Chapter Text
The wind whipped through N’s hair as he rode into the sunset. He didn’t know where he was going, only that it was far from home. Beneath him, cities and forested areas passed him by. Was he still in Unova? He wasn’t sure. If it weren’t for the sun, he wouldn’t even know what direction he was headed. All that he knew was that there was no going back. Even if he wanted to, even if the police and Ghetsis weren’t racing to capture him and very well might have been, there was nothing left for him in Unova. Not that there had ever been much for him to begin with.
As the sun slipped under the horizon, N guided Reshiram to prepare to land. After a few minutes of gliding just above the treetops, they came upon a lush open field that gave Reshiram the space it needed to touch down.
“I guess this is where we’re spending the night,” N said, dismounting. Reshiram huffed in acknowledgment and curled up on the grass.
N knelt down and felt the cool ground, then looked to his Reshiram, its skin glowing orange with warmth beneath its fluffy white fur.
“Could I…?”
Reshiram lifted its head, and, sensing N’s predicament, opened its wing. N slid laid down at the creature’s side and allowed it to cover him with its warm plumage. His zoroark took the opportunity to come out of its ball and snuggle up against N, its head pressed against his chest.
“Reshiram,” N said, closing his eyes, “what should I do?”
Reshiram’s chest heaved, as though it was preparing to give bad news. I’m unsure. The world has changed much since I was last a part of it. I trust that you will continue to find your truths, N, and I will help you however I can. But for practical advice, I’m unfortunately quite useless.
N stifled a sob, useless as that was while sandwiched between two Pokémon, one of which could smell his feelings.
It will be okay, N, Zoroark told him.
Yes, N, Reshiram agreed. It will be okay. We’re here.
“Thank you,” N whispered, hugging his zoroark tighter. The feel of their fur and of falling asleep between the bodies of warm, furry creatures reminded N of the winter nights he’d spent as a child, snuggled into his mother’s fur for warmth alongside his zorua pup siblings. Maybe he could go back to that life. It was the only prior life he knew, after all, and he’d been happy with it then. And what else could he do?
The next day, N addressed his Pokémon and told him his plan.
It seems sad that the best you can do is to live apart from society, but you would know your options best, said Reshiram.
Zoroark on the other hand looked ready to move. Don’t listen to it- this’ll be fun! I’ll help you to refind your wild now that we’re not trapped in those walls. First thing we gotta do is find some water that’ll agree with your delicate human stomach. Let’s go! With that, it took off into the woods, sniffing the air periodically and changing direction depending on what it found. N followed it at a jog, and Reshiram flew overhead.
Before long, the trio had arrived at flowing brook. Zoroark drank from it as the others caught up. N leaned down to take a drink himself, but Zoroark held him back from it.
Nope. I can handle this, but you can’t. You follow the river upstream. Springs have the purest water, you know. It could be a long walk, so good luck. Zoroark returned to its ball.
N took it right back out. “No. No more pokéballs. I don’t want ownership of you,” N explained to him. “I’m not like other trainers, and I’m sorry I acted like one. I hope you’ll stay with me as a friend, but you’re your own creature now. Don’t forget it.”
Zoroark huffed, broke eye contact, and let out a little whine. But it’s scorching hot out here, it grumbled, but it resigned itself to lopping along, N at his side and the sun beating down.
Once they arrived at the spring, N and his two Pokémon drank heavily from it. After that, it was time to scout out nearby caves. They were able to find one big enough for the three to occupy by nightfall, and there was time besides to survey the area for edible wild plants, which, thanks to Zoroark’s sniffer, were easy enough to identify.
For a solid day afterward, N truly thought he could make do with a wild existence. Then, he woke up to pouring rain and gnawing hunger. Raw bark and berries weren’t enough for him, even though he’d eaten himself sick on them the day before. Zoroark, the crepuscular being he was, had already taken off just as he had the previous morning, leaving N with nothing to do but sit against his still-sleeping Reshiram and debate venturing out.
A couple hours ticked away, and N found himself drawing derivative formulas and geometric structures in the dirt. If only he had his books with him, this time would pass quicker. What kind of Pokémon was he if he couldn’t even go out in the rain? But his clothes didn’t dry easily, and he didn’t want to be wet all night. He was already uncomfortable- his mouth was fuzzy and stale, his hair was tangled, he needed a shave, and he sweat so much more now than when he was a cub. N’s stomach growled. Damnit, he wanted a proper meal. A part of N resented Ghetsis for ever taking him from the wild and keeping him from learning how to live this life.
