Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

13 July, 2003

Shane couldn’t fall asleep. He missed home, he missed his parents. He knew they were not far away, but he had never slept somewhere without them before. It was the first time he stayed in his regular hockey camp overnight. He has been going to this camp since he was eight but it was near his parent’s cottage so they always drove him every day. This year they thought it might be a good idea for him to stay overnight so he could get used to sleeping with other kids in the same room. He was twelve years old which meant that next year he’ll start playing with a AAA team in Kingston. 

His mom brought Shane to camp ‘right on time’, which meant thirty minutes before the bus that took some of the kids from their towns to the camp got there. It was also a lot earlier than most of the other parents who dropped their kids off got there. But his mom had something to talk to the staff about, so they had to get to the camp early. Additionally, having alone time before everyone else got there helped Shane to adjust. It meant he had time to put everything in his cabin like he wanted it and to choose his bunk bed. It also let him forget about the fact that he didn’t know or remember any of the other kids in the camp. He didn’t get overwhelmed with all the new faces the moment he got there.

When his mom finished talking with the staff, she came to help him put his sheets he brought from home on the bed. There was a particular texture of sheets Shane could sleep on, everything else felt itchy to him. He already finished putting everything else in its proper place and now he had to say goodbye to her. When saying goodbye, his mom told him that he should go lay down before everyone else got there, so he’ll be refreshed for the week. Shane might have been close to crying when she left, but no tears were shed so he counted it as a success. His mom hugged him goodbye, squeezing him really tight, which Shane liked and already got sad that he wouldn’t get another hug until the end of camp.

He tried doing like his mom told him to, he really did, but just when he almost fell asleep, the other kids assigned to his cabin got there. When the counselor that was assigned to their cabin saw that everyone finally arrived, he asked them to sit in a circle and introduce themselves to each other. He introduced himself as Paul Rogers and threw a ball to one of the other kids, asking him to introduce himself. No one really wanted to do that, so each one just said his own name, Shane was the last one to get the ball and say his name. When everyone finished Paul got up and told them he was going to show them the dining area. 

He told them that they all had to go see where it was, but that if someone brought dinner from home and didn’t want to eat inside, they could go back to the cabin after. Shane brought a tuna sandwich from home, because he wasn’t sure what he'd think about the food in the dining room. So, after Paul took them to their cabin designated table Shane asked if he could return to eat outside. The dining area was big and Shane really didn’t want to deal with the noise of all the campers right now. He wanted quiet, so he went back to the cabin and got his sandwich. He didn’t want to eat on the bed so he found a patch of grass to sit in and quietly ate it.

When he finished eating, he got back into the cabin and into bed. He chose not to change his clothes, because the others hadn't returned from the dining room and he wasn’t sure if they had other things to do before they could go to sleep.  But Shane really hoped that he could rest now for a bit.

Unfortunately for him, when the other kids got back from dinner and after Paul went to his room inside the cabin, they were very loud. They barely stopped talking the entire evening and he just laid awake in his bunk bed, unable to rest and he wasn't sure how he'll go to sleep today. It was only his first night and he had no clue how he was going to spend a full week like this. Shane knew his parents had a point in finally making him sleep at camp. Starting from next year, he was going to have to share a room with other players every time he went to a competition. But he thought that there was a difference between sleeping in a cabin with eleven other kids and sharing a room with only one other kid. 

Not managing to sleep and feeling restless, Shane decided to go to train at the camp’s hockey rink. Since the staff knew Shane from previous years and wanted him to be able to stay overnight, they agreed to let him go to the rink on his own volition if he had a hard time. He thought that it was good that they built an arena on the camp site; in Shane’s first year at the camp the arena was in the nearby town and they needed to take the bus there every day to get there. Now he could just go to the rink and train more whenever he felt like it. Shane really needed to clear his head right now and he knew that going to the rink would be the right decision, hockey always had that effect on him. 

When Shane arrived at the rink he found out he was not alone. There was already an older boy there, shooting pucks into one of the nets. The boy was very tall, probably close to 6'0 and had broad shoulders for a teenager. Shane found it comforting to know that at least he wasn't the only one who couldn’t fall asleep, he wondered if the other boy also needed hockey to calm down. 

He put his bag on the bench near the ice and put on his skates and safety equipment. “May I join you?” Shane asked while skating with his stick in his hands towards the older boy. Most of the time, Shane wasn’t the one to start conversations, but he remembered it was impolite to just start playing without asking first, and he didn’t want to intrude on the other boy's space. 

It would be nice to train with someone else. Shane loved having varied styles of training, that’s why he also skated with speed skaters and figure skaters, the different training styles helped him improve his skating and other abilities. Shane didn’t get a chance yet to train with someone older than him who had more experience than him. He knew that he needed the experience, because he was going to play against plenty of older and more experienced players when he’ll get to the NHL.

“Oh, hello, didn’t see you there. Sure you can join, it’ll be fun to have company anyways. I’m Scott Hunter.” The teenager turned around to look at him and offered his hand for a handshake. 

“Shane Hollander.” He took the offered hand and shook it. Shane was never good at polite conversation, he was always puzzled about what was the right thing to say, what was expected of him. He introduced himself to Scott, but he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say, so he just asked the question that he was thinking about since entering the rink, “Are you allowed to be here?” Shane really liked order and rules, he knew he was here rightfully, since his parents got permission from the staff for him to be here, but he didn’t know about Scott. He didn’t want to help another camper do something against the rules.

Scott looked at him with a weird expression. It probably wasn’t the right thing to ask first? What else was Shane supposed to say? He just needed to make sure they both could be there, he didn’t want to be an accomplice to breaking the rules!

“I’m actually allowed to be here after hours, yes. The camp knows about it, what about you, kid?” Scott returned the question.

Shane's shoulders loosened, he didn’t even realize he was stressed out about being here with Scott while not knowing if it was a fine thing to do. “It’s my first time staying overnight at the camp so my parents made an agreement with the staff that if I feel homesick I can come and clear my head at the rink.” Shane explained and started to stretch so he could start playing safely. That's all he needed to know, now he could be here with Scott and play some hockey.

“You’ve been in the camp before this year?” Scott wondered, and shot a puck to the net. 

Questions were good, Shane knew how to answer questions, he could have a conversation with Scott if the older boy was the one leading it. “Yes, I've been coming here since I was eight years old but I only did the daily program until now. My parents have a summer cottage not so far away, so they were able to bring me here every day.” He answered, he knew his parents were close, but now that he was going to be a few days without them, he started feeling homesick and uncomfortable about camp. 

“Nice, for me it is my third year, I do sleepaway every year. What other activities did you choose to participate in? I chose biking and climbing.” Scott prompted.

“I decided it’s finally time to go kayaking and I chose archery to work on my wrist movements. I thought it could improve the way I’m holding my stick so it would be easier for me to steal the puck.” Shane explained with a smile, he liked thinking about getting better at hockey.

“Oh, so everything you do is about hockey?” Scott asked fondly.

“Yes. I can’t believe they didn’t let us train at the rink today. If they wanted us to do orientation they should bring us to the rink and do it while we pass pucks; it is the same as throwing a ball and saying our name to each other, just as hockey training.” Shane scoffed and hit the puck a little bit more forcefully. It frustrated him, he wanted to play hockey, that was what he came here for, and the orientation was awful. They really could have done it in the rink with a puck instead of a ball in the cabin.

“It’s actually a much better idea to introduce ourselves, they really should have done it like that.” Scott agreed.                    

“Yes, that’s why I came to train now, and tomorrow we’ll need to introduce ourselves again to our hockey group because we haven’t even met the girls yet, so this evening was a waste of time.” Shane stated bitterly. Shane wasn’t that strict about his training yet but he promised himself that next year he will be, so it’s good to start thinking seriously about his training schedule now. 

Scott chuckled, “I’m with you kid, you’re right, if we want an NHL career we need to train as much as we can, in every opportunity we get.”

“I’m glad you are serious about hockey just as much as I am, most kids I play with aren’t like that.” Shane nodded.

“I don’t have anything else except hockey in my life.” Scott revealed and Shane smiled at him. Shane wasn’t sure what more he should say but he liked Scott, he really needed to get to know other kids who were actually serious about hockey. All the kids he trained with were not serious enough, that’s why he preferred to be with Joe and Dev. They were dedicated just as much as him, just in different sports.

Both kids continued to shoot pucks to the nets quietly for a little bit. Shane only knew how to talk about hockey but he didn’t want to push it too much, and weird Scott out. Most of the kids at camp got startled by his hockey knowledge and talent and didn’t want to hang out with him. Not that he cared, he was here for hockey not the friendship, but Scott seemed a bit different then the other kids.

“You came here alone or with a group?” Scott broke the silence. Shane stilled, it was like Scott knew he just thought about the fact that he didn't have many hockey friends and decided to ask about it.

“Alone. I don't know any of the other kids at my cabin, they seem… interesting.” Shane mumbled, they were not interesting and they weren’t very nice, but he didn’t want to say something negative about them after meeting them only a few hours ago, so that was the only description he could think of. 

“You didn’t bond with them yet, ah?” Scott realized, seeing right through him. Shane barely said anything, he didn’t know how Scott figured it out. 

“No, they already started laughing and complaining about everything, joking how awful the camp was going to be because they had to play with girls. They could have chosen a different camp if they didn’t want to train with girls. It’s the only camp with joint training for boys and girls in Central Canada.” Shane mentioned exasperatedly.

“You don’t agree with them? Do you like training with girls?” Scott stopped shooting pucks and looked at Shane, waiting for an answer. 

Shane felt more comfortable in conversations when he had something else to do, so he continued to shoot pucks to the nets while he answered the question. “I like to train with a variety of players to improve myself. I think it is really important to train with girls. The older kids could work on stealing the puck from someone smaller and it’s nice to have hockey without checking. Just like it could be useful for me to train with you because you are much bigger than me and I don’t have many opportunities to play hockey with older and taller kids.” Shane doesn’t talk that much regularly but he somehow felt comfortable with Scott, he was busy with hockey, so the conversation didn’t stress him out so much. 

“Do you want to play against me? So you could train with someone older?” Scott offered after a moment. 

Shane finally turned to look at him with a smile. “Yes! Let’s go!” He exclaimed, that was what he wanted, though he didn’t think Scott would offer it. Shane was very glad he did. 

Scott really liked going to the hockey camp, he didn’t have many opportunities to do fun stuff these days. Going to the camp the first year was the first time he felt a bit better after his parents death and the move to Canada. He was only twelve when they died and he was left all alone in the world, and got moved to a different country suddenly.  

Thomas Wright paid for the camp for him, he was a philanthropist who focused on helping athletes who offered scholarships. He knew Scott’s parents for years, Tom knew his mother from the time she played hockey in the college leagues and he gave scholarships for some of the college students she coached. After his parents death Tom promised Scott he would help him. He made sure his hockey career stayed on track. 

Tom found a boarding school for him in Canada with a good hockey program. Scott was twelve at the time and it was very scary for him to move to a whole new country. But he knew it was better than staying in the US and finding himself in foster care, where he could have been tossed from one house to another. He couldn’t have proper hockey training if he was in foster care. He didn’t know what he would do if he also lost hockey, in addition to losing everything else in his life.

The boarding school was a good solution. But it wasn’t home, Scott stayed there for the whole summer except the one week he was at the camp. He was so lonely but the camp helped him forget that for one week. That’s why he liked coming to this camp, it was the only time he had in recent years when he felt he could have some fun. He felt lighter and free at camp; he didn’t feel like a burden on everyone else here.

Scott was at the boarding school for a year and a half until the hockey program was shut down at the end of the school year when he was fourteen. Scott was suddenly lost again in the world with no place to go. It was hard and devastating. He went to the camp right out of school, and by the end of the week Tom arranged a billet family for him in Quebec. Scott didn’t even think about the option of a billet family since he wasn’t fifteen yet, but Tom got a special approval for him to stay with one. Scott couldn’t complain about anything, he at least had a place to sleep and could keep playing hockey.  

Last year he packed all of his equipment in the duffel for camp because he assumed he wouldn't return to the boarding school. When it was time to pack for this year, Scott found himself doing the same again, he couldn’t leave anything behind, fearing the worst. He probably shouldn’t think that there might be a reason he wouldn’t return to his billet family when camp finished, but he just felt wary and he didn’t have much equipment anyway, so he packed everything ‘just in case’. His whole life could be packed into two big bags, and he only needed two because of his hockey equipment. 

His billet family didn’t help him get to camp, he traveled alone to Trois-Rivières and from there the camp offered transportation to the camp. It was in Quebec, so they offered transportation to the camp, fortunately for him.

He arrived at camp, met the other boys at the cabin, ate dinner at the dining area, and went to train. Tom wanted the camp to let him train after hours last year because he missed training due to the closing of the hockey program in his school, and when he asked the camp director, he told him he had permission to go and train alone. Scott appreciated the ability to train alone, but he knew Tom used his sob story to make them agree to it. He hated the pity, he didn’t want special treatment because he was an orphan, but the solution was also good on his end, he really needed hockey to calm himself down.

Scott put on his skates and helmet and grabbed his stick, he didn’t put on the pads, since he was going to train alone anyways, so he could loosen off some of the safety gear. He did stretches and circled the rink a couple of times before he started shooting pucks to the net. It was soothing, he really needed it. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed until another kid got inside the rink and started to prepare himself for practice. Scott pretended he didn’t see him, being busy with his own training. The rink was big enough for them both, and he didn’t want to spook the kid. 

The kid was a short asian boy, and he seemed younger than Scott, probably eleven or twelve years old. He took his time to dress properly and put on all the safety equipment before he started skating towards Scott.

The boy didn’t introduce himself, just asked if he could train with him. Scott was on board, it would be nice to have company. He was feeling lonely, at the boarding school he had friends from his team and they did everything together as a team, but he didn’t have the same relationship with his hockey team last year.  

So, at least it was a good opportunity to meet someone new. Scott introduced himself and got to know that the kid was called Shane Hollander. Before Scott had the chance to say anything, Shane asked him if he was allowed to be here. That wasn’t the question Scott expected to get, he wasn’t sure if maybe Shane snuck out to the rink or wanted to threaten him so he’ll be here alone? The kid seemed nice so he probably wasn't going to threaten him, so the question was a bit weird.

Scott had permission to be in the rink, of course, but he was not going to explain to this kid why exactly he got it. He was not going to tell a stranger that everyone takes pity on him because of his sob story. So, he doesn’t explain why he has permission, letting Shane assume whatever he thinks the explanation could be.

He didn’t get the chance to ask Shane if he had permission to be at the rink as well, because Shane immediately started talking about his parents, who were sweet and talked to the camp to let him use the rink after hours. 

Scott hated how his heart wrenched every time someone talked about their parents in that way. But it wasn’t anyone else's fault that Scott was still saddened by his parents death even after almost three years. He clenched his stick forcefully, and asked Shane about the camp. He couldn’t let him continue to talk about his parents, it was just going to make Scott feel a lot worse.  

To distract himself Scott returned to his training and started shooting pucks to the net. Shane mentioned his parents again, he probably had a good relationship with them. Scott decided he was just going to lead this conversation and ask questions, to stray Shane from the topic. He really needed to distract himself and he hoped until they finished up here he wouldn't think about his parents or else he won’t be able to go to sleep tonight. 

And it goes well, they talk about hockey, which is a safe subject, and Shane cares about hockey a lot so it’s making it easy for Scott. It’s fun to talk with Shane, hockey is simple, they can just shoot pucks to the net, nothing beyond that. They both want to be in the NHL, they both have high ambitions, Scott was thinking to himself that he was really gonna like this kid. 

Scott noticed that Shane was only reacting to him, he was not starting or continuing the conversation by himself. He waited for Scott to lead; he wasn't the one who initiates any change in the conversation. Scott wondered if it was just lack of interest or something else. Maybe Shane is a bit lonely, it probably wasn’t easy to be an asian kid in an all-white sport. 

So, he asks if Shane came to the camp with a group of other players, he knew some other kids did, half of Scott’s cabin play together all-year round, they signed in together. It was a logical question, one that might help Scott learn more about Shane, beyond the hockey part. 

He got his answer quickly. Shane tried to stay neutral and not say something bad about his cabinmates, but he was a really bad liar. Scott could clearly understand from Shane that the environment in the cabin wasn’t good, he hoped for the kid they weren’t outwardly racist towards him, at least not on day one. 

Shane told him that what bothered him were the jokes about playing with girls, which was intriguing, Shane was the first person Scott met at this camp who actually wanted to play with them. He was not like everyone else, he was probably a lot more respectful then the rest of the kids. With Shane being a part of a minority group, Scott assumed he knew what it was like to be picked on because people thought you didn’t belong in places. It was nice to meet someone like this, even at Shane’s age kids were already misogynistic. 

He noticed that Shane barely looked at him while they talked, sure they were talking while shooting pucks, but Scott still glanced at him from time to time, Shane though was completely focused and didn’t even look at him until he offered they’ll play together. 

Scott was a big kid, physically, with wide shoulders, and hockey was a physical game, so he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to offer Shane to play against each other. But Shane was grinning when he offered, the kid clearly was up for the challenge and Scott couldn’t say no after he offered it. Besides, Shane was correct, he should train with older boys, he looked like he probably was not going to grow to be a particularly tall guy, so it could do good for him to train with someone bigger like Scott. 

He skated to the middle of the rink so they could do a face-off but Shane didn’t get in position, he just stared at Scott. “Are you coming?” Scott asked, a bit confused. 

“Aren’t you going to suit up?” Shane asked, gesturing at Scott. Right he put only his helmet and left aside all of the rest of his safety gear. But seriously, it was only the two of them, he didn’t need all of the gear.

“Why? We said no checking, I don’t need all the pads for a one on one game.” Scott objected.

“It's still dangerous, you could get seriously hurt.” Shane retorted.

“Come on, kid, it’s going to be fine, I’m not injury-prone.” Scott promised softly and that worked because Shane approached him reluctantly. He hoped he didn’t majorly mess up the interaction.

Scott had no plans to return to the benches to put the pads and other equipment, he didn’t care enough about it. He always wore them when he played hockey, but when he trained he stopped wearing everything, it’s not like anyone will notice if he’ll get hurt, nobody was going to care about it anyway. 

Shane was fast and won the face-off, Scott was the one who dropped the puck which might have affected his dexterity but he didn’t mind, it was fun. Scott barely could reach Shane, he skated to the net so fast. Scott noticed at the beginning that Shane was a bit stiff, he was probably still worried about the lack of safety gear.

After a few minutes it seemed Shane forgot about it completely because he was very loose and serious about their hockey game. Scott wouldn’t want to admit to someone that a twelve year old kicked his ass on the rink. Shane knew how to utilize his size to his own advantage in the rink and Scott thought he had the potential to be a very good hockey player based on the game they were playing right now. 

Scott didn’t know how much time they were on the ice, playing. He had assumed someone would come to look for them by now, but no one came. They sat on the bench near the rink, breathing heavily. Scott took out his water bottle to drink up. After he finished half of the water he noticed Shane wasn’t doing the same. The kid came to train and forgot to bring a water bottle with him? That’s weird, he was so strict about the safety gear, not bringing water felt a bit contradictory. 

“Don’t you want to drink as well?” Scott wondered, glancing at Shane who was red from the strain of the exercise they just did.

Shane looked at him puzzled, like he really forgot you needed to drink after exercising. He opened his bag and tried to look for a bottle. But the kid was a really bad liar, Scott got the feeling he knew he didn’t bring a bottle and he just didn’t want to admit it. “I forgot.” he said eventually. 

“Take it.” Scott declared and pushed the bottle into Shane’s hand. Shane nodded and drank up from the bottle. 

“Thanks,” Shane told him after handing him the empty bottle back, “I’m sorry I finished it, I didn’t notice how much I drank.” 

“No problem, I offered it to you, it’s quite alright.” Scott assured him and started to untie his skates. 

Shane grinned at him, “So that was fun.”

“For you. I can’t believe you beat me.” Scott groaned fondly. 

“I’m really good.” Shane said, he wasn’t smug or arrogant but he had self confidence, probably more than Scott had. People told Scott he was a good player all the time, but since his parents died he always thought they were only nice because they pitied him.

Scott took out his watch and saw that it was already around midnight, it was very late and they had an early morning tomorrow. “Are you feeling better now? Do you think you could fall asleep?” Scott questioned, not wanting to push or say directly that they should return to their cabins if Shane isn’t ready. 

“Yes, thank you for that, you really helped.” Shane answered and got up after he put his shoes back on. Scott was a bit surprised by his abruptness, but Shane knew what he wanted and it was a good thing for him, and he liked his directness.

“Good, I’m glad, anyways, it’s really late. We should return to our cabins, it was nice meeting you.” Scott smiled at him while he placed his duffel on his arm.

“Likewise,” Shane stated and somehow got out of the arena faster than Scott. That kid was something special, but maybe this was just the friendship Scott needs, regular hockey players could be exhausting sometimes.

Chapter Text

14 July, 2003

In the morning, Paul, the cabin counselor, woke them up with a loud whistle. It was so loud, Shane couldn’t believe this was the way they were going to wake him up, but it was probably faster and more effective than nudging twelve kids on the shoulder. 

It took him a bit of time to recover from the noise and by the time he got up and wanted to go to the bathroom the other kids were already standing in line so they could brush their teeth and take a piss.

He was last in the bathroom and he was pretty sure he was there the longest as well. The other boys were pretty quick, one of them was there for less than half a minute. Shane couldn’t understand how they had time to brush their teeth, because it took two whole minutes. Didn’t they count the seconds to make sure they reached for the two recommended minutes?

By the time Shane got out of the bathroom everyone was fully dressed and were talking to each other. Shane returned his stuff to his bathroom bag and took off his pajamas. He folded it slowly on the bed. 

The other kids started to laugh. “What are you? An old grandmother? Why are you folding your clothes?” One of the kids sneered. Shane was pretty sure his name was Byron Thompkins if he remembered correctly. He really tried to focus on the stupid game yesterday so he’ll know the names of the rest of the kids in the cabin. He also repeated each of their names to himself while they got settled in their bunk beds. 

Shane stood there with only his boxers while the rest of the kids laughed, he felt so exposed. He turned around quickly and grabbed the clothes he packed for the first day from his duffel, he turned his back to the rest of the kids, so he could ignore their laughing. 

“Why are you all not coming? We need to start our morning yoga!” Paul opened his room door to the rest of the cabin door to call them, “Shane, why aren’t you dressed yet? We need to start!” 

