Chapter Text
Nozomi felt as if her head was splitting at the seams, hot, oozing lava seeping into the wrinkles of her brain as every memory these past few years had flashed back into her mind.
She wanted to scream and cry and shout until there was nothing left of her, but the rise and fall of Takumi's chest against her back shocked her into exhaling a simple, empty huff.
It was the dead of night and she was finally herself. Her stomach twisted in knots, thinking about everything that had happened up until now.
Takumi took and he took and he took and he took until there was nothing left. He had taken her friends, he had taken humanity, he had taken Futurum, and he had taken her .
“Nozomi?” He mumbled groggily.
His voice was revolting .
He said it so gently, like nothing was wrong. Like he had never done anything wrong. Like he—
The guilt pricked at her like a bush full of thorns, tears streaming down her face at the realization.
This was her fault, wasn't it?
She waited too long to stop Takumi. She let this happen. If she had only done a little more, then—
“You're crying…?” He muttered, his lips parting in a subtly aghast way as he stared at her in the darkness.
He wiped a tear off her cheek, and she fought the overwhelming urge to swat his hand away from her face.
“Did somebody hurt you?”
His face turned dark, then. That horrendous expression. She had seen it too many times. She knew what was going to happen every time he narrowed his eyes like that .
“No…” She meekly replied, sniffling and shaking her head, her heart pounding out of her chest.
His firm grimace stayed.
Why? Why didn't he believe in her? She just wanted him to believe in her, just once… back then, if he had, then things wouldn't come to this. Why didn't—
“You're too nice.” He smiled, then. He smiled like it was cute. Like her panic was nothing short of adorable. “But the rules are the rules. Even without that, how could I ever forgive someone for hurting my Nozomi?”
No. No no no no no nonononono—
She couldn't stop trembling, her body wracked with shaky sobs.
“D— don't kill… anyone…” She choked out, holding her knees to her chest for comfort.
He fell silent at those words. Too quiet.
She couldn't sit by and watch it anymore. She couldn't sit by, fading in and out consciousness, the scent of blood always invading her nostrils as Takumi stood by her side, in front of another corpse.
“Would you like me to torture them, instead?” He suggested, raising an eyebrow.
“No…!” She gasped, a little too loudly.
She couldn't think straight. No, she was absolutely going to blow it. Takumi was going to find out that the brainwashing was undone, that she was lucid, and, and—
He blinked, absolutely dumbfounded.
Please, don't notice.
She didn't know what Takumi would do to her. She was paralyzed by fear, entangled in the web of his arms, feeling suffocated and constricted like a bug under his heel.
“Okay. You can pick the punishment.” He decided then, nonchalantly.
Oh, thank God. Oh, she was so relieved. The relief and the anxiety and all of the conflicting emotions she held made bile bubble up in her throat, but she pushed it back down. As much as he probably deserved it, she was not going to puke on him.
“Hmph.” He hummed, studying her as she wiped away her tears.
Calm down, Nozomi.
She could do this. She could act… normal.
“What is it?” She asked, mirroring his nonchalant tone and ignoring the beads of sweat dampening her neck.
She could fix things. Look, she just fixed one thing, in a way.
“Nothing… I'm glad you're interested in our proceedings, for once.”
Nozomi wanted to die.
The sheer implication that she'd ever enjoy something like that was enough to—
No, no. She had to focus. She curled her lips into a smile, delicate and pretty, just for him. Just for the person she wanted to relentlessly punch and apologize to and deeply mourn simultaneously.
It was an innocent, giving smile. Everything he was not. Everything she was not.
And Takumi took the bait, hook, line and sinker, kissing her on the cheek.
“I love you.” He grinned, easing back down on the bed and pulling her back into his arms.
Her stomach settled into a more tolerably raw feeling. It would be okay. She could handle this. She had changed something.
“I love you too, Su— Takkun .”
It was strange how such a monster could look so peaceful in his sleep.
Takumi had found “them” the following morning.
Or more specifically, some poor man that confessed to the alleged sin of upsetting her. Nozomi didn't know what Takumi did to produce that kind of confession, and frankly, she didn't want to know.
The man knelt before Takumi, pressing his forehead to the ground, clasping his hands together in prayer— begging for mercy.
“Please, God, please spare me…! I know I have done something unforgivable to Lady Kirifuji, but I—”
“She will be the one deciding your fate. Not me.” He interjected, turning his head towards Nozomi.
Despite those words, she still spotted Takumi's sword at his side.
