Chapter Text
The dirt ground hushed under bare feet as two little boys walked down the dark path. It was night time, passed bedtime for sure…if they had one.
“I’m hungry!”
The younger of the two boys complained.
“We aren’t far.”
“But I’m tired!”
‘Me too.’ The older boy thought. He had been up early, helping a neighbor take their green waste to the wharf before school. The neighbor had promised him a little pocket money if he helped, and the boy was keen to eat today.
“We’re almost there.”
“NO! I want to go home!”
The older boy turned to his little brother in frustration. They had been walking on the poorly lit dirt path for less than fifteen minutes and it seemed for fourteen of those minutes, his little brother had been complaining.
“You know we can’t go home, Dad’s been drinking, plus there’s no food there.”
He turned around and continued walking. They had taken this path so many times, he could walk it with his eyes closed.
“So! He’s only angry at you! You didn’t help him today!”
“I had to go to school. I’ve already missed three days now.”
Frustration bubbled up in the older boy's chest.
‘Why did he have to miss school? Why couldn’t he stay and play like everyone else his age?’
“We are almost to Grandpa Dio’s house. Please, let’s just keep going.”
“NO! It’s your fault dad gets so angry, you are a bad son! Then he gets angry at me...which means you're a bad brother too!”
Angry tears started to form in the older boy’s eyes, he turned in time to see his brother drop to the ground, arms crossed over his little chest. The older boy walked over to his little brother and squatted down in front of him.
“Do you really think I’m a bad brother?”
“Yes!”
His little brother leant forward and hit him. It didn’t hurt physically, but the older boy felt it strike his heart deep.
“You're wearing my only pair of shoes so your feet don’t get dirty. You're wearing my only jacket so you won’t get cold. I got up early today to make enough money for school lunch…which I shared with you…And you say I’m a bad brother?”
“I HATE YOU!”
His little brother kicked him with his own shoes. The older boy stood, turning quickly to walk up the dirt path alone. This wasn’t the first, or even the tenth time his little brother forgot who took care of him when his mother was working, or their father was missing or drunk and passed out.
If he was a good person. A good brother, it wouldn’t matter what his little brother said. He would carry him the rest of the way. But every time he’d done it in the past, his little brother punched and kicked him harder. And the older boy was done being hit for the day.
His lip was already split. His left eye was throbbing and swollen. His head hurt from where he had been dragged by it. His arm hurt from where it had been twisted. His thigh hurt from where he had been kicked. And his stomach hurt…but that was normal, he was always hungry.
Tonight he decided not to be a good person. Leaving his little brother to scream out a list of all the reasons he hated him today. It didn’t matter how hard he worked on the boat for his father. The man spent ALL the money they made on alcohol. The woman he married…his little brother’s mother, worked to pay for the roof over their heads and the water in their taps.
Hiding what little she could to buy food. But as the older boy was not hers by blood, he was not hers to feed. Or so she said. His father had never minded that his wife only ever set the table for three and not four. So the older boy learnt very quickly to eat whenever he got the chance.
His ‘family’ lived in a two bedroom apartment on the second largest merling island. He and his little brother had once shared rooms, until he started putting school before being his father’s slave. He had failed too many exams, and was being teased about being held back again.
The older boy was already teased for being poor. For being dirty. For smelling like fish. For dressing in ripped clothing. For carrying his school things in a plastic bag. For being covered in bruises. None of that he could truly help. But being teased for being dumb? That he could fix.
He had stayed after class to read in the school library. He had walked to the public library after school and stayed there until it closed. He left early before his father woke up and did yard work for neighbours to earn money for food. He even spent a weekend going from house to house, offering to wash peoples cars, in hopes he could make enough money to buy some old school exercise books and a bigger pair of shoes, he’d seen at the secondhand shop in town.
The same shoes that were on his little brother’s feet. The jacket he had found in the library’s Lost & Found box. It had been sitting there for three weeks before he finally took it. One of the pockets had a hole in it, and there was a stain on the sleeve, but it was still the nicest thing he owned.
With all his studying and hard work, came the benefits. His very first A ! The older boy had been so proud of himself, staring at the mark like he’d won a prize. A few more of them and school wouldn’t hold him back another grade again. Unfortunately for the older boy, his good mood was short-lived when he went home and found his things on the overgrown lawn.
His punishment for choosing school over fishing for his father had resulted in him being kicked out of the house. So, with his plastic bags of clothes and books, the older boy walked to Grandpa Dio’s house and stayed with him…until his father dragged him to the fishing trawler one morning.
Sniffles and sobs could be heard a few feet behind him as his little brother followed him down the dirt path. He refused to look back.
“M-m-my feet -h-hurt…”
He ignored his brother.