The other kids laughed even more while they exited the cabin. Shane felt awful, he was always on time and was very organized and now he got scolded by his counselor and he is late for morning yoga. He quickly dressed and ran out to reach the others. 

At the cabin terrace were twelve mats ready and the rest of the kids had already selected one for them. Shane went to the last empty one which was directly in front of Paul. Shane was skeptical about the morning yoga. It didn’t feel like sport, it seemed ridiculous. But he promised his parents he’ll try new things and he was not going to complain about it. They’ll get actual training at the rink later today.

Paul told them to sit cross-legged on the mat and instructed them to breathe. When Shane focused on his breathing, he noticed he was maybe breathing a bit faster than usual for some reason? Maybe it was because of what just happened. It was the first time Shane noticed his breathing in his life, he knew he was breathing he just didn’t feel it unless he was gasping for air because of exercise or stress.

He was completely focused on the session that he barely heard the other kids, but he could notice that they were laughing. Why were they laughing? They should take it seriously, Shane had doubts about the yoga, but he still listened to Paul and followed his instructions. 

By the time they finished the yoga session, Shane felt very peaceful and calm. He never felt like that before, all the pressure and humiliation from before in the cabin disappeared. He was thinking that maybe yoga could be useful for him as an athlete, it could help him breathe better and it could strengthen his stamina while exercising. He should look for a book about yoga and sport after the camp.

They went to the dining area to eat breakfast. Each cabin had a wooden table with benches. The food was served as a buffet. Shane settled on cereal and water. He didn’t like the texture of oatmeal and he really couldn’t understand how people ate bacon or sausages for breakfast, especially before they had to train. It was greasy and too heavy to eat before exercising. 

Shane was the first one to arrive at their cabin table because the other kids got excited about the food and packing up their plates. They really weren’t taking training seriously enough. He wanted to start eating but it wasn’t polite to finish before everyone else, so he sat there and waited for them to come. They returned with trays packed with food, Shane had no idea how they could eat that much without puking.

Shane ate his food slowly, because in science class his teacher said it was better for the digestion process. “Why aren’t you drinking hot chocolate, Shane, you only know how to drink tea?” Allister Lamp asked and patted on Shane’s back. Shane coughed, almost choking from the surprising pat. 

“No, chocolate is too sweet and sugary for me and there isn’t even any tea at the camp.” He answered honestly. 

“Right, and I bet the bacon is also sugary.” Byron added.

“No, it’s greasy and not healthy.” Shane retorted seriously. He looked down at his bowl of cereal but he lost his appetite after he noticed he accidentally spit some of it back to the bowl after Allister patted him.

“He probably only eats rice.” Allister commented to Byron, like they couldn’t see Shane eating cereal in front of their eyes? Though he did eat rice, he personally just didn’t like eating it in the morning.      

Before Shane had a chance to answer, Paul returned to their table. He explained about their day and what they were going to do. Shane had archery and then kayaking and after lunch they had hockey training. 

“Shane, did you finish eating? I’ll take you to the girls table, you’re the only one from our group who chose archery so you could go there with them.” Paul told him.

“Yes, I finished eating.” Shane nodded and picked up the barely touched bowl to put it in the trash.

“Do you think he’ll return with makeup from his time with the girls?” Shane couldn’t figure out which one of the boys asked it but he did hear it. Though it was a weird thing to say, the girls in his classroom were not wearing make up yet, he thought twelve was a bit early for it, and besides it’s hockey camp why would they wear make up when they need to wear helmets?

“Yo, Rhonda, this is Shane Hollander, can you make sure he’ll find the archery site please?” Paul asked the older girl who sat with a group of girls. 

“Yes, of course, he really is the only one who chose archery? Seriously?” Rhonda asked.

“Yep, I have no idea why none of them chose archery, it’s really weird, most years each activity has at least two kids from every cabin, but not this time.” Paul mentioned. 

“I don’t care.” Shane said, honestly he was glad to have a little peace from the other boys, they were exhausting. 

“Good, have a seat, we’ll go there soon, after everyone finishes eating.” Rhonda told him.

Shane sat on the bench on the edge so he wouldn't bother the other girls. He wondered how this day would look but he mostly was eager to go to the rink and start to play some hockey.

Should he say something to the girls? They were all going to introduce themselves at the rink later, and he’ll probably hear some of the girls' names at the archery as well. He won't be the one to start this conversation and they probably heard his name because Paul said it.

“Come on, let’s go.” Rhonda snapped him from his thoughts. Shane did that sometimes, being too much in his head and not listening to the environment around him.

Shane listened closely to the safety instructions before they could start using the bow. It wasn’t that easy for Shane for some reason, not similar at all to grabbing a hockey stick. There was a gentleness he was lacking. Shane was really good at hockey but sometimes when he needed to do gentler things it was difficult for him, he wasn’t sure why.

He was very competitive and hated not being the best even if it’s not hockey. He really was a sore loser, his parents stopped offering to play games because he cried every time he lost, but he was glad they never let him win on purpose, cheating was much worse than losing.

Kayaking was more fun, but they could only paddle with someone older on the first day. After the movement explanation on the shore Shane got a blue kayak and started paddling. It was much better than archery, it was more challenging. Shane needed the rush and excitement to enjoy himself. He also liked to be on the water, something about the silence helped him be calmer.

They were sent to the cabins for quick showers before lunch. Shane got to the cabin first, before the other two boys. After he finished showering he made sure to hang his swimsuit outside so it will dry for tomorrow. Shane realized the other two didn’t even want to shower before lunch and he didn’t need to rush. It was weird, some of the boys also chose water skiing and sailing, he expected most of the boys to be here to shower before lunch.  

At lunch, Shane ate salad and a tuna sandwich. He was one of the only kids who took a salad, but they were going to the rink later and he needs something light to eat. “How was it with the girls, Hollander? Are they cute?” Michael Sanders asked him, he wasn’t at archery or kayaking, so maybe he asked about the girls Shane met because it wasn’t the same girls? 

“I don’t know, I was busy with the activities,” Shane shrugged, “anyway, you’ll meet all of them soon.”

No one asked him any other questions at lunch and Shane could eat silently. He was really eager to go to the rink, but they had an hour of free time before their time at the rink, it was too long of a time to wait.

Apparently the reason none of the other boys went to take a shower was because they all agreed to go swimming in their free hour. They finished eating and ran to the lake without batting an eye at Shane’s presence. Shane put away his empty plate and got out of the dining area. 

Shane looked around at the camp. What was he supposed to do now? Maybe he could find Scott? He was the nicest from everyone Shane met at camp. But Shane knew the free time differed between the age group and Scott wasn’t supposed to be free right now.

He wondered if he could go to the rink and at least change into his gear, but Shane knew there were groups there all day long, until seven pm. He saw that the girls were playing volleyball and that the rest of the boys' cabins hang inside the lake. They probably agreed on doing it when Shane went to the girls table this morning. Even if they’d offered Shane to join in, he’d probably have declined because it was only an hour before their time on the rink. 

After a few minutes of sitting on a random bench, Shane decided to go back to the cabin. He didn’t bring his hockey books and he really didn’t know what to do with his time. He laid on the bed for a few moments but he felt himself drifting to sleep and snapped himself out of it. He couldn’t fall asleep, he might not wake up in time for hockey.  

He got out of the cabin and noticed his swimsuit fell to the wooden floor and picked it up. It was dry enough by now so he put it back on his duffel for tomorrow. Shane picked up his hockey bag from the cabin and went to sit on the swings until it was time to go to the rink.

The repetitive movement of the swings helped him clear his mind. Shane needed his routine, he didn’t know what to do here. He knew the rules but it’s like he couldn’t understand them. He knew his schedule, he knew everything but it still felt like he knew nothing. Shane felt lost, not in a physical way, in another way. 

Shane didn’t notice how much time he sat there, but the time had passed. He had this tendency, he could find himself thinking deeply with himself without realizing what’s happening around him.

“Shane!” Someone grabbed both of his shoulders to get him to focus, he almost jumped from the swing, but the hands on his shoulders held him tight and he just flinched. It was Paul, the counselor but Shane didn’t understand why he yelled at him. “Are you deaf? Why didn’t you answer when I called your name?” Paul berated him. Shane didn’t answer, he just looked at him. “We need to go to the rink, go pick up your stuff from the cabin.” Paul directed and left without letting Shane say a word. Not that Shane knew what to say, he got stressed and couldn’t form any articulate words. 

Shane got up from the swings and went to the rink but the other group was still in the locker room, so he waited in the hallway for them to get out. After the room got emptied Shane got inside and started wearing his hockey gear. Finally it was time to do some hockey.

Shane almost finished getting all his gear on when the rest of the boys from his cabin arrived. 

“Here you are. Do you think you are better than us? Ditching from Paul’s speech and coming here before any of us so you could be first on the ice?” Dean Abbott spat at him. 

Shane didn’t know what to answer, he couldn’t find the words, he needed hockey so he could be calm again, so he just got up and walked away from the locker room to wait for the others on the rink. He was going to start warming up and that’ll be enough to return him to himself, he thought.

There were cones on the rink, but Shane knew he was not supposed to start drilling by himself, besides the four counselors were on the ice already. Shane stepped on the rink and started stretching. He hoped not to be on Paul’s team, Shane didn’t feel comfortable with him, he wasn’t sure why. 

“Gather up, come to the rink!” Rhonda called to the rest of the kids after they finished in the locker rooms. The boys and the girls finished mostly at the same time and no one commented again about Shane’s early arrival.

“Hello kids, welcome to our hockey camp!” The hockey guide guy said and waited for the kids to cheer.

“I’m Monica and this is Ethan and you all know Paul and Rhonda.” The other guide said.

“Okay, so you’ll be split into four groups and those kids will be the kids you’ll train and play for your time at the camp, each one of us responsible for a different group.” Paul explained.

“My group is Byron Thompkins, Michael Sanders, Shane Hollander, Daisy Heron, Heather Willis and our goalie will be Wendy Butler. Go stand near the cones, please.” Rhonda read the names and skated to the cones.

“I can’t believe we got both a chick goalie and a counselor, we are so going to lose.” Byron complained to Michael.

“I thought we were on the ice at the same time, not that the groups were us and the girls together.” Michael added. 

“Do they even know how to play hockey?” Byron whispered.

Shane was close to them so he heard the conversation but he couldn’t understand what their problem was. They should have known about that in the camp pamphlet they received, if they didn’t want to train with girls they shouldn’t have chosen this camp. Besides, it’s their first time on the ice and they didn’t yet know how each one of them played. Shane only knew Wendy already because she also chose to do archery.     

“I can’t believe we are the only two boys here.” Michael mumbled. 

Shane wasn’t sure what to think about it, they called him a girl? Did they think he was far enough to not hear them? Did they know he could hear them? Why did they think they were the only two boys if he was also in this group? Kids could be so confusing sometimes. 

They started with some drills after the rest of the teams were called. Their first drill was to skate between the cones with the puck and then shoot it at Wendy who needed to grab it. After that they moved to skating training and Shane was the fastest, they needed to do ten rounds around the rink and he finished it almost a full round before the rest of his team. 

It was so good to finally do some hockey, but none of the other players were on his level. With Scott it was better because Scott was older and he had more experience, the rest of the group were kids who try to have some fun. 

When they finished the training the guides announced the showers at the rink were broken. Shane wasn’t sure if it had been announced already and he missed it or they decided to mention it at the end of the training. They got free time for showering and eating until bedtime because it was going to take a while for all of them to shower since there was only one shower at each cabin.                            

“Can I go to shower first? I hate the feeling after training and I can’t make it go away until I’m showering.” Shane explained while taking off the pads.

“No. You showered after kayaking, we didn’t shower at all.” Byron told him, not even looking at him, busy untying his skate’s laces. 

“Yes, you are going last, we also need to shower.” Allister added.

“But I hate not showering after training.” Shane stated.

“You think you are better than us, so you deserve everything? You are nothing.” Michael spat.

“You should have thought about it before you showered earlier, we are a lot of kids, you can’t shower half of the time.” Nicolas Morin mentioned, he had a French accent.

“There aren't any rules about showering twice a day. Didn’t you read the camp handbook?” Shane asked them, really not understanding what their problem was.

“No, we have a life and better things to do. The point is you showered already, and now we need to shower so you can’t shower again, you can’t argue with that.” Dean stated, he was one of the goalies.

“Besides, you are not going to get to the cabin in time to be first.” Frank Mitchell commented, pointing at Shane who was still wearing most of his equipment and turned around to leave so he could get to the cabin. 

Shane wasn’t sure what to do. Yesterday, after he trained with Scott, he returned to his cabin with his compression shirt on because he knew he would immediately go shower. But if he wears the clothes from earlier right now and has to wait for at least an hour until he can shower, he won’t be able to wear it ever again. It would feel dirty, and he can’t even wash it right now. He can’t wear the clothes he had, but he also can’t stay only in the compression shirt.

He should have stayed with the compression shirt and leggings but he was pretty sure he couldn't walk around the camp wearing only them. Shane could feel the sweat on him, inside the clothes, he hated having to stay dressed in his sweaty clothes more than he had to. 

It wasn’t his fault the showers were broken, they can’t hold his clothing against him, he doesn’t want his clothes to get dirty and he also needs a shirt to get wet at the kayaks, he had a limited amount of clothing here, he can’t sacrifice it. 

“What are you still doing here?” Shane snapped out of his thoughts by the next group of kids who needed to use the rink.

“I’m sorry, I’m going.” Shane apologized, he was still in his compression garments, because he wasn’t sure what to do yet. So, those were the clothes he’ll be wearing since he had to leave the locker room now. He didn’t have any other choice. 

Shane was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t notice the rest of the kids left the locker room or the kids going inside. He was all alone there, that meant he couldn’t catch a place in line for the showers before anyone else. He didn’t understand why everyone else ganged up on him. He thought they would take turns with the showers and the one who says first will be first. Maybe enough time had passed and he could get in the shower now? 

The hot humid air and the sun shining on him increased the smell of his sweat on his body and he could feel the moisture and wetness on his compression clothing. It was easier after practice at night, when it was colder and there wasn’t a sun to heat him, it didn’t make him feel all sweaty and disgusting. 

He went to the cabin, intending to  at least return his hockey equipment, but when he arrived he realized the door was stuck. Shane could see the other boys inside from the window, so he knocked on the door, but they ignored it. Most of them didn’t shower yet, he didn’t see any damp hair and they were in the same clothes they changed into at the rink. 

He tried to open the door again and when it didn’t budge he started knocking rapidly. “Can you open the door please?” He asked in the loudest tone he could muster so they’ll hear him from the inside.

“We told you you can’t use the shower!” One of them called from inside.

“But I just want to put my things inside.” Shane objected.

“So you could sneak into the showers? No, we don’t think so.” Someone else said. Shane couldn’t understand who was saying what, he tried to look in from the window but they didn’t even look at the direction of the door.

Shane knocked on the door again, but they ignored it. He sat beneath the window to wait, they’ll need to get out eventually to go eat dinner and then he could shower. He really hated the feeling of his clothes on his skin, he could smell his own stench and he hated it, not that he used deodorant spray so he could negate it, he hated strong smells. His clothes felt sticky and he felt so dirty, not being able to take a shower.

He tried to think of other things, he needed to think about safe things, like hockey. He started saying to himself all the hockey scores from that year that he remembered. Suddenly he felt a cold wetness and he flinched from the cold completely. He heard giggles from above his head. He jolted from his place to see the window slide shut and he could see that Byron and Allister held some kind of containers in their hands. He looked at himself and realized he was wetter from more than just the sweat now. Oh, they poured cold water on him just now.

“Why did you do that?!” He yelled, he was now cold and shivering and he was trembling. He wasn’t sure if it was only from the water, Shane's body sometimes just reacted like that.

“You wanted a shower, we gave you one!” One of the boys called before they closed the windows. He could see all of them laughing inside. Now he wanted a shower even more, the clothes felt so tight on his body that he felt like he was choking. 

Shane needed air, he was outside, but he felt like he couldn't get air into his lungs. He took his hockey bag and went to the dining area. He sat on a bench outside to try and take several deep breaths. He needed to do that so he could eat something, because he couldn’t eat if he can’t breathe. The sensation of the damp clothing made him feel very bad. He thought the sun would help him get dry but it only increased the scent of his sweat. Shane was wearing long sleeves, he very much didn’t like the feeling of his gear on his bare skin and it was hot today, which made the whole situation even more unbearable.

He quickly got up from the bench and got inside the dining room. He hated the feeling of the sun coupled with his damp clothes and hair. His hair was also wet, but it wasn’t the same kind of wet it was after a shower, it was just different in some unexplainable way. He hated it, he wished he could just take off his clothes right now, but he knew he couldn’t. One time he changed clothes after PE in front of the whole class and everyone got annoyed and uncomfortable with him, he didn’t understand why, nobody cared about that in the hockey locker rooms, but that taught him that he couldn’t change clothes outside of the locker room, even if no one gave him a reason why. 

When he approached the buffet table, he started to feel even worse. His legs wobbled, he almost fell. The weight of his hockey gear on his shoulder was so heavy. He took some salad and pasta and settled in their cabin designated table alone. Of course he was alone, everyone else was busy making sure he couldn’t get inside the cabin.  

Shane twirled the pasta on the fork but when he got it near to his mouth the smell of it was so strong he felt nauseous. The smell of the food and the sweat and the sensation of his clothing, it was all too much. He couldn’t stomach anything right now, he was dirty and disgusting, he wanted to puke. 

He got up abruptly and his quick movements didn’t help his dizziness. He threw away the food without eating everything. He forgot to take a glass of water to the table so he went to pour some water for himself, hoping it would help bring the nausea down. Shane needed to undo what he was feeling. He needs to change the situation he was in, so he won’t think about the smell anymore. He’ll return to the rink and continue training and then he won’t feel like he didn’t shower after being active, because he’ll still be active. 

When he arrived at the rink he saw the last group of the day leaving, he got there just in time to get another round of training in for himself. He went to the empty locker room to put his gear back on. The hockey gear always helped him calm down, Shane liked the pressure of the gear on his body, it felt like a hug. It distracted him from the sensation of the other articles of clothing he had on and the smell of the sweat. 

The pressure helped only momentarily, because he still felt off, he wanted to breathe fully again and he wanted to stop shaking. He had to return to the ice, but the zamboni was still there resurfacing it. He closed his eyes for a few moments, letting the pressure sink in.

Hockey always helps, he thought. That's what he’ll do, he won’t think of anything else and just do hockey. He doesn't feel dirty or stinky anymore, he just smells like hockey, and he’ll stop trembling after he starts playing with pucks. 

Shane didn’t stop trembling after he went to the rink and put pucks on the ice, he was sloppy and unfocused. But that only meant he needed to train harder, things like that could happen everywhere, he’ll probably find himself playing a game in that or a similar mental state, so it was a good training for him to train like that. 

Scott wasn’t surprised to wake up by the noise of a whistle. He was already used to it, and the structure at the camp made him feel stable and safer. The last year was hard, living with the Hicks, his Billet family. They were the only English speaking Billet family in Victoriaville. One week at a camp was not supposed to be the only place he feels safe, but that is how his life is these days.

Drake Simpson, the cabin counselor, was a blonde guy with green eyes. His nose looked crooked, probably from a punch in a hockey game. He was a university student in Waterloo, who worked at the camp in the summers. He said that the hockey team at his uni wasn’t really good enough, but that’s where he got a scholarship to participate in the hockey program. Scott wanted to ask Drake questions about the process of getting the scholarship and the scouting. He knew that he wanted to go to college instead of signing in to the draft right away.

Tom would probably give him a scholarship, but Scott didn’t want to count on it and he needed to earn his place in college on his own. He wasn’t sure who was supposed to help him talk to scouts, he knew he wasn’t supposed to do it alone, but he had no one to help him with it.

After the morning yoga and breakfast, Scott’s chosen activity was biking. They got to the road on the mountain and started riding. Billy Crawford, one of the other kids from the cabin, was on the bike next to him. He was shorter than Scott, with tan skin and brown eyes and a square face. “Where did you say you were from, man?” Billy asked him.

Scott already had something to not get any other questions, “I’m originally from Rochester, it’s in New York country, but I’m billeting with a family in Quebec.”

“I know where Rochester is, I’m from Kingston, it’s on the other shore of Lake Ontario.” Billy explained.

“Nice, I always liked swimming in the lake.” Scott mentioned. 

“Yeah, me too, we did the same things on different shores, that’s cool.” Billy chuckled. After a moment of silence, Billy asked the question Scott should have expected to get, about hockey. “There’s a hockey team in Rochester right?”

Scott really should have asked Billy something else instead of waiting for him to continue the conversation. Of course Scott knew about Rochester’s hockey team, but it was just Scott’s luck that the other boy brought it up. “Yes, Rochester Flowers, my father is their coach actually.” His father was actually their coach, was past tense. Scott knew he shouldn’t say it, because if Billy knew the coach's name Scott really screwed. But he really didn’t want to admit his parents were dead, and it’s not like he was really lying, just not using past tense. He just wanted to be a normal kid and not the orphan everyone pitied.

“That’s so cool, did you meet any of the players who play for the Swords? Some of them probably played with the Flowers, right?” Billy asked with enthusiasm. 

“I…” Scott didn’t know what to say, he did meet some of the players who now play for Buffalo and played at Rochester when they were in the AHL. Scott watched some of the Flowers games and even spent time at the locker room. He also remembered the championship celebrations they had when he was eight years old. After that, his father stopped taking him into the locker room. He said Scott shouldn’t get excited about AHL players, because they weren’t real stars yet and Scott was going to be good enough to play directly for the NHL. It also works because it was very important for his mom that he’ll do some years in college before he’s starting his NHL career, so it could give him time to improve and start playing directly in the NHL, and not in the AHL first. 

So, the players Scott actually remembered were the ones who came to the funeral. Which were all of the Rochester team and everyone from Buffalo who came up from Rochester’s team. He couldn't say he met them at the funeral and it’s been almost three years. “Do you even know any Buffalo players' names?” Scott asked, trying to avoid the question.

“Well, I’m not a Swords fan but I thought maybe I would recognize some of the names if you mentioned them.” Billy shrugged. 

“So, what team do you root for?” Scott immediately took the chance to avoid the subject, it wasn’t a clean move but Scott took it. He really couldn’t continue talking about Rochester.   

They talked about random things for the rest of the ride, Billy didn’t ask about Rochester or about his parents again. Scott was very glad to survive this conversation without disclosing anything. He didn’t want anyone to pity him and look at him like the poor orphan kid. Billy was a nice kid, and it wasn’t like they’ll meet again after the camp, Scott could pretend nothing was wrong for the week. 

