moments of having Leo in his arms. He never appreciated those moments fully; not like he should have. Sometimes he would just go in to see if Leo’s scent was still etched into the fabrics of his nest, only to be disappointed at the fact his beloved brother’s scent had long aired out.
Like it was never there.
I can't even remember what he smelt like.
He did know Leo’s scent had always been his favourite. Not that he ever voiced that to anyone, let alone to Leo himself. It sated him like some calming, numbing drug. It always had him coming back for more, especially after the Shredder incident; it was like he couldn’t get enough of it. Most likely something to do with the different kind of pheromones the slider produced. Leo was… a little different from his brothers. Always had been. But no one ever treated him differently, even when they found out Leo was actually classed as the opposite sex, Draxum having accidentally overlooked the sex of the four turtles he had harboured. Simply assuming them all to be of the male sex.
When Splinter had found out, he had asked Leo if he would rather be referred to as his daughter. Leo’s brothers at the time had been confused, would this make Leo their sister? But he had always just been, their brother. Leo had responded that he didn’t want things to change, he was happy as he was and so things didn’t need to change. Leo was a little different than the rest of his brothers but he was still their brother all the same. No one except maybe Draxum ever treated him any differently, it was actually quite easy to forget that Leo was trans. Well, except for when Leo’s menstrual cycle started, he and April got a lot closer after that.
Donnie hadn’t liked that; he was twelve at the time and his twin was spending more time with their adopted sister rather than him. It gave Donnie a feeling he wasn’t sure how to describe. Something dark and almost... hateful. He never hated April, god no. But he did hate when Leo was whisked away from him. Leo was his twin. His best friend. It wasn’t until a few years later that Donnie had realised it was jealousy, not of Leo but of April. He wanted Leo back, he wanted to be back and attached at the hip of his twin. But he was young, and stupid. And despite being a young prodigy, he pushed Leo away, not wanting to get too attached to possibly be left behind again. It wasn't Leo's fault that he had pushed him away.
If he could slap his younger self he would. It was the stupidest thing he’s ever done.
Instead, he would watch longingly behind a screen, practically stalking his twin and everything he did. Unknowingly watched behind multiple hidden cameras throughout his day. Keeping constant tabs on the slider’s whereabouts. Despite breaching the slider’s privacy in every sense of the word, he never had the guts to place a camera inside his twin’s bedroom. That was a line he seemingly wouldn’t cross at the time. We purposefully ignore the one in the bathroom... at least it wasn't in the shower!
April was the only one who knew about the cameras, but she never told anyone about them. Having been sworn to secrecy by the soft-shell.
Donnie believes April purposefully chose to ignore the fact he watched his blue masked brother like a hawk.
Watching Leo behind a screen was such an inconceivable waste of time, not that his younger self knew that at the time. How he wishes he could tell his younger self to just get up and out of his lab and just talk to Leo. Spend time with him and appreciate him while he still had him.
Ungrateful brat.
And now Leo is gone and now they’ve got Casey Junior. Someone who was raised like a son by a Leo from a different timeline.
What would have been our timeline.
My Leo.
Casey Junior has been living with April and Cassandra for some time, despite being close in age with his mother; the two shared an unshakeable bond. Casey often spoke of Leo and all it did was make Donnie wonder what Leo would have been like as a parent. From all the stories Casey shared, it seemed like he treasured Casey as if he was his own, like he was born from his own womb.
The turtles didn’t see their human companions very often anymore, with both Casey’s pursuing their careers in teaching kids how to play hockey.
April had become a well-loved news reporter based in New York but she was more often travelling around than home these days. Her job quite often demanding of her attention to seek stories from different places around the continent. She kept in touch well enough.
Making his way past their bedrooms, his feet stop him beside the slider’s train car despite his mind’s protests. Sucking in a deep, almost painful breath through his clenched teeth, the soft-shell manages to keep walking towards the kitchen. Upon entering he spots his now only younger brother sat at the dining table, deep in focus as he reads a large and rather old looking tome.
The box-shell breaks out of his focus to look up at the newcomer only for his eyes to widen in surprise at the sight of the very drained looking soft-shell.
“Hey Don- I uh… I wasn’t sure you would be out so soon; I mean… well, how are you holding up?” the youngest asks cautiously, worry etched evidently into his orange masked brow.
