Work Text:
The guilt was something that had sneaked up on Bertholdt. He knew his actions would lead to suffering when he destroyed Wall Maria. For a few moments after he had kicked in the gate, there was complete silence, but when the first titans stomped through the gaping hole, the screaming started. For years, the sounds had haunted him. In his dreams. In his day-to-day life. What he wasn't prepared for was seeing the aftermath firsthand. The absolute miserable existence he and his fellow warriors had caused. As supposed orphans, they stayed in refugee camps with adults, who took care of them. They explained to them this strange world. Even the kids were expected to work to stay at the camp. However, they were also sent to school a few times per week to learn the basics.
Meeting the people he had put in this horrible situation was hard.
The warriors had decided to infiltrate the military when they had turned 14.
They had decided to attack Trost after their training was complete. Never had he been more terrified of anything as much as he was then. He could tell that both Annie and Reiner felt the same way. Annie had left, wanting some alone time. Bertholdt didn't move from his spot on the grass, legs pulled up close to his body, arms wrapped around them. He had made himself unbelievably small, considering his awkward height. His messy, dark hair was covering his eyes. However, Reiner didn't have to see them to know they were filled with tears. With a sigh, he sat down next to his friend. They sat together quietly, sides pressed against each other for a few minutes. Hot tears had streamed down Bertholdt's face. Silently, Reiner wrapped one arm around his friend's shoulders to pull him even closer and offered him his other hand.
Accepting the offer, Bertholdt nestled his head on the other's shoulder and grabbed his hand.
"I don't want to do this." he sobbed. "We're going to kill our friends."
He felt Reiner press a kiss on the top of his head.
"I know. I'm sorry."
Then they decided on their attack play, Bertholdt knew he would feel completely shattered, physically and emotionally, afterward. Regardless of what he thought, he never could imagine to what actual extent it would be.
"Reiner, can I tell you something? It's bad." he whispered into his best friend's ear. After the traumatizing events he had lived through and caused, he felt like he reached his breaking point. Trost was horrible and entirely his fault. The warmth from Reiner's body calmed him enough to not start crying again. They were wrapped up in Bertholdt's bunk bed, and the barracks were quiet and empty. Reiner's voice was soft and comforting. "Sure, what is it?"
Before speaking, Bertholdt took a deep breath. "I don't want to do this anymore." His head was on Reiner's chest, rising with his slow breathing. He was glad he couldn't see the other's face in the dark. "I don't think I can finish our mission." Reiner's arm twitched around him. However, he didn't say anything for a moment.
"I understand what you mean, but we have to."
Bertholdt sighed. Yes, he knew that, but he wasn't sure if that was possible for him. Killing more people wasn't something he thought he was capable of. Since he was 10, he had the blood of thousands on his hands when he blew people up during his training just by transforming. But never before had he bloodied himself with the deaths of his friends and comrades. The prospect of letting the others handle it was both good and bad. He knew that he couldn't cope with it anymore, but what had been happening to Reiner's mind made him doubt that he could do it without Bertholdt by his side, not after what happened with Marco. "Maybe, Annie and I can handle the rest. You won't have to do anything. Don't worry, Bertl."
Reiner tightened the hug, soothingly stroking Bertholdt's nape and up his hairline. The big, warm body was pure comfort and security for Bertholdt. "Let's go to sleep, okay?"
The exhaustion hit him when he heard 'sleep'. Damn, he felt like he needed about 20 hours of sleep after the Battle of Trost. "Yes, sleep sounds good ..." he said as he was yawing and closing his heavy eyes.
The same conversation continued after they had joined the scouts to keep an eye on Eren. Bertholdt told Reiner to meet outside after dinner, he saw in his face that Reiner knew what he wanted to talk about. However, he didn't expect to fight with his best friend.
"We can't just abandon our mission! We're warriors!" Reiner growled at him, trying to keep quiet. "You know what'll happen to us if we don't finish it." The anger Reiner had held in himself surprised Bertholdt. Usually, he was calm and playful with everyone, though serious when he needed to be. But this anger was new. His square facial feature usually represented a protector for all of the 104th, but right now, the big brother was gone. The past few years had changed Reiner more than Bertholdt had realized.
"I know but I can't be responsible for more deaths! Especially, our friend's deaths." Bertholdt admitted. The tears in his eyes were burning, but he held them in. It was shocking how different he and Reiner really were. There he was, almost crying, even though Reiner was completely composed. Cold.
"Get a grip." Reiner snarled at him. "They are not our friends. They are the enemy." It was like a slap in the face. He was stunned.
"Since when? They are your friends too." he whispered. A few tears fell despite Bertholdt's best efforts, and he tried to wipe them away as quickly as possible. Trying to hide his embarrassment, afraid of Reiner's reaction as he answered.
"No, they never were."
"I don't understand, then what was all that with Marco?" Now, he was actually crying. Thinking about the murder they committed made him sick to his stomach with guilt. He watched his tears drop onto the grass below. When he looked up again, Reiner was like a different person from just moments ago. He, too, had tears in his eyes now. His expression was full of sadness and confusion. This scared Bertholdt even more than the anger from before. He knew what was happening before Reiner even answered.
"What are you talking about? He was eaten by that titan in Trost."
The first victory against the warriors shook them to the core. How did the island devils defeat one of them? Why was it Annie, the strongest one of them? Why did she have to take the fall for all of them? They knew before the survey corps had sent them to the old castle without a clear explanation.
Reiner had pulled him away from the others after they arrived with a grim look on his face, his warm, brown eyes dark filled with pain. When they realized what most likely had happened to Annie, Bertholdt felt numbness take over his body, now, the only connection to who they were, was Reiner.
"I need to tell you something Bertholdt. I agree with you." It was one of few times he had seen Reiner nervous in the past few years. "I don't know why I reacted like that last time- and I don't even remember all of it, to be honest. But I don't want to do this either. And now Annie is probably gone and I can't lose anybody else." Bertholdt quickly grabbed Reiner and pulled him into a tight hug, shushing Reiner's sobs. Hearing Reiner being this vulnerable made him cry too.
"It's alright. We'll figure this out." He rubbed Reiner's back in an attempt to further calm him down. "We don't need to make a decision now. I just know that if it would come to it, I would do everything to safe our comrades."
Reiner nodded against him, the sobs had almost stopped at that point.
"I would too. Even if I had to tell them the truth. But more important to me is saving you. I love you." The confession made Bertholdt blush. He hadn't expected it. Even though they had told each other that a few times already, it was always platonic. This time wasn't any different.