Scott and Billy were also on the same team at hockey training, which was good, because the groups were mixed gender. Scott knew he probably won’t see Billy again after camp, but it was nice to have someone to talk to at camp. Billy was a defenceman and he was one of the stronger boys in the cabin. He was nice, but he looked intimidating and Scott didn’t want to play against him, even if they weren't allowed to fight at camp.

At lunch one of the girls who was on their team came to sit with them, her name was Patricia Kelley. “You played really well, Scott.” She smiled at him.

“Thanks, you were also good.” Scott complimented her back, he was always the best in every team he plays hockey, that’s why he was considered one of the promising hockey players at his age. That was part of the reason for him getting Thomas’ scholarship.

“So, what do you like to do?” Patricia leaned forward to be a bit closer to him even though there was a table between them.

Scott glanced at the rest of his group but some of the other boys actually went to sit with the rest of the girls. Billy was next to him and seemed a bit amused but he didn’t say anything yet.

“I like to play hockey.” He told her the obvious answer.

“Yes, but besides that.” Patricia pressed.

“His father coaches in the AHL, he can’t even think of anything else besides hockey.” Billy told her, amusedly. Scott was really glad no one else was listening, he really didn’t want everyone to hear about his half lie.

“Can you not brag about it? I’m trying to be my own player, please don’t tell people that.” Scott asked him desperately. He never considered his parents to be famous even though they technically were known figures in the hockey world when they were alive. 

“I’m sorry, bro, I just think it’s impressive.” Billy apologized.

“It is impressive, but you are an amazing player on your own, you could definitely get to the NHL by your own merit. I can tell, my father played in the NHL.” Patricia assured him, she was being very nice to him for some reason.

“Thanks,” Scott mumbled, looking at his plate. He really didn’t like when people talk about his parents and it was a mistake to tell Billy about his father’s job.

“So, anything else besides hockey?” Patricia asked again.   

“I also like to read mystery books.” Scott added, that was his only other hobby. 

“Nice,” Patricia said slowly. Most of the kids didn’t know what to do with his random hobby, everyone thought Scott was a dumb jock most of the time, but they were all wrong. She probably didn’t know anything about books to continue that conversation.

“Like Harry Potter?” Billy wondered.

Scott wanted to immediately say that Harry Potter was not a mystery book, even if for some reason people sometimes said it was. “I don’t like fantasy books.” Scott commented, he really hated Harry Potter. He was ten when he first heard about the book and he didn't want to read it at first anyways. Then when his parents were killed almost every time someone his age heard that he’s an orphan the next question out of their mouths was ‘like Harry Potter?’ 

Some adults tried to convince him it could be useful to read a book about an orphan just like him, but he didn’t need everyone to think about how he didn’t have parents when they looked at him. He didn’t need the reminder of their absence, and reading books about a child who lives in a closet and been through abuse won't do him any good, obviously. He didn’t understand why people thought it would.

The last year was hard with his billet family, not hard as Harry Potter’s life, if he understood correctly, but still hard. Probably the hardest year of his life. When he was at boarding school he was lonely, but it was nicer than the billeting family. Scott just missed his parents, he hated how his life was as a whole, he just wanted a safe place.          

Billy and Patricia were still talking a bit between themselves until Scott finished up and got up. “What is your other activity?” Patricia asked before he had a chance to go.

“Climbing,” Scott answered.

“Great, mine too!” Patricia smiled and grabbed his hand, “We can go together.” Scott shook off her arm to put his tray away, and went with her to the climbing area. After the others arrived and until they began the activity, the other girls and Patricia decided to bombard him with questions like Patricia did at lunch. Scott wasn’t sure why they were trying to be so invested in his life, it was a bit annoying.

After climbing they had some free time so Billy offered Scott to do a swimming race at the lake. The other boys heard about it so it became a race between all of the boys in the cabin. Scott didn’t bring his swimsuit so he got inside the water with his boxers but it was still fun.

They went to dinner a bit late after staying longer at the lake. Scott wondered if he should shower right now or later, but he planned to do some more hockey so he decided to wait with the shower for later. 

Maybe not staying in the cabin was a bad decision, because half of the girls came to sit with him. It wasn’t that bad, but they really were a chatty bunch.

Since they were the oldest age group the counselors mostly let them be and let them hang out more freely at camp. The girls came to hang out in their cabin making it absolutely packed with teenagers. Scott was in a boarding school. He knew how loud and overwhelming this thing could get, but that didn't mean he liked it. He stayed to talk a bit with the rest of the group for half an hour, but at eight thirty he decided he had enough and that he was going to go to the rink. There were so many kids in the cabin that he slipped outside with his hockey gear without anyone even noticing. 

Scott could see that Shane was already at the rink when he arrived there. Scott couldn’t say he was surprised at the revelation, he actually expected it. But the kid looked different. His shots were sloppy and he was noticeably trembling. His eyes were red-rimmed,maybe from crying or maybe from exhaustion, and his face was red from exercise. Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong.

Scott quickly put in his gear, all of it, because if Shane was sceptical about it yesterday, and Scott thought it might be more comfortable for Shane to see that Scott was taking him seriously, especially when he was clearly distraught. He put his stick near the entrance of the rink but didn’t take it with him. He wanted to check if Shane was okay and maybe stop him from shooting pucks, because it didn't look like he was very aware of what he was doing.

“Shane?” Scott said softly while skating toward him. Shane didn’t react to his voice at all. He just continued to score goals. Scott didn’t want to spook him so he skated to behind the goal so Shane would be able to see him approaching. At least now he was in Shane’s periphery. “Shane? Kid, what’s going on?” Scott asked as he skated to him, placing his hand on the stick so he would stop.     

Shane flinched hard and skated backwards, dropping the stick to the rink. Scott placed his hands in the air, “okay, Shane, I’m not touching you. But maybe you should take a break for a moment? You are shaking. When did you come here?” Scott wondered.

Shane slowly lifted seven fingers, but he’d looked unsure of if that was the correct answer. “Okay, maybe you should drink something? If you've been here since seven, that means it’s been almost two hours of you just training alone.” Scott told him softly. Shane’s eyes widened and he skated towards his duffel that sat outside the rink. He wasn’t stable and almost tripped. Scott wondered if he should help him, but Shane didn’t react in a good way when he tried to touch him, so maybe he shouldn’t corner him. Scott just skated after him to be close to him in case he fell.

Shane grabbed his bottle of water and downed all of it in one gulp. The bottle wasn’t full and Scott thought that Shane probably needs to drink more if he trained for two hours straight. After he finished drinking, Shane balanced himself with the walls of the rink so he could return to skating again. Scott thought it wasn’t a good idea for him to return to the rink and tried to think of how to convince Shane to do anything else. Shane didn’t say a word since he arrived at the rink, Scott wasn’t sure what it meant but Shane at least acknowledged his presence. If Shane is too exhausted to speak, asking what happened won’t lead him anywhere.

“Shane, maybe let’s do something else instead of shooting pucks to the net?” Scott knew Shane probably tried to go and play some hockey to calm himself, when Scott was distraught hockey was the escape he always found himself running to as well. “Let’s just skate around the rink, maybe it’ll help you calm down?” Scott offered and waited for Shane’s approval to start skating. Shane didn’t reply verbally, but he nodded and gathered himself visibly. 

Scott skated slowly with Shane by his side, after a few rounds Scott noticed that Shane’s shoulders weren't tense anymore and that his breathing returned to normal. Shane glanced at Scott and smiled, starting to skate faster. Scott smiled, realizing what the other boy was trying to do. He wanted a race and Scott definitely wasn’t going to decline the offer. He knew from yesterday that the kid was very fast but he also knew Shane was off-kilter right now. 

He was a bit worried for the kid because he had probably spent hours on this rink today, but Scott knew what it felt like when hockey was the only thing that helped you feel normal and he wasn’t going to offer Shane to get off the rink until he’ll feel better. Scott did win the race even though Shane was very fast in general, but right now he was clearly way past his energy limit.      

They sat on the benches outside the rink to rest a bit. Scott chatted one-sidedly a bit and said random things from time to time to fill the silence, but he didn’t say anything that pressured Shane to respond.

“Thanks,” he heard Shane’s mumble. 

“Feeling better?” Scott smiled fondly at him.

Shane nodded, not answering verbally. “Want to talk about it?” Scott offered.

“Only if you beat me in one on one.” Shane answered and jumped back to the rink. At least he seemed a bit better, but the kid was really out of it. Scott couldn’t understand what he was trying to achieve in burning himself out completely.

Scott followed him and they started to play against each other like they did yesterday. It was a good thing he wore all of his safety gear today because he didn’t want to have a return of the same conversation they had yesterday. 

It was pretty easy to beat Shane at this state and he wasn’t sure if the kid needed the excuse or tried to avoid it, but he hoped he'd tell him what bothered him anyway. “So, what’s going on, kid?” Scott prompted after they returned to benches, and then offered Shane his bottle again because he knew the kid finished his water.

“I wanted to get a shower after our group training.” Shane explained. Scott waited for him to continue because that didn’t explain anything. 

“Okay, and did you take one?” Scott decided to ask when Shane didn’t elaborate. 

“No, the other kids didn’t let me.” Shane explained.

“What do you mean they didn’t let you shower?” Scott exclaimed, his tone was higher because it made him mad. 

“They didn’t, they locked me out of the cabin, so I just waited for the last group to finish here and came here and then you arrived.”

“That’s cruel." Scott pointed out, not sure what to say.

“It's how kids are.” Shane shrugged, he didn’t look at Scott while talking, he was just staring at the rink.

“What about dinner?” Scott wondered, trying to figure out what else to say about the bullying.

“I couldn’t eat when I was stinky from training, so I put on my hockey gear again so I wouldn’t need to feel like I need a shower.” Shane told him.

“Did they say why they did it?” Scott wondered, not that kids need a reason, but Scott tried to figure out if it was something to do with racism or just kids being ‘regular’ assholes. He thought that maybe if he knew why they did it he could help Shane deal with it better. It was probably very insensitive to ask, but Scott didn’t know how to ask it in a nicer way. 

“I already showered after kayaking and they told me I can’t shower again.” Shane answered. That was horrible but that is not what Scott meant. Did Shane not notice when people were racist to him or said things because he was different?

“That’s awful, Shane. You should tell this to someone.” Scott advised, he knew in most cases it’d just make everything worse, but the camp seemed like a different place and it was not like telling a coach or a teacher, they could actually do something about it here. At least, Scott wanted to think that, not that he told anyone when the other kids teased him when they found out he is an orphan in his first year here. That’s why he decided no one was going to know about it this year. 

“I told you.” Shane mentioned, which was true, but it wasn’t what Scott meant. 

“I’m a camper like you, not an adult. I’m not your cabin counselor.” Scott reminded him, not sure if Shane was joking or if he really was considering it as telling someone and now he wouldn’t feel that he needs to tell anyone anymore.

“You're someone.” Shane stated.

“I meant like an adult.” Scott tried to correct himself. 

“You are older than me.” Shane said.

“That doesn’t make me an adult, we have like three years between us?” Scott asked, trying to think if they actually knew each other's ages. 

“That’s enough difference for me, it makes you old.” Shane grinned and Scott chuckled.

“Ah, you know how to chirp, kiddo, I didn’t see that coming.” Scott smiled.

“Well, I’m a hockey player, we need to chirp.” Shane shrugged again, he deflected the conversation pretty easily and Scott couldn’t mention the option of telling someone again.

“True,” Scott agreed.

“Though you are the first person to say that I know how to chirp. Everyone says I’m really bad at that and always saying the wrong things, I don’t know why.” Shane revealed.

Scott wanted to say that maybe Shane shouldn’t chirp anyone because kids could say that what he was doing was not okay, justifying it with some incomprehensible reason, when they actually found it problematic just because he was Asian, and literally everyone in the sport chirped, but he wasn’t going say it. He hated when people looked at him and just thought ‘orphan’ and assumed Shane feels the same about his heritage, and would be hurt that Scott would connect everything about him to his heritage. “So, I’m old to you?” Scott asked instead.

“You call me ‘kid’ and I can call you old man, so yes.” Shane smirked and Scott laughed again.

He probably asked for it, Shane was right and at least it seemed that he helped him feel better. 

Chapter Text

Shane got back to the cabin after midnight, when everyone else was asleep. Fortunately Paul the counselor left the door open so he could get inside. He quietly went to take a shower. He wanted it to be a very long shower but he knew he was still at camp and he didn’t want to wake anyone. He was very tired, it was an extremely exhausting day, that happened to Shane sometimes, things just got too much for him and he couldn’t take it anymore. Scott somehow knew how to help, he gave him something to do and stayed there with him until Shane could snap out of it and feel like a normal person again. 

Shane changed into his pajamas and fell asleep very quickly. He knew himself enough to know he needed to wring himself out completely so he could fall asleep without his mind going in circles about everything that happened.  

The sound of the whistle was a horrible awakening call. Shane wanted to bury his head inside the pillow. At home, he woke up quickly without a problem. It was just hard to do it in the camp. Shane knew all of the kids were probably going to get in the bathroom before him like they did yesterday so he took out his clothes for the day. He’ll dress in the bathroom so no one will comment on how he is folding all his clothes.     

Paul still came out of his room to call them outside the moment he finished dressing but it was better than the day before. Shane found that he really likes yoga, it’s a very nice way to open the morning. He was even a bit disappointed when Paul said tomorrow they won’t have a yoga session in the morning because they’ve got early training. They were even going to eat breakfast only after hockey practice. Shane knows he’s going to have early morning training after he’ll join his AAA team next year, so it’s a good start for those early practices.

At breakfast he only took cereal like everytime because there was no chance he was going to eat pancakes right before practice. Shane really preferred to eat the same thing every day, and it might not be his regular cereal from home but it was still cereal, so it was routine enough. He also liked to know exactly what he was eating and he wasn’t actually sure what they added inside the pancakes. The food at camp was supposed to be fit for athletes but Shane didn’t get the feeling that that was the case. He was thinking that maybe he should read about food plans for athletes now that he’ll start playing for an AAA team.    

Shane was glad to have a morning practice because he knows that he will be sharper and better than he would be after school or a day at a camp; starting his day with hockey will make everything better. 

Shane was very observant about hockey. Everyone told him he was clueless about everything else, but he could see the mistakes of his fellow players. Since they are going to do a scrimmage later he decided to tell them now, so they could do better when they play. 

He decided to start with Byron because he needed some kind of order, so alphabetical is the logical option, of course. “Byron, you should move your torso so your head will move with it to increase your speed.” Shane corrected his posture after they finished the training before the scrimmage. 

“And why would I do it?” Byron sneered before Shane had the time to correct Daisy.

“Because you could skate faster?” Shane said it in a questioning tone because he didn’t understand Byron’s reaction.

“I skate fast! What do you even know?!” Byron yelled and was a bit too close to his face then Shane felt comfortable. 

“I’m just trying to help, I train with speed skaters, so I know the different ways to improve the speed.” Shane explained. 

“Fuck off.” Byron pushed him to the floor. Shane didn’t understand how it came to it, he just tried to help.

“What’s going on here?” Rhonda came to them. 

“He told me I don’t know how to skate.” Byron called.

“That’s not what I said, I just gave you advice on how to skate better.” Shane pointed out and got up from the floor. 

“The instructors here give corrections and advice, please refrain from doing this again.” Rhonda scolded him, Shane only wanted to help and he didn’t even have time to tell the others how to improve.

Shane didn’t understand what he did wrong but he stayed quiet and waited for the scrimmage to start. He was talented and Wendy was a good goalie and it was enough to win, so he’ll keep quiet for now. 

After the practice was over Shane wanted to change quickly so he could get to the showers before some of the others. At least they had plenty of time to shower before their next activity but Shane has a routine when he changes clothes, and even when he tried to do it faster he still finished after most of the kids were already gone.

They blocked the entrance again until lunch. Shane didn’t try to argue with them today, he knew they'd have to go out and eat, so he just waited outside until they would go. At least today he had the forewarning that he would have to sit an hour in dirty stinky clothing. He’ll skip lunch and shower for as long as he wants to. 

After the rest of the boys left the cabin, Shane got inside and went to the showers. When he showered at night it was quick but now he could calm himself and take some time to himself. He realized he was going to shower two more times that day, after kayaking and after the extra hockey training with Scott. But he didn’t mind it, the showers helped him to pause his day, take a few minutes to himself and move towards the next assignment of the day. It gave him something familiar between tasks, a situation where he knows exactly what to do and what’s going to happen. 

Shane ate his banana, he decided that it was suitable enough for lunch. Every day they got a snack so they have something to eat if they are hungry before one of the meals. Snack time was after dinner so they could save the snack or eat it before bed. Shane was at the rink so he didn’t go to pick something up but Paul brought him a banana as a snack. Shane knew most of the kids didn't choose fruits and that was probably what was left but he preferred it over chocolate so it was good.

He rested on his bunk bed and snoozed off. He doesn’t sleep well at camp, with the noise of the other boys and the hard mattress it was hard. He was going to sleep so much when he got back to the cottage after camp ended. He hates sleeping outside his house and he knows he is going to have to get used to it but it’s not easy at all for him. 

“Shane, wake up.” Paul touched his shoulder and nudged him. Shane jumped, panicking. “You need to go to archery.” Paul stated and left. Shane took a minute and got up and out of the cabin to the archery area. 

Archery was peaceful and fun, even if he didn’t excel in it, it was quiet. The jokes the other boys made were annoying. He didn't like being around them. The girls were much calmer and nice. Shane didn’t have anything to talk about with them, he tried to talk about hockey and they talked a bit about training and the game. But then they started talking about singers and Shane didn’t recognize any of the names. 

While kayaking, they started paddling in the water. Shane was in the middle between Byron and Michael as they paddled one after each other. Out of nowhere, Byron stopped paddling and Shane stopped his kayak as fast as he could so they wouldn't collide. Byron paddled backwards and Michal behind him hit his kayak. The force of the two kayaks hit his own, made his kayak tilt and Shane found himself in the water.

He had a lifejacket on so he floated on the water but for some reason his kayak got far from him.

“Why did you collapse on me? Are you blind? Are your eyes too small?” Byron yelled at him. That is not what happened; he stopped paddling out of nowhere. Shane couldn’t reply to what he said because he tried to breathe properly, he was having trouble with it even though he knew he wasn’t going to drown in the water. 

“Shane, are you okay?” The instructor paddled toward him and signed at the life boat to come and get closer. 

“He crashed into my kayak!” Byron exclaimed.

“And then I crashed into him! It’s totally his fault!” Michael added. 

“You stopped out of nowhere!” Shane told them, referencing Byron.  

“Come hear.” The safeguard on the lifeboat told him and helped him climb into it. “Do you want to return to the kayak or return to the cabin?” He asked after Shane was secure on the lifeboat. 

Shane looked at the flipped kayak on the lake, thinking how wet it will be to sit in it again and how soaked his clothing already feels like and he grimaced. If they gave him an option to stop maybe he should take it. “I want to return to the shore, to the cabin.” Shane answered, he wanted to shower again before anyone else. Tomorrow he’ll paddle after Livia Bernard, the other girl goalie who selected archery and kayaking like he did. Maybe then people won’t accidentally make him fall in the water.

He returned to his cabin and showered again. It was a shorter shower, just so he could change clothes to something more comfortable. He put the soaked clothes outside so they could dry, they got completely soaked when he fell in the lake.

Showering felt different than diving in the water with his head. Shane still felt that his ears were full with water, from back at the lake, even though he knew there wasn't any water in his ears. He opened every pocket in his bags to try and see if his mother packed cotton swabs for him. They made a list and packed together, but his mother was very organized and she might have put several things he might need that he didn’t think about.

In a small pocket he didn’t open yet he found swabs and ear plugs. His mother was a genius, why hadn’t she told him she packed him ear plugs. Maybe the morning whistle would be bearable with ear plugs? He was going to try it tonight. 

Shane wondered if he should nap again but he didn’t want to wake up from the noise of the rest of the kids in the cabin. He couldn’t tell if Byron and Michael caused the lake incident on purpose or if it might have just been an accident. Perhaps he should try to ask the other kids, maybe he should try and ask Livia or one of the other girls but they probably didn’t see what happened. Maybe he should ask Byron, no one else would know what really happened besides him.

The group who chose kayaking was the last to enter the cabin. Shane waited for them on his bed. No one reacted to the fact that he was there before alone. They just didn’t care about him and ignored his presence. After Byron, Michael and Felix Bouchard arrived at the cabin Shane decided he wanted to figure out what had happened. “Did you do that on purpose?” Shane blurted out and stood up. 

“Do you think I did it on purpose? You’re the one that bumped into me!” Byron yelled. Shane asked him nicely, he wasn’t sure why Byron started yelling out of nowhere.

“What happened? You had a kayak accident?” Allister, their last friend asked. The three of them played together in a team in Toronto.

“Yes, he bumped into Byron and then he caused me to clash with him.” Michael chimed in. 

“Maybe you did it on purpose because you think I’m not good enough to be a hockey player.” Byron spat. 

“Well you’re not yet, you need to improve.” Shane stated honestly. That's what he tried to explain to Byron in the first place. 

“Shut the fuck off.” Byron grabbed Shane’s shirt. “tasting water wasn’t enough for you today? Maybe you should taste something else like my fist.” 

Shane tried to wiggle himself out of Byron’s grip but he was too strong for him to. 

“He is not worth ruining your hands. How about we let him taste garbage instead?” Allister offered.

“Good idea.” Byron decided and dragged Shane to the trash can and shoved his head inside. 

Shane wanted to vomit, it was very stinky. He closed his mouth before they shoved his head so at least nothing of the garbage is going to get inside his mouth. It was disgusting, the last time he found himself inside a trash can, some kids just pushed him there but at least then none of it actually touched his face.

He probably should shower again but he doesn’t want to shower too many times, and it’s only his head right now. Maybe he could just wash his face. The smell was awful, Shane hated it, there were probably lots of germs inside the trash. He just closed his eyes and tried to think about hockey, hoping he won’t faint because he is trying to hold his breath. 

Why were none of the other boys stopping them? Why wasn't anyone helping him? It wasn’t the first time he found himself asking those questions, he can’t understand why kids always picked up on him. He didn’t think it was because he was Asian, kids also harassed him at school and he was not the only asian kid there.

