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What was death for someone who couldn't die?
Death, for gods and humans alike, meant the end of their lives, the unjust interruption of something that still had much more to give or simply the final line after living for so long and realizing the time has come.
No matter good or bad, death meant the same things: to stop living.
But what is death to those who were incapable of dying?
What is death to those who have been cursed to forever wander the ever changing lands and never meet their final destination?
It turned out, death changed meaning entirely.
Death was the unreachable promise of rest, the light at the end of a dark road filled with monsters from their past —but it was also a reminder of what they lost. You see, death didn't come just for one's last breath, it also came for everything that once surrounded you. Your people, your culture, your hymns.
Your language.
You soon find out that losing your mortality was the least of tragedies. It was the losing of your identity what hurt the most.
And to speak a dead nation's language was a curse higher than most.
To understand someone's language is to understand their heart. To be able to express and share your feelings in your native tongue, sure that someone could understand and speak to you was a feeling so human you never realize how strong it is until it's taken from you.
Something so simple, so natural to your very being you can truly only see it's impact once you yearn to listen to the familiar sounds of your mother tongue.
Dainsleif had wandered the world for 500 years and he could count with one hand the times another person spoke to him in the language he held so dear.
He talked himself to sleep in khaenriahn, fearful he would forget it if he became too accustomed to Teyvat's universal language. He has seen countless tribes and cities change or disappear until no even a glimpse of what their culture was is left, and he was left with the realization that he too came to suffer the same destiny.
Khaenri'ah was forgotten, it's existence being solely a warning of what could happen if humans got ahead of themselves and wanted to exist without a god. What was once a nation full of culture, military excellence and community, was now buried in the sand where no one dared to venture, long forgotten and long forbidden to follow it's steps as if the mere mention of the knowledge they possessed were taboo.
Losing his language, his tongue, the very way he communicated since he was an infant, was like losing his heart, and he loathed this fact most of all.
Everything fell.
Innocents or guilty didn't matter. Everything fell.
They fell.
"Welcome to Angel's Share! What would you like to drink?" The bartender's voice welcomed him as he walked into the establishment.
"I'll have one death after noon, boss"
The man nodded as he finished the drinks he was making, he walked to the only table where he would go unnoticed on the first floor, letting himself be at the back of all the noise and movement the tavern usually had.
Contrary to what anyone could believe about him, he actually liked the environment of places like these, he liked how vivid they turned at night with the bards singing and the people, for the most part, having a good time while sharing a drink. It allowed him to rest his mind for just a moment before going back to the outside world.
He usually took great attention to his surroundings in places like these, so he could catch the conversations, the whispers, the laughs and the cries of the people, familiarizing himself with the way they spoke. What language they spoke. Some spoke in the common tongue, others switched to local or talked combining the two. Along the years he has heard the way the languages progressed, how accent came and went and ultimately transformed into something else, sometimes completely different from the way it was before, other times maintaining some elements of the original dialect.
Whatever the case, he listened closely, absorbing the way the languages flowed and reminiscing the way they were.
How different would the Khaenriahn he spoke have changed after 500 years? He asked himself occasionally, the times he allowed his mind to indulge deeper into his despair. It probably would be very different from how he spoke it. It'd probably be considered ancient and completely transformed itself into something else. More modern, easier on the tongue. At least, that's what he thought on occasion, only for reality to hit him —as if he needed any reminder— that it really didn't matter, no one spoke his language anymore.
He was a dead man speaking a dead nation's language.
"Oh, if this isn't a surprise." An alarmingly familiar voice joined him on the table interrupting his thoughts. "I didn't expect to see you here in Mondstadt, Dainsleif."
Kaeya Alberich, descendant of the abyss order's founder.
"Hmm." He responded as he watched how the other comfortably sat in front of him on the opposite side of the table. It had been a while since they saw each other at Sumeru, and he would be very reluctant in admitting he still thought of that encounter very often, reviewing their conversation as if there were secrets underneath that he hadn't discovered.