"I love you, too." he stammered, making Reiner laugh in response . The blond pulled out of the hug halfway, bringing one hand to the other's red face. He wiped away the tear tracks with his thumb.
For the first time since they had entered the walls, they felt truly terrified like all the citizens. They were in the dark like everyone else, because they hadn't destroyed Wall Rose, so why were titans after them? Furthermore, they didn't have ODM gear with them , meaning they were defenseless targets. Easy prey for monsters like titans.
This is what he had made people feel like, Bertholdt thought in Shiganshina and Trost.
On their way to the nearby villages, to warn people, he and Reiner exchanged a determined look. They wouldn't let anybody else die, not on their watch, even if it meant messing up their mission.
When they had reached Ragako Villiage, Connie's home, Bertholdt darkly reminded himself, they realized what had happened. Their comrade's home was destroyed. Every single person was as good as dead. His mom was lying on her back, unable to move.
Zeke was here.
Despite realizing that, seeing the beast titan shocked both warriors, who were trapped on a tower surrounded by titans and dying scouts. The knowing, amused smile the Beast Titan threw their way scared them more than anything else could.
The only thing they could do was try to survive and secure the tower, along with the rest of their comrades. Reiner almost died saving Connie. The whole group was panicking, for good reason. He realized that Reiner was acting like a real soldier again. As Krista took care of Reiner's injuries, they tried to reinforce the door to be more secure. All of them knew that it wouldn't stop a titan for long. Watching Reiner interact with Krista when he was like this was hard. Yes, he was jealous, that his best friend had a crush and it wasn't him. This was not a good situation to think about childish stuff like this. When they finished the makeshift barricade, they gathered around the fire.
"Has he always been like this? The self-sacrificing type?" Connie asked wide-eyed, still scared from his close brush with death.
Bertholdt took a moment before answering honestly, "No, he's changed a bit. In the old days, Reiner was more of a warrior." He could tell that Reiner didn't remember what that meant before he spoke.
"A warrior? I'm not quite sure I understand."
When the tower trembled, the recruits exchanged a look, before making their way back to the top. More titans were rushing towards the tower and the scouts were being ripped apart as the beast titan roared from the wall Rose, before climbing down the other side. Nanaba's screams echoed through the night and all they could do was watch. Reiner pulled Bertholdt off to the side of the tower, leaving Krista to throw rocks at the titans.
"I'll transform, otherwise all of us are dead, including the both of us." Reiner whispered, words quickened by stress. "Neither of us is getting eaten today."
"I don't really see another way out either." Bertholdt agreed." Not if we want to save them."
Krista's and Ymir's argument drew their attention back to their comrades. The brunette had asked Connie for the knife, apparently, she had a plan.
Everyone was horrified as she took off and jumped off the tower, as Krista wailed her name. When she cut her palm with the knife, a bright light engulfed her and blinded them. When it dimmed down, a small titan had replaced Ymir, who was jumping from one titan to the next, biting and slashing whatever she could. Bertholdt stared at her. He recognized her, and so did Reiner.
"That is that titan-" he stammered, not being able to finish his sentence.
"From that day." Bertholdt finished. He couldn't believe it, he didn't know what to do.
He felt the tower shake as Ymir slammed into the tower , causing Krista to slip off the ledge. In an instant, Reiner had been caught by her ankle with his uninjured arm. By the look in his eyes, he knew they were both thinking about Marcel, their friend who was devoured by Ymir, 5 years ago. Reiner wasn't completely there as he continued to squeeze Krista's leg. The other two quickly snapped him out of it but Bertholdt was too terrified to do anything.
"Krista ... Did you know that Ymir is a titan?" Reiner whispered, devoid of emotion. The small blond denied it, seemingly just as confused as the rest. All of them continued to stare at Ymir's small form, hanging at the tower, roaring at the titans. Krista and Connie debated about Ymir's titan. Did she know? Is she an enemy?
Reiner grabbed Bertholdt's arm. "She ate him, Bertl. It was her." Quickly, they hugged before going back to paying to the battle. They were just in time to see Ymir getting yanked down by a titan. Again, Krista called out to her, her voice filled with pure panic and worry. Somehow, Ymir had managed to jump away and was now latching on to the tower bricks with her claws.
"Guys! More titans are coming!", Connie yelled, pointing at the forest.
Beside him, Reiner shifted and took off the arm sling. His body language had changed entirely in seconds.
"We agreed to let no one else die." he spoke confidently, not like he was about to reveal that they were traitors to their friends. However, Bertholdt agreed wholeheartedly.
Krista and Connie tore their eyes from Ymir for a moment to turn around. The girl gasped when she saw Reiner taking off the sling. "What are you doing? Your arm is broken!" Quickly, Reiner rolled off the bandage locking eyes with her.
"I'm sorry, I really am." He pushed his fist to Bertholdt's shoulder with a smirk. "See you soon."
Bertholdt mirrored the boy's action. "I'll hold you too it."
Connie interrupted them, "Huh? What for? Wait, what are you doing?"
Reiner did just what Ymir did a few minutes before. He ran along the top of the tower to get as much distance from it as possible when he jumped off. With as much force as he could manage, he launched himself off the ledge. "Hold on Ymir!" he yelled, in midair. Behind him, he heard Connie and Krista shout at him, but he couldn't make out what.
Just before the titans could grab him, he pushed his fingers into the bite wound on his arm, and a light blinded him as he felt his titan body as an extension of himself. When his body was completed he got into his fighting position.
Due to his weight, he plummeted down hard enough to bash in the necks of two 3-meter titans. Fortunately, he had put enough distance between himself and the tower, so it remained unscathed, at least by him. Ymir was still hanging on by a thread. Furthermore, he was now behind the crowd of titans, who were looking at him hungrily. He screeched and the titans sprang to action in an instant, now ignoring Ymir. All of them rushed towards him. This would be an annoying fight but pure titans were no match for him. None of them could put a dent into his armor. He alternated between punching the tall titans and crushing the small titans with his feet. The sheer amount of titans stopped him from moving a lot, but he successfully kept them away from the tower.
Surprisingly, Ymir joined the fight again. Using Reiner as a fixed point to move around. Sometimes, dodging by jumping on his head. When Reiner found an opening he ripped the titans apart, limb by limb, Nanaba's death flashing in his head. He could have saved them all if he just transformed sooner. Once more he screeched loudly, this time out of anger and grief for his fallen comrades, who died trying to protect him, unknowing of his true nature.
The two titan shifters were a surprisingly good team, even though they had never fought together. Reiner held some titans in place for Ymir to kill with a bite or slash. Ymir distracted the titans so Reiner could rip off their heads. When only a few more were left at the castle, he heard Bertholdt shout from the tower.