“Paul is coming! Let him go!” One of the boys told Byron and Shane finally felt the grip on his neck disappear. He quickly took out his hand and ran to the bathroom and put his head in the sink. He is going to use soap on his face until he won’t smell the trash anymore. He locked the door, so no one could get inside. He felt dirty again, he was dirty, he was covered in trash right now. But he couldn’t shower again; he wants to do some hockey with Scott. Yesterday he showered after midnight when he returned from the rink, then today after hockey training and once again after kayaking. Though this situation probably was the best reason to take a shower. Earlier he decided he’ll shower at least three times today to compensate for the shower he didn’t have yesterday, but five times felt like too much. 

Shane still felt the trash on his face, he wasn’t going to be able to eat anything. Paul will bring him a snack that will wait for him after he’ll return from the rink and he could eat it. After he didn’t smell the trash and didn’t feel the urge to vomit anymore he just leaned on the closet and sat on the floor waiting for everyone to leave so he could go to the rink. The smell of his sweat would help him feel less dirty because it would be a different reason for feeling dirty.

Scott’s day was pretty calm, he liked the routine at camp, he felt busy and occupied but also had some time for himself to rest or read on the shore. He chose biking as an activity because he missed riding a bicycle. In Rochester he had a bicycle and he rode it to school and to hockey practices, but since he moved to Canada he didn’t have any chance to bike. For his first two years at camp he chose different activities but this year Scott decided he missed riding a bike and wanted to again. It reminded him of his childhood, so many things had changed in the past two and a half years and Scott was trying to grasp the little memories he had left. 

Climbing wasn’t a very good choice, it was a bit boring. Scott didn’t choose anything with water this year because his swimsuit was too small and he didn’t have a chance to buy a new one. He probably should have done it before camp, but he didn’t want to waste the money he had left. 

Tom sent him thirty bucks every month, so he could buy things for himself but this month he had none left. The problem was that Jeffery, the other hockey player, the actual son of the billet family, left his skates on the couch. The blades cut the fabric and the couch was ruined. But Jeffery told his parents it was Scott’s skates and they demanded Scott to pay them back. He couldn’t argue with them and all of his money from the last months had to go to repay them for the new couch.

So he chose climbing because there weren’t many other activities on land and because he wanted to try something new. But Scott wanted some action and climbing was a bit boring and Patricia was pretty annoying, trying to convince him to help her climb properly, which he didn’t know how to do anyway.

After they had lunch and some time off, Scott stayed on the shore while the rest of the cabin was at the lake. He didn’t tell them why he couldn't go in the lake, he just said he preferred to read a book instead. He went with them yesterday, but he didn’t want to go with his boxers again and at some point they would realize he doesn’t have a swimsuit. He brought ‘Death on the Nile’ by Agatha Christie with him; he borrowed it from the library before camp.

The scrimmage at hockey training was fun, they didn’t win but his team was decent and they could win in a different game, they had potential. Their evening was free so the girls came to their cabin again. Tomorrow was trivia night at camp so they wouldn’t be able to do that but it also meant that Scott won’t have his nightly hockey session.

After a few minutes of random chit chat, one of the girls, Scott thought her name was Alice, offered, “Do you guys want to play something?” 

“Yes, sure, what though?” Drew Bates asked. 

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Olivia Dalton, one of the girls on Scott’s team said. 

“Can you please also say your name again, I’m really bad with names,” Dennis Lawson asked. He didn’t look like a hockey player at all, he was short and chubby and wore glasses but he was a decent defender.

“Maybe we should play never have I ever?” Patricia offered instead. 

“We don’t have alcohol.” Alex Reynolds reminded them.

“We can just play with our fingers.” Patricia retorted. 

“Maybe we’ll do Never Have I Ever today and truth or dare tomorrow.” Karen Rivers offered, she was also on Scott’s team. 

“We can’t tomorrow, it’s trivia night.” Maxime Trembley reminded them.

“So, on Thursday.” Karen corrected. 

“We’ll need to sleep, we play on Friday, our parents will be here.” One of the french speaking girls, Clemence or Nicole said. 

Scott’s thoughts drifted away when she mentioned parents, he hated when this happened and he knew he’ll probably not be the only one whose parents won’t be here to watch his game, but it was still hard.

“Scott, are you coming?” Billy nudged him, they were all sitting on the cabin floors with their fingers up. 

“Yes,” Scott moved to the floor as well. They chose never have I ever at the end, maybe it would be better, he was a bit afraid of truth or dare because the subject of parents might come up. 

“I’ll start, Allen Jefferson, and never have I ever kept a diary.” He smirked looking at the girls.

Most of the girls groaned and lowered one finger. “Jerk,” one of them muttered under her breath.

“Drew Bates, never have I ever cried after a loss.” Drew smiled and looked at everyone.

They were hockey players and all of them felt the frustration of losing after a match so it was something most of them lowered a finger about, including Scott. Some of the other boys hesitated and looked embarrassed to admit it. 

“Diane Carson, and never have I ever kissed a girl on the lips.” She grinned, looking at the boys.

Most of the boys lowered a finger, some of them lowered only after they saw others lowered one, like they tried to measure the reaction. Scott suddenly realized they were all staring at him and he is definitely not going to lie and lower a finger too and it’ll be obvious it’s a lie. 

“What? I was busy with hockey. I have no idea how you all had time to find a girl to kiss.” He shrugged. It wasn’t a lie, he was busy with hockey, he was just also busy in surviving in this fucking stupid world that had something against him. He didn’t think about girls… ever. He was just busy finding his place in the boarding school and then with the Hicks family.  

“Do you want to change it?” Patricia offered and blinked her eyes a couple of times. Was she trying to offer herself? 

“No, my first kiss will be when the time is right.” Scott answered her.

Most of the kids started giggling. “It’s a shame, I’ve been told I’m good at it,” Patricia smiled widely.          

“Pat, leave him alone.” Another girl said. “I’m Macklyn Celestine, and never have I ever participated in an eating contest.” She stopped Patricia, they probably know from another place who is not the camp. It wasn’t a very good sentence, only some of the boys and one girl lowered a finger.  

“Nicole Chevalier, and never have I ever broken a bone.” She also smirked and most of the room groaned, they were hockey players, so they had a much higher chance of breaking something. Scott lowered a finger, he broke his hand by falling on it a few years ago, She wasn’t the girl who spoke earlier which meant that the other girl’s name was Clemence. 

“Taylor Perkins, and never have I ever had a sibling.” the next boy said. Scott didn’t lower a finger, not having any siblings. Jeffery and Joyce didn’t count, he never felt very welcome with the Hicks. It was probably a good thing he didn’t have any siblings, if he had Scott would have needed to be the one to worry about them, or they would get separated. He was barely surviving and holding his career as a hockey player as it was and if he had someone to look out for it would’ve made everything harder. 

“Payton Stark, and never have I ever met a professional athlete.” One of the girls said.

“Why did you say an athlete and not a hockey player?” Macklyn groaned and lowered a finger. Scott lowered one as well, but like a quarter of them lowered their fingers so it didn’t get him any attention.

“You met a professional athlete who is not a hockey player? How? I met some of the Voyageurs at an event in Montreal." Maxime explained. 

“My parents were professional athletes, my father works for one of the NBA teams, that’s why we moved to the states. We’re only back in Canada for summer break.” Macklyn explained. 

“Yes, that’s how we met, both of our fathers were professional athletes , my daddy will come on Friday so the next time you’ll play this game all of you could lower a finger.” Patricia announced. Even though Macklyn and Patricia knew each other, Scott noticed Macklyn wasn’t one of the girls who hung out around her. The other girls probably thought Patricia would be a good friend to have because her father played professional hockey and she had connections to people in the industry. Maybe Macklin didn’t care about it because she was already connected because of her own family.

Scott could relate, when his parents were alive most of the kids on his hockey team wanted to be his friends because his father was a professional coach. It would have been nice to have someone to talk about it with back in the day but it wasn’t relevant anymore. Besides, Patricia was a snob and Scott didn’t really like her. 

“Wait, your dad played in the NHL? You didn’t mention it in practice” Lewis Avery asked. He was a goalie and was on Scott’s team at camp.     

“He did.” Patricia had a smug smile on her face when she talked, “I’m Patricia Kelley. My daddy is Doug Kelley, he played for the Vancouver Orcas. Anyway, never have I ever lived in the United States.” She looked directly at Macklyn who rolled her eyes and lowered a finger. 

“Fuck off.” Macklyn said, it had a little bite but it didn’t seem like she was surprised by it. She targeted her on purpose, choosing something that Macklyn will have to lower her finger for. The problem was that Scott had to lower his finger as well. 

Since they knew Macklyn live in the United States, Scott lowering his finger caught everyone’s attention. “You live in the United States?” Alex asked. 

“I live in Canada now with a billet family, but I lived in the states, yes, I was born there.” Scott said the least information he could say. He really hoped Patricia and Billy wouldn't say anything else. 

“Well then, never have I ever had a billet family, my name is Jordan Wood by the way.” It was a pretty shitty move to do because Scott was the only one who lowered a finger. 

“Technically, I will move to a billet family next year and I already met them, so does it count as having a billet family?” Kenny Lynch wondered.

“Yes, it does, lower a finger.” Jordan answered.

Kenny’s question saved him from follow-up questions, Scott really didn’t want to be there and talk about private things anymore. They might have asked him about his parents, it was sheer luck that Billy and Patricia didn’t say anything. Though Patricia probably wanted to stay in the position as the only one with the cool hockey dad.

“Olivia Dalton, and never have I ever met my grandparents.” The next one said, Scott lowered another finger. He wished he still had any grandparents, or any other relatives, just someone who could take him in, but that was not the case. He was all alone in the world. His grandmother died when he was ten, while his parents traveled with their teams he slept at her place.  

Scott felt sad and he needed to clear his head, he needed hockey, Shane was probably already at the rink by now. Scott didn’t want the kid to be alone too much time, especially after what happened to him yesterday.

“Lewis Avery, and never have I ever been to an NHL game.” He smiled, because he knew it was something most of them had done.

Scott was really losing this game, but it’s okay because it meant he could leave and go do some hockey earlier, hopefully before he’ll start crying in front of everyone.

“Clemence Fontaine, and never have I ever watched or read Harry Potter.” Scott sometimes forgets how popular that book was because she, him and Macklyn were the only ones who hadn't done it. 

“Billy Crawford, and never have I ever played as a goalie in an actual game.” He said and the four goalies of the group lowered a finger and also Dennis for some reason. 

It was his turn, because he was sitting next to Billy. He wasn't sure what to say but he needed to say something so that no one would figure out his secrets. “Scott Hunter and never have I ever been to Europe.” A few kids lowered a finger.

“Dennis Lawson, and never have I ever ridden a bike.” He grinned and looked at Scott and Billy who chose biking at camp. All of their biking group lowered a finger and also two other kids. Scott had only two fingers left. Good that meant he could leave after the next question. 

“Alice Crane, and never have I ever been a latchkey kid. My mom is a housewife.” Scott was one, his parents were very busy with coaching and they sometimes traveled, he was alone a lot of the time even when they were alive. He lowered a finger.

“I’m Sarah Booth, and never have I ever been to a funeral.” This sentence felt like a needle piercing his heart. How the heck did he miss that there was a girl with his mother’s name? He really didn’t know one of the girls is called Sarah. 

Sarah was a very common name, Scott knew it. But the question stung him and the fact that had the same name as his mother just made it worse. It was like rubbing salt into the wound, Scott missed his parents so much. 

“Well, I lost, I think I’ll go for a walk.” He blurted out, trying to make sure it won’t sound choked. He collected his hockey bag and left the cabin. Before he got inside the rink he stood there and let the tears fall. He took a few deep breaths and got inside. Shane probably won’t notice with the cage. Scott changed in the locker room, not wanting to change in front of Shane so he had a few moments to calm down.

Shane also looked a bit pissed, a little bit less than yesterday but still mad at something. Probably bullying again. Scott wasn't a stranger to stupid teenagers' harassment, it was everywhere in hockey and he had been through some hazing since he moved to Canada. But they were at camp. It wasn't the normal hazing of hockey teams, it was bullying, there were no traditions to follow here. That also meant it could be because Shane was different, not the normal hockey nonsense but harassment because Shane clearly had something different about him, not just that he was Asian.

Scott wondered if he should ask what happened, but thought that maybe he should wait a bit since yesterday it took Shane sometimes to be able to speak about it. Scott skates there and joins in. Shane was hitting the pucks on the net very hard and Scott really needed to do something as well to calm himself up. 

“How was your day Shane?” Scott questioned after a few shoots. 

“Fine. I showered three times.” Shane answered. Scott did not expect that answer, he assumed Shane showered so much to compensate for yesterday? 

“Okay?” Scott answered, not succeeding to hide the questioning tone. 

“I wanted to shower again before I came here but I also will shower after and I thought five showers is a bit too much.” Shane elaborated. 

“Yeah, it sounds like a lot.” Scott knew how to talk to people but he was clueless about how to talk with the kid who talked about showering out of nowhere. Shane seems a bit calmer now, the hockey probably helped. The kid didn’t pick up that Scott was on edge, but Scott really tried to hide it so he probably was doing a good job.

“You want to do something special today?” Shane wondered.

“What do you want to do? We should really use today as best as he can because tomorrow we wouldn’t be able to train at night.” Scott reminded him.

“Wait, what? Why?” Shane asked and turned to look at Scott, which was weird because Shane’s attention was barely on in their conversations.

“Right, you said it’s your first time staying the night at camp. Wednesday evening is trivia night, the whole camp has an outdoor activity outside with a campfire and hockey trivia, it’s fun.” Scott explained, after he realized Shane was not aware of that. Scott assumed it was something that was explained at the beginning of the week camp but maybe Shane’s counselor decided to only tell them about it tomorrow. 

“Really? That sounds fun!” Shane exclaimed.

“Do you want to be in the group with me?” Scott offered, because he could tell even just from yesterday that Shane didn’t have a good relationship with the rest of the kids in his cabin. It would be nice to speak with Shane outside the rink, they might actually have more time together since you could be with anyone you wanted in your group, no matter the age group. 

“Yes, I love hockey trivia, I’m really good, we are so going to win!” Shane called, he was pretty excited, he probably felt much better by now.

“Good, I like winning.” Scott smirked.  

“It’s a shame we can’t have a net with targets, I would want to practice shooting accuracy.” Shane changed the subject, because apparently they were finished with talking about trivia night. 

“Yes, it’s part of the competitions on Saturday.” Scott said. Saturday at camp was a tournament between all campers, they were competing in their activities and hockey statistics, Scott was the one who won most of the hockey competitions in his age group in the last years. It’ll be a good idea to practice shooting accuracy before the contest. 

“Exactly, but I guess we just need to shoot at the corners and pretend there are targets there.” Shane sighed.

“Yeah, wait up, I’ll go bring my watch, there is a timer there.” Scott decided because they needed to know how fast they did it. 

Shane tried first and it was a pretty good record. “9.22, not bad at all.” Scott told him.

“Okay you're up.” Shane said and took the watch. Scott shot pucks to each corner of the net and waited for Shane to say the outcome. “9.09, that’s faster than me.” Shane was disappointed, god this kid was really competitive.

“We need to shave at least a second from these results.” Scott told him. 

“Yes, the all stars record is 8.52, when we get there we’re going to need to do it in less than eight seconds.” Shane mentioned. 

It took them several tries but eventually they both succeeded to do it much faster. “Yes, you did it in less than nine seconds!” Shane called after another try of Scott. 

“Good, that means until I’ll be in the NHL I could break the record.” Scott grinned. 

“Well, it's a shame it won’t last long because I’ll just have to break it then.” Shane pointed out with a huge smile.

Scott chuckled, “game on, we’ll see about that!”

Chapter Text

16, july 2003

After Shane returned from the rink last night he showered again and put the ear plugs inside his ears, so he wouldn't need to hear everyone snoring and the whistle in the morning. It apparently worked too well, because he didn’t wake up from the whistle, which was his goal. Paul shook him until he woke up. He said something to him but Shane didn’t hear him until he took out the ear plugs. 

“Why are you sleeping with ear plugs? I can't wake you up like that, and you don’t wake up on your own.” Paul scolded him. 

“I don’t like the sound of the whistle, it’s loud and it hurts my ears.” Shane explained and he heard laughter from the other kids. 

“We are going to the rink in a couple of minutes, you need to get ready as soon as you can. And wash your face, Shane.” Paul told him and went away. The other kids who he could now see burst out in laughter. They were already half dressed with their hockey outfits. Shane really needed to start getting dressed. He took his bathroom bag and ran to the bathroom, but the door was still locked. 

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to wash it, you look amazing.” Byron snickered. Shane didn’t understand what they were talking about, he knew they were laughing at him, which meant he probably had something on his face. Did he drool at night? He didn’t feel his saliva on his face. 

“Yes, it’s not like you’ll ever look like that in real life.” Allister added.

“What are you talking about?” Shane wondered, he really was clueless.

“You should thank us, we've let you feel like a normal person who can actually reach puberty.” Michael sneered. 

Shane knocked on the door so he could finally see what they were all talking about. Raymond Lee opened it and when he saw him he started laughing. 

“You finally look good Shane, no one can tell that you are different now.” Raymond told him between giggles and let him get inside. He locked the door behind him and looked for the mirror, which wasn’t on the wall anymore.

Shane couldn’t realize what they did to his face if he couldn’t see it. He didn’t really care about how he looks anyway, he didn’t feel anything glued on him or something similar. Shane washed his face like he always did, but he didn’t see something unusual like paint on his fingers when he washed off, so he assumed that there really wasn’t anything on his face. He brushed his teeth and finished his morning routine, and by the time he got out of the bathroom everyone was gone. He wore his basic hockey gear and went to the rink.

He got there at the same time as the girls. They all stared at him, some of them put their hands on their mouth, maybe so they wouldn't laugh? So, he probably still had something on his face that the water didn’t rub off.

“Shane, did you see yourself in a mirror today?” Livia asked slowly and took a step forward to speak with him. 

“No, they took out the mirror from the bathroom so I won’t see what they did.” Shane answered.  

“The other boys did it?” Daisy asked with a chuckle. 

“Yes,” Shane answered. 

“Maybe go to the bathroom in the rink to try and wash it.” Wendy offered. 

“I’ll go and do just that,” Shane told them and got inside to stop the conversation. He wasn’t sure how to talk with girls. He didn’t know how to talk to boys either, but trying to have long conversations felt awkward. Especially when he was standing by himself in front of a huge group, more when it was all girls and he was the only boy.

He got inside the bathroom at the rink, which wasn't broken like the showers, to finally look in the mirror. He had glasses around his eyes, a mustache and a beard. Most of his face was marked by black marker. Shane splashed some water on his face and tried to rub it off but it didn’t work. They probably used a permanent marker because even the soap didn’t help at all. What was he supposed to do now? 

“Shane? Are you here?” Rhonda called from the hallway. Shane opened the door to look at her, everyone already saw him, Rhonda can see him as well, it doesn't matter. 

“Oh, honey, what have they done to you?” Rhonda, the girls’ counselor, asked when she saw him. 

“I’m sorry I’m not on the ice yet, I tried to wash it off but it’s not working.” Shane apologized. 

“How about you’ll wear your hockey gear and after practice I’ll help you clean this up, I think you need something with alcohol for it to wash off.” Rhonda offered.

Shane nodded, “thanks, I’ll be there soon.” He closed the door back, he’ll change in the bathroom. There wasn’t any reason for him to go to the locker room just to change. 

When he finished changing, Shane got on the ice and skated toward his group. “So, looking older makes you late?” Byron joked. 

“I do not look older, you just drew on my face.” Shane stated. 

“Yeah, looks good on you, no one can see your eyes now.” Michael pointed out. 

“Were you the one who did it?” Heather asked. 

“Yes, we just wanted to give him the chance to see how he’ll look if he’ll ever grow facial hair.” Byron explained and giggled.

“Stop teasing him.” Rhonda scolded, “we need to start the practice, start doing some drills, kids.” 

After yesterday, Shane learned not to speak with Byron and Michael and try to give them corrections about their skating. He was mostly quiet, which was easy for him most of the time, but he liked talking about hockey and he had to actively stop himself from doing it. Shane was used to people stopping him from talking about hockey, most kids didn’t have the patience for his hockey lectures. 

After practice, the counselors told them the showers were going to get fixed tonight. Finally, Shane could have a shower right after practice, it was really annoying not being able to clean himself properly the way he wanted to. 

Shane kept his compression clothing on because it was black so if it’ll get tarnished by whatever material Rhonda will use on him, no one will be able to see it on his clothes, and he wasn't going to wear another set of clothing before showering anyways.

He waited for her at the entrance of the rink. “Hey Shane, I’m glad you waited for me here. Do you want to wear your hockey helmet until we reach my room?” Rhonda offered as he walked after her to the girls’ cabin. 

Shane wasn’t sure why she asked him to do it, they were not in the rink anymore and he was not playing hockey right now. Did she also want him to hide his face, was the reason for it the same reason the kids decided to draw things on him? So no one could see his eyes, was it a thing she thought he should be ashamed of? If so, why did she offer to help him? 

It was the first time Shane visited the girls cabin, it was cleaner and nicer than his own cabin and smelled better. Some of the girls sat on the terrace and some were inside the cabin. Rhonda let him get inside her room at the cabin, it was pretty small with one bed for the counselor of the cabin, and a desk with a chair and a mirror that Rhonda probably brought from home.

Shane sat on the chair as Rhonda took out cotton wool and poured something on it, probably for nail polish or make up cleaner. Shane felt very bad about this, he hated not knowing things and he had no clue what was touching his face skin right now, but she offered to help and he couldn’t say no to it. Besides, Rhonda was an adult and she was not going to hurt him. 

It still wasn’t pleasant, the smell of the liquid made him want to vomit, It was too strong. Shane wasn’t sure if that product was supposed to touch his skin, he assumed that if it’s make up cleaner it probably was but if it’s nail polish varnish maybe it could be toxic? Shane wasn’t really sure, but it wasn't a nice feeling on his face. He wanted to scratch the cotton wool away but he needed to let her work and he could see that it was working on the mirror.

“Are you excited for the campfire?” Rhonda asked him, trying to make small talk with him. 

“Yes, I’ve been told there is going to be hockey trivia so I’m looking forward to it.” Shane said, but he didn’t like how close his lips were to the cotton wool she was holding. Shane was going to keep his mouth shut because he didn’t want it to accidentally get inside his mouth.  

He closed his eyes and thought about hockey, trying to think about random facts he knows that might help him in trivia night. Rhonda tried to continue talking to him to distract him but Shane couldn’t answer. He couldn’t talk while she was cleaning him up, the smell was horrible and the cotton wool’s sensation paralyzed him.