"Tell me, what brings you to Mondstadt?" The one-eyed man asked as he brought his arms to the table.
"I was simply passing by, I have no intention on staying long."
He remembered how Kaeya had rushed out of their conversation by inviting him to a drink the next time they met, he knew better than to accept so carelessly to that offering, after all, the man had a reputation of how he easily got information out of everyone by coming to the tavern and it wasn't in his plans to be the next man he tried to pry any type of information.
Not without gaining some in return.
"Should I assume you're working with the Traveler right now? Or are you two not working together at the moment?"
"No. We are currently not working together." He crossed his arms.
"Really? Well in that case, we could have a nice drink together if you'd like company."
"Hmm, I do remember you offered to buy me a drink before you drastically left back in Sumeru." He said leaving the accusation to come off casually.
"Well, that time I had an urgent meeting with a merchant and the conversation was becoming way too long for what I originally intended with the Traveler." Kaeya responded nonchalant, no trace in his face betraying any emotion besides genuine conversation. "But now we have all the time you wish to chat, how about we get to know each other? Any person the Traveler trusts is a person I'd like to know."
Dainsleif squinted his eyes in suspicion at the man's casual demeanor. His mind went back to their last conversation again, he recognized how Kaeya was playing with fire here just like he did back then, luring him in with information he thought would interest him just to see what he could get in return.
He knew very well Kaeya realized he was listening from the side lines from the very beginning and which is why he now was suspicious the man knew he was in the region and went in planning this meeting.
"Sure, why not?" He agreed, carefully adopting a more interested posture.
"Perfect. Have you already ordered?"
"I did."
"Alright, then I'll have the bartender add it to my tab, whatever you want is on me."
"…"
Kaeya kept a sly smile on his face, taking deep attention on every movement the other made. He felt like a caged animal.
"So Dainsleif, how did you meet the Traveler?" The knight wasted no time in asking his first question.
"They commissioned me. Paid 500 mora to go on adventure together against the abyss order."
"Really? And how did they know to commission you?"
"From what they told me, the adventurer's guild spotted me many times taking commissions in other nations over time and wanted to recruit me." He recalled. "I rejected them each time but on that occasion they sent the Traveler."
"Interesting, so you two only work together when the abyss order is involved, then?"
"Yes."
"Here's your drink, sir." Patton interrupted, delivering Dainsleif his drink on the table. "Anything else you would like?"
Kaeya's eye sparked with enthusiasm when he recognized the drink he ordered and his smile turned genuine for a moment. "Ah, Death After Noon, that's a good choice of alcohol. Patton, bring the same for me, please."
"Very well."
That picked his curiosity, that type of drink was a considerable strong one, many people became drunk just from one glass alone, so that meant that Kaeya was familiar with it and knew how to handle his alcohol. With this in mind, he decided it was his turn of making the silly easy questions.
"Do you have this drink often?"
"I do. It is my favorite drink, in fact."
"I take it you have a strong tolerance, then?"
Kaeya laughed lowly. Dainsleif couldn't pin point if it was genuine laughter or not. "Well, I grew up in a Winery, so let's just say I know very well where my limits are."
"I'm sure that comes in handy in your line of work." He added as he grabbed his drink as gave it a sip. Truth to say, Mondstadt was truly the best place to drink alcoholic beverages, they really knew how to make good drinks with a very characteristic taste and feeling.
Mondstadt's alcohol was filled with feeling. He supposes that being the city of the God of wine and song, 'feeling' was self explanatory. Poetry flew on every corner of the city and people fed it constantly with eternal wishes and their traditional recipes of wine making. Not for nothing people said that Dandelion Wine helped preserving the memories. But that didn't just apply to Dandelion Wine.
"If you mean the diplomatic aspect of my line of work, then yes, it helps me greatly, but then again Mondstadt's traditions, whether diplomatic or casual, always involve a glass of wine, so it's better to be prepared for all kinds of alcohol." He casually shrugged, whether he did it dodging the question or not, Dainsleif couldn't read. In his mind, it was obvious that's what happened, but it scared him to see how the other didn't flinch at the slightest provocation.