"Reiner! 3 15-meters and 5 10- to 5-meters in coming, 11 o'clock. Ymir, can you take care of the ones here?" Reiner glanced at Ymir who didn't seem to disagree, so he nodded at Bertholdt and took off. Through another screech, the titan's attention was on him as he engaged them. The smaller ones were either flattened by his foot, kicked away, or used as a weapon against the bigger titans. With a 3-meter titan in his hand , he smacked them down and used the opportunity to kick in their necks. Then he ripped the small one's head off and dropped him. Another 15-meter had gotten back up but was brought to the ground yet again as the armored pummeled it with punches.
Exhausted, he took a look around to make sure all of them were gone. Luckily, the tower was still standing. With thunderous steps, he jogged back to it. At the top, all four of his comrades were waiting with a mixture of relief, disbelief, and rage on their faces. When he saw Bertholdt smile at him, he didn't mind his friends looking at him like that as much. Ymir, out of her titan form, was being held up by Krista and Connie was suspiciously eyeing Bertholdt.
The Armored held up his flat hand, next to the tower. Quickly, Bertholdt got on, understanding the movement.
"Come on, he won't hurt you." Still skeptical, Connie and Krista helped Ymir onto Reiner's hand. "Hold on." Bertholdt warned before Reiner slowly moved his hand to the ground, staying still as his passengers went off. Hastily, Bertholdt climbed up the Armored titan as the human emerged from the titan's neck. Marks on his face, engulfed by steam. The tall boy pulled him out of the heat and steadied him on their way down. "Are you alright?" he asked.
Reiner tried to catch his breath as they sat down, away from the other three. Ymir was also spent from the fight, barely awake. Krista was talking to her with tears in her eyes with Connie next to them.
"Yes, that was just a lot of titans." Softly, Bertholdt wiped the sweat off Reiner's cheeks, who had closed his eyes. His breathing had already slowed down.
The group took a moment to rest before Reiner spoke up. "Guys, we need to figure out our next steps. We might still be in danger."
Swiftly, Connie jumped up and strutted towards the warriors, his face showing his hurt and anger. "Why the hell should we listen to you? You're monsters! You destroyed the walls and killed thousands of people."
"Yes, we did." Bertholdt whispered, stunning Connie with his ashamed admittance. "I guess this is it, Reiner." His voice was shaky and his eyes were burning. Embarrassed, he tried to hide his face from Reiner. Softly, he felt Reiner's rough hands take his face, so he would look up. The warrior only smiled at him, wiping away the tears like he always did, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Bertholdt was completely taken by surprise, blushing under the watchful eyes of his comrades.
The heavy silence was interrupted by the sound of horses closing in on them and soldiers shouting. As soon as they were in eyesight, they switched to their ODM gear, surrounding the young recruits with their blades drawn. "Disperse and scour the area for titans!" Hanji yelled from the front of the charge. "Oh my god! The Armored titan!" They screamed, jumping up and down while running to the dissolving titan form. Behind them followed another very anxious-looking soldier, calling out to them "Squad leader, don't get too close! They're dangerous."
Seemingly unbothered by the very valid warning, Hanji touched the back of the hand, making various sounds of excitement. "The muscle isn't hot like Eren's titan!" More soldiers gathered around the group, awaiting orders. "Squad leader, what should we do? Engage them?" For a moment Hanji didn't react, and then they squatted down next to Bertholdt and Reiner. The marks on his face gave away who the Armored was, but they weren't met with more hostility from the squad leader. "Tell me what happened."
Reiner nodded at Bertholdt as permission to recount the last events.
"Ymir turnt to save us after the titans had killed all of the scouts. But she couldn't fight alone, so Reiner turnt too. He's the Armored titan, and I'm the Colossal titan." he explained, shortly, which seemed to be enough for Hanji for now.
"You understand that you're under arrest now?" They nodded. "Alright. Can you assure me that you won't fight us?"
Reiner laughed. "Yes, we won't fight it. Otherwise, I wouldn't have risked my life for them.
All of a sudden, Bertholdt was pushed to the ground, his head hitting the ground. He felt pain in his neck and hot blood pouring out of a deep wound panic surged through him. The hot wetness spread over his chest, down his back, and arms. He could taste metal on his tongue as he coughed. In front of him stood Reiner, shielding him from someone. His right hand had been cut off and had a blade stuck in his left arm like he had blocked it with his body. Even though he knew that he would heal in a moment, he pressed his hands to his neck, groaning in pain. "Stand down!" He heard someone yell.
Reiner turned around, kneeling down next to Bertholdt. "Are you alright?" he asked him urgently. The pain was almost overwhelming, but he was used to it, like all the warriors. He tried to say yes, but his voice only came out as a groan. Probably because his vocal cords were damaged during the attack. Reiner shushed him, "Okay. You shouldn't talk. But do you think it'll heal? Show me." He managed a short, rigid nod before peeling his hands away from the wound to let Reiner examine it. "It's already healing, Bertl. You've been through worse, right?" He stated with a smile. The other people were still shouting around them, but he was too distracted to understand what they were saying.
"I think it's mostly healed now." Bertholdt croaked. "Let me get that." The blond held out his arm. "On 3." He firmly held the impaled arm steady and grabbed the broken-off blade. "1, 2,-" Swiftly, he pulled it out, as Reiner let out a loud, pained groan. The blade was dropped to the ground.
"You always do that, and I always forget it."
Hanji walked up to them once again. "Sorry about that. It seems my orders were ignored by a few vengeful recruits." They pointed over their shoulder at Eren and Mikasa, who were being held back by Jean and Armin. "Huh. How am I supposed to cuff you now?" They had taken Reiner's arm in and examined the steaming, regrowing stump.
"It'll grow back soon enough."
The ride to the scout's old headquarters was tense and long with both warriors having been restrained the whole time. On their arrival, Commander Erwin and Captain Levi were waiting for them at the front entrance. Both of their expressions were carefully schooled into indifference toward their betrayal.
Without a word, they were led away from the other recruits and down several floors to the basement, where two cells were located. Several torches had already been lit along the way down the stone stairs. Reiner and Bertholdt were put into different cells, and their restraints were secured on the floor. The chains were long enough to allow them to move freely within the cell. When the cells were closed all soldiers left, apart from Smith and Hanji. The latter was still in an excited, happy mood.