Shane wasn’t sure how much time it would take her to clean him up, but after she finished Rhonda told him he should go eat breakfast. He thanked her but didn’t go to eat, he returned to his empty cabin so he could finally take a shower. Tomorrow he could finally shower right away after training, it’s the last day of feeling dirty like that. 

The shower helped ease the sensation on his face only a bit, he still had a tickling or scratching sensation from the alcohol remover and he didn’t feel like eating and moving his lips with that sensation, he hoped it would fade over by lunch.    

Their yoga session was after breakfast and it helped Shane clean his head and not think about his face anymore. Archery was very chill, which he kinda liked by now. Wendy said it started to get boring but Shane didn’t mind, boring meant no drama, boring meant quiet, so he could handle it. 

For lunch, Shane ate a hamburger, he finally could eat something after the sensation stopped. He already had practice and he needed to return some fuel to his body. At Kayaking, Shane paddled near Livia and Beatrice Fortin who were much more pleasant in contrast to Byron and Michael. They spoke in french to each other and Shane wasn’t sure if he should try and speak with them in his basic French or if they were talking in French so no one else would interrupt them.

Shane showered again and then had plenty of time for himself. The boys went to play volleyball and didn’t invite him, which was weird because you needed twelve players for a proper game and without him they were only eleven. Maybe they expected Shane to come when he felt ready and join them?

He went to the volleyball area and joined the team with fewer players. It might be good, he thought that maybe they’ll be nicer to him if they saw that he wanted to be with them. Shane knew theoretically how to play volleyball. He read about other sports, none of them were hockey but Shane wanted to make sure there wasn’t something else out there that he might find interesting. 

“What do you think you are doing?” Josh Willson, one of the players from the team he joined, asked him.

“Joining in.” Shane answered, he took into account that he might need to shower again after the campfire because of the smell, so he didn’t mind playing volleyball a bit. He wasn’t that good in ball games, dodgeball was a nightmare for him but he thought that he should at least try volleyball. It was important for him as an athlete to know other sports as well.

“No, you’re not.” Allister said and folded his arms. Henri Picard grabbed the ball in his hand and they all stood up, not playing. 

“Why do you think you can join us?” Byron asked him.

“You need another player, it’s five against six.” Shane explained. 

“But we don’t need you.” Michael mentioned. 

“So, one group plays with one person less? It’s not fair for them.” Shane said.

“We don’t care, go away.” Raymond Lee told him. 

“Fine,” Shane mumbled and went away, he didn’t even know enough about volleyball, he just wanted to try, but he won’t stay there if they don’t want him, he can do other stuff in the meantime. He went to the swings, he really couldn’t understand why they didn’t want to play with him.

Shane could see the preparation of the campfire and he could see the counselors moving all over the place to make sure everything will be prepared on time. The dining room offered fruits for everyone in the meantime, so Shane went there to take an apple. It might not have been his greatest idea, Shane preferred eating sliced apples and he didn’t like biting the apple very much, it hurt his teeth. He threw it away after a few bites.  

When the time of the campfire arrived, Shane wasn’t sure how he was going to find Scott. There were so many kids gathering around the fire and he couldn’t go looking for him like that, it was too loud near the fire and he really didn’t want to go there.. From the campfire food, Shane chose to eat potatoes, corn and fish, it was nice that he could see the counselors making the food earlier, it made the food feel safer. Shane didn’t pick the campfire stew because there were too many things he couldn’t identify and it didn’t look good. For dessert, he took a banana with chocolate. Shane didn’t really like the texture of marshmallows and didn’t want s'mores, he always got marshmallows in his teeth after eating them. 

“Shane, here you are.” He suddenly heard Scott's voice as the older boy sat down next to him.

“Yeah, I didn’t know how to find you.” Shane said.

“That’s okay, I found you instead. This is Billy Crawford, one of the kids in my cabin, can he sit with us?” Scott pointed to the guy who was on the next side of the table.

“Yes, sure. I’m Shane Hollander.” Shane answered, if Scott is getting along with this boy he couldn’t be that bad, right? Shane didn’t really care about anyone else sitting with them. Maybe he should tell Scott to go and spend time with his friend? Shane didn’t think that he might prevent Scott from being with his friends, since they have already agreed to sit together today. He didn’t know how to ask about it though, so he just continued eating silently. 

“So, ready for trivia night?” Scott asked him and Shane smiled. 

“Yes, of course, I can’t wait for it.” Shane said enthusiastically.

“Good,” Scott said and started eating. 

“I know so much about hockey, like, did you know that in...” Shane continued and started telling them random facts he knows, hoping they’ll be in the trivia. 

“I’m going to bring us dessert, Shane, do you want another one? Billy, which one do you want?” Scott announced after some time. 

“Thanks Scott, I want s'mores.” Billy told him.

Shane shook his head to reply to Scott, “No, I ate a banana with chocolate, I think it’s enough for me.” He was still an athlete and didn’t want to eat that much sugar and he ate a big dinner in a campfire plus dessert. It was enough food for tonight. 

Scott left and Shane wasn’t sure why he did that. He left him alone at the table with a stranger, and Shane didn’t feel very comfortable with that. Shane stopped talking suddenly because he wasn’t sure what to do now that the situation has changed.

“So, where do you live?” Billy probably asked him the first question he could think of. 

“Ottawa.” Shane answered shortly.

“Ah, cool, I’m from Kingston, it's pretty close.” Billy told him.

“Wait, seriously?” Shane was very glad to hear it, it was important to know hockey people from the area. 

“Yeah, it’s going to be my last year with the Limes, I’m hoping to have a good year to get a sport with the Crowns.” Billy explained, he was talking about the Kingston hockey teams.

“I’m actually going to play with the Limes next year! I got scouted to them, they are much better than the Horses.” Shane always wondered if his team in Ottawa was called horses because the NHL team was called the Centaurs, if it was supposed to be a stupid reference. But when he tried to ask people, no one gave him a real answer.   

“Cool! I’m on the older team, but maybe we will meet each other.” Billy replied.

“Can you please tell me what it’s like in the Limes?” Shane asked, he actually hadn’t met any players from Kingston beforehand, if he did, he would’ve asked them the questions he had about the team, Shane really wanted to have more information before joining it. 

Scott left only when he noticed Shane was more loose and felt more comfortable. He hoped Shane and Billy would find something to talk about, he knew by now that Shane wasn’t one to initiate conversation but maybe Billy would ask questions. He felt a bit bad to leave them alone but he needed some time to himself. 

It surprised Scott that Billy wanted to come and sit with him. Scott told him he was going to sit with Shane and he didn’t think Billy would want to sit with a twelve year old kid he didn’t know. He told Billy he needed to make sure Shane was going to be alright with that, and that if Shane would have said no, Scott would have had to tell Billy to go away.

Maybe Billy sensed that Scott was a bit off today and that's why he wanted to stay with him. Scott thought he was pretending well enough that everything was good. But he also was less talkative when they were biking today. 

He couldn’t shake off the thoughts about his birthday tomorrow, He really hoped that trivia night would be a good enough distraction for his restless thoughts. He was quiet and less focused today. It frustrated him because he really tried not to think about tomorrow and when he wasn’t able to focus on anything else, the only thing he could focus on was that. It was his last day as a fourteen year old boy, tomorrow he was going to be fifteen. Fifteen felt so old, and even though Scott wanted to be an adult so he won’t need others in his life, what he really wanted was to actually be able to be a child. He wanted someone to take care of him, he didn’t want to be alone in the world.

No one knew that his birthday was tomorrow, he didn’t tell anyone at camp, because he couldn’t celebrate with his parents, and it felt like nothing without them. It has been feeling like nothing for almost three years. Scott just felt sad and tired. He leaned on a tree and took a few deep breaths. He needed to bring s’mores and return to their table.

Scott really hoped no one would notice he was acting weird, today he could try and pretend that everything is fine, but tomorrow he would probably feel even worse. At least today was calm and peaceful and nothing actually happened. He participated in the activities, in hockey practice and yoga, he ate meals and hung out with the other boys, he tried so hard to have a normal day. 

It felt like he was walking to his doom tomorrow, like the end of the world was about to come. Last year that week he got the news that the hockey program in his boarding school was getting closed. The funding was shut down and they closed it. Scott didn’t have time to say goodbye to his teammates for the past two years, because the other kids won’t return to the boarding school without hockey. 

Technically, Scott could’ve stayed in the boarding school, but he was a hockey player, he needed to play hockey, that was everything he had. His time at camp was scheduled right after he got the news about the shut down so he didn’t have time to dwell on that.

When he returned to the table he saw Billy and Shane in the middle of conversation, at least they found something to talk about. It seemed like they both felt comfortable and not awkward, it was good to see it. Maybe Shane wasn’t that shy like he’d thought, it was the first day when they met each other, it’s logical Shane was just a bit stressed by everything then. 

“Here you go Billy.” Scott put the s’mores in front of his cabinmate. 

“Thanks, Scott.” Billy replied and started eating the dessert. 

“What did you talk about?” Scott wondered.

“Limes.” Shane stated and didn’t elaborate. Billy mumbled something, probably to explain more but his mouth was full with marshmallows and Scott didn’t register what he said.

“Scott, Billy, let’s be in the same trivia group.” Patricia said and sat next to Billy, she dragged Macklyn with her. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Macklyn stated and didn’t sit down. 

Scott glanced at Shane, he wasn’t sure if it’s going to be a good idea, Patricia wasn’t the nicest girl and he wanted Shane to feel comfortable. “Are you okay with that? It’s okay if you want it to be only the three of us.” Scott asked Shane, trying to realize what he actually thought about it.  

Shane shrugged, “okay, as long as we're going to win.” 

“Who are you?” Patricia asked, it seemed like she only noticed Shane now.

“Shane Hollander.” he answered. 

“These are Patricia and Macklyn. Patricia is on the same hockey team as me.” Scott introduced them. Shane nodded but didn’t answer, Scott hoped he'd be more talkative when the trivia began, he didn’t want Shane to feel uncomfortable. 

The trivia game went like that: there were a couple of boards with a bunch of pictures related to hockey. Each board had a different page that they wrote the answers on and then each group submitted all of their answers, one board at a time.

“Take it Mack, you are the one who writes.” Patricia said and handed her the papers after she got them. Macklyn rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. The counselors went in a circle around the tables to give the first boards to each team. They put it backwards so everyone could start at the same time. 

Billy flipped the board when the camp director said start. Logos, their first board was hockey team logos. “Okay that’s an easy one.” Billy stated, “so we are just saying which logo belongs to which team and Macklyn is writing it?” 

“Yes, that’s the trivia game.” Scott stated, It was good that Billy caught on fast, he and Shane were the only ones who did not play the game before and Scott wanted to make sure they all knew the rules..

“Number one is Houston Drillers, number two Buffalo Swords, number three Montreal Voyageurs, number four San Francisco Mission, number five Columbus Spiders…” Shane started reciting all the answers. Shane was very good at that, Scott was pretty sure Shane knew all the logos.  

“Woah, hold your horses, I need to write it all down.” Macklyn called while trying to scribble everything he said.

“I don’t have horses?” Shane asked her, puzzled.

“It’s an idiom, she is asking you to slow down.” Scott explained. Shane was a very sweet boy but Scott was a bit wary of the dynamic that could happen in this group. 

“I’m sorry, we used it a lot in my house. How about I’ll tell you the number and you tell me the logo?” Macklyn offered. 

“Okay sure, let’s do that.” Shane agreed. They quickly finished listing all the twelve teams on the board. 

“What’s now?” Billy asked. 

“I guess we'll wait until the next board arrives.” Scott stated. Just then they all heard a bird call that made them jump, well, all of them got startled by it but Shane. 

“I hate these stupid birds.” Patricia scoffed.

“Those birds are called loons, they are nice birds. I like them.” Shane told them. “You know they have four different calls? There is a wail, yodeling, tremulous, and hoots.” 

“Why do you know that? Do you speak bird?” Patricia asked. Scott grimaced, that was really unnice of her to say, Shane was younger than them and he certainly didn’t need anyone else picking on him. He really should’ve said something to her, maybe tell her to fuck off but Shane answered before Scott managed to articulate an answer. 

“No, when I was a kid and I first heard their calls at my parents cottage I was scared too, but then my parents explained to me about the loons, so I decided I want to see them and look for them and I spent most of the summer chasing loons and trying to befriend with them.”

“Cute, so you like loons?” Scott said the first thing he could think of before Patricia would do another mean thing. It was a cute story but he heard the sad part of it. It would maybe sound to anyone else like just a story about an animal loving child being bored when spending the summer with his parents, but Scott knew about Shane having difficulties with the other kids at his cabin, and this story made him wonder if Shane felt like the animals were his only friends. Scott thought he mentioned something about a speed skater on the first day, but he wasn’t sure if Shane had any actual friends back home.  

“Yes, they are great birds.” Shane said enthusiastically. Scott was glad to see that there was something else that would get that reaction out of him besides hockey. Shane didn’t seem excited about anything else before, and Scott saw that he was pretty uptight most of the time, at least with him. “You know they can dive more than 160 feet deep?” 

“Time’s up.” The director announced at the microphone. Their group had already finished so someone from the staff just picked their board and gave them a new one. That one didn’t have pictures on it, just numbers. Apparently they needed to list as many players as they could that had those jersey numbers.

“That’s not as easy as the last one.” Billy stated as he stared at the board. 

“Well, my father was number thirty two, so you could list him.” Patricia said and pointed at the number thirty two on the board.

“Your father played hockey?” Shane asked.

“Yes, Doug Kelley from Vancouver Orcas.” She smiled smugly. 

“Cool! He is a great player, he was the face of the franchise, he has the record of most goals of the club in a season, right? It was fifty nine goals, I think.” Shane asked, he wasn’t sure if he was correct but Scott had no clue how he could know that much about random players. 

“Yeah I know, but why do you know that? You sound creepy.” Patricia barked.

“Pat, he just knows hockey facts.” Macklyn stopped her and put a hand on her shoulder to shush her. Scott wanted to tell her to get off Shane, but Macklyn stopped her before he had the chance. 

“Yes, how about we keep listing players who have played with these jersey numbers?” Scott laid it on a bit thickly, to make sure he’d direct the conversation completely. 

“Right,” Shane said immediately and started mentioning players who used the numbers on the board. The goal was to list as many players as they could and Scott thought that they really made a great group, because the five of them succeeded to list at least three players for each number.

Scott avoided mentioning any Buffalo players until now, because he just didn’t want to talk about it but they were just trying to recall other players in those numbers and he did have two names to add to that list. “Andrew Barker also plays with thirty two on his jersey and Cooper Redmayne plays with fifty four.” Scott mentioned and Macklyn listed them as well. No one raised an eyebrow at the mention of the players, probably no one else even knew what team they played on. Well, Shane probably did. Scott wasn’t even sure if Cooper still played for Buffalo; he thought he might have been traded at some point.

Their next board was mascots. “How the hell are we supposed to know the names of the mascots?” Billy asked, flabbergasted.

“We can do it, the three of us have connections to hockey teams and we have encyclopedia hockey boy in our group as well.” Patricia told them. 

“I told you not to mention it, and don’t call him that.” Scott snapped at her, looking at Shane who didn’t seem phased by that at all. 

“Really Scott, do you have a connection to a hockey team?” Shane asked him, it sounded like he was excited to hear about that.

Scott really hoped Shane didn’t know all the coaches in both leagues because if Shane somehow knew the name of the current coach of the Flowers he was definitely screwed. “She is exaggerating. My father coaches an AHL team, it’s not a big deal and it’s not something I like to talk about.” Scott explained, hoping Shane won’t be mad at him for not mentioning it, because some kids did get angry at him for it. 

“So, I can’t ask questions?” Shane asked, he seemed a bit disappointed, he probably wanted to react like he reacted to Patricia’s father earlier. 

“Pat, some of us don’t like using our parents and want to be our own people, you know that?” Macklyn reminded her.

“I don’t understand why, you have connections, use them.” Patricia argued back. 

“How about we’ll try to list some of the mascots?” Billy tried to return them to the subject. “I know the Anaheim Hammerheads mascot is called Mighty, but everyone knows it, because of the movie. It’s number three.” 

“The Orcas mascot is called Fin, that I know. He’s number one.” Patricia said.  

“Right, I read about some of the mascots. Boston’s mascot is called Blades, it’s number six. Toronto is called Maple, it’s number two.” Shane stated, “I didn’t understand why they were both using bears, so I found myself reading about the differences between brown bears and polar bears.”

“Number eight is Saber, the Buffalo mascot and number ten is Hunter, the Edmonton mascot, everyone always mentions it to me.” Scott said, because he was competitive and Patricia decided to tell the rest about his parents' work so he was at least going to use the knowledge he had now. 

“Ah, number eleven is Chuck, the Centaurs beaver. I really hate that mascot, I can’t understand why the centaurs have a beaver as a mascot and not a horse? It’s so illogical and stupid.” Shane complained. 

“They probably put it in because of that, it’s tricky because people who are not familiar with it would assume that the Ottawa mascot will be a horse.” Billy stated.         

“Okay, I got it, I know about the California mascots. Four is Jewel, the Queens mascot. I always liked how they use a lioness and not a lion because they are queens and not kings. The shark is called Jose, it’s number seven and it belongs to Mission.” Macklyn said and wrote the two she recognized. 

They didn’t remember any of the other mascots, it was pretty easy to recognize number twelve was the mascot of New Jersey Demons but none of them knew its name. Scott was a bit bummed that they couldn’t finish everything but he also thought they probably did a better job then most other groups because that was a hard one.

“I hope we did good enough, Jordan’s group will probably get all of them correctly as he is the expert for mascots.” Billy chuckled. Scott wasn’t sure when Jordan talked about mascots, but apparently Macklyn realized his confusion. 

“After you left the game Julie said she never met a team mascot and Jordan said that his uncle is a mascot and that he knows tons about mascots.” Macklyn explained. 

“It’s better that I was already gone, that's another finger down for me.” Scott sighed. 

“At least asking about the mascots was better than asking about a food contest.” Patricia teased Macklyn. 

“What? I thought maybe someone did a cupcake eating contest or something, I thought it was hilarious.” Macklyn shrugged. 

The next board wasn’t pictures again, it had trivia questions about records. Patricia decided to read them out loud. “What's the current record for the rookie accuracy shooting competition in all stars?’ How are we supposed to know that? It’s much harder than knowing who has the most cups.” Patricia scoffed. 

Scott looked at Shane and grinned at him and they both said together, “it’s 8.52.” Scott laughed and Shane chuckled. “Well, for now. I’m going to break it.” Scott added, still laughing. 

“That’s ambitious, it seems like a pretty solid record.” Billy mentioned. 

“He won’t get to hold the record for long, I'll just break it right after him.” Shane said again.

“Do you think you’ll get to the NHL?” Patricia asked him, like she didn’t have any faith in him. 

“Yes, I’m one of the best hockey players at my age, I already got scouted.” Shane told her. 

“But, you know…” Patricia tried to say and gestured on Shane.

“No? I don’t know, I’m really a good player.” Shane repeated. 

“How about we’ll continue to answer questions?” Scott quickly said to stop it because he was pretty sure Patricia would say what she really meant if Shane continued to ask. It was pretty clear Patricia was talking about his ethnicity and Scott wasn’t sure if Shane really didn’t understand what she tried to say or if he just pretended not to so he could ignore her. 

Shane seems so happy and focused and Scott wasn’t sure he was that loose even on the ice, the boy finally seems at ease. Scott couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt the urge to care or protect him, but Shane somehow charmed him. Maybe it was because Shane was different, in a good way of course, and Scott was exhausted from everyone else. The younger boy was just present near him, he didn’t push or ask questions, he was just there for the hockey, not for the other things that were harder for Scott. 

They finished with the facts and the next thing was to match between the NHL teams to their AHL teams. Shane knew a few of them, but it was really just a bit of them, and the others looked at him clueless. Scott sighed and rolled his eyes and started matching the teams. He grew up for twelve years with an AHL coach as a dad, he knew all the teams by heart. He didn’t feel comfortable using that knowledge, but everyone at the table already knew about it so Scott didn’t have a reason to pretend anymore.

The next thing was famous quotes from players. They all stared cluelessly at the sentences. “I have no idea about that.” Shane stated, a little bit disappointed he can’t help.  

They were really bad at that board, it wasn’t anyone’s strong suit, they guessed a few but all of them felt unsure about the answers. 

The next board was a bit similar to the numbers board. It was a list of all the NHL teams and they needed to write all the players they could remember from each team. Not necessarily current players, but also ones who played on a team at one point, which meant they could get more than one point if they correctly identified a player who played for more than one team. 

It was a very ambitious task, Scott wasn’t sure if there would be another group that could list at least one player from every group, at least Shane knew all the captains names from the current season. Patricia knew some of Vancouver and Toronto players, Macklyn had some knowledge about the California teams, Scott told them the players he remembered the full names of from Buffalo and Billy and Shane together succeeded to write down most of Ottawa’s roster and some of Montreal. They had eight teams with half rosters and some past players and the captain of every team. It seems like they did a pretty solid job here.

Pictures of arenas were on the next board. “Seriously? They didn’t even blur the arena's names.” Macklyn chuckled.

“Probably because they don’t think most of us will know the rink names.” Scott shrugged, he could only recognize Buffalo’s rink.

“It’s arenas, they are not only rinks. Okay, I listed the arenas for the Queens, Admirals, Bears, Wheelers and Guardians.” Macklyn said after she finished writing everything she knew.

“Nice, you really know about hockey arenas.” Billy told her.

“It’s not hockey knowledge, it's basketball. I just know all the arenas that share a rink and a court. My father would kill me otherwise.” Macklyn jokes.

“Wait, seriously?” Shane's eyes widened in a panic.

“No, no, it was a joke, he is just a basketball coach so I need to know that stuff.” Macklyn assured him. 

“Your father is an NBA coach?” Billy asked. 

“I thought we said no questions about parents.” Macklyn groaned. Scott was very happy to have her there, he didn’t really realize they were a bit similar in that sense, and if she was going to deflect questions, he could do that as well. “Yes, that’s why we moved to America.” Well, she answered eventually but maybe Scott still could say the same if someone will ask him a question, if they both insist on it no one will ask anything. 

“Why are you in hockey and not basketball then? I mean hockey is the best but didn’t your father want you to play basketball as well?” Shane wondered. “I’m sorry. You said no questions, forget I asked. Number six is the Centaurs rink.” 

