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It had never been a secret that Yuuri didn't love him back.
Wolfram slowed in his walk back to his fiancé's room for the night, dragging the tips of his fingers against the stone wall absently. The wimp wasn't very good at being subtle about much of anything, though he had been trying a bit harder of late.
For instance, Wolfram was sure that Yuuri would like it to be a secret that he hated the meat pies that routinely made their way onto the royal tables at supper. Yuuri would smile widely at the cook and take a large bite, but then his nose would wrinkle for half a moment before he could swallow.
Wolfram was also sure it was meant to be a secret that Yuuri's left eyebrow would twitch when he dreamed.
Or maybe that wasn't a secret so much as it was part of the catalog of things that Wolfram was sure he was the only one who knew. Like how Yuuri was most comfortable sleeping curled up on his right side-- as far away from Wolfram as he could get. Or how he always seemed to smile widest when he returned from playing baseball with the rest of the castle. Even though Wolfram resented his fiancé's devotion to the silly Earth sport, he always liked it when Yuuri came back to the room after a long practice.
Yuuri would sigh and make silly comments about the game, lying back on the big bed and yammering on with his eyes closed. Wolfram treasured those opportunities, the little moments Yuuri gave him to drink in the sight of him. Yuuri's uniform would cling in places, and even from across the room Wolfram could enjoy the smell of him. Like outside and joy and a childhood Wolfram had missed.
Because, really, Yuuri was young. It was one of the things Wolfram liked to remind himself of when he was rejected time and time again.
He'll grow up. He'll grow out of it.
He'll grow up, find a woman, and make a real family for himself.
And so in reality, Wolfram knew should be grateful for this time. When Yuuri wasn't grown up enough to reject him properly. When there was still time for Wolfram to delude himself with hope.
But there was something about the way Yuuri had been acting the past couple of days that worried him. He was being more evasive than usual, and when Wolfram did manage to corner him, his fiancé would refuse to look him in the eyes. Something was going on and Wolfram was a little reluctant to discover what it was.
He supposed that was the reason he was taking so long to get back to the room. Wolfram took a deep breath as he looked at the large double doors. The silver handle was cold and smooth as he let his hand rest there a moment before twisting it down. The room was oddly bright-- normally the wimp only had the patience to light a few candles before Wolfram arrived to light up the room with a wave of his hand. It was odd, Wolfram thought as he pushed open the door.
"SURPRISE!"
Wolfram jumped backward and drew his sword. Then felt more than a little silly when his fiancé and daughter emerged holding a slightly asymmetrical cake.
Greta laughed. "Papa! You should have seen your face!"
Wolfram humphed, feeling his cheeks heat, and slid his sword back into its scabbard. "You shouldn't startle soldiers, Greta, it's dangerous." He eyed the two of them, one eyebrow slightly raised. "What's this all about?"
Yuuri laughed nervously and avoided his eyes. "Well... I was going over the plans for Greta's birthday celebration next week and it hit me--"
"You've been my Papa for three years and we've never had a proper party, it's not fair--" Greta interrupted.
"But then when I asked Conrad he mentioned how it wasn't really appropriate for mazoku to celebrate every year and you'd probably light the castle on fire--"
"But you're my very special Papa Wolf and we just had to do something even if it wasn't the right day!"
"So since we couldn't do anything big we-- Greta thought--"
"Family is most important at birthdays so really we should have something for just the three of us! I get to have both of you all to myself for a while." His daughter beamed.
Wolfram blinked. He felt like he had just been punched in the chest and the ache was spreading up his throat. "Oh."
Greta made sure Yuuri had a good hold on the cake before running forward to grab Wolfram's arm, dragging him into the room. A small table had been set up with three chairs and Yuuri placed the cake in the middle. Since the floor had started to wobble, Wolfram decided that the best thing to do was to sit heavily in his designated cushioned seat. His daughter gave him a hug before rushing off to grab a package sitting on the dresser.
Yuuri sat in the spot beside him and smiled as Greta came back with the gift-- still not really looking at him.
"This is for you!" Greta smiled, pushing the package into his hands.
The paper was very fine, the type of thing Mother always layered everything in when he was a child. The embossed floral pattern stood out like velvet and made his fingers numb. He stared at the box in his hands, rubbing his thumb across the stiff ridge of a folded corner. When he was a child he had always torn into the boxes without thinking-- now he wanted the moment to last forever.