“I said m-my feet hurt…”
He walked a little faster.
“Slow d-down!”
He spun on his feet and watched his little brother slowly catch up to him. Dragging his feet across the dry dirt path.
“My feet hurt.”
“So do mine.”
His little brother sniffled, wiping snot on his jacket.
“C-carry me.”
“What?
“My feet hurttttt. Carrrrrrryyyyy mmeeee!”
He stared at his little brother.
“No.”
His little brother blinked at him, confused. He had never said no before.
“You said I’m a bad brother. So I’ll be a bad brother…”
The older boy turned and started walking away.
“I HATE YOU!!! I WISH YOU WOULD JUST DIE!!! I HATE YOU FOREVER!!!”
The older boy had felt guilty, but the sting of his little brother’s angry words had him facing forward. His sore body was taking one step at a time. His little brother’s whining and wailing stopped the second they got to Grandpa Dio’s house.
Grandpa Dio was sitting on his little stool outside his small shack. He stood slowly and greeted them kindly. He wasn’t really their grandpa, just one of the many elders that took in abandoned sons. He had always been old. But now he seemed smaller…more fragile.
The older boy sat at the small wooden table, listening to his little brother complain to Grandpa Dio about everything being his older brother’s fault. The list was long. And although the older boy knew most of it wasn’t his fault. He still felt immense guilt for being labeled lazy, rude…a troublemaker.
He sat there, quietly. Listening to Grandpa Dio tell him to be kinder to his little brother. Waves of anger, disappointment, guilt and loneliness built up inside him, only to pull back like the tide. He stared at the grilled fish and plain rice Grandpa Dio had given him for their dinner. Wondering when would his little brother be told to be kinder to him?
“I’m still hungry…”
“Ohhh I don’t have any more sorry, Sun. But I’m sure your big brother will share with you.”
The older boy looked at his untouched meal. Then looked at Grandpa Dio, who nodded to him with kind encouragement. Feeling helpless, but not wanting to disappoint Grandpa Dio, the older boy pushed his meal over to his little brother, and watched as it quickly disappeared. When his little brother finished his meal, the older boy sat at the small wooden table, staring at the empty space in front of him.
“I’m still hungryyyy…”
Grandpa Dio chuckled, ruffling his little brother’s head. He cleared the dishes and laid a sleeping mat and blanket for them to share. When they were settled, Grandpa told them a story of mermaids and gullible fishermen. Of sea monsters the size of mountains and ugly sirens with beautiful voices.
As the elderly man spoke, he walked over to an old set of draws. Pulling out a little tin of medicinal ointment. Grandpa Dio very gently applied the ointment to the older boy’s cut lip, bruised eye and bruised arm. His little brother watched while slowly taking all of the blanket for himself.
Grandpa Dio stood up on shaky legs, joints popping as he groaned. The older boy lay still, staring at the ceiling. He was cold, sore, and hungry. But none of it compared to the emptiness he felt. Had he done wrong in a past life?
“Mmmm…so warm.”
His little brother rolled back and forth as he cocooned himself in their only blanket. The older boy turned his head to stare at his brother, who smiled smugly at him from his side of the mat.
“You said I was a bad brother.”
His little brother ignored him.
“You said you hated me and wished I was dead.”
Still his little brother ignored him. The older boy stared at his brother until the smaller boy finally turned his head to look at him.
“Every time I look at you, I’ll remember those words.”
His little brother stared at him, but before he had a chance to reply, the older boy stood and walked out, grabbing his shoes and jacket.
“Hey! You can’t take those!”
Outside Grandpa Dio sat on his little stool, smoking.
“Thank you, Grandpa.”
He said quietly.
“You are always welcome. But it is past bedtime, get some rest.”
The older boy put on his shoes and jacket, before turning back to the older man. He was smiling kindly at him. It made the boy think of how nice his life had been before his father claimed him. There wasn’t much to go around, but they made do.
The words were on the tip of his tongue. ‘Everyone hated me. Everything hurts.’
Grandpa Dio stood up, cupping his head gently, before hugging him. The older boy wanted to enjoy the hug. When was the last time he was hugged? A few birthdays ago? Who hugged him then?
‘Tell him you don’t want to live with a dad that uses you for free labor!’
Grandpa Dio pulled away, patting his cheek softly.
‘Tell him you don’t want to live with that woman that holds no place for him!’
The older boy stared into the elderly man’s large black eyes.
‘Tell him you don’t want to live with a little brother that hates you!’
He opened his mouth. Grandpa Dio smiled at him.
“Yes?”
‘Tell him you don’t want to live anymore! Tell him! Tell him!’
The words were there. Right on the tip of his tongue. But the only thing that come out was;
“I love you, Grandpa.”
The elderly man smiled and patted his cheek once more.