Macklyn chuckled and wrote it down, “it’s okay, I just don't like to show off about my parents. My sister Ada is a basketball player. He really wanted my brother Charles to be a basketball player as well but he chose tennis for some reason. Regina, my other sister, is a soccer player. It’s kinda funny that me and my sisters chose team sports when the women's leagues are so horrible, because no one cares about women's sports. But I like hockey, so there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe one day there will be a proper women's league.” Macklyn sighed.

“Yes, I love hockey, but I know it’s not something I’ll do for a long time, it’s really just not the same.” Patricia agreed.

“Well the college league is fine at least.” Scott tried to offer them that comfort. 

“Yeah, and that's it. Look I’ll do college, and everyone’s goal is an olympic medal, but it’s nothing like the NHL, the dream cannot be NWHL. It doesn’t even have teams in the USA, it just feels disrespectful.” Macklyn complained. 

“That's sad, but we really should continue answering about the arenas.” Shane said bluntly. 

“Yes, I’m sorry,” Macklyn apologized.

“That’s Buffalo’s rink,” Scott stated and pointed at the picture. They could guess the other rinks that left and it was another sheet they filled up. 

The next board was pictures of past and current players and Patricia started laughing because her father was one of them. 

“Number four is Sergei Vetrov, he was the Bears goalie a decade ago. Number seven is Harv Murdock, he is a pretty solid forward.” Shane said with a rare smile when he talked about Murdock. It was probably inspiring for him to see someone from a minority group as one of the top shooters in the league. 

“Number eleven is Brandon Wiebe, I think?” Patricia questioned, “it's a very random choice, he got traded to Vancouver from Detroit after a few years in the AHL.”

“It could be that they just picked a random team and then picked a random player from that team because they wanted to have something hard?” Billy pondered. 

“It actually seems like that.” Macklyn chuckled and listed the players they recognized. “How do you even know about him?” 

“My father is a scout for the Guardians, that’s why we moved from Vancouver. They offered him a job. When we saw the news on the trade he said there were rumors about him, I’m not sure what kind of rumors, but yeah, he complained about that choice.” Patricia explained. 

“What kind of rumors? Why did he think badly about him?” Shane wondered.

“I don’t know, my dad didn’t explain. Many players have secrets, it could be anything from gambling to affairs, I learned not to ask.” Patricia shrugged.

Scott could see Shane had a weird expression on, like he was still trying to figure it out. Scott decided he should continue with the names and maybe Shane would stop thinking about it. “Number two is Clyde Winn, he is Buffalo’s captain, and I think number five is Greg Huff from Tampa?” Scott offered. Maybe now they won’t ask him about Winn, it was good he said him first. Scott didn’t think he’d met Winn before the funeral, if he did, he didn’t remember that, since he had played for Rochester when Scott was a toddler.

“Yes, I think Huff was nominated for rookie of the year last year?” Shane added, trying to remember. It didn’t help with recognizing any other players but at least Shane returned to thinking about trivia and not about the scandals NHL players could get into. Not that rumors are scandals, it didn’t get to the media, so it must have not been that bad.

“I think this is Sheldon McCann, he plays for the Queens.” Macklyn pointed at number one and listed him. They could recognize most of the players or at least guess the names none of them were sure of. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Billy exclaimed when he saw the next task. It wasn’t with a board this time, they just got answer sheets. The next assignment was like the numbers assignment just with draft picks. The answer sheets just contained big boxes to list as many names as possible. 

“Why do they think we could know who was the draft pick at number one hundred and sixty one?” Macklyn asked exasperated, choosing a random number.

“Do you know that, hockey boy?” Patricia asked Shane. Scott actually wondered if Shane would say a random name that got drafted as one hundred and sixty one. 

“Well, no, but I know all the first draft picks from the past two decades?” Shane offered instead. 

“Say it at my writing speed.” Macklyn said and started writing what Shane told her. 

Scott felt much more comfortable to talk about things right now, they all know his father had a coach job in AHL so he could just talk about things now. Shane finished saying all the first draft picks along with some other names he remembered. 

“My father was number nine and Toronto's first pick in this year’s draft was number fifty seven, his name is Jonathan Cook, my father complained about their first pick being so low.” Patricia mentioned, “Justin Dixon was number twenty three this year, for the Orcas.” 

After she finished Scott started to tell her all the first round picks of Buffalo from the last decade. He thanked god, (not that he believed in god anymore since his parents’ death, but metaphorically) that he had the logic to check the picks for the past three years as well and he remembered them, or else it would have been suspicious. “Number fourteen Clyde Winn and Arto Karvinen. Number eleven John Bowen and Daniel Whitney. Cooper Redmayne seventeen and Gustav Karlsson twenty one. Andrew Barker eighteen and Ivan Horak twenty two. Martin Dawson is a five draft pick, because Buffalo really suck in doing proper trades and that is their highest choice in ages.” Scott finished, he probably missed a few players, he wasn’t even sure what year all of those players got drafted, but he did know their numbers picks because it always annoyed his dad they got lower trades, even if he could forge them into NHL players.

Scott knew he didn’t say it in order, but it wasn’t easy to recall all the players and he still remembered plenty of them. It was pretty nice to be able to talk about those things, he was always so guarded with everything he said about Buffalo or his dad, and he missed talking about it freely. 

“I can’t understand how they are even going to check our answers. It’s not like they actually remember Daniel Whitney is number eleven.” Billy complained.

“Well, they probably printed all the lists of the NHL drafts so they could check it, maybe they even filled it out themselves with all the correct names, it’s only forty years and there were only twenty one people on the first draft, so not every number has even forty names.” Shane shrugged.

“I honestly think we did a pretty good job, I don’t think any other team could reach that much knowledge.” Macklyn hummed, she also listed several players she remembered. 

“I recalled another two. Okay, so in 2001 the Orcas and Guardians chose right after the other. Both of the players were on my daddy’s list, but I remember that because we laughed about the odds of that. Number sixteen was Rory Gibbons who got to the Orcas and number seventeen was Colby Rice.” Patricia added. 

The last board was photos of awards. “That’s also hard, I only recognize the Stanley cup.” Billy stated and pointed at number three. 

“Number eight is the Presidents’ Trophy.” Shane stated.

“The award with the guy is Ted Lindsay.” Patricia commented. 

Scott stared at number six. It was Calder, not Rookies’ Calder, AHL’s Calder. He saw the award in real life so he could recognize it, they probably put it there to confuse kids because everyone will think it’s only NHL awards.

He wasn’t sure why seeing the trophy so bothered him, he brushed over the subject of his parents that evening. It just hit him at once, he had a birthday tomorrow and his parents were not going to call and wish him happy birthday. He thought at camp that year he could imagine they are still alive and can’t call because of camp, but it’s not working.

The memory of celebrating felt like a knife through his heart, Scott suddenly realized it’s going to be the only cup win he ever celebrated with them, and it wasn’t even his win. They would never be there when he’ll win a Stanley, he’ll have no one for him even then, he was completely alone. He bit his lip hard to stop himself from crying, a feeling was growing inside him, like the minutes counting down to midnight were a countdown to his doom. 

“Scott, are you alright?” Billy asked him and nudged his shoulder. 

“Yes, sorry, I lost focus, you finished answering this board?” Scott asked, he hoped his voice sounded normal.

“Well, we are debating on number six.” Macklyn answered. 

“It’s Calder.” Scott stated.

“No, no, number ten is Calder, it’s one of the awards I plan to win, I know what it looks like.” Shane argued. 

“They both are, number six is AHL Calder. I know what it looks like, they probably put it here on purpose as a trick question.” Scott explained slowly, thinking about every word before he said it. He wanted to return to his bed and hide inside the blanket. 

He was thinking about what his dad told him after they won the cup, that the only Calder he should ever win is the Rookie of the year and not the AHL Calder. His parents had expectations from him; when he was a child he didn’t feel the pressure, but now, after their death he just wanted to achieve everything they wanted him to have. But it was so hard, how could he find his way to the hockey world without support?

“Your father won the AHL Calder?” Patricia asked, Scott nodded, not trusting himself to speak without his voice to sound off. 

“What do you think the prize for the trivia will be?” Macklyn asked, Scott was grateful because she realized he didn't feel comfortable talking about his parents.

“I don’t know, but we were very good, we are so going to win it!” Shane called.

“Yes, I think we did good.” Scott agreed and forced a smile. He wanted to react to Shane. Scott gritted his teeth and forced himself to be present in their conversation. 

“It was really fun, I think it was the most fun I had in camp.” Shane said. 

“More than hockey?” Scott raised an eyebrow.

“Hockey I do every day, it’s not special only for camp, trivia is special.” Shane explained. 

“Right, that makes sense, it was fun.” Scott agreed.

Someone came to take their last answer sheet and everyone needed to wait for the results. The counselors gave the campers popsicles in the meantime. Shane was the only one from the group who declined. “Don’t you want one?” Scott pondered. 

“No way, it’s past eleven, it’s way too late for it.” Shane shook his head rapidly, almost like he was shocked by the offer. 

“You can loosen up a bit, besides you’re a small child, you could let yourself eat and grow.” Patricia told him. 

“I eat enough.” Shane stated, “anyway, I still can’t believe a goalie was the first pick this year, maybe the Pandas building a solid team with Liam Casey last year and Sorrel Larose this year.” Shane hummed. 

Scott was flabbergasted, Shane just deflected the subject completely and started talking about the draft? Scott wasn’t sure if that was a way to ignore Patricia or if he really wanted to talk about the draft earlier and couldn’t do that in the middle of the game. 

“I guess he is a very good goalie.” Macklyn mentioned, she was the first one who decided to comment.

“Yes, he has great stats.” Shane nodded. Scott tried to participate in their conversation and answer Shane but he just felt awful. He couldn’t stop thinking about his parents, it was fun to talk about them for a bit without anyone knowing they were dead, but Scott knew, and he wanted them back so bad. Macklyn and Billy were nice enough to Shane that they could hold the conversation with him, though Shane did most of the talking, he just talked about hockey players and the others commented from time to time. 

“Hello camp! I hope you all had a great week here until now and that you are having tons of fun in our camp. We saw you answered the questions very eagerly and we were pleased to see this great competition between you. After we got all your answers we finally knew which group got the win, i would dare say that all of their answers were much more elaborate than any other group. The prize for each camper is two tickets for the NHL regular game of their choice. Let’s all applaud Billy Crawford, Macklyn Celestine, Scott Hunter, Patricia Kelley and Shane Hollander!” Steven Berkeley, the camp director said. 

“Okay that is a very good prize.” Macklyn cheered. 

“Now you’ll be in an arena also for hockey and not just for basketball.” Patricia mentioned.

“Yes, it’s very important.” Macklyn agreed.

Scott wanted to be glad they won, he really did, but he felt hollow, he was so sad. That wasn’t how he was supposed to feel because of his birthday. They came to where the counselors were, and stood in front of the camp and everyone clapped and then the five of them waited for the director to bring the tickets. 

“So, what game are you planning to go to with those tickets? I’ll probably take my girlfriend Fern to the Centaurs game, maybe I could finally show her what I like about hockey.” Billy mentioned. 

“Well, I’ll go to Guardians vs Orcas because I’m still an Orcas fan even though my daddy works for the Guardians now.” Patricia stated. 

“How did he even agree to move to Toronto? Why didn't he work for Vancouver?” Billy wondered.

“I was totally pissed at him, but Toronto offered him to be the director of the scouting staff and Vancouver didn’t offer him a promotion.” Patricia sighed, “I hope he’ll be the Toronto GM one day.” 

“I’ll probably go see the Centaurs as well, maybe against the Voyagers. My mom is a big fan of them.” Shane said.  

“Well, it’s a shame I can’t go to one of my dad's travels because they won’t schedule basketball and hockey on the same day, but I’ll see what game I’ll go to, the bigger question is who to take with me. My siblings are going to fight each other on it.” Macklyn grinned. 

What was Scott even supposed to answer? He really can’t answer the question, it was nice to get those tickets, he missed watching hockey but he couldn’t even go to a Montreal game, it was almost two hours drive from Victoriaville and the hicks wouldn’t let him go. They might even steal the tickets for themselves if he mentioned them. 

Berkeley returned with the tickets and shook each of their hands again. “We have done hockey trivia for several years and I have never seen a team with that score, it’s the camp record.” 

“You have abilities, hockey boy.” Patricia smiled at Shane. 

“It was nice to finally win the trivia night in our last time at camp.” Macklyn mentioned and looked at the tickets with a grin.

“Scott, is everything okay? You didn’t answer which game you’ll go to.” Billy noticed. 

Now he needs to think about an excuse, he just couldn’t stop thinking about his parents, he wished so hard he could go to a hockey game with them one more time, just something, anything, he hated being so alone in the world. “I’m just tired, I’m glad we won. I don’t know what game I’ll go yet.”

“Why? You said you’re in Quebec, you can go to a Montreal game or you could wait for Christmas and go to the Buffalo game.” Billy offered.

Scott definitely can’t do either of those things. He hasn't been in the US since his parents' death, and he really couldn’t sneak out to Montreal for a game and he didn’t have anyone to go with him to the game anyway. He honestly hated that prize. Three years ago he would have been ecstatic about getting tickets for his birthday for an NHL game, but now it’s just rubbed salt on his wounds. It’s going to be the only present he’ll get, unless Tom will decide to buy something for him but it still doesn’t count. He wasn’t going to get anything from anyone that cared for him, because there wasn’t anyone who did. 

“I don’t know, it’s complicated, anyway I'm really tired. I think I’ll return to the cabin, it’s almost midnight. We were a great team and I’m glad we won! I’ll see you tomorrow.” he whispered the last part to Shane before he left his four teammates there. 

Most of the kids besides Billy were already there in their beds in the process of falling asleep. Scott wondered if he should shower again, but he showered after practice and he just wanted to curl up in bed, and if he’ll go shower he’ll start crying in the shower and won’t get out of there until morning because his mind will linger on memories. 

Scott changed to his pajamas and covered himself up with the blanket, and buried his head on the pillow so no one would hear him cry. He spent a year and half in boarding school, he knows how to cry without anyone hearing.  

Chapter Text

17 July, 2003 

Scott was woken up as usual by the sound of the whistle, but he was feeling so tired today, like he barely slept in the night. He didn’t even have the energy to move. Scott stayed with the blanket still covering his head and closed his eyes again, trying to return to sleep. 

He thought he would be able to function today, to act like this was just any other day. No one knew it was his birthday, so why was Scott thinking about it? What was he even supposed to do about it, say happy birthday to himself? He didn't feel any older than yesterday, he was just feeling sad, which was how he felt yesterday as well. Nothing changed, his parents didn’t magically appear out of nowhere to be with him. All he just wanted was to be with his parents. He wants to have a family, he wants someone to take care of him. 

How was Scott supposed to dream about going to the NHL without having even one person in his corner? What were the chances Scott would get to achieve his dream when he was so alone? No, he couldn't let himself think like that, everything will work out, he had to believe in it. He had only three years left for school and then he could find a college and play some hockey and when he’ll be an NHL player he will finally not be alone anymore. 

“Scott?” He heard Drake's voice near his head, and then felt a hand land on his shoulder. “You need to wake up.” Scott groaned and moved the blanket down from his head, his eyes were still close, but he could feel Drake’s presence next to him. 

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times and turning around to look at his counselor. He could see that some of the other boys were already dressed up for the day and Scott wondered how much time he had stayed in bed for after the whistle. 

“I’m getting up.” He said to Drake with a hoarse voice. Scott moved himself into a sitting position, he avoided looking at Drake or anyone else. “Does anyone else need to use the bathroom?” He asked the room after seeing Keith Norris was finished with it. Scott still sounded sleepy, he hoped they would think he’ll want to take a quick shower to fully wake up and that’s why he asked, Scott needed some time to cool off and he was going to lock himself inside for at least five minutes.  

“You are the last one.” Drake told him. Scott nodded and got into the bathroom with his bathroom bag and clothes. He was going to change inside so he’ll have an excuse to stay there longer. He got in the bathroom and locked the door. Only after he heard the click of the lock Scott finally let out an exhale and collapsed on the floor. Maybe he really should shower, he might feel a little bit better after. 

For one moment yesterday it felt freeing to talk about his parents, he missed talking about them. He missed talking about Rochester, he missed acting like a normal teen with functioning, living parents. But then while he was trying to feel more comfortable and start acknowledging them, he started to feel worse every time he kept talking. Trivia night was fun earlier years, and it was still fun. But this time he let himself think about his parents, and then he started thinking about their death, which made it considerably less fun.

Scott still felt like he was going to cry in the shower if had the opportunity to be alone with his thoughts while taking one. They fixed the showers at the rink just at the right time, because that meant Scott wouldn’t have to shower at the cabin, which would give him no distractions from thinking. Most of the kids didn’t consider rink showers as proper showers and Scott agreed with that most of the time, but today letting himself shower alone felt like a place to cry and drown with his thoughts, so the communal showers were a much better option. 

He got up from the floor and looked in the mirror. He looked just the same as he did yesterday, except for how tired and exhausted he looked, and when he looked at himself he felt so empty. He wanted to punch the mirror and break it, because he felt sick. The mirror made him think about the weird chirps he got sometimes, that he should go and look for his parents at the mirror, it was another Harry Potter joke that Scott didn’t really understand. He hated that those stupid jokes were what his mind brought up when he looked in the mirror. 

Would it be that bad to punch the mirror? Well, he will probably get in trouble for it, maybe he’ll even need to pay back the costs, but at least he’ll have an excuse not to play tomorrow because his hands will be filled with glass shards. Everyone’s parents were going to be there for them in the exhibition game and Scott was going to have no one. He wasn't actually going to break the mirror. He knew that his team needed him, that they wouldn’t be able to play if they were only five players, but Scott felt almost frustrated enough to bail on them.  

Scott turned around to brush his teeth so he wouldn't need to look in the mirror. He spat in the sink with his eyes closed. Even putting on clothes made him grimace. He didn’t have any of his older clothes from home anymore. He had his growth spurt at the boarding school and nothing fit him anymore. Tom sent him new hockey gear that would fit him, but the boarding school just threw away all of his old clothes and gave him new ones from charity.

When he needed new clothes at the Hicks it was even worse because they expected him to pay for himself, which meant the little pocket change he got from Tom always went on necessities because the Hicks weren't willing to pay for anything. He didn’t have any clothes that felt like home anymore.

He didn’t have anything left from the time his parents were alive, it made him sad, the loss of the physical items symbolizing how he was losing his connection to them. He just wished he had one thing his parents bought him. His childhood home was sold after they died, while Scott was in Canada, he only found out about it when he asked Tom about it once. 

It made him so mad that he didn’t even get the opportunity to take something, anything, that once belonged to them. Maybe their wedding rings or heck, even one of his mom’s necklaces or his dad’s watch. Maybe one of their awards, even though both of their coaching careers were better than their playing career, or even just a puck they kept as a souvenir, but he had none of it. He had nothing.

Scott hated his life, he wanted his parents back, he just wanted someone to tell him happy birthday and give him presents. He wanted someone to care. Before everything, Scott liked having a summer birthday, since his parents weren’t busy with hockey this time of the year and they could celebrate his birthday properly.

When he got out of the bathroom everyone else was already on the terrace getting ready to do some yoga. Scott hoped that maybe the yoga would help clear his head and stop thinking about his parents or his birthday. 

Even if he tried to believe that, it didn’t actually help with anything, doing yoga just gave him even more time to think about everything. When Scott tried to focus on breathing he felt like he was one moment from letting out a sob instead, which was not something he was going to let himself do in front of everyone.

Scott hated to cry, but there were days when he felt like the only thing he wanted was to curl up in bed and cry all day long. He was supposed to be fifteen years old, he was supposed to act like an adult. He barely cried before his parents died, but it somehow became his only way to deal with what happened. 

At least the crying prevented him from lashing out at other people. He did it once after he moved to the boarding school, starting a fight with one of the other kids who laughed about him. Another Harry Potter joke because there were houses in the boarding school and he was an orphan, so everyone thought it was 'just a perfect fit' for him to be there. The principal was very mad when he reprimanded him about it and he reminded Scott that he had no other place to go to and that he had to behave properly if he wanted to stay there. 

Fighting in hockey somehow also became a bit problematic for him, they weren’t allowed to do that in AAA hockey or junior hockey, so when Scott decided to punch another center when he said “you must be grateful your parents are dead, they won’t see how bad you are in hockey.” He got benched for three games and Gilbert, the father of the billet family that housed him, got so mad at him as well. He told Scott they were doing him a favor and he was there because he played hockey, so if he did something stupid and couldn’t play hockey anymore that they wouldn’t have a choice but to kick him out. Tom also called him to warn him that he needed to behave after the incident.

So, Scott started bottling up everything inside, so there won’t be a chance that he would lash out and get too outwardly mad and lose everything he barely has anyway. Which sometimes meant he was sad, maybe even very, very, sad and wanted to cry until he had nothing left inside him. He promised himself he won’t get into any more fights, because he can’t lose hockey, he couldn’t risk his career before he even had one. Somewhere along the way he started feeling a little bit sadder, as a whole. Not all the time, just when he was thinking about his parents, and he can’t stop thinking about his parents on his birthday.

He decided to eat pancakes for breakfast. It felt like what he needed to do, it was his birthday so he needed to celebrate something, he just wasn’t sure what he was supposed to celebrate. What’s the point of celebrating his existence if his life is in shreds?

“Scott, Billy, what was your prize? I can’t believe you won the trivia, it’s so cool.” Drew Bates asked and patted them on their backs. Scott flinched, he didn’t mind the other guys touching most of the time but today everything was too much for him. 

“We got tickets to an NHL game!” Billy called excited. 

“Now I'm really sad we didn’t win, I wish I could go to an NHL game. I would convince my parents to let me skip school for it, maybe we could’ve even gone on a family vacation for it.” Lewis sighed. Scott was jealous of him, he missed going to family vacations. 

“Why haven’t you ever been to an NHL game?” Maxime asked.

“I’m from fucking Timmins, the best hockey we’ve got there is junior hockey.” Lewis complained.  

“Also in Barrie, and I still went to see an NHL game.” Alex stated. 

“Barrie is much closer to Toronto than Timmins. By NHL standards, I basically live in Fuckass, Nowhere.” Lewis reminded them. 

“I’m going to take my girlfriend Fern to an Ottawa match, it will be so nice to see Pinker play in real life.” Billy said. Scott could hear the conversation around him, but it felt like everything they said was hurtful and was meant for him specifically, they had people, they had families and Scott had nothing. 

“Pinker? That’s your favorite player?” Keith teased. 

“He is not that bad! Who is your favorite player?” Billy asked back.