Greta seemed to have other plans for the primly wrapped box. "It's from both of us! Open it, open it!"
Wolfram, as always, was unable to resist the pleas of his cute daughter and slid his thumb carefully under a ridge, pulling an edge from beneath a fold and eventually unwrapping the entire square of decorative paper. The crease-worn crumple fell to the floor before teetering for a moment in its odd shape. Wolfram pulled the lid from the top of the box, revealing the pink knitted top of -- something.
"It's a bearbee!" Greta announced, mouth wide in a toothy grin. "Gwendal helped."
Wolfram pulled the stuffed creation from the box. It certainly had his older brother's... flair. But somehow it was recognizable for what it was. He had such a talented daughter! The pressure in his chest rose and Wolfram had to hold the stuffed bearbee tighter to keep his hands from shaking. It was so perfect, looking up at him with button eyes.
"Well... I guess I didn't help that much with the present, but happy birthday, Wolf."
By the time Wolfram was able to tear his eyes from his gift to look at his wimpy fiancé, the other boy's attention had already been taken by Greta.
"But Yuuri! The bearbee was your idea--"
Sound left him for a moment as Wolfram's ears rang with the pumping of his heart. Yuuri and Greta, smiling, laughing, playing.
So perfect.
He bit the inside of his cheek lest the smile on his face become improper. And a few seconds later the world came rushing back.
"--normally we would have already lit the candles, but it's so much more fun to watch you do it!" Greta tugged his shoulder. "This time a dragon!"
Wolfram moved back farther in his chair as Greta maneuvered her way onto his lap. For some reason it was hard to speak and so he simply raised his hand for a moment to signal silence and began to center the magic. He wouldn't need much, but the theatrics of what his daughter had in mind required concentration. It was a frivolous trick, he knew, and Gwendal had always discouraged the sort of thing when he was younger, but after all, wasn't his daughter worth a little frivolity?
Wolfram took in a breath, and as he exhaled the power danced from his fingers. The fire took no shape at first, a few wisps in the direction of the charmingly lopsided cake topped with an exorbitant number of candles, but quickly took the form of a tiny dragon, spiraling around the candles until every one was topped with its own flame. The tiny fire shape blew a puff of smoke before flickering back into air.
Greta laughed and Wolfram felt his chest swell with pride.
"Showoff." Yuuri grinned from beside him.
"Wimp," Wolfram snapped out of habit.
Greta sighed, shaking her head. "Enough, you two. It's time for cake!"
Minutes later found them all seated around the table with large slices of spice cake. Wolfram still didn't really know what to say and Yuuri still seemed to be looking everywhere but at him. However, for the most part their silence went unquestioned. Greta was talking enough for the both of them.
It was almost perfect. Watching his daughter talk happily about her day, her life. Watching his fiancé smile and look at their daughter with the same pride that Wolfram felt. For this moment, they were a family. Yuuri's wimpy Earth prejudices couldn't ruin this.
And so while Wolfram enjoyed the moment, he also enjoyed the cake. As a child Wolfram had been particularly fond of spice cake and had made himself sick on more than one occasion trying to stuff as much into his mouth as he could before someone caught him in the kitchens. It was just so... good. Sweet and creamy and giving him an incomparable feeling of full that he'd needed sometimes when Conrad was playing with his father and Gwendal had too many papers to read. Wolfram never let himself indulge in such weaknesses anymore. But this... his daughter had made. And it was wonderful.
Even after three pieces he still wasn't tired of the way the soft pastry fell apart on his tongue. Wasn't tired of the satisfaction he got from pressing the spork into the slice, the way the slightest pressure was all it took for the silver utensil to slip all the way from icing to plate. Wolfram closed his eyes for a moment to fully enjoy the sensation but was forced to open them again when the chatter around him fell silent.
Greta and Yuuri were giving each other strange looks across the table and Wolfram's earlier concerns about a conspiracy came back full force. Yuuri had been acting strangely all evening...
Their daughter yawned. "Well, I'm off to bed." She got up and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday, Papa Wolf." Then she paused. "And don't eat too much cake, you'll make yourself sick."
Wolfram humphed. "Don't be ridiculous." Then he brought his daughter into another hug. "Thank you, Greta. The gift, everything, was wonderful."