Mikey, despite knowing that he would eventually be miraculously growing hair because well… Casey Junior had told him. Mikey decided to keep his hair rather hidden. Opting to tuck whatever he could under his mask, keeping it cut short. When it had first started growing, it had gotten to an inconvenient length. Resulting in a mystic chain and hair tugging incident. From which since then forth, Mikey kept his hair well out of the way of his mystic powers.
“Terrible, and you? What have you got there?” Donnie asks, making his way to his beloved, Genius BuiltTM espresso machine.
“Barry gave me this… I’ve been thinking recently, my powers have gotten stronger and just the other day I had actually opened a portal!” Mikey almost excitedly explains.
“A portal?”
Now that’s different.
And dangerous.
“Yeah! I opened a portal to April’s place! CJ says hi by the way… my arms didn’t get all flaky or anything, it actually didn’t hurt at all-” the box-shell rants way too excitedly for Donnie’s current mood. The box-shell continues to rant as Donnie begins to tune out the one-sided conversation.
The soft-shell hums non-committedly as his coffee brews, watching as the dark liquid pours into his favourite mug. The mug Leo had gifted to him one Christmas, purple with ‘Brain Juice’ written in bold white letters. It was stupid and tacky. And he loved it. Something that a thirteen-year-old Leonardo had gifted him thinking it was hilarious. Little did he know how much this stupid mug would mean to him so many years later. His hand now engulfed the mug due to his much larger size but that just made him that gentler with it. If it weren’t for the fact his twin had gifted it to him, you wouldn’t catch the soft-shell dead using it. But now it was something he treasured even more than uranium. There was no resource in the world someone could trade him for this mug. Bringing the purple mug to his beak, he sips the molten liquid and sighs. Appreciating the burn to his tongue, distracting him from his emotional pain.
“-and well… this has really got me thinking, do you think I could open a portal to the prison dimension?”
The soft-shell spits out his caffeinated beverage and whips himself around to stare at his younger brother as if he just grew a second head.
What?
“Oh, come on Donnie… you of all people don’t get to look at me like that after all those machines you built trying to bring him back!” Mikey huffs out exhaustedly, eyes glaring back at the speechless genius.
“I just thought that- well, what really is the harm in trying?” the box-shell sighs out.
“You almost lost your arms the first time you tried doing that! The same day we lost him!” Donnie yells, gently placing his mug behind him on the counter.
“I was younger then! I didn’t have the power to do what I can do now! What if he’s still there- waiting for us to save him! I have to try Donnie; it’s killing me knowing that every second I sit here I could be opening a gateway right now-” Mikey’s rant abruptly stops as he sucks in a heaving breath, tears quickly welling in his bright yellow eyes, glaring into Donnie’s very soul.
“I- Mike, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to bring Leo back, you know that. I just- fuck. I won’t stop you from trying, but I think we should at least tell Raph about this first” Donnie groans, a headache quickly forming in the depths of his head. He slowly brings a hand up to rub his temples.
“Yeah… okay, and Donnie?”
The soft-shell lifts his hand up and away from his eyes to look at his orange masked brother.
“I will do everything I can to try and bring him back… and if he isn’t there- well at least I can know that his suffering has ended for good”
Tears begin to fill the soft-shell’s eyes and before he knew it, he was crying. This wasn’t like how he planned; he was meant to be back within the privacy of his lab before a single tear shed. Damn you Mikey.
Swallowing down a tension filled lump within his throat Donnie nods wordlessly to his youngest brother, purposefully avoiding eye contact as Mikey leaves; most likely on his way to retrieve their eldest brother.
Donnie brings his hand back down to rub at his eyes, his hands rubbing against the now wet fabric of his purple mask.
“Fuck” he mumbles exhaustedly to himself. He didn’t want to let hope blind him, despite his own previous mistakes.
Sure, he had built countless of machines to try and bring Leo back. But in the back of his mind, behind all the desperation and longing; he knew they wouldn’t work.
But this might work.
The thought of Leo spending fifteen years in the prison dimension has his chest fill with dread. If he dared entertained the idea of Leo still being alive, would he be suffering? What was the Krang doing to his brother?
His teeth clenched hard at the thought and fury ignites in him like a burning wildfire.
Krang had better fucking pray I don’t find him.