"So," they shouted. "Obviously, we don't have much experience with titan shifters but I had an idea. Reiner can't transform in here because we're way too far down, you'd get buried under the rubble. Bertholdt can't transform because he would blow up Reiner." The ominous passion Hanji had for their imprisonment was surprising even for the commander.
Smith spoke much more calmly "What Hanji is trying to say is that you won't be able to get out with your abilities. However, I've also been informed about your apparent switch in sides. You'll get some food in a bit. And get rest. We have a lot to talk about tomorrow." He warily studied them for another moment before turning back to the stairway with Hanji in front of him, muttering to themself.
The silence was heavy in the dungeon. Neither of the prisoners knew what to say about this now that it had happened. They had talked about revealing their identities before but actually doing it was very different. The hateful faces of their previous friends and comrades are something neither could ever forget. Being attacked by Mikasa was not really surprising, considering her instinct to protect Eren at all costs but even an hour prior she had been their comrade. Even recounting all the events made him nauseous and choke up.
When Reiner had jumped off the tower after Ymir, the other two recruits were perplexed. Connie had turned and just stared at him. "You ..." he had spit out, dangerously low and full of hate. It was incredibly hard for the titan shifter to look at his face.
"I'm sorry." was all he could tell them.
K rista was captivated by the two titan shifters fighting for them. "He's the Armored titan." She looked at Bertholdt. "And you're the Colossal titan?" He nodded.
He curled up on the uncomfortable bed, feeling utterly burned out and alone. Mourning the loss of every single friend he had made here on this island during the past 5 years. "Hey, Bertl? Please don't cry." Reiner whispered from the other side of the stone cell wall.
Sniveling he tried to give his friend a coherent answer. "I didn't think it would be this hard. They were the people closest to us for the past 3 years." Saying it out loud made him feel even more hallowed. He longed for another hug from Reiner.
"I know. We'll get through this." he claimed. "Say you believe me. I'll annoy you until you do."
A small smile made its way onto Bertholdt's teary face. "I believe you, Reiner."
~
The tranquilizing chill and darkness in the room were keeping him sluggish. The surface of what he was lying on was hard. Harder than he was used to at the barracks. He felt around for the man who usually was there when he woke up, but he came up empty.
The sudden panic of being alone made him shoot up. Something made a metallic clank . There was no light and no windows. So not the barracks. Where the hell was he?
"Reiner?" he called out. Upon receiving no answer, he urgently called out again. From his left, he heard a thud and a short shout.
"What? Bertholdt?" sounded his warrior's reassuring voice through the stone room, alarmed for his friend. Taking a few breaths to calm down, he remembered again. The castle Them revealing their true identities and getting arrested by the scouts. He pulled at his hands, testing the chains.
Flustered, he admitted, "Yes, sorry. I just wasn't sure where I was or what happened when I woke up."
Just hearing that voice lightened up his mood. Reiner truly was his rock in this cruel world. "It's alright. Yesterday was a lot." Bertholdt let out a laugh, interrupting Reiner. "Why are you laughing?"
"Did you fall out of bed?" Making Reiner laugh too. "I'm sorry for making you fall out of bed."
This is the first time waking up without the other right to them in 3 years.
As usual, Reiner was woken up by Connie, who was always awake first and made it everyone's problem. Ignoring Connie wasn't possible, but he tried every morning nonetheless, grabbing his pillow tighter and pushing his face into it. The pillow was incredibly comfortable and warm. Jean decided to join in Connie's early morning shenanigans, kicking the noise level up a notch.
It was summer, and the sun was already lighting up the room, hurting Reiner's eyes when he cracked them open. He, unlike most of the recruits, was not a morning person. But he could see that his pillow was indeed his best friend's chest which had managed to twist horizontally in his sleep. His body was across the pillows, and his legs were pulled up next to and over Reiner's body. Just when he thought he wouldn't be surprised by the sleeping positions.
He noticed the two boys standing next to their bed, staring at Bertholdt with concentration. "It's definitely sunny." Connie shouted, pointing at the sleeping boy's legs. In response, Jean yelled, "No, it's foggy."
Now fully awake, Reiner groaned into his human pillow, "How about you don't start the yelling until everyone's awake? What time is it?" Connie proudly declared that it was 6.45. Looking back at Bertholdt he added, "I think it's sunny, too." Connie shouted at his success, spiting Jean who just dismissed him. Reiner sat up in bed, stretching, trying to drag getting out of the warm bed.
Bertholdt was still sleeping peacefully, his flushed, tan skin even warmer under the rays of summer sunshine. He couldn't help but tenderly caress his face. The sleeping boy pressed his face into his rough hand, sighing contently. "Sadis is making his rounds!" announced Connie to his roommates, ruining the moment.
He grabbed Bertholdt's shoulder and shook him harshly. Getting Bertholdt to wake up required extreme measures on most days. "Wake up, sleeping beauty!", he yelled. The person in question slowly opened his eyes, blinking at the harsh light.
"Good morning.", he said, yawning loudly and stretching. Reiner pulled him out of bed, smiling at his endearing drowsiness.
"I envy your ability to stay asleep with these shitheads shouting."
Connie's head popped into the doorway with Eren and Jean grabbing each other by the collar behind him. "I heard that.", he huffed with outrage. He would never admit that the guys had become comforting noise even at 7 in the morning.
The prisoners didn't have any idea what time it was, and for what felt like hours, no one came down to the basement. The unknown amount of time was spent mostly in silence, with no one knowing what to say. But knowing the other one was on the other side of the wall was comfort enough. Still, Bertholdt would have felt better if he could've seen his friend and gotten a hug.
"Reiner, what are we gonna do with Zeke here?", he wondered. He had told Reiner already that he didn't like Zeke and was rather scared of him. At least when he was 12, he doubted that much had changed over the past 5 years.
"I don't know. I didn't really think about that. To be honest, I forgot about Marley completely. We'll figure it out." Reiner sighed loudly. "I guess it also depends on what the scouts are going to do." Betholdt agreed. Without knowing their decision they couldn't make a plan yet. It impacted them too much to not calculate into their strategy from here on out.
The brunet perked up when he could make out the sound of heavy, slow footsteps in the stairway. The commander entered the cellblock, hands behind his straight back. His blue eyes were full of determination and yet, a childish hope for new information. Still, his stern face signaled his authority, like always. Quietly, he pulled up a chair into the middle of the hallway, granting him a line of sight to both of the imprisoned recruits.
"You'll get breakfast soon." He said solemnly, without explaining why he had come down, watching them. A nervous soldier showed up shortly after and handed them trays with the standard breakfast through the bars of the cells. Getting the same meal as always was weirdly heartening for Bertholdt, even if everything else had changed. Still, he hesitated to eat with his superior watching him before he realized how starving he was.