She grinned at him before pulling away to head for the door. Yuuri stood up to see her out and they paused for a moment to gesture and whisper in a conspicuous manner.
Wolfram cut himself another piece of cake and tried to ignore it. Of course Yuuri wanted Greta to stay longer, wanted to avoid being alone with him. This was nothing new. Wolfram took a large bite of cake and convinced himself that the ache in his chest was simply a result of too much frosting.
Once Greta left, Yuuri shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way back to the table. His cheeks were pale and he kept worrying his bottom lip. Wolfram startled himself when his spork clinked awkwardly on the plate. His hand was shaking.
It was just too much sugar.
Yuuri opened his mouth to say something, but must have thought better of it because he quickly coughed and grabbed the fabric of his pants over his knees too tight, knuckles white against black fabric.
That was it. Yuuri was up to something. Something Yuuri thought Wolfram didn't want to hear.
And Wolfram was sure he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear that Yuuri had given it a lot of thought but that their engagement should be terminated officially. That he had found some pretty girl on Earth and needed to clear up any misunderstandings before he brought her here. That he had finally realized he'd had feelings for Weller--
"Wolfram?" Yuuri's voice snapped him out of his spiral into slightly irrational, unfortunate conclusions.
Instead of answering, Wolfram put another bite of cake into his mouth and glared. This was a wonderful thing, this surprise birthday and the cake. How dare Yuuri take advantage of his good mood to tell him something he didn't want to hear.
Yuuri swallowed. "Wolfram... I thought... this would make you happy."
"I am happy," Wolfram warned. Then he placed another bite of cake into his mouth, finishing what was left on his plate.
Clearly, it was time for another piece.
Yuuri watched him with a strange expression before leaning forward with his elbows on the table, his hands were clenched, woven and covering the lower half of his face. "Wolfram... are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine." Wolfram stuck his spork into the new piece of cake and separated a bite sized portion with a triumphant clink of metal against porcelain.
Yuuri seemed content to just sit and watch him eat for the moment and so that was exactly what Wolfram did. Except, there was only so much cake, and the more he ate the more Wolfram worried about what Yuuri was going to say once he finished eating. So eventually the only thing he let himself look at was the cake-- contemplating how small he could convincingly let his bites get before it raised suspicion. Wolfram was so focused in his task that he didn't notice Yuuri had moved until his fiancé's hand was clenched on his wrist.
"Wolfram. I don't think you should eat any more," Yuuri mumbled, and tried to take the spork out of his hand. "You're going to make yourself sick."
Wolfram glared and tightened his grip on the spork. "Since when do you care about things like that?"
Yuuri's eyes went wide, hurt and wobbly. "I'm sorry... "
"No!" Wolfram snapped. "I shouldn't have-- Just..." He sighed and put down the spork.
"I just wanted you to have a good time tonight, but you seem upset and I don't know what I did wrong!" Yuuri was looking down again. "I always seem to ruin things without meaning to, and I really wanted you to be happy tonight so that... so that I could talk to you."
Ha! Wolfram had known it was all too good to be true. Yuuri would never do something like this for him if he didn't have something else on his mind. He bit his cheek, until the tingle of metallic hot removed the lingering sweet from his mouth. Wolfram refused to say anything, anything that would make it okay for Yuuri to say what he was going to say next. What was going to hurt more than he would admit. He focused everything on his wrist, where Yuuri still held him. Willingly touching him.
"Wolfram... I've been thinking..." The hand on his wrist moved up to lay on the back of his hand.
It was too soon! It couldn't be over yet! He could have tried harder... maybe if he had given Yuuri more space to act like the cheating wimp he was it wouldn't have come to this so soon. Maybe if Yuuri had been able to experiment with women he would have discovered Wolfram was better than any woman. But that was useless thinking. Hadn't Yuuri said hundreds of times how disgusting it was that Wolfram even considered their engagement legitimate?
"... it's not fair to have the... the engagement... just go on like this... and of course now there's Greta to consider, and the expectations of the Kingdom."
Oh. So maybe Yuuri was suggesting they get married for the sake of the Kingdom. He'd move from having a cheating fiancé to a cheating husband. Not that it was all that uncommon for a Maou to have multiple consorts, but part of why Wolfram was as attracted to Yuuri as he was was the hope that Yuuri would be different. Yuuri was so kind to everyone, once he chose someone he would be sure to treat them with respect... But perhaps such rules wouldn't apply to a husband? After all, Yuuri didn't think such relationships were real.