Just how far could he push, and how hard would Kaeya push in return?
"Is getting people drunk to obtain information a part of your diplomatic line of work? Or the casual one?"
That question got a slight reaction out of the knight. His eye opened with a perverse glow, a hint of mischief, and the sly smile he wore on his face crooked slightly as he looked at him directly. This was a dangerous man playing hunt, he realized instantly, and he had to make sure he wasn't the prey.
"Depends on who the person is." He admitted, his voice a tone lower.
They looked directly into each other's eyes. A challenge. "And where do I fall?"
"You, my dear Dainsleif, enter in another category." He paused as he leaned in. "A personal one."
Just as Dainsleif was about to open his mouth to retort, Patton appeared with Kaeya's drink in hand.
"Your drink, Captain."
"Oh, thank you, Patton."
As soon as the man left, Kaeya wasted no time in raising the glass into his lips, having a taste of the alcohol. A bigger smile forming on his face when he lowered the glass back to the table.
"Tastes as good as always."
"Right." Tired of playing along he sat straight in his chair and crossed his arms, disposed to get his answers. "Let's get to the point now, what exactly do you want from me?"
"My, my. Relax, Dainsleif. We are just having conversation. It is always better to get to know the other person before jumping to conclusions, is it not?"
The fact is I still do not know him well. It would be meaningless for me to jump to conclusions. His own words echoed in his head. At that time, their encounter had not been exactly pleasant but he recognized that a singular surname did not indicate any big connection except the big black hole in history he had to fill. It pained him to admit Kaeya had a point, it pained him more to admit he wasn't as ready for this conversation as he thought he would be.
"And what do you want to know about me?"
"The correct question would be, what could I not want to know about you? From my perspective, you hold way more information about anything than I could ever have."
"If it's answers about the past you are seeking, I'm afraid I could disappoint you. I was just a man back then."
Kaeya squinted his eyes as if not believing a word of what he just said. "What an interesting way to call yourself, I didn't know the Captain of the Royal Guard and brother of the court prophet was 'just a man'."
Dainsleif tried hard to conceal his emotions. It was both taunting and testing. There was no way they could fool each other, not when the other understood, at some extent, how much the other knew about those events.
No one has called him 'Captain' in five hundred years, the only ones that had knowledge of his past title were his enemies who had also suffered to the tragedy that happened five centuries ago. Which raised the alarm inside his head, how there could only be two ways Kaeya could know of this: one were by connections to the abyss, and the other was the subject of his surname… But that also lead to the abyss.
He opted to say nothing.
"Tell me Dainsleif, since you had recollection of my ancestor and the creation of the abyss order, did you also know the identity of the one that calls itself a 'sinner'?"
"…No." He admitted. "I didn't know who he was, until I started connecting some dots after a mission with the Traveler."
"So we both have connections to the abyss by blood—"
"I have nothing to do with my brother's doings." He intercepted quick letting some of his discomfort to the matter show itself. He kept his arms crossed as a defensive stance.
"Good." Kaeya's face turned serious, never once breaking eye contact. His arms resting over the table moved a little when he raised his glass one more time to take a sip.
Dainsleif did the same, trying to make the unease in his chest go away. He took a sip of his drink, savoring every drop on his tongue until he could find clarity inside the tavern that had turned too dark in an instant.
The moment they both landed their glasses back to the table, he asked his question. "And did you really not know of your ancestry's history with the abyss?"
Kaeya stayed silent for mere seconds, breaking their shared glaze for the first time since their encounter started, then quickly looked up again. "My family's history with the abyss… the one that I knew of, and personally experienced, wasn't a pleasant one." Dainsleif frowned listening closely. "You see, what I remember the most of my childhood was the abyss constantly hunting all of us and us having to move from place to place, never staying long enough to be detected."