Soon after yelling and quick footsteps echoed through the stairway. Hanji jumped down the last few steps and landed in front of Bertholdt's cell, staring at him with hungry eyes. He squirmed under their gaze. It was like they just got new science experiments.
"I can't wait anymore!" They yelled hysterically, bouncing up and down.
The commander sighed, "I have been waiting, Hanji. Just sit down." When they heard their commander, they seemed to calm down a bit , grabbing another chair and sitting next to him.
"Are you willing to answer some questions?" he asked both of them. Bertholdt would let Reiner do the talking if he could, so he kept quiet even though the two scouts looked at him, too.
"Well, that depends on the questions."
The first question in the interrogation was the least surprising. "Why did you destroy wall Maria and wall Rose?"
"To wipe out humanity."
The scouts seemed taken aback by Reiner's bluntness. But in the warrior's position, it didn't make sense to lie or sugarcoat anything. However, they did agree to keep the outside world a secret for now.
"Why?" the commander pressed.
"Because it's our mission."
The second question wasn't what Bertholdt had expected. "Why did you join the military?" Someone, probably Armin, had fitted more pieces together than he expected and figured they had a plan. Maybe they even knew their entire plan now, he didn't doubt Armin could deduce it even without knowing about Marley.
"To gather secret information about the inside of the walls." It seemed to catch Smith's interest.
"Why did you join the scouts?"
"To keep an eye on Eren."
The commander had countless questions. Where were they born?
Why did they want humanity dead?
How did they get the ability to transform into titans? Was there a way to turn titans back to humans?
What was their end goal?
The commander had leaned forward, his hands intertwined partially hiding his face. Dissatisfied when he couldn't get all the answers from Reiner. They had kept their original backstory the same as when they had infiltrated the walls in the beginning . "Why did you reveal your true identity at castle Utgard?"
Bertholdt thought that it was fairly obvious why they had done it, but apparently, they still weren't convinced that they would care about their comrades. "To safe the others." Even in the face of the commander, Reiner remained confident, something Bertholdt admired.
Placidly, Bertholdt sat on the bed, arms wrapped around his knees, listening to the conversation. To his astonishment, Hanji also kept quiet and let Smith ask the questions. Apparently, they did have one that had plagued them though. "How old were you when you destroyed wall Maria?"
Smith looked as surprised as Bertholdt and presumably Reiner at this question. "What?" Hanji stoically repeated their question. Briefly, Reiner stumbled over his words, no doubt thinking about their messed-up childhoods. "We were 12. Why does that matter?" The adults were appalled, whispering to each other before quickly making their way out of the room. Flashes of that day rushed into Bertholdt's mind, the screaming and the thunder of the titan hoard's footsteps coming to eat people. He took a few deep breaths, pushing those memories away.
"What was that about?" Reiner asked, dumbfounded.
Bertholdt sighed heavily before he quietly answered. "They just realized we're child soldiers, Reiner."
It was hours later when two more people ran down the stairway. Bertholdt didn't expect the two small recruits to burst into the room. Connie was absolutely fuming, staring at the imprisoned warriors with pure resentment. Behind him was Armin, trying to pull him backward, screeching about rules and the captain.
"Tell me how to save my mom."
"Are you even allowed to talk to us?", Reiner asked, seemingly amused. Armin looked like a deer-in-headlights, his eyes wide open and face flushed. A dead giveaway that they weren't allowed to the titan shifters. He stood behind Connie, who had taken a square stance, trying to seem bigger than he was.
Calmly, Armin answered, "No, but we're hoping that you would talk to us."
The warrior really didn't look forward to this conversation. He essentially was one of the people who killed Connie's mother with no cure. No matter what had happened, he cared about his comrades all the same and he didn't want to hurt them, neither physically nor emotionally. Bertholdt whispered, " I'm sorry, but there's no way to turn her back."
This seemed to set Connie off. "How could I believe anything you two say after all of this? You're traitors! Everything about you was a lie."
"There is a way." Bertholdt shot up from his bed, his heartbeat quickening in a split second. No outsider should know this information. It could get them killed. Instantly, he tried to stop Reiner from revealing it.
"Please, Reiner. Don't-" but he was cut off. He wished they could have a face-to-face conversation instead of talking with a wall in between them.
"He deserves to know, Bertl. It's his mother." Sadly, he knew exactly why Reiner wanted to oblige Connie's request. His family was broken, which made him want to help those who had family even more. He had always felt like it was his fault that his family was in disrepair because of him. "If you take me to her, I can turn her back." Images of Reiner getting devoured terrified Bertholdt, and a cold shiver ran down his back. His eyes met Armin's, who was perplexed by Bertholdt's instant worry at the mention of turning a titan back.
On the other hand, Connie had yelled at Reiner in response, "Do you think I'm stupid?" He had moved out of Bertholdt's view.
Reiner laughed, "No, it's real simple." He took a second for a dramatic pause. "Just let her eat me." Reinerr threw himself on the worn bed and it creaked loudly under his heavy weight. Their former friends stood still, shell-shocked. "Is there a problem?", he continued, nonchalantly .
Armin recovered first, "You would let her eat you?" The gears in Armin's head started turning, trying to figure out how this new fact fit into the big picture. Weirdly, Connie who should be happy about being able to save his mother just stared at the floor.
"I mean that's what you want, right?" Even though that was right, the answer wasn't what they expected or had hoped to hear.
"I don't want to feed you to anyone." Connie admitted. His whole body was tense. "That would just be sick."
The tall warrior was pleasantly surprised. Maybe they didn't destroy everything they had built over the past 3 years. "But we're traitors. You said so yourself." Connie's head whipped towards Bertholdt. Some of the anger drained out of his body when he saw the same lanky , wide-eyed guy he had trained, lived, and survived with. Both stood still for a second.
Finally, Connie hissed, "Yes, you are. But that doesn't mean I want to let you get eaten alive." Bertholdt could tell that Connie was disappointed in himself for being unable to save her, not without killing someone else. He groaned in annoyance, then stormed back out of the room. Armin stayed behind with a thoughtful expression. Then he smiled at them. "Thank you."
Confused, Bertholdt spoke up, "For what? We didn't help." Armin gave him a knowing look.
"You didn't tell Smith when he asked but you told Connie because he's your friend even though it could put you in danger." He waved before leaving after Connie.
"I swear, I wouldn't have done this if I knew that this many people would talk to us.", Bertholdt whispered when the blond boy had left.