"And I-- I've done a lot of thinking. A lot. And so... this isn't a decision I've made lightly. Wolfram... do you think... do you think we could just try to... to..." Yuuri's face was redder than it had ever been. "Do you think we could maybe try acting like it wasn't a mistake... like it isn't just politics. I mean-- everything would end up the best if I could just... you know... and how can I be sure unless we try? Unless... you were only acting like you..." Yuuri looked away. "For politics."
Wolfram blinked. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying," Yuuri held his hand tighter. "That maybe we should try acting like a... a... real--" He swallowed. "Couple. It wouldn't be fair to... you know... without trying. And I think I owe it to you, to Greta, to try."
"Because that's what they all expect. The Kingdom. Because it would be easiest thing. Because you never want to disappoint anyone." Wolfram wished his voice hadn't shook.
"Well, yes." Yuuri whispered before moving from his chair onto the floor, still keeping one hand on top of Wolfram's. "That's what I told myself when I first started thinking about it. But, " Yuuri looked up at him. "It's not only that-- I care about you, Wolf. You've become my best friend, you've saved my life so many times..."
Wolfram had to use his free hand to cover most of his face. This was... this was... a terrible joke. It was a dream. It couldn't be real. He was having trouble breathing and he could feel his legs start to tremble as his body suddenly seemed lighter than the room.
"I know I've been insensitive about it before, said things without thinking. I'm sorry for that. I'm not promising that I'll... I won't know anything until I try... Until we try..." Yuuri reached up to pull Wolfram's hand from his face.
Wolfram tried to look at him like his words didn't mean anything. Yuuri couldn't know how much his words... Wolfram would never admit to so much weakness.
"Please." Yuuri's voice wavered. "Please say something... I've said it all so many times in my head... but you have to say something now because I don't... I don't know what to say next."
"Why?" Wolfram managed. "Why not just find some woman? Two men, you've always said it's disgusting." It really was like a dream, saying things he'd always wanted without worrying about the consequences. The need to know simply pulled the words out, letting reality shift from one moment to the next. "Why should I let you try just so you can feel better about it when you decide I'm not--"
"Stop." Yuuri interrupted, looking pained. "I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore! I always thought I knew... I'd always thought women were attractive, always wanted to find a girl and--"
"So why don't you--"
"Until I met you."
Wolfram blinked.
"I'd never thought a boy could be... attractive until I met you. And so now the more I--" Yuuri pulled away so he could bury his hands in his hair and close his eyes. "It's very confusing-- I can't promise you anything-- but I do.... I mean I really really do want to... try. And it makes me feel terrible and happy at the same time... because it's like I said. You're my best friend, Wolfram. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. But I want... I want to try to make you happy."
Wolfram could hardly breathe. It was all so... Yuuri. So clumsy and painful but wrapped in the best intentions. And of course he knew he would give in. He would always give Yuuri everything he wanted, even if it meant standing at his side as he married someone else. "Okay." He heard his own voice before he realized he'd spoken.
And before he could regret it Yuuri looked up at him with a maddeningly hopeful grin. "Really?" He tentatively reached for Wolfram's hand again, fingers trembling against the now upturned palm.
Wolfram shuddered against that touch. A willing touch.
"Just one more thing." Yuuri mumbled, licking his lips nervously. "Is it alright if we... keep this between us? I know I've already done terrible things for your reputation... if people knew we were..." Yuuri's face had discovered new shades of red. "... trying. I don't want anyone to know yet, it's strange enough as it is. Can it be a secret, something just for us?"
The familiar spiral of unfortunate thoughts returned. Like how Yuuri didn't want anyone to know because he was probably ashamed, because if this didn't work he didn't want other prospects to even know he'd tried. But he forced them down. This was a good thing, he convinced himself. Yuuri wanted to try, wanted to touch him, wanted to look at him with such a hopeful smile. And so he nodded, just so he could watch that special kind of grin light up his fiance's handsome face.
Besides-- Wolfram let the corners of his mouth twitch into his own smile as his fiancé's hand came up to touch his cheek-- his wimp was absolutely terrible at keeping secrets.
END