Her stomach dropped at his inability to listen. Was he going to kill the poor man no matter what she said, as punishment for defying his authority? Was he waiting on her call to let him kill the man, like his bloodlust filled gaze clearly craved? Was he going to kill her?
Nozomi didn't know. She could never read this Takumi. He was enigmatic, manipulative, sadistic— and yet, she didn't know if that was even true either. What even was he?
Regardless, she stepped over to the shivering man at her feet, who briefly turned up his eyes to catch a glimpse of her. She could tell how desperate he was for her empathy, and it made her frown.
She had no choice now. If Takumi killed her now, at least it would all be over with. She wouldn't have to think about this, but the fact she was so comfortable about such a thought filled her with a wildly contorted sense of rage and dread.
She tried pulling her mind back to the task at hand, Takumi was starting to get clearly impatient; idly tapping his foot.
She didn't have time to waste, she had to give this man a punishment. Letting him go wasn't an option, not after last night. Takumi would know, then, that she was herself, and not his toy.
She took a moment to breathe before speaking.
“As punishment… I'd like you to clean out every home in this neighborhood. To… free yourself from your sin,” she paused, pondering what would be good to say, “you must also extend your apology to the rest of this family.”
It was a complete load of bullshit.
Honestly, she had come up with that last part to try and sound confident, but she failed to consider how Takumi would take it in that moment. The anxiety piled back on top of her shoulders, as if hot coals were burrowing into her back.
“Oh, thank you, Lady Kirifuji…! Thank you for your mercy, I don't deserve it! I'll clean everything until it's spotless, no— more than that! My wife will be so happy to see me free from my sins…”
The man was elated, as if the weight of death itself had been lifted off his shoulders. Nozomi was… glad to see someone smiling so earnestly in this situation. She was glad she could spare a single life, although—
“Yes…” She paused, for a moment, realizing she couldn't just tell him “you're welcome.” Takumi was watching… he hadn't moved yet, so maybe her punishment was okay?
She couldn't let her guard down, though.
“Be— be sure to avoid committing any sins in the future. I can't always promise mercy. You may leave.”
She hated everything about saying those words. She hated the fact that she felt compelled to threaten the man who she had already given undue punishment, but—
The man stood up, and he looked so happy. Absolutely overjoyed. The last time he had seen someone so happy was when her mom—
She brushed the memory away, averting her eyes as the man quietly walked out the door.
What was this feeling welling up inside her? Why in the world was she… happy?
Happy. She was happy. The thought terrified her, but it didn't shake that immovable feeling. The warm, fuzzy feeling in her heart.
She couldn't be feeling that way. Not now. Not until she fixed everything, not until—
It was then that Takumi held her by the chin.
“...I was behaving well, right?” He softly asked.
Nozomi's lips parted in shock.
“It took so much effort to stop myself from killing that bastard, but I did what you wanted, right?”
He looked so desperate. Desperate for her validation. When had he been so insecure? He was always so arrogant, delusionally believing he was God, doing anything and everything he pleased, but—
She didn't understand. She didn't understand at all.
“Y— yes. Thank you, Takkun.” She nearly whispered.
He turned his head, a far-off look in his eyes, before looking back at her.
“Why did you spare him?”
Nozomi froze.
“I—”
“You didn't know him personally, did you?” He glowered at the spot where the man had prayed, the tone of his voice as sharp as steel.
“No, I didn't but…” She meekly trailed off, cut down by his coldness.
She then took a shaky breath before elaborating. Relax. Or at least try to.
“If we kill all sinners, then we'll reduce our numbers in the end, right?”
He turned his head back to her, narrowing his eyes.
“But sinners must be killed so they don't do it again. It keeps the others in line too; people are born afraid of death.”
“Not all sins are worth killing over, though. That— that man, he'll change, and he's doing a service to the family in the process.” She challenged, her voice still coming out weak in contrast to her will. “If— if he was dead, he wouldn't be useful to us as a corpse.”
She felt so sickened with herself, talking about another human being like this. Talking like humans were things to be used and destroyed and pulled apart like dolls—
“You're questioning me.” He pointed out, flatly.
Her stomach dropped. She had gotten so passionate about the subject that—
“I'm not sure why you are, but… it seems you have a point. I know not everyone agrees with what I have to do as God, so being more merciful could ease some of the rumors around us from the rebellion…”
So… he was fine with it? Nozomi was still confused.
“I'll reward you later. I have to talk to Aotsuki in a few minutes about a status report. You should go to our room for now.”
He walked off without looking back, leaving Nozomi's jaw dropped to the floor. While ignoring the former part of what he'd said for the sake of her sanity——
It felt as if the world was spinning in madness.