"The abyss order were hunting your family?"
"They never told me why, I suppose they wanted me to know as little as possible if leaving me behind was in their plans from the beginning, that way I could fit better within normal people." His gaze was fixed in what little content his glass still had of alcohol. "But I always had questions from things I'd heard. Things I'd seen. The abyss talked about debts and betrayal and I never understood what all that meant. Until our encounter that day, that is."
"So, the Alberichs didn't stay with Chlothar? But why?"
"Who knows? I don't have the complete information, yet."
Yet. His mind went back to their conversation back in Sumeru again. Kaeya, you're not involved with the abyss order in any way, are you..? Paimon had asked and Kaeya had dodged the question and left in a hurry after that.
Yet.
He looked at the man suspiciously once more, to his surprise —or not— he saw how Kaeya slightly smiled as they both let the last word float in the air.
"And what are your connections with the abyss?"
The man grinned. "Let's just say I have some… friends, that keep me updated on what the order is planning."
"Friends?" He snorted. "And you expect me to believe they don't receive something in return?"
"Oh, they do, but it is not what you would think."
"Really? What do you give them, then?"
Kaeya's glaze suddenly lost his sharpness, a hint of pity adorning it instead. "They want to talk."
His brows furrowed. "Talk?"
"Yes. They talk… and I listen."
The thought in itself was so absurd he almost laughed. Why would they want to just talk to Kaeya of all people, someone who isn't part of their order? It didn't hit for him, he felt like there was something he was missing, a secret code hiding underneath the lines.
"Why would they want to talk? They can't talk among themselves?"
"… I suppose they wish to pretend, and they cannot do it with someone that looks like them."
He stopped breathing as he heard the words, his mouth opened slightly and his eyes widened. A sense of familiarity flowed all over him as he heard the language falling out of Kaeya's tongue like second nature, there was a characteristic accent as he spoke, one that almost tasted sweet in resemblance to his own.
It was beautiful.
The words escaped him unable to respond, suddenly he found himself understanding what he had just been told, of the intentions his foes must have when they made that requirement. He felt it desperately clawing at his heart, a cry of hope inside a big abyss. The need to hear their language once again, from a mouth that its not their own. And the longing necessity to be heard.
He understood it now all too well.
"H-How do you…?" He forced his mouth to say, the words stumbling to get out.
"This is my mother tongue as well, Dainsleif. We all yearn for someone to understand it in our own ways."
"I-"
His mind was clouded with grief and nostalgia the more he heard him talk, made totally unable to continue with the conversation. This wasn't how he had planned his night to go. This wasn't what he had expected the encounter to go. He was just a man, a dead man who spoke the dead nation's language and he had just found someone speaking to him in the tongue he loved, the tongue he was born into.
Kaeya must have realized the turmoil his mind found itself into as he asked for the bill for both their drinks and the sly demeanor he carried vanished almost completely, leaving only a soft stance full of understanding.
"Would you like to go somewhere else, Dain?"
He only nodded, taking the rest of his drink up in one sip.
✧
Inside Kaeya's apartment was warm. A little small, it had no visible style to distinguished it from, nothing that expressed Kaeya's personality or tastes: The walls were painted a creamy white, there were a couple plants adorning the windows, plants that fell gracefully to the ground, the furniture was plain light brown and the lighting illuminated the room in yellow, but it was cozy still. There was only one thing that stood out inside and that was the many kid drawings spread across the walls, this characteristic, in Dainsleif's opinion, expressed way more about Kaeya's personal life than anything else could ever say.
It told a story, it may not say much of who the knight was as a person but it did say a lot of how he interacted with the world, and Dain took mental note of that as he was guided by the young man to sit on the sofa.
The feeling of being out of place assaulted him. How did he find himself here?
The emotion that had overwhelmed back at the tavern had been calmed by now, even so, he still felt a bittersweet feeling lingering. Was this what the order of the abyss felt as well when they traded information just for a little moment to play pretend?