“Russell Chapman from the Nomads.” Keith answered sheepishly. 

“You don’t have any right to tease me!” Billy gasped, “Scott, who is your favorite player?” 

“What you said.” Scott answered, staring at his food. He didn’t have a favorite player, he loves hockey so much but he barely had time to watch a hockey game since his parents died. The boarding school had a TV in the common room, but watching TV really wasn’t Scott’s priority when he was there. They also sometimes took the TV away and moved it to the teachers' building, but they eventually became lazy and just covered the buttons with tape so they won’t actually be able to use it unless they actively take off the tape. Scott didn’t care much about that. 

Preventing TV was another way to punish them, if one of the sports teams lost they took the TV, if there was a fight in class they would ban the use of the TV. They barely got any time to watch anything in the boarding school. Scott sometimes wondered if it was just an excuse to save money. The Hicks didn’t allow him to watch TV at their house anyway, so Scott really wasn’t sure what players play at the league right now. On trivia night yesterday he only used what he still remembered from three years ago. 

“Are you even listening?” Alex wondered. 

“Um, yes, we are talking about favorite players, I don’t really care enough to have one.” Scott shrugged, he looked at his plate and saw he barely ate the pancakes and decided it was a good time to get away. He wasn’t sure if it sounded rude, but he didn’t really listen to what they said.

“Dude, are you okay?” Billy asked him before he had time to leave.

“Yes, don’t worry.” Scott assured him and left. He threw away what remained of his breakfast and went outside, he decided to lay down on the hammock for a bit. Scott doesn’t feel this bad most of the time, on most days he succeeded in keeping his thoughts at bay and not thinking about everything he’s been through. But it just was not working today for some reason. Scott didn’t even think he was going to actually feel anything about his birthday and think about it but he now couldn't stop thinking about it. 

Scott didn’t have energy to act normal today, it’s not like he wanted people to acknowledge his birthday but this day just felt very exhausting for him, it’s like everything he tried to do put more weight on him. Something was wrong, Scott didn’t feel like that before, not even at his parents’ funeral. He was sad back then and he cried his heart out but he didn’t feel heavy, like something was weighing on him and dragging him down. 

He went to the climbing area and Patricia immediately approached him. “We are such a great team, Scott, you were amazing yesterday.” 

“We weren’t the only one in the group, Patricia.” Scott reminded her.

“I know,” Patricia stated, “anyway, are your parents coming tomorrow? I know they are not in Canada, but my father would be thrilled to meet a coach.” 

“They are not coming.” Scott whispered and walked away. Of course they were not coming, he didn’t even tell anyone that his parents were alive, he just didn’t mention they were dead. No one thought about the possibility. His father would’ve probably loved to talk with a scout who works for another team in the NHL. It might have even created trades, but it wasn’t like that was going to happen, his parents weren’t alive. 

Their group's match was tomorrow and that meant everyone was talking about seeing their parents again. That was the topic of conversation at lunch and also at hockey practice. Scott had enough of it, he felt jealous of everyone, he missed his parents. He wanted them to come tomorrow, somehow, he wished so badly that a miracle would happen and that tomorrow someone will show up just for him.

In the locker room he stared at his equipment that he pulled out of his bag, trying to figure out if he could somehow not wear all of his safety gear without anyone noticing. He didn’t want to play tomorrow, he wanted to have an excuse to skip it. That thought made Scott so ashamed of himself and also frightened him. Why did he want to skip hockey? That was the only thing that he has in life, if hockey stopped working and feeling good for him then he won’t have anything to live for. Nothing to make him happy, even a little bit.  

He played horribly at practice, his passes were sloppy, nothing passed the net, he barely even remembered playing in the moment, everything was a blur. 

“Scott, what is wrong with you? My father is coming tomorrow. I need to look good for that. You’re playing like shit and that’s unacceptable” Patrica spat and leaned on her stick. 

“We are not playing so you’ll look good.” Scott answered bluntly, he had no energy to argue. 

“I know you have connections because of your parents, but believe me it could be useful for you to show off in front of my daddy, maybe he’ll remember you and decide to scout you in a few years.” Patricia told him. 

“Fuck off Patricia, I don’t have the patience for that!” Scott yelled at her, the scrimmage was basically over and if he felt that if he’ll stay on the ice he would might actually be tempted to hit her or someone else, so he left, he knew he couldn’t solve things with violence, he can’t lose hockey and the last thing he needed was to start a fight at camp and with the girl who has connections.

She had a point, it could help Scott to have scouts watching him play, if he’ll be on the radar now it would increase his chances to get to the NHL. He was pretty sure Buffalo would draft him no matter what, if only for the story, for the closure, for the little bits of loyalty they had to his parents. Scott didn’t want favors, he wanted to be good, he wanted to have stability, to get the draft pick he deserved, not to be left to the lower rounds just because Buffalo pitted him. It wasn't supposed to be too much to ask for.

The showers were finally fixed and Scott took off all of his hockey gear and went inside, opening the water on the strongest pressure that was possible. He turned the cold water knob and closed the hot water one. He knew how to shower in cold water after all the hazing he got in the past years. Maybe the cold water would help him stop thinking or maybe he’ll be sick tomorrow and won’t meet anyone's parents.  

Everyone else arrived at the showers as well and Scott realized it was the first time he was showering with the guys at the camp. Every time he showered with guys he didn’t know he preferred to look around to make sure no one was planning to pull any pranks, or some hazing rituals. Not today though, he couldn’t turn around and look at anyone, he just stared at the wall. All of his movements felt sluggish. He felt everything, the stickiness of the sweat in his hair, the smell, how his body felt altogether. Scott wanted to just sit on the floor and let the water trickle down on his head.

“What happened to Patricia? Did she try to flirt with you again?” Kenny asked teasingly while everyone was showering. 

“No, she’s just annoying.” Scott declared and closed the knobs. Scott left the showers before the rest, he knew if he let himself linger he could forget himself until the next group arrived. At least now he was also avoiding their questions. He wore his day clothes and took his gear bag and returned to the cabin. This day needed to be over because Scott didn’t want to feel like this anymore, he wanted to be happy and enjoy camp like everyone else.

He was laying on his bed when the boys got to the cabin to put their equipment bags back so they could go out. “Scott, we are going to play volleyball, do you want to come with us?” Alex asked him. It was weird, Alex wasn’t nice to him this morning. Why did he even want Scott to come with them? 

“Yeah, please come, we need twelve people to play properly.” Billy urged him.

Scott wasn’t sure how to decline, he really didn’t want to go with them, he was awful at hockey today, if he barely had energy to play hockey how could he have energy to play volleyball? 

“I need to speak with him, he might join you later.” Drake, who also got to the cabin with the other guys, stated and did a hand gesture to sign them to leave. Scott was pretty thankful Drake helped him get out of it but he was dreading this conversation. Was it so abundantly clear something is wrong with Scott? Is he in trouble right now?

“Okay, feel free to join us later.” Keith said and all of the boys left the room. 

Scott shifted into a sitting position on the bed but he didn’t look at Drake, he stared at the floor waiting for the older guy to start the conversation. Drake went to his private room and brought a chair from there, positioned it in front of Scott’s bed. “I heard what Patricia said. I can see that you are struggling.” Drake said simply. 

Scott knew the camp told the cabin counselor things about him, like the fact that he was an orphan but Drake had the decency not to mention anything about it, until now.

“I’m fine.” Scott said automatically and buried his head in his knees.

“The boys are worried about you. I get why you don’t want the others to know but it clearly influenced you today.” Drake continued. Scott knew Drake tried to give him the way to answer back and start opening up, the counselors in the boarding school did that as well. But Scott was not going to fall for this trap, no one actually cared about him and it’s not like he’ll see Drake ever again after that week, he didn’t need to pour his heart out to him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just exhausted.” Scott said, hoping the conversation would help. 

“Is there something I can do to help, Scott?” Drake asked. 

“No, it’ll be better after the game. You don’t need to worry about me.” Scott said, because no one knows about his birthday and the match tomorrow probably doesn’t help his situation. 

“Alright, but if I could help somehow let me know.” Drake squeezed his knee and got up from his chair, planning to return it to his room. 

Scott wanted to be alone, but he also knew that if Drake left, one of the boys would come and try to convince Scott to join their game again, so he prefers Drake to stay. “Can you tell me about how to get a scholarship for college?” Scott asked.

“Sure.” Drake shrugged and sat again. “But if you are planning to return to the US it might be a bit different, not many Canadians chose to go to colleges and Waterloo is not a good one.”

“How do I choose a college?” Scott answered. 

“Maybe you should find an agent before you go to college. It could be useful in your case. You need someone to talk to scouts. They are also going to games sometimes, but if you’re staying in Canada and playing junior hockey you probably should seek out a place for yourself. I’ll probably try to sign to a draft at some point but I’m not sure if I have what it takes to play in the NHL, so by going to college at least I’ll have a degree.” Drake explained.

“So, how do I approach the institutions?” Scott wondered. He knew he could send a letter to RIT and tell them his mom coached the women's team and to go there as some kind of alumni’s legacy, but he wanted something better.

“That’s why I’m saying you should find an agent, it’s not a journey you should start alone. You should try to find help so you’ll get scouted to the best colleges. They really are not sending many scouts to Canada because most Canadians stay in junior hockey.” Drake explained. 

“Thanks,” Scott mumbled. He thought he could do this conversation, but he wasn’t focused and it only frustrated him more that he didn't have his parents to help him. He was starting to fear he would fail at grasping a hockey career and would find himself doing nothing. He didn’t have any ambitions besides hockey and if he lost hockey he could probably end up in jail for some reason, at least that meant he’ll have somewhere to be. Mystery books teach you some things about crimes and murders. But he really didn’t have any intent to do something like that, he just gets all jumbled up and feels awful. He would prefer to die himself than to seriously hurt someone else.

Scott stayed on his bed until it was time for biking. Billy immediately positioned himself next to him while they rode. “Bro, I know we barely know each other, but you are a nice dude, and we have like only three days to be together, so can you hang with us later? We are going to play volleyball again but with the girls this time.” Billy told him. 

“Fine.” Scott said he needed a distraction, he’ll try and play volleyball with them. Scott basically promised Shane he would meet him for another hockey session and it could be their last day to do it, but Scott also needed to socialize with his actual peers today, maybe it’ll make the negative thoughts in his mind stop.  

Scott wasn’t hungry at dinner but he sat with the others at the table and tried to hum and react to the conversation in the right places. He couldn’t continue letting them stare at him like he was something weird. He was causing them to pay attention to him and he couldn’t let that happen, if someone paid too much attention Scott worried that they would figure out what was really happening. Well, probably not the parents part, but maybe the birthday part. 

They all went to the volleyball area and started choosing which group would start. Apparently what happened was that Keith said they were for sure better then the girls when they played volleyball earlier and Macklyn decided she needed to prove him otherwise, so they agreed to have a boys against girls game. 

Scott didn’t want to participate, but he was a bit interested in volleyball, he knew that it had some kinds of lines as well. He actually played volleyball a little bit in boarding school. They had a sports day where they played the other kids' sport and the boarding school had a volleyball team. 

Diane was the only one who properly played volleyball officially like hockey so she explained to them how the game worked. There were six players on each side and they switched places after every point that was made. So, after every point someone will go out and someone else will go into the line that was playing. Scott told them he can be last, he didn’t actually want to play but maybe watching them would help him. 

“So, do any of you play Pokemon? Which Pokemon is your favorite?” Drew asked the others who sat on the side. Scott only had a playstation when he was a child so he could play Chel so he had never played Pokemon and he didn’t watch the anime, so he had no real idea what they were talking about, besides that it was a game and a show with weird creatures. 

“I like Vulpix, they are cute.” Sophie Peterson said; she also chose biking as an activity, so Scott knew her a bit even though they barely talked. “When I started skating and also watched Pokemon I wanted to get like one of the ice pokemon, but they are all so awful, it’s a shame Vulpix can’t be ice type Pokemon.”

“You could choose Smoochum, she is cute.” Olivia mentioned. 

“Maybe, but her evolution is Jynx and Jynx is not cute, she is creepy.” Sophie stated and shook her head. 

“You actually like Pokemon? That’s surprising.” Allen said condescendingly. “I like Charizard, can’t believe he is not a dragon type though.” 

“Well, they liked the girly pokemons, it makes sense. Anyway my favorites are Alakazam and Machoke, they’re cool and I like Breloom from the new game.” Kenny said. “Have you played the new game? My parents bought it for me for my birthday.”

Couldn’t Kenny say anything else? Scott was trying very hard not to think about his birthday. It’s not like Scott needed any birthday presents, but he wanted the reminder that someone loved him. 

He knew that even if he got a present, it was likely to get lost. He had a tiny room at the Hicks’ house and it’s not like he had any private things besides hockey gear. Even if he was getting new things, they wouldn't survive for long. Especially since Scott didn’t have an actual place that was all for him, anywhere. 

“Scott, you’re up.” Alex told him and pointed at the empty spot he should stand up. It snapped Scott from his thoughts and he decided to give it a shot. Maybe it will be good for him to play for a bit. He only needs to make sure the ball won’t touch the ground and he can’t touch it, only hit it, not so hard. 

It wasn’t that bad, he finished a round and returned to sit and watch until his next turn. The girls were actually better and leading by points. 

“Did you play this year’s Chel? I have only a GBA, my parents bought it for me for travels and there’s only one year of Chel that you can play on it.” Lewis told them.

“It sounds fun to play video games, my parents are very conservative and we don’t have any screens, they also don't let us read what we want, if I could read whatever I wanted would have read Harry Potter.” Clemence said. She sounded a bit mad about her parents. Scott couldn’t understand how any of them could be mad about their parents, at least they had parents. That’s the important part. 

Scott knew that he would have had disagreements with his parents if they were still alive. His parents were a bit religious, probably not like Clemence’s parents, but they still went to church sometimes. If his father would know how many times Scott felt like crying he would probably have been furious with him. His father would have told him he needs to man up more and handle everything, but it was hard, Scott really missed them. 

He was on the court again when they lost. “Told you we’ll win!” Macklyn exclaimed after the girls won the final point. 

“Want another round?” Billy asked everyone. 

“Oo, if we are doing another round, then it’s best of five.” Diane clarified and continued standing in her place. 

“You know it’s not an actual official game, right?” Allen asked.

“Yes, that's why we still played for twenty five points and not twenty one.” Diane nodded.

“Explain.” Julie Milton asked her, not sure what she was talking about. Julie was with Scott in climbing.  

“Indoor volleyball is twenty five points but beach volleyball is twenty one. But we wanted longer sets and we are having fun and it gives you more opportunity to return to the game, so we should continue with twenty five.” Diane didn’t leave room for argument. 

“Fine, let’s do another round.” Drew sighed. 

“What are your plans for the rest of the summer? I’m flying to France with my family, so I’ll finally be in Europe.” Peyton Stark smiled and elbowed Scott because he is the one who brought up Europe at the game two days ago. 

That meant Scott needed to comment, right? Was she expecting him to say something? “That sounds nice.” He mumbled, not looking at her. Why were all of them talking about vacations? It only made him think about how he wanted to go on vacation again. The Hicks didn’t take him with them to their family trips; they left him alone at the house with all the other rooms and most of the cupboards locked up, so he couldn’t break or steal anything. Which he definitely never even thought of doing until they told him that.

“Don’t worry, one day you’ll get to go to Europe too.” Peyton told him and Scott wasn’t sure why she told him that. He probably looked sad. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Scott shrugged. 

“Europe sounds so fun, our yearly vacations are going to the beaches, most of the time not in Canada, we go to Florida or California. This year we are going to Hawaii, it’s going to be fun!” Karen called excitedly. 

It was then his turn to join the second set and he went to play some volleyball without arguing, he couldn’t keep listening to the conversation about vacations. He played like shit again, he could see everyone staring and glancing at him. He wasn’t sure what to do, everything started to become too much. The game did give him some distraction but the conversations also made his mind race and spiral.  

“You guys heard about the Olympics going to Vancouver in 2010? It’s going to be so fun, I can’t believe they chose Canada for the winter olympics, maybe I could go watch some games.” Sarah mentioned. 

“Yo Macklyn, you are from there.” Julie realized when Macklyn approached them because she finished her time on the court.

“What are you talking about?” Macklyn wondered because she wasn’t listening. 

“About the Olympics in Vancouver, they just announced that they’re coming to Canada the Winter Olympics after the next.” Kenny explained.

“Yes! I can’t believe it’s going to be in my hometown, it’s going to be so exciting to play there!” Macklyn called. 

“Do you really think you’re going to play in the Olympics?” Maxime asked. 

“Yes, I do, and I have a better chance than all of you. The women roster is much less crowded than the men. I’ll be in Vancouver, and if you guys even get to the NHL it doesn't mean you get picked to the olympic roster, and if you do it doesn’t have a chance to happen before 2014.” Macklyn mentioned.

“Well, that's because no one cares about women's sports.” Taylor mentioned. 

“One day it’ll change!” Macklyn declared. 

“Yes when you’ll be too old and won’t be able to play.” Keith teased her from the court, this conversation got everyone’s attention. 

“Fuck off! I’m going to have more olympic medals than all of you combined because I am good!” Macklyn announced. “Who knows, maybe I could squeeze five olympics in my career?” 

“Wow, Mack C, girl, I love you, but I don’t think you have the chance to get to Torino, it’s a little bit too soon.” Patricia said to Macklyn. It was weird to say because Macklyn didn’t mention Torino so Patricia probably referred to a prior conversation they had. 

“We’ll see about that, because I’m going to be a great hockey player and I can make history.” Macklyn stated, folding her arms. 

“It doesn’t matter because we are going to play for the NHL, for us the Olympics are just a bonus.” Alex shrugged. 

“Please, none of you are good enough to be in the NHL.” Macklyn retorted, “well, maybe Scott has the chance.” 

“Yeah, when he is not playing like shit.” Patricia added, still pissed on his game today. 

“Pat be nice, everyone has bad days sometimes.” Macklyn scolded her.

Scott really hates how they force him to speak, because now he had to react. She trashed his game and he couldn’t just ignore it, but Scott was not angry anymore, something in the past hours had changed, he felt numb now, like he couldn’t bother to care about anything. Anyway, he knew that he couldn’t snap at Patricia again. “I’ll do better tomorrow.” He decided to say, he didn’t have anything better he could do. 

“Maybe we should return to playing?” Sarah offered, because they all stopped and listened to the conversation. 

“Yes, we should.” Diane agreed and they returned to the game.

After the next point of the game it was time for Scott to return to the court for his rotation. He was glad to get a break from the conversations around him, even though Macklyn sat next to him silently without pressuring him to talk. When he was in “5” area, that’s how Diane called that area, Drake the counselor showed up. 

“Scott, there is a call for you in the office from your billet family.” Drake told him when the game was paused between points. Scott felt the panic rise up in his whole body. Felt his face expression change. His body went rigid, like someone poured cold water on him.

Something felt wrong, it was weird. His billet family didn’t actually care about him, they were probably not calling to say happy birthday to him or something like that. It didn’t feel like it could be something good.

“Maybe they want to tell you they are coming tomorrow, kind of like a surprise for you.” Billy suggested.

It was definitely not that. They barely spoke about the camp and they were the ones who told Tom what dates to choose for him so they could go on vacation. They didn’t even care when Scott told them that it fell on his birthday. Were they calling him from their vacation? He wasn’t sure if they went on a full week vacation but still, something was very off. 

“Dude, why do you look so spooked? Are they mean to you?” Drew asked teasingly. It was clear it was a joke and he didn't ask about it seriously. Scott would answer no if he could talk but he was feeling short of breath and unable to speak. 

It wasn’t like it could be something that happened to them, because they were the ones who were calling, besides Scott was listed as a billet, no one was going to consider him as part of the family if something did happen and call him. He would never get a redo of what happened with his parents, because he had no one he was important to. 

At least Scott’s body knew how to function and he left the court and walked toward Drake. He wasn’t sure how much time he stood there doing nothing, at least he left before they told him to move so they could continue playing. “I know you can sleep in a little later tomorrow because it’s game day, but try not to stay here until eleven guys.” Drake called to the rest of the kids. Scott didn’t even notice the sun started disappearing. 

“I’m sorry if I scared you, I should have called you before telling you about the phone call.” Drake apologized and squeezed his shoulder after they were on their way to the main cabin. 

“It’s fine,” Scott shrugged.

“I didn’t plan to resurface any memories about your parents when I told you about the call.” Drake continued. 

“It didn’t resurface memories. I don’t know why I reacted like that.” Scott said immediately. It was a little bit of a lie but also wasn’t. Scott didn’t get a phone call when his parents died. Both of them had a free day and they went somewhere together, he wasn’t sure where. They didn’t return and he went to sleep on his own, thinking that they’ll be back late. It wasn’t the first time, he didn’t bat an eye over their absence. In the morning, he was woken up by the police and a social worker that came to the house to tell him what happened. 

Scott wasn’t afraid of phone calls, but he had a bad feeling about this one, that’s why he froze. He had been through the worst, so he was always flinching and expecting something terrible to happen at the slightest thing. Nothing good happens to him in the world and that call couldn’t be good either, he just wasn’t sure what’s going to happen.

He got to the offices and Drake pointed to a landline telephone that was on hold. The office was empty because it was pretty late, apparently it was almost nine. “I’ll let you talk with them, tell me if you need anything.” Drake stated and left him alone in the room.

Scott grabbed the telephone and put it next to his ear. “It’s Scott.” He needed to deal with it, no matter what’s going to happen it can't be worse than losing his parents, he has already been through the worst nightmare of any child. 

“Scott, why did you let me wait so long?” Gertrude Hicks' sharp voice was heard in the receiver. He wished she would have called to say happy birthday but it was clear from her tone it was not the case.

“I’m sorry, ma'am, the camp is big, I wasn’t near the main cabin.” Scott apologized automatically, because he knew what they expected of him to do. He didn’t like how obedient they expected him to be but he got used to it after a year. He didn’t want to be in any trouble, he just did what he was told.    

“Scott, we can’t billet you anymore, we just wanted to let you know. We’ll be sending an email to the scholarship about it tomorrow, I hope you took all of your things to camp like we told you to do.” Scott probably should have realized why they told them to take everything to camp, but he really didn’t realize it, though he wasn't that surprised. The Hicks didn’t like him, they treated him like a liability, he had no clue why they decided to billet if they didn’t actually want it, though maybe it was him specifically who was too much of a hassle because he was an orphan.

“Why?” Scott blurted out, he wasn’t sure how to react, he just felt bad. 