Reiner hummed in agreement and yawned. "Answering all their questions is more exhausting than I thought."
~
For the next few days, the commander and squad leader Hanji came to the cells like clockwork before breakfast and asked them the same questions over and over again . It was utterly exhausting. They didn't actually know what time it was. There was no way to see the sun and sky through. The meals were the only way they could tell the time in some way . Sleep wasn't restful in the stone cells. There was nothing to do but talk with each other or do workouts. Bertholdt had complained about having to be in a room with Reiner who had done pushups and situps for what felt like hours every day. The conversations had become scarce with neither one having the energy or want anymore.
Slowly, Bertholdt became concerned with the mental toll it would that on them and he wondered when Reiner would break. His friend was strong but the past years had demanded more than he could handle.
Their superiors had finished their interrogation for the day when he heard Reiner groan in pain and curse under his breath. "Are you okay?". Bertholdt asked after a moment.
The addressed man quickly dismissed his friend, "Just a headache." He was obviously in pain and the dismissal did nothing to soothe Bertholdt's concern. Despite his concern, he dropped the topic because he knew that Reiner tried to avoid talking about his problems as much as he could, including physical pain.
Instead, he tried to think about how to get out of their shitty situation. "Have you thought about what to do about Zeke? I think we should warn the scouts." The beast titan had the potential to kill everyone, something Bertholdt wanted to stop from happening if he could.
Reiner was still in pain as he groaned out, "Who?" The words made Bertholdt recoil in his bed. His heart beat in his ears. He had been so scared of this happening, especially while they were imprisoned. Reiner sounded confused and had probably not even realized what trouble he was in.
"You know Zeke?", he whispered.
"No? Bertl, where are we?", Reiner barked petrified, as he came to himself. Bertholdt felt the tears burn in his eyes as he tried to calm Reiner down. "It's okay, Reiner. We're fine. I'm right next to you." From the other cell, he could hear Reiner pull on his chains, trying to yank his hands free from the cuffs. His words didn't do anything to calm his friend down as he started to shout. Desperately, he tried again. "Please, Reiner. You're alright." Usually, Bertholdt could help Reiner, but not being able to see or touch him made it much harder.
"No! Why are we locked up?"
The commotion seemed to attract the scouts because Smith and Hanji walked into the room. Both wearing confused expressions.
"What's going on?", Smith asked, sternly.
Before Reiner had a chance to yell at the two scouts, Bertholdt shot up and ran up to the bars. "I need you to let me in his cell.", he begged, afraid he would start crying in front of them. He heard Reiner ask the same questions again, this time directed at Hanji, who was in his line of sight. Instantly, they seemed to understand what was going on , as their eyebrows shot up at the realization. On the other hand, Smith didn't seem bothered. "Why would I do that?"
Bertholdt huffed at his lack of passion. "I'll explain later, please. Let me help him." Slowly, Hanji wrapped a hand around Smith's upper arm, nodding as a way to give Bertholdt their permission. Clearly, he valued their opinion a lot, since he changed his mind pretty quickly. In a swift movement, he had Bertholdt's cell door unlocked and the chains on his cuffs followed soon after. The warrior swerved between them and looked at Reiner in his cell. The commander unlocked his cell, too, while he was looking at him.
He looked like a scared kid, lost and alone. It was a rare side to see him vulnerable, much less cry like this. As soon as he could, he squeezed through the doorway, pulling Reiner into a hug. The muscular man instantly hugged him back as tightly as possible. Over the years, they had comforted each other dozens of times. They slightly rocked from left to right, Bertholdt caressed his nape and through his hair while whispering to him. "I'm here. Everything is alright."
Slowly, Reiner's breathing had slowed. When he was ready he admitted, "I don't remember what happened."
Bertholdt kissed his forehead before he answered, "It's fine. You'll remember again and if you don't I'll tell you, okay?" The blond nodded, face pressed into the taller boy's shoulder. "Let's lie down." Gently, he maneuvered him to bed. It was easy since Reiner had tired himself in his panic and was letting himself be moved and closed his eyes when he felt the mattress.
The forgotten scouts stood still in front of Reiner's cell stunned by their prisoner's behavior. When Bertholdt looked at them he saw confusion and yet empathy. "Can I stay in here with him?", he asked quietly, not wanting to disturb Reiner, in case he already fell asleep. The commander remarkably wasn't as coldhearted as the warrior previously thought, and agreed without disagreement. Still, he fastened the chain on the ground of Reiner's cell and his cuffs before locking the door Bertholdt in Reiner's cell.
"Tomorrow, we will talk.", he stated, excluding Reiner, in their upcoming conversation, with one concerned look at the sleeping body. Hanji sadly smiled at Bertholdt before both of them left again. Taking a few deep breaths, he joined Reiner. The other reflexively cuddled up to him in his sleep. Now that Reiner was calm, he let himself calm down and doze off too. Holding onto Reiner, and Reiner holding onto him.
~
Sleep was unrestful for Bertholdt. Still, he stayed in the hard bed, taking comfort in Reiner's presence. He had slept through the night and was still asleep when a soldier brought them breakfast. It was a rare occurrence for Bertholdt to be awake before his counterpart since he usually slept like a rock. Carefully, he woke Reiner, cautious of scaring him after yesterday's events. It was a pleasant surprise when Reiner woke up with a smile upon seeing Bertholdt squatting next to the bed. It was relaxing to eat next to each other again, but oddly quiet without the other cadets.
"Why are you in my cell? Not that I mind." Reiner wondered while scarfing down the bread.
Gently, Bertholdt reminded him of yesterday. "Do you remember?" Even though he tried to be careful, Reiner looked like he had seen a ghost as the memories came flooding back. His eyes were wide, staring at nothing. Trying to comfort his friend, he rubbed his back. "It's alright, Reiner."
When he came back to himself, he whispered under his breath, "It's not, Bertl. I'm losing it."
Promptly, he pulled the blond into a hug, mindful of the breakfast trays between them. He didn't know how to reassure him because neither were equipped to handle the mental stress they were suffering alone. They had been kids when they were put in this position without any care for their mental well-being.
When they had pulled apart, Bertholdt pointed to Reiner's tray. "Now, finish your breakfast." Reiner laughed, amazing Bertholdt with how incredibly soft he could look, even with his imitating build.
"Well, you too." Reiner threw his arm around his friend's shoulders again.
Bertholdt had almost forgotten to mention his upcoming conversation with Smith, and he wanted to be sure that Reiner was okay with him sharing more personal information about them. "I'm not going to if you don't want me to but I think they might help us. At the least Hanji."