-
It was fourteen years ago. With one hand holding N down so he wouldn’t run from the tub of water, Ghetsis inserted the strange object into N’s muddy pelt and pulled, practically taking N with it. N yelped, then turned to Ghetsis and snarled, drops of soapy water splashing onto Ghetsis’ impassive face.
Far from intimidated by the small, dirty boy, Ghetsis sighed heavily. “This is more matted than I expected. I’ll have to cut it all off,” he said.
Ghetsis snapped his fingers, and an attendant turned on his heel and appeared moments later with a pair of sharp claw-like things that drew together.
N whimpered, his tears falling down into the bathwater. Even then, he’d understood enough English to know that Ghetsis meant him no harm, but Ghetsis was rough and forceful, and the room and everything in it was so bright and foreign.
“There, there,” Ghetsis cooed as he pushed N’s head down and brought the scissors to his scalp. “It’ll grow back. In fact, long hair would suit you, if it’s soft and clean from proper care.”
After N’s pelt was shorn and thrown away, he was scrubbed by Ghetsis’ attendants until his skin was raw and his muscles were tired from trying to wrestle his way out.
Who are they? N wondered, trying to nip at the adults. What do they want with me?
Ghetsis had said he wanted a better life for N. But by now N wasn’t sure he trusted his idea of “better.”
“There. Don’t you feel better?” Ghetsis asked N once he’d been forced into new clothes. “Now, let’s get you some dinner. I’ve ordered something bland for you tonight, but over time, you will be accustomed to food richer than you could have imagined in the wild.”
-
N’s memory was interrupted by his zoroark returning to the cave, dragging in a half-eaten dead linoone by the neck. Brought you some grub, he said.
The linoone’s eyes and mouth were still open and its bloody tongue stuck out between its fangs, making it look revoltingly, pitifully close to alive. But… “I did used to eat meat as a cub. I suppose that’s what has to be done out here,” N conceded. “Thank you, Zoroark,” he added, rubbing the black fox between the ears and trying to hide his disgust. Thankfully, that’s all Zoroark seemed to want for now, but N remembered how his mother made fun of useless zoroark who lived off the kills of others. If this went on long enough and he couldn’t figure out how to live on wild plants alone, would Zoroark expect him to start contributing? To kill Pokémon with his own hands? N hoped not. He really hoped not.
That was a question for another day. N returned his attention to the linoone. “But how did I eat it?”
N wasn’t stupid- he knew that humans didn’t eat raw meat. But he struggled to see how else it could have gone when he was young, with a whole litter of hungry pups to compete with. Maybe he had some sort of rare immunity, or exposure from a young age had given him one.
Tentatively, N peeled back the linoone’s hide to expose a part of it that Zoroark hadn’t touched and bit into the still-warm flesh. The metallic taste of blood coated his mouth instantly. N pulled away and tried to chew the tough, bloody meat, but in seconds he’d spat it out on instinct.
‘Ave you lost your mind? Zoroark yelped. Reshiram could have cooked that for you!
Roused by the commotion, N’s Reshiram lazily lifted its head. You beckoned?
It was as Reshiram stared, unimpressed at the sight of N’s bloodstained face, that the memory hit N like a brick: he hadn’t eaten his mother’s raw kills as a cub, the darmanitan that visited their family had brought him cooked meat. God, he was stupid.
“This isn’t working,” N admitted. “Let’s take a fly.”
And so, they did. Reshiram was very fast, and N found a village after an hour of flying, and various towns and cities not long after that. N still had Ghetsis’ credit card- an item given to him for his journey around Unova. He could use it to buy supplies and solve his immediate problems. That would give him some time and space to figure out what to do in the long run.
N guided Reshiram to land at the outskirts of a port town. “You’d best stay here, Reshiram,” N said to it. “We don’t want too much attention.” Reshiram nodded in understanding. As N entered the city, “Canalave,” according to a sign, Zoroark took the form of a pikachu to be more inconspicuous. N wished he had some way to turn into another person, but no such luck. He’d have to buy a hoodie while he was in town so he’d at least have a hood to put up.
N walked quickly through the blue brick streets of the elegant port town until he made it to a shop near the canal. If the locals were paying him any attention, they didn’t show it. Once he had passed the checkout without so much as an odd look, he wondered if he really was less known about than he feared.
On the way back to Reshiram, N caught sight of a big and beautiful building. “Canalave Library,” read the sign.
N remembered wanting to visit a library once he was finally allowed to roam Unova unescorted. He had visited the Nacrene library briefly, but he’d had many other important things to do and couldn’t linger.
N found himself stepping into Canalave Library and immediately gravitating to the non-fiction section. At some point he would use the computer to look up just how wanted he was, but he had all day, and he could find something helpful at least interesting here first.