“I know you do, sweet boy. Come…it’s time for bed.”
When Grandpa Dio turned, the older boy walked away.
“Where are you going? Mut? Mahasamut!”
Mut ran to the beach. The very same one he’d been abandoned on when he was a baby. It was where he always went when he wanted to escape. When he was really young, he used to sit on the beach for hours, looking at the water, hoping his mother would come back for him. But she never did. Mut didn’t truly know who his mother actually was. The merlings only took their daughters. They, at least, were worthy of keeping.
Sitting on the cold sand, Mut rubbed the little scar on his wrist. He had a matching scar on his hip.
Eight years ago, when he’d been abandoned by his mother, and unclaimed by his father, he had been left on this beach to die. Only found by Grandpa Dio when his wails of pain carried to where the elderly man was walking that morning. By the time Mut had finally been found, the crabs had already started eating him…
The chill in the air was the only indication that winter was approaching. Soon his father would be anchoring his trawler and falling directly into a bottle for the next three months. There was probably only one or two more days left before the waters closed for winter.
Meaning food and clean water would be scarce for him. Mut wished he didn’t feel too guilty to steal. He had tried it once. Being so hungry he slipped an apple into his pocket from the market. He brought it back to the fruit and veg seller, placing it gently in the box it came from.
Mut went back the next day and asked to work for food. He worked from the early morning to the mid afternoon when the stall closed. And was given a box of fruit and vegetables for his efforts. Happy and relieved, he went home to show his family.
That night, as he watched his step-mother cook with the vegetables he brought home, Mut found himself confused when there was still no place at the table with his family. He had gone to bed hungry once again, unable to understand what he had done to be excluded, and what he needed to do to earn a place at his family's table…
Taking off his shoes and jacket. Mut walked to the ocean’s edge. What would be in that deep darkness tonight? A shark? A leviathan? A monster that would see a little boy as an easy snack?
Should he fill his pockets with stones first? Would it matter?
Mahasamut took one step forward, then another. The black water making him shiver as it slowly soaked into his thin clothing. At heads deep, Mut felt the terror of the dark water around him
‘Would it hurt?’
‘Did you matter?’
He thought about it more and more. A few moments of pain, then nothing. No more hunger. No more bruising and broken limbs. No more loneliness. And, as Mut swam lazily in the dark ocean, he could admit; it was the loneliness that hurt the most. He was always alone. Even in a room full of students. Even at home with his…family.
The moon had been full three days ago. But with the clear skies, the moon shone bright across the water, creating a silver blanket that rippled. As pretty as it was, he couldn’t shake the feeling of nervousness as the time passed.
His muscles were starting to ache as the cold water slowly froze him. Drowning hadn’t been his top way to go. But maybe the cold would send him to sleep? Honestly, he just hoped it would be quick.
Turning his head around, Mut looked at the dark mounds that were the ‘breeding’ islands and decided to swim for between them. How long would it take to get to the triangles edge before tiring?
With a new goal in mind, Mut swam hard for the middle. His legs were trying to kick off the concrete that seemed to set in his leg muscles. Soon his arms felt heavy…his chest burnt from the exertion. Looking around, it felt like he had gotten nowhere. Too far from his island home, but not far enough to the line.
Wiping away the salt water stinging his eyes, Mut watched the moonlight on the calm black water.
‘Why was this taking so long?’
‘Maybe the monsters don’t want him either…’
Mut drifted back. Letting his arms and legs spread out to drift on the water like a starfish. The moon was so bright. And the stars! There were so many. Looking like some giant god threw glitter into the sky. From where he floated, those stars made him feel really small. Insignificant…
One single hot tear fell down the side of Mut’s face. Before another joined it. Soon, tears began to fall easily as Mut let himself fall into his own emptiness. That huge bottomless cavern where his heart should be. He wanted to curl up inside it and disappear forever. But it was lonely there! He was always so lonely.
Mut’s silent tears turned it sniffles then eventually brokenhearted sobs.
‘Please…please…I don’t want to be alone anymore! If there are any gods listening. Please…can I have someone? Anyone! I promise I won’t be picky. Please…please…’
When his crying finally subsided, and he felt his exhaustion finally take over, Mut pushed his body down once more, hoping the journey back to the beach would be quick. He looked around the black waters once more before turning towards home.
Mut’s body jolted in the water. Fear filling his veins faster than any ice water could.
In front of him, was a head. It was pale in the moonlight, with dead pale eyes that shone in the dark and a large flat beak that took up most of its face. The ugly creature stared at him, before its horrifying mouth opened, showing long thin needle-like teeth.
On instinct, Mut slammed his hands into it, but his body had frozen. Before he could scream, the creature moved forward, and Mut was suddenly pulled under the water…