"Would you like something to drink, Dainsleif?" Kaeya spoke interrupting his thoughts.
"No, I'm good." He felt stupid for how forced his voice came out, how dry his mouth tasted.
They sat in silence for a moment, he supposed the young knight was giving him time to process what would happen next or maybe he was waiting for him to voice any questions. But for once in his life he was speechless, there were so many things he wanted to know the answers of but none would come out.
"You okay?" Scratch everything he said before, he still felt the feeling of grief as livid as it was a moments ago.
He closed his eyes trying to force the next words out his system. "So this is what you do with them? Just talk?"
"Yes."
"I… can't say I don't understand the sentiment." Dainsleif let a pained laugh out, suddenly feeling incapable of looking at Kaeya in the eyes.
"I understand it to a certain point, but I suppose it is because I haven't been wandering this world for so long. The weight of speaking this language is not as heavy as the one it rests on your shoulders." The blue haired admitted as he searched for his gaze. He was trying a different approach to connect, Dainsleif realized, but he still felt unsure of letting his guard down; there was something in his stomach that curled every time he heard the man speak, how his entire body reacted when he heard his beautiful tongue being spoken to him.
"Didn't you said you've let go of your ties to your past? Why hold onto this weight?" He said, the question coming out as an accusation even if that wasn't his intention. Kaeya, however, didn't look fazed at all by the harshness of his words, he instead looked down to the sofa his eye moving as if watching something interesting. He was thinking.
"…It may be tied to my past but, it is still a part of me. It makes me who I am… even if there is no one that can understand me." He raised his gaze once again, both making eye contact. "Or at least, no one pleasant to speak to."
Dainsleif suddenly felt himself unable to look away, that diamond-shaped eye feeling like a prison. "Is that what you see in me, then? Someone you can talk to?"
"I think you are way more than just someone to chat with, but it would be nice indeed. What do you think?"
"… I…" He licked his lips, his whole mouth dry as if he were running a marathon against his head. "It's been centuries since I last talked with someone in the language of our nation, but…"
"But you don't trust me." Kaeya completed, switching to the common tongue, as if it were a fact, and it was in a way a truth he considered himself, but is still felt wrong to hear to other say out loud. Still, his face drew a comprehensive smile, like the thought of it amused him. "What do I have to do for you to stop being suspicious of me?
He sighed. "It is simply a matter of my lack of knowledge about you. You have your secrets and I respect that, but it is how willing you are to be honest about your background where I draw the line."
"If it is honesty what you seek I have no problem with that. You must know that everything I do, I do it for one purpose and one purpose only, and that is protecting Mondstadt. This is my city, and there is no line in the world that I won't cross to defend it."
"Is that so?" Just like that?
"What about you?"
"Me?"
"Will you also be honest with me?"
"I am not dishonest." Dainsleif frowned, feeling a tiny bit of offense.
"No, I don't take you as a person that is dishonest, but you do tend to avoid giving full answers, do you not?"
It shouldn't be possible for a person to emphasize one's flaws in such a soft and neutral tone, and yet, the Cavalry Captain had this element mastered.
He looked towards the door, the idea of fleeing assaulting him for a moment as the situation continued. It was out of his comfort zone, to be this civil with someone you can't help but be antagonistic, it was also the longest conversation he has had in many years, and that left a sour taste in his mouth. The traveler was a good companion, a friend even, but they were never like this, they didn't leave him with a chaos of emotions. Kaeya, he decided, was a dangerous man, but it wasn't at all for the things he thought he did.
No, it was something else…
"You are lonely, aren't you, Dain?"
He looked at him once again, feeling his face closer than before.
It was how he made him feel…
They both spoke a dead nation's language and understood each other in a way that no one else did, whether foe or friend, only they knew further about the cruelty of the world, about the arrogance of the divine, and the prices to pay for the sins of others. And that was terrifying in a way he was oblivious of.
"Speak to me."
He felt...