The blond had taken a moment to think before agreeing with his friend.
"I trust you, Bertl. I'm okay with it."
For the next few hours, they tried to amuse themselves with dumb games or conversation. Both were lying on the bed. Bertholdt had his legs propped up the wall while Reiner used his chest as a pillow. Right now, they could almost forget their unfortunate predicament.
"You know,-" Reiner laughed, making Bertholdt laugh too, even before he knew why his friend was laughing. "You slept exactly like this once." He pointed at Bertholdt's legs. He definitely couldn't remember that. "But I think nothing was worse than when you used me as a footrest." The blond slapped his thigh as his laughter continued.
Bertholdt denied it, blushing with embarrassment. "No, I think you're making this up now."
The playful conversation continued until the high-ranking scouts interrupted them once again. Both warriors quickly got up from the bed when they saw the scouts looking at them. Bertholdt was surprised when they hadn't shown up before breakfast, like the days before. The commander had gotten Bertholdt from his cell, and they wordlessly walked into a room next to the cells. As they left, he gave Reiner a small smile, a promise that everything would work out alright.
The other room looked similar to their cells. Cold stone walls and a few torches that warmed up the room. The three sat down at an old wooden table that was in the middle of the room. Bertholdt was sitting, still in his cuffs, on one side with the scouts looking at him intently from the other.
Smith had his hands folded on the table, his face stern as always. "So, care to explain what happened yesterday?" He said, straight to the point.
It was a difficult topic and Bertholdt wasn't sure where to start.
"I'm not sure how to explain it. Sometimes it's like Reiner is a different person. Like yesterday, he doesn't remember something that happened."
The scouts exchanged a glance before Hanji calmly spoke up. "I'm not a medical doctor, but this is still my area of expertise and I've read about something like this happening before. I might be able to help. How about you start from the beginning?"
His lungs were burning, and sweat and tears were streaming down his face. He could feel his hair sticking to his forehand as he ran across the field right behind Annie.
The panic was overwhelming as they desperately tried to find Reiner. All of them had run away when the titan emerged from under the ground. He wasn't sure what happened to him after Marcel had pushed him out of the way. Since then they hadn't been able to find Reiner and he was terrified he would never see his best friend again. The relief Bertholdt felt when he saw Reiner's small form huddled on the ground was quickly pushed away when Annie kicked him. The boy was completely panicking, hiding behind his arms in an attempt to protect himself. He calmed a bit when he saw Bertholdt.
The tall, brunet was indecisive about what to do as his friends shouted. He didn't want to continue this mission, not without Marcel but mostly because he didn't want to lose more of his friends. Frozen in place, he watched as Reiner snapped at them, threatening that they would all die, completely different than the small kid from a second ago. He wouldn't even listen to Bertholdt. On the other hand, Annie wasn't taking it and started beating Reiner down , screaming.
With horror he watched his friend shoot up, his face covered in blood, and his eyes were void of all emotions. Annie barely had time to react before Reiner was on her, choking her, whispering "Reiner is dead." Then Bertholdt didn't know what that meant but he knew it was nothing good. He was crying again, having to watch his friends fight, begging them to stop. Yet, he still couldn't move even when he thought that Reiner might actually kill Annie, right there.
In hindsight, Bertholdt knew that Marcel's confession about lying about Reiner's and Porco's performance and his death the next day was what broke Reiner. However, maybe he and Annie were too young to notice before it got as bad as it is now.
It got worse when they joined the military but it was a slow change over the time they spent with the people they hurt. Even then, Bertholdt hated to admit it, he didn't realize it right away . Sometimes he just ignored it when Reiner said things that didn't make sense or was acting differently.
Despite how happy Reiner seemed when they met with Annie. When they started to talk about their mission, he suddenly was detached from everyone, including Bertholdt. It was startling how cold-blooded he got when they talked about their next steps and how angry he could get when things didn't go as planned or one of the other warriors disagreed. One time before they attacked Trost, Bertholdt voiced his concerns about killing their comrades. Reiner just brushed his friend off, "They aren't our friends, Bertholdt. They are the enemy in case you forgot! Stop being so whiny." His reaction had been incredibly dismissive of his friend's emotional turmoil. It was extremely unlike Reiner, who usually was there to support everyone, no matter what. When he looked at his face, his friend was nowhere to be seen. The only thing he could see in his stern face was anger.
Not even twenty minutes later, Reiner had hugged him tight, sharing his concerns, not even mentioning their earlier conversation. He wasn't even sure if Reiner even remembered. The relief when his best friend had returned, made Bertholdt snivel as he hid his face in his shoulder. Reiner had rubbed his back, confused by Bertholdt's sudden tears.
"Hey, what's wrong?", he asked, his sympathy had returned full force, as he held the brunet for as long as he needed.
Looking back to their days as cadets was bittersweet. During those years, they had made incredible friends and it was almost possible to forget completely about Marley and their mission. Their training was hard and physically challenging if you weren't built like Reiner, but life with their comrades was light-hearted and always fun. The warriors didn't expect the island devils to be so human and make such good friends. Bertholdt would have even gone as far as calling them their family and he hopefully wasn't the only one.
Usually, Bertholdt was the first one to retreat back to the barracks after dinner to get some alone time, at least until Reiner had realized his absence and came to him. With the bit of alone time he got, he used it mostly to read.
With a dramatic sigh, Reiner flung himself on their bed, next to Bertholdt. The blond laid down over his friend's chest, belly downwards. His face was buried in the soft sweater Bertholdt was wearing, letting out a deep breath. Flushed by the physical contact, the brunet decided to rest his hands on his friend's back as he continued the book. "What are you reading?" Reiner asked, muffled by the fabric in front of his face. His left hand was limply resting on his chest, making his heart beat fast. Hopefully, Reiner couldn't feel it.
"My father's short story book." He answered, staring at the page without reading, being too distracted by his friend's physical affection. Reiner raised his head for a moment to look at the book, squinting in confusion.
"What does that say?", he nodded at the book. The book was in Eldian however, the writing from the outside world was unlike the writing from inside the walls. Bertholdt sighed as he realized that right now Reiner was fully in his recruit persona and wouldn't remember anything from before 3 years. He put the book away, deciding to let Reiner be content in not knowing the truth. Sometimes he wished he could forget about Marley too. "Doesn't matter." He tried to sound reassuring. The book was the only thing he had brought with him to Paradis, even though they weren't allowed to bring personal items. Obviously, it had been a bad idea but 12-year-old Bertholdt didn't understand that. The only thing he had thought about was his family and not the fact that Paradis had a different writing system than they had in Marley and the rest of the world. After growing up a bit, he realized that it could potentially compromise the whole mission, so he was careful to hide it from the Eldians on the island.