N’s heart rate picked up as he passed the history books, Ghetsis’ words echoing in his brain.
If you learn about all the things humans have done, it would take your innocence, he’d said. It would make you a monster, just like the people who hurt your friends and all of Pokémonkind.
Ghetsis had lied to N about a lot, especially in terms of how decent humans could be, and how they related to Pokémon. Learning history would be a good way to learn a little more about the truth about humans. Was his purity worth that? N wracked his brain for some other way to figure out what exactly Ghetsis had been hiding from him.
-
It was eleven years ago. “Tell me about that book series you’re reading,” Ghetsis said as N scrambled into his special hair-brushing seat- a daily ritual they’d had for three years now. N knew by now that if he squirmed, either he or the Pokémon in his room would get the cane, but that wasn’t a problem since he knew well enough not to do it. And this was his special father-son time with Ghetsis, no matter how busy he got- not to mention that he needed practice talking. Human language was a lot more complicated than Pokémon language.
“It’s great!” N replied, “it’s about this superheroes that fight this evil alien race that want to farm humans like humans farm tauros! Have Anthea and Concordia finished vetting the next book yet? I’m about two day away from finish.”
“These superheroes, and you’re two days away from finishing.” Ghetsis corrected, dipping a comb in lavender oil.
N sighed. “These superheroes, two days away from finishing,” he repeated. “But, are they?”
“I’m afraid it will take them a week or two to finish reading the next one over.”
“Why does it take them so long?”
“They’re chapter books, and the sisters have other important things to do,” Ghetsis stated.
N bristled with annoyance, but stayed still. “Can I read it anyway?” he asked.
“If you ask one more time, you’ll get the cane. You know how important your innocence is,” Ghetsis deadpanned, combing N’s bangs into place.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry. Your book will be vetted soon, and in the meantime, you have your mathematics.”
It was a good thing that N liked math. Math didn’t need vetting, so he could read it as fast as he wanted.
-
Hesitantly, N went to the front desk.
“Do you have the Ultra Alien Task Force books?” N asked the librarian.
“Yes,” the librarian replied.
After being guided to the children’s chapter books, N took out book six of the series and flipped to the thirteenth chapter- one containing one of the heroes’ backstories. When he’d read it as a child, several pages of it had been blotted out by the sages with black marker. N read the pages he’d missed as fast as he could.
The hero’s father used to beat him with a belt as a punishment, like Ghetsis had frequently beaten N or his friends with his cane. And the book portrayed that as a trauma, and the father’s hero as a monster. No wonder Ghetsis hadn’t wanted him to see this. He needed to know what else had been hidden from him.
N got up, returned the book to its shelf, and took out a book on the myths and legends of Sinnoh- the region he’d found himself in. What followed was an afternoon of study. He read about a time long, long ago, when humans and Pokémon lived in utmost harmony. They lived together, ate together, sometimes even married. There was substantial paleontological evidence that this legend was true. Given all he’d seen in Unova, he could almost believe it.
However, there were also frighteningly recent parts of its history when it had lost its connection with Pokémon and saw them only as enemies, closing their gates to them and slaughtering them when they could. Given all N had seen, he could believe that, too. And yet, that was treated as an anomaly, different from other regions at the time.
N read up on other regions as well, and when his mind got tired, he took breaks and read childhood books that Ghetsis had deemed inappropriate for him. He was reading up on ride Pokémon in the Alola region when a scratchy voice sounded over the intercom.
Attention, the library will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please make your way to the exit.
N checked his watch. It was 7:45. He’d missed getting engrossed in study like this.
I really can’t live in the wild, N thought to himself, Or at least, I wouldn’t want to. Then a second realization hit him. I can do anything I want now. I can find out whatever I want about the world for as long as I need to figure out how to live in it and help it.
When N got back to Reshiram, it was with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Reshiram on the other hand was regarding him with impatience, unhappy with having been made to wait all day.
“Reshiram, we’re not going back to the cave. We’re staying in a motel tonight. I’m not a Pokémon, and I’ve decided not to hide from that. I’ll find my place in the world, find a way to help.”
Reshiram’s features softened into a smile.
That sounds like a plan.
N dug out a pokéball. “That does mean we’ll have to use this, though. I know I said that I wouldn’t use them anymore, but you won’t fit in a motel room.”
And if you’d used one on this day, I wouldn’t have had to sit in place for hours. You still have much to learn when it comes to tempering your ideals with truths. But it seems you’re headed the right direction.
N chuckled. “I’ll take it. Thank you, Reshiram, and sorry for making you wait.”
Reshiram nodded in acknowledgment. With that, N returned the mighty beast and headed back into town.