Chapter Text
Tony was head-and-shoulders deep in his suit upgrade, trying to ignore the persistent ache in his shoulder, when Jarvis spoke up.
“Captain Rogers has left a message for you sir. He has alerted the team you will not be attending the training exercise today.”
Tony froze. He’d forgotten all about the training exercise. He knew he should be glad Steve was telling the team. This way, they wouldn’t hassle him about missing another exercise. But he wanted to train. He wanted to be strong. Steve’s words from the helicarrier had been right. Without the suit, he was nothing. A liability. And no matter how hard he tried to change that, he couldn’t do it. He threw his wrench against the wall. He knew it was stupid and childish, but he couldn’t help himself. “It’s not fair Jarvis! This fucking hole in my chest, all of it!” He could feel his shoulder starting to ache already from throwing the wrench and the despair doubled him over. “Can’t I just have one day?” He didn’t know if he wanted to scream or cry. There was a gaping hole deep inside him. The first time he’d felt like this he’d wondered if it was possible to die from a broken heart. Now he knew better. You didn’t die, you just hurt. He put his hand to his mouth and bit down hard. He didn’t stop until he tasted blood. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough. But he didn’t have a choice. Eventually, his sobs stopped and he straightened up. “Okay Jarvis, enough with the pity party. Let’s get to work.”
“Yes sir.” Jarvis said. If he sounded sad, it must have been in Tony’s head.
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“Going to take me off the team?” Tony asked when Steve stepped into the lab a couple of hours later.
“What?”” Steve jerked away. “No! Of course not!”
“You should.” Tony said derisively. “Outside the suit I’m useless! One blow to the chest and I’m done.”
“Enough!” Steve said sharply. “Tony, you flew a nuke into the wormhole! You are the bravest person I know and the furthest thing from worthless that this team has! To push through pain like you’ve been doing this whole time…” Steve shook his head. “I just wish you’d told me earlier. It doesn’t have to be this hard.”
“What do you mean?” Tony asked warily.
“There are things we can do.” Steve said. “We can find a physiotherapist to supervise our sparring and help you find ways to fight that work for you. We can put together an after-action plan like we have for Bruce.”
Oh. Tony blinked at Steve. “But I shouldn’t need…”
“Bullshit.” Steve said forcefully. “If Clint lost his arm, what would you do?”
“Build him a prosthetic.” Tony said instantly. “Although really, given what passes as prosthetic, I wouldn’t want to call it that. It would be an upgrade.”
“Exactly.” Steve said. “So why should you be the only one on this team who doesn’t deserve a little help?”
Tony was momentarily speechless. “I...don’t know?” It must have been the right answer, because Steve smiled at him; one of those warm smiles that went straight to Tony’s knees.
“We - I - care about you, Tony.” Steve stepped a little closer. “If it takes a little more work to keep you on the team, so be it. You’re more than worth it.”
Tony blushed and looked down. “Okay, well, I’ve got a physiotherapist I can recommend. And I can…”
“Uh, uh.” Steve shook his head. “I’ve got a beer and an ice pack waiting for you upstairs. Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow.” He wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulder and pulled him towards the elevator. “You wouldn't want to stand me up, would you?”.
Tony let himself be pulled forward. Stand him up? Like a date? He shook his head. Don’t be ridiculous. “You really need a girlfriend, Cap.”
Steve sighed. “You know, for a genius, you can be kind of an idiot sometimes.”
“Oh. So boyfriend then?” Tony tried to keep his voice even.
“No. No boyfriend.” Steve stopped and turned Tony to face him. “Just you.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tony’s. “All I want is you.”
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Tony settled himself on Amber’s table and looked up at Steve. “You know you don’t have to be here for this, right? It’s not like you can fix it.”
“I know. But I can hold your hand.” Steve squeezed his hand. “And I know I can’t tell you it will be okay. But I can tell you that I will be there even if it isn’t.”
“You don’t have to...” Tony started.
“I want to.” Steve interrupted. “I want to be there for every minute.” He smiled. “ I can’t take away your pain. But I can do this.”He leaned in and kissed Tony, long and deep. This time, Tony didn’t feel the pinch.