Hiding the book confused Reiner, yet he didn't press his friend for a reason and just went back to cuddling his warm chest. It was just a book, after all, nothing to worry about. All day Reiner had been in a bad mood, though he tried to push through. It was incredibly hard to do when you don't really know what's wrong with you but you feel like something is off. Thinking about it didn't help much because he couldn't pinpoint this weird feeling. It almost felt like he had forgotten something.
The one thing he could do was cuddle with his friend to calm down and relax. Bertholdt just had that effect on him, no matter what was going on. He hoped he could get away with acting like everything was fine for a bit longer before his friend figured out that he was bothered by something. Unfortunately, they both knew each other well enough to work things like this out fairly quickly.
For the time being, Bertholdt either didn't know yet or chose to let Reiner handle it himself, for now, considering he let Reiner be uncharacteristically clingy and silent. Sometimes even a strong warrior like Reiner needed affection, which he was always happy to provide. Gently, he rested his hand on the blond's muscular lower back.
The next day during their afternoon break, Reiner had admitted what had been bothering him. The two warriors had met up behind the training grounds to get some alone time. When Bertholdt had seen Reiner, he silently sat down next to him in the grass.
"I think something is wrong with me. I'm having blackouts.", the blond declared. By the look on his face, Bertholdt knew that he was ashamed, which was why he pulled him into a tight embrace. Desperately, Reiner returned the sentiment, gripping the brunet's shirt at the waist like his life depended on it. "I don't know what's happening to me.", Reiner sobbed earnestly into Bertholdt's shoulder. Trying to soothe his friend, he responded to Reiner's admittedly scary admission. "We'll figure this out. I'll be right here, by your side. Don't worry."
They remained there until Marco had been sent to find them and get them back to training. When the freckled boy, had turned the corner, both warriors quickly entangled themselves. The blond hid his tear-stricken face as the boy stared at them, and Marco immediately realized he had walked in on something, though he wasn't sure what. He had told them that Shadis was looking for them and never mentioned it again.
The brunette scientist was deep in thought, staring at the table, eyebrows closely drawn together. Their chin was resting in one hand. For a few moments, the room remained quiet, with both of the scouts not knowing how to react to Bertholdt's story. Of course, he had left out a few details, just like they had done during the questioning.
"Yes, I have read about two similar cases before, though this disorder hasn't been studied yet." Hanji declared, matter-of-factly. "I'm afraid there also isn't conclusive evidence for a form of treatment yet, considering it has been so rare." It was clear that Hanji was sorry to bring this bad news to Bertholdt, even though they were the enemy.
Nodding Bertholdt showed his resigned understanding, "It's fine. We've been managing it for a few years already anyway." Sadly, he did have a bit of hope that Hanji had some kind of answer for Reiner because he didn't know how to help him otherwise. Technically, Reiner insisted that he was already helping but Bertholdt didn't think he was doing enough. He had tried to remember if Marley knew what was wrong with his best friend but he couldn't. Maybe they didn't know how to help him either.
Hanji leaned forward on the table to get closer to him, wearing a small smile. "I didn't say that we don't know anything. The doctors who recordered the two cases made some pretty good theories." They waved a few written sheets of paper and went on to a ramble.
"So, in both cases, the patient had been through a lot of mental stress and trauma, usually during childhood, which caused the doctors to think that was the reason for these multiple personalities. The personalities also seem to be some sort of protection from the traumatic times that get triggered by certain stimuli. The alternate personalities talked, acted and felt differently than the others. Additionally, one of the patients had incredible memory loss when one of the alternate personalities was present and a difference in skills and knowledge."
That was a lot for Bertholdt to progress yet he couldn't help but think how relieved he was to know that Reiner wasn't the only person to experience this. Reiner definitely needed to know this too, but he wasn't sure how he would react or if it would even change anything.
Hanji continued, "That sounds like what you told us. And I think you do help Reiner to stay balanced. Also, you should tell him about this. It'll probably be the best if it comes from you." Again, Bertholdt nodded, fully in agreement with the brilliant scientist in front of him.
When they were seemingly finished with their small science rant, they pulled Smith into a corner to privately discuss something. It was obviously about the imprisoned members of the scouts and the brunet boy hoped that they would be cut at least a little slack.
Before they told him, he was led back into the cell where Reiner was impatiently waiting. When the barred door was closed, the commander surprisingly announced what Bertholdt had hoped for. "Braun, Hoover. Starting tomorrow you will have some additional privileges, considering your forthcoming behavior. This, of course, comes with certain conditions. We will discuss this in detail tomorrow." The scouts left again.
Shocked, the warriors looked at each other, confused by the commander's announcement.
The brunet was mentally preparing himself for the conversation he would have with his close friend. It was something he had been dreading since he first noticed the other's weird behavior all those years ago when they were only kids. Hanji had been reassuring, but Reiner would mostly not feel the same from knowing more about what was going on with him. Yet, Bertholdt was hopeful that it would bring him some comfort in this messed up situation.
Reiner's wide, warm eyes were fixed on him from the second the brunet had told him to sit down. The two of them sat on the hard mattress, thighs pressed together as he retold his conversation with Hanji, trying his best to be understanding and calm for the other. However, nothing could have prepared him for the tears that gathered in the blond's eyes. Quickly, he pulled the other into a tight hug. He could feel Reiner desperately clutching his back as he sobbed into his shoulder.
Bertholdt moves them to the bed, to sit down, holding onto Reiner's hands . Before relaying Hanji's research as gently as possible. Solemly, Reiner nodded along with teary eyes. After he was done he waited for the other to speak, but Reiner stayed quiet. "Reiner?"
To his surprise, Reiner smiled at him, taking a shaky breath. "It's great to know that I'm not the only one, I guess. That this isn't abnormal." Returning the smile, Bertholdt nodded. "You know, things are looking up."
"Yes, maybe we can still help Paradis." The brunet responded.
"Can I tell you something?" Reiner asked, waiting for Bertholdt's go-ahead. The blond felt the thumping in his chest hard. "I love you. And I don't mean like a friend. It doesn't matter what I remember or not, you're my family and I'm in love you ."
For a moment, Bertholdt was stunned. But quickly, he pulled himself together and leaned forward. Softly, he pressed his lips to Reiners, tasting the salty tears he had just shed. The kiss was short but loaded with years of emotions. Smiling, they breathed the same air.
"I love you, too Reiner."