The words reached his ears as an hypnotic song, a magical enchantment like a siren's song. It reached deep inside of him, making his heart beat at an unusual rhythm. Yes, this feeling was the most dangerous of all.
He could handle feeling hopeless and in the open in battle, he could handle snark back at his enemy's words, those empty syllables that he laughed at as if they were mere comedy. But this? The feeling creeping in his heart expanding to his stomach and making his mind spiral… This he couldn't take. This was new to him.
"…I… I have a thousand questions I could ask, but none I can say right now." He said low, almost a whisper, suddenly being hyper aware of how close they were getting. Was he the one who moved closer? Or was it Kaeya?
"Don't say anything right now, then. Me and my secrets will always be here when you're ready to hear them," he laughed, sounding more like a sigh. "what would you like to do, instead?"
Dainsleif's eyes drifted down to Kaeya's lips and then back at his eyes. This was inappropriate, wasn't it? He focused his gaze on the captain's eye-patch, his curiosity leading him in as he slowly raised his hand until he was touching his cheek, with his fingers calmly tracing the edges of the cloth.
He felt…
Kaeya opened his mouth slightly but stayed put as he let Dainsleif explore the idea on his mind, never once taking his eyes off his starry blue eyes. He kept calm, until the blond finally decided to venture underneath the eye-patch and took it off carefully of Kaeya's head. The dark-haired kept his right eye closed, revealing the burn scar that pierced over his eye, the scar looked man-made, like it was made with something sharp, a knife perhaps but surprisingly it didn't look unpleasant to the eye as many others he had seen before. The scar almost enhanced his natural beauty…
He traced his gloved hand over the scar, gently tracing its figure until he reached down to his cheek and Kaeya finally opened his eye.
A gorgeous golden yellow iris with a star-shaped pupil.
It suited him, Dainsleif thought, for all the surprises that had come that night, this was the least surprising of all.
It suited him, of course Kaeya Alberich, descendant of Khaenri'ah and bearer of no curse would have such a beautiful condition.
A heterochromatic sight like no other.
Finally Dainsleif's eyes posed on Kaeya's lips again, still slightly open, and how his breathing came out in little breaths, expectant, when he glazed up at his eyes one more time searching for any indication to step away and leave as soon as possible, he found Kaeya's own eyes looking down at his lips and that was all the confirmation he needed before closing the distance between them, capturing the other's mouth into his own.
He felt warm.
The sound that escaped his mouth when he felt the soft lips of the man almost made him feel embarrassed but he forgot about it when he felt Kaeya's arms circling around his neck, bringing his body closer and deepening the kiss.
Their mouths fit perfectly as they danced around, his lips closing around Kaeya's bottom lip, tugging a little causing a breathy moan out of the man. This was madness. Wet sounds coming out of their kisses as their breaths became erratic chasing after each other, the way they grabbed onto each other not allowing room to pull apart, their tongues brushing hot and wet and their lips teasing just how deep could they go. This was madness.
A heat installed in his lower stomach growing little by little, he took it as his sign to stop, he had already pushed so many lines tonight, he didn't want to rush them all. Not today.
Dainsleif pulled back softly, Kaeya biting his lower lip as the finishing touch and he had to fight against his impulses to not capture his mouth again. Neither of them said anything, they let themselves compose, catching their breaths in comfortable silence, waiting as the reality of what they had done hit them and uncertainty filled the air.
Their eyes found each other as they opened, Dainsleif grasping the state the other was in, with rosy cheeks, wet puffed lips and glassy eyes, he knew right there and then he couldn't just leave and pretend this didn't happen, he could never be able to go back to normal, not after this.
"Would you stay for tonight, Dain?" The nickname rolled out of Kaeya's mouth softly, he almost closed his eyes again to savor the sound, when was the last time he heard his name being called out so… tenderly?
"I have no intention of leaving after this." He admitted, and for the first time that night, he watched how a genuine timid smile spread across Kaeya's face.
How beautiful.