“You are too much of a hassle, you ruined our family dynamics.” Mrs. Hicks answered, her tone is cold. He ruined their family dynamic, no matter how much he tried not to be a bother and be polite, it wasn’t enough. 

Nobody wants him, no one cares about him. He just wants a place to feel safe and secure and loved. Why was he losing everything all over again, year after year? They didn’t even remember that he had a birthday today. Couldn’t they at least wait for tomorrow or something like that? Did his birthday have to become even sadder? 

The worst part is Scott can’t explain why he doesn’t feel anything about it. Was he supposed to be mad? Maybe scared about his future? He felt nothing, like it was just another hit he was waiting to get, the world didn’t let him get any breaks. Maybe he deserves it, maybe he did something fundamentally wrong at some point and now he had bad karma.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Scott heard himself asking. He didn’t yell, he didn’t snap at her, it was like all of his energy completely drained from him. Scott was just tired, he didn’t have the power to push and fight. 

“I don’t know, someone from the scholarship will probably reach out to you. They have a few days to figure things out. I guess you could try and reach out to the Cheetahs coach or management team, but technically it’s not a junior team yet so they don’t have to find you a billet family, so maybe you should find a place and then find a new team.” Gertrude mentioned. 

They could have said it before he went to camp and not do this on the telephone. It was cold and cruel, and he only had two more days in camp because on Sunday he needed to leave and Scott was not sure if it was enough time to find a new place for him. 

He didn’t actually care about not returning to Victoriaville; he never felt comfortable there. Scott didn’t learn French at all before he came to Canada and his French wasn’t good enough and he felt a little bit out of the conversations sometimes. His boarding School wasn’t that far from Victoriaville so it was logical that was the place Tom found for him.

There wasn’t any English school in Victoriaville so Scott needed to travel every day to a school in a different city. At least there were less lessons in Canadian schools, so he could return ‘home’ in time to hockey practices. It was still hard for Scott to learn, he couldn’t understand why he was struggling in school since he moved to Canada. Learning in a different place also made him distant and different from the Hicks kids, they might be an english speaking family but they went to french schools because their parents preferred that they’ll study in victoriaville. 

He also hated the team’s name, his mother’s team in RIT, the hockey college team in Rochester was called the Cheetahs. Every time he wore his jersey he thought about it and it was so hard to play hockey that way. Scott actually wondered if he should ask for a different team and a different city, but he was afraid to lose everything and he didn’t say anything. Well, it didn’t matter anymore they kicked him out anyway, they didn’t have any decision over his future, and he didn’t have any either.

Right, he should say something, how much time was he sitting there quietly? He hoped it wouldn't take too long because Gertrude would be very mad at him. “Mrs. Hicks?” He asked and realized there was a beeping. She hung up on him. He wasn’t sure if she even said another thing or if she just hung up. How long was he sitting there after the call ended? He looked at his watch, seeing that it was almost nine and a half, he was there for a long time, and he was sure the actual phone call wasn’t longer than ten minutes.

Scott just felt empty, he had no idea what he’s supposed to do now. The camp will be over in a few days and then what? Was Scott just supposed to go back on the bus to Montreal and walk around the city? He didn’t have a reason to return to Victoriaville now. How can he play hockey like a normal kid if every single year something new and terrible happened and made everything worse.

He doesn’t even feel mad or want to cry like he felt in the morning, Scott just doesn’t feel like he cares about it anymore. He has no control over his life and he isn’t sure if it was worth living for and that scares him. He needs to stop thinking about it, he needs to clear his head, he’ll go and play some hockey to rile himself up. So he could feel something about it, so he could be sad for his ruined life again.

Scott left the main cabin to grab his gear, everyone was still out playing volleyball, so no one saw him. It was good, because Scott can’t talk to anyone right now, he had no idea why Shane wasn’t at the rink when he arrived there since they did say they’ll play today, but maybe it was for the best. Scott really was not in a good mood right now. 

Shane had so much fun at trivia night, he wasn’t surprised his group won, but he did realize he found a good group. It was logical that Scott befriended other kids with connections, Shane didn’t understand why Scott didn’t mention anything about his parents while they train, but he wasn’t going to ask because it seems Scott doesn’t feel comfortable about that.

After Scott returned to his cabin Shane left as well, he didn’t know how to speak with three teenagers who are older than him and did not want to try. Trivia night was the best thing at camp until now, it was amazing and Shane was very happy when he went to shower after the campfire. The other boys were already asleep since Shane needed to wait to get the award, so they didn’t have any problem with it. It was a great prize, he could go with his mom to watch a game.

Shane wondered what Patricia talked about when she said players get in trouble all the time, he really needs to know how you could be in trouble with the league so he makes sure to avoid it. His mom always reminds him that he can’t do what everyone else does, like getting into fights, people did not judge him the same as they judge everyone else. It was frustrating sometimes that people had different expectations for him, he wasn’t like anybody else and he couldn’t do anything to change it. 

He also thought about Scott, the impression Shane got about the older boy was that he was friendly and talkative and he seemed a bit quieter that night. A little bit like Shane is when he is in a group where he can’t talk about hockey. Shane hoped he didn’t take anyone else's place in his group, kids sometimes told him that he takes control and doesn't know how to do team work, which was really weird to say because Shane plays team sport.

Everyone else was already in their beds sleeping when he arrived at the cabin. He showered quickly, just because he felt like he needed to shower again before going to bed, though he didn’t feel dirty this time. When he approached his bed and moved the blanket he saw something weird. He wasn’t sure what was on his bed because it was dark but he yelped and backed off. 

Shane automatically turned on the lights and he yelled and gasped when he saw what was on his bed. It was filled with s’mores and chocolate and maybe banana piles? There was also mud and footprints like someone stepped on it. His bed was a complete mess and it completely soiled the sheets he brought from home. 

“Dude, fucking hell, why did you turn on the light?!” Dean groaned and buried his head under the pillow. 

“Stop yelling, people are sleeping.” Frank mumbled. 

“What happened to my bed?!” Shane asked the room, not speaking to anyone directly. 

“What’s going on?” Paul came rushing from his private room. 

“My bed.” Shane said and pointed at his bed. He doesn’t want to cry in front of them, but he feels like crying. It was the sheets from his home and he was tired and he wanted to sleep and he had a great evening and now everything is ruined.

“Who did this?” Paul asked in an authoritative voice. None of them answered and Paul sighed. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

“I brought the sheets from home! Where am I supposed to sleep?” Shane called. 

“Look kiddo, I can’t go and find new sheets, I have no idea where they are. You can sleep at my bed tonight and in the morning I’ll find new sheets for you.” Paul told them and pointed at the door of his room.

“But I brought those sheets from home and they have the right texture for me.” Shane protested, because he didn’t want random sheets from the camp. That's why they brought sheets from home, Shane won’t be able to sleep on different sheets. 

The boys giggled and snickered. “Stop!” Paul demanded. “The camp is working with a washing company nearby. We can't wash them, because they don’t belong to the camp. Your parents will need to do it, we’ll notify them about it on Sunday." Paul said. 

Shane didn’t want his parents to know about it, but he couldn’t throw the sheets away and they’ll see it when they take everything to wash, so he can’t hide it. They were not going to like it. 

“Come on, let’s go to my room so you can sleep.”   

Suddenly Shane realized what Paul was saying. “Sleep in your bed?? With you?” Shane asked, completely shocked.

“No, no, not with me!” Paul clarified. 

“But in your sheets?” Shane asked. 

“Yes, like I said, I can’t find new ones now.” Paul said again.

“But you slept in them.” Shane stated, he can’t sleep in Paul’s bed, who knew what he had done there? Shane never saw Paul taking a shower, yeah, he probably showers in the counselors showers or something but still. Shane sometimes went to sleep at his parents bed after night terrors but sleeping in sheets a stranger slept in felt wrong to him. 

“Yes. Where else do you want to sleep on the hammock outside?” Paul berated him. Shane considered it, but many people laid on the hammock as well and it wouldn’t be a better solution anyways since it was also outside. Maybe he should just stay awake and go to the rink?

“Can I just stay awake and go to the rink?” He asked before he really could think about it. He didn’t feel tired, Shane didn’t feel actually tired most of the time, he just falls asleep after he goes to bed, so he won’t be tired if he does not go to bed. 

“No, you need to sleep.” Paul folded his arms.

“But…” Shane wasn’t sure how to articulate what bothered him. He just didn’t feel comfortable sleeping in Paul’s bed. Not going to sleep seemed like the best solution because he wasn’t tired yet and he could nap during breakfast and breaks. Though maybe he shouldn’t sleep when everybody else is awake, if they draw on his face and ruin his sheets? 

“Shane, look, what they did is wrong and I’ll take care of that in the morning.” Paul looked at the boys on the bed that were looking at them, some of them tried to return to sleep and ignore the situation. “But don’t make it harder than it is, we are all tired and should go to sleep, that's what we can do, we'll find you new sheets tomorrow.” 

That’s not what Shane wanted to happen. He didn’t like it but he had no idea what could be a better solution. “Fine.” Shane mumbled, he started to feel uneasy with the whole situation. He was in the middle of the room and half of the kids were staring at him.

He wanted to cry. It was stupid but it felt like he just lost one of the connections to his home he had in camp. It was only sheets, but now he was missing home even more. Paul’s room looked the same as Rhonda’s. “Feel comfortable, go to bed. I’ll be outside.” Paul said, picked up a book and left the room. 

Shane stood there, staring at the bed. He didn’t want to sleep in someone else's bed. But Paul said he couldn’t stay awake the whole night and he expected him to go to sleep here. Shane slowly approached the bed and sat on it. He took some breaths and laid down. The sheets were scratchy and gave him chills. It felt like something bad was going to happen, he wasn’t sure what. He stared at the ceiling for a long time, Shane didn’t like the sensation of the sheets, everything was scratchy and not pleasant. 

Eventually he fell asleep, but it wasn’t a good sleep. He woke up several times and it didn’t scare him when he heard the whistle. Maybe it was because he was inside the room or because he slept so bad that he was half awake when he heard it. 

He got out of the room before Paul came to make sure he woke up. None of the other kids commented on what happened before. He saw his bed was empty and his sheets in a bag. It was Thursday and Shane noticed that in the days before he was the one who took the most time in the bathroom, so he was waiting to be the last. It’s no use to try and be in the middle and then they’ll complain he takes all the time.

Before yoga Paul asked them again who ruined Shane’s bed. None of them answered, Shane couldn’t understand why they weren’t telling the truth. They were not even very friendly to each other so why would they all gang up together. 

Paul sighed, “Okay, if no one comes forward, the director of the camp will email your parents about it. You can’t bully someone because he is different, if you continue, you will get punished.” 

Shane wasn’t sure what to think about it, he didn’t quite believe Paul because he heard things like that from his teachers before, and it’s not like the camp can actually punish them. They couldn’t let them not play hockey, which was the point of the camp and they won’t kick them out three days before the end of the week. No one answered Paul and they started doing yoga. It helped Shane calm down after the night he had and he felt much better at the end of the session.

Paul took him to the main cabin and they waited for someone to bring them new sheets. “I don’t like these sheets.” Shane stated and took them reluctantly.

“Do you want me to call your parents so they’ll bring you new sheets? They are in a cottage nearby, right?” Paul offered.

“No, no! It’s fine, please don’t call them!” Shane exclaimed, he didn’t want his parents to know what happened, at least not until the end of the camp. He can’t hide the sheets but if they’ll know what happened to the sheets they would offer to take him to sleep at the cottage and to return him to the rest of the activities every day, like they did before this year. Shane could handle himself, it was only three more nights, he can sleep on these scratchy sheets, he doesn’t need his parents to come to the rescue. 

“Alright, I won’t call them but you need to stop acting out about it and be mature. Yes it sucks but it’s only sheets, don’t complain about it the whole time.” Paul told him and Shane nodded and returned to his cabin.  

Shane tried to put the sheet on the mattress, but the wood of the bed was hard and he couldn’t tuck it in properly. He tried to fold the sheet and spread it on the bed but it was too big and didn’t work as well. Shane wasn’t sure what to do.

He was going to do it. Shane wants his bed to be ready after he returns from his activities so he could nap on those horrible sheets. The bed needs to be ready. He also always makes the bed in the mornings. He can't leave his bed bare and messy. It’s part of his routine and he won't give up on it.

Paul got inside the cabin, “Shane, why are you still here? You didn’t come to eat breakfast and it’s time for you to go do archery now.”

“Sorry, I’m trying to make the bed.” Shane muttered and pointed at the bundle of sheets and blanket that were already crumpled and Shane felt even worse to use them.

“Go, I’ll do it.” Paul sighed and put the sheet on the bunk bed. Shane knew Paul was trying to help but Paul gave him a weird feeling. He felt bossy but not in an authoritative way, just in a way that he preferred to do the things himself because he didn’t have the energy to deal with Shane. His teachers were like that as well sometimes. 

At least it seemed like Paul’s conversation did something because none of the other boys even talked to him, which was an improvement. He actually had a pretty peaceful day. It was very nice and Shane felt good. He wasn’t perfect in archery and kayaking, which sucked a bit, but he could choose not to think about that.

Suddenly it struck him that the camp was about to be over soon. Tomorrow the older kids have their showcase game. When he was at the daily program, Friday was off because of that game, but now they do have morning practice, just with other cabins and no scrimmage. 

On Saturday there was going to be a tournament day. Which means they do competitions in their activities and also in hockey. Shane was pretty confident he was going to score high in hockey, but he was very competitive and he wasn’t good enough in archery and kayaking, which bothered him.

Then it will be Sunday and he can go home, back to their cottage. Shane was tired and the camp was fun, but he was exhausted, he needed to talk with more people here and be social and it’s hard. No one, in his age group at least, wanted him as a friend, but even with no one being friendly to him he needed to communicate for some reason. The only conversations that didn’t exhaust him in camp was with Scott because it was just hockey. 

The showers at the rink were fixed so Shane could finally shower after training. It felt much better, it made him calm again. He could do his hockey training routine properly again. The other boys glanced at him from time to time but they didn’t say anything, it was good they ignored him, that meant they wouldn't try to insult him. 

Unfortunately, Shane didn’t have time to nap at all that day. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, but he decided to go for a swim after kayaking. Shane showered right after hockey and he’ll shower again after he finished swimming, but it was a good idea to swim. He didn’t have a reason to shower after kayaking, only to go for a swim and shower again. He didn’t want to go to the cabin in case the boys would do something to him again. 

Shane was tired, he didn’t sleep properly and he wanted to nap, but he didn’t want to do that in his cabin or outside inside the hammock. He knew everyone else went to play table tennis but Shane still didn’t want to take the risk.  

Instead of going to eat dinner at the time all the others went, he went to shower and he ate one of his snacks instead. Lunch was awkward with everyone else, and Shane knew the tables belonged to cabins so he couldn’t go to sit at a different table. 

After he showered he wondered if he could sit at a different table, maybe he could go and sit with the girls? He should ask Paul about it. The dining area was pretty empty by now and most of the food plates were empty so he only ate a salad. 

Shane knew it would be very hard for him to fall asleep on those sheets even if he was tired. He also didn’t want to go away to play hockey when the other kids were still awake. If he’ll go and leave his bed they could ruin it again so he’ll wait until everyone is asleep. He hoped Scott won’t leave the rink before he’ll go there, because they agreed to meet there today. It was probably the last day they could train together, tomorrow Scott won’t have time because of the game and on Saturday evening they gave the rewards for the tournament. 

It was probably around ten when everyone in his cabin fell asleep, and Shane took his hockey gear and left. It was a bit late, but he needed to be more careful with them. Shane could handle a little bit of teasing but when someone ruined his things it’s harder for him. He felt much more violated and now they took away something that felt like home. He changed into his hockey gear and went out to the rink.  

Scott was still there, training by himself like the first time he saw him, but something seemed wrong. His movements were sloppy, his hockey wasn’t good enough. Maybe he was mad Shane didn’t come earlier? No, Scott doesn’t seem like that type of guy, he was probably stressed about tomorrow or something. Shane was just going to go there and they would train a bit and then Scott wouldn’t be stressed. 

Shane skated towards him. “Scott, ready to train?” Scott turned to him and he skated a step backwards. He was probably so focused on hockey he didn’t hear Shane approaching, it happened to him a lot of times. “Did I spook you?”

“No, it’s okay. Hi Shane.” Scott told him. 

“Is everything fine? Your shots are sloppy and you are much better than that.” Shane wondered.

“Yes, everything is terrific, my life is great.” Scott said and turned around to continue shooting the pucks. 

“Are you sarcastic? I’m not very good at identifying sarcasm.” Shane mentioned and positioned himself next to Scott to start playing as well.  

Scott scoffed and didn’t answer. Okay, something probably was wrong. Shane probably should ask what’s going on, people say to him that he never asks about others so he should try it. “Did something happen?” 

“No.” Scott stated, but it sounded like a lie, it sounds like the ‘no’ Shane says after his parents or teachers ask him if something happened with other kids in school. But if his parents try to guess what happened he mostly crumples and breaks and tells them the truth, so maybe he should try and guess and Scott would tell him as well. 

“Your family is not coming tomorrow, is that why you are like this?” Shane asked, because he couldn’t think about something else that would make Scott sad. 

“What family?!” Scott snapped and threw his stick on the ice. “My dead parents?” 

Shane didn’t expect that, he talked about his parents yesterday, it didn’t sound like they were dead. Scott actually had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry for your loss?” Shane said because that's what he’s been told to say when he hears about a death. When he was a child his teacher told them she was pregnant and for that you need to say congratulations so Shane said that as well. But Shane didn’t realize you’re not supposed to say it on every news that people told him so at hockey practice when one of the boys said his grandfather passed away he said congratulations and got punched in the face. It was then that Shane learned you were supposed to say different things in different situations. It was a weird day.         

“They died three years ago.” Scott mumbled. At least he didn’t get insulted by Shane for saying the wrong thing? Wait, three years ago? But Scott spoke about them like they were alive. 

“You didn’t mention it yesterday.” Shane said. 

“Would you want to tell that to people? So they all feel pity for you? That’s why I even got approval to do extra training in camp.” Scott explained, that was a logical explanation. Shane wouldn’t want people to treat him differently, people do it enough as is.

“No, I get it. So you are billeting in Canada?” Shane asked, because he knew Scott is from the US, so it was the logical explanation. 

“No, not anymore.” Scott muttered and sat on the ice. Shane could see some more tears in his eyes. Shane glanced at his stick and realized he probably shouldn't continue playing when Scott was nearby on the ice. 

Shane sat next to him, he hated sitting on the ice, he didn’t like the feeling very much. Sitting crossed-legged with skates on always felt uncomfortable and it was hard for him to position his body in a comfortable way on the ice to sit down. 

“What do you mean?” Shane asked, really not making sense of what Scott was saying. 

“They just called and told me not to return to their place. I have no idea where I’ll go after camp.” Scott explained, he didn’t look at Shane at all and Shane wondered if that was what talking to him feels like, because people told him he never looked at them.

“That’s bad.” Shane noted. 

“Yeah, like my whole life,” Scott groaned, “and they decided to do that on my birthday, which I don’t know if it was on purpose or they just forgot it’s today. Not that it matters.” Scott hid his face on his knees.  

“It’s your birthday? Um, happy birthday?” Shane told him, not sure what else to say. Scott shot him a look before he returned his head to his knees. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say. It was cruel if they kicked him out on his birthday. Shane wasn’t sure what to say, he didn’t want to say something else wrong. 

“I don’t have anything to celebrate.” Scott said eventually.   

“It’s sad, you shouldn’t be sad on a birthday.” Shane pointed out, that was what people always said about birthdays, that they should only be happy.

“My birthday makes me sadder than usual, because I always think about how I don’t have anyone.” Scott admitted. Shane felt bad for him, he couldn’t imagine losing his parents. 

Shane wasn’t sure how he could help Scott, but he wanted to help him, he’s the only friend he made in camp. “I’ll come tomorrow.” Shane decided. 

“What?” Scott asked, glancing up at him again. 

“To watch you play tomorrow, so you have someone and you won't be alone.” Shane decided on this because it seemed like the only way he could help, it was practical, he could show up for Scott.  

“You don’t have to do that.” Scott told him.

“But I want to, it would be nice to watch you play, besides, it will help me be more prepared for my game on Sunday.” Shane shrugged. 

“I’m playing like shit, I can’t focus on my game anymore, you noticed it immediately.” Scott mentioned, but he didn’t say no, meaning Shane could come.

Shane assumed he would probably play badly as well if he had experienced the things Scott is dealing with, but he had no clue how to help him. “So, let’s train, it’s not an official game anyway, you should try and think of it as fun. I don’t like my team very much, even if we are good, we get in camp a random team with different levels of hockey. It’s not only up to us and we can’t play alone.” Shane said. He wasn’t sure how much Scott realized what he was trying to say, but that was how he felt about the games in camp. Byron and Daisy weren’t good enough in his opinion, and if they’ll win it’ll be because Shane’s doing a lot of the job but it is still a team sport. He got up from the ice and looked at Scott waiting for him to get up. 

“What if it will be my last hockey game?” Scott whispered, Shane wasn’t sure if Scott actually planned for him to hear it.

“It won’t be, you are a great player and you’ll figure this out.” Shane assured him.Scott nodded and got up as well, he seemed a bit better after that conversation.  

Scott didn’t wear any of his safety gear, so Shane didn’t offer they’ll play some hockey and Scott didn’t ask for it so they just did some shoots to the net and raced a bit. Eventually, Scott was shooting like his usual self. Maybe Shane really succeeded in giving Scott a distraction.

Shane was very glad the showers got fixed and he won’t have to shower at the cabin. It was much nicer to be in the showers with only one other person and not with more than ten rowdy kids. 

“I’m glad I met you.” Shane told Scott. 

“Yeah, me too, you are a really nice kid. You’re really good at hockey too.” Scott stated. 

“Thanks, it probably was our last time doing that.” Shane mentioned, because he felt sad about it, and he needs to acknowledge it to give himself some kind of weird closure. 

“You are probably right. It was fun.” Scott said. 

“Well, until we both are in the NHL and could play against each other.” Shane smiled, because he wanted Scott to believe in it. He thought that it could maybe make him a little happy thinking about their future careers.

Scott looked at him and didn’t comment, it was probably the wrong thing to say. Shane wanted him to remember his goals, but Scott probably had too much in his head for that right now. 

Shane closed the water and started walking, “remember, I need to break your accuracy record at the all stars competitions.” 

“Yes, and you’ll do it.” Scott said and closed the water as well. It wasn’t with the same enthusiasm he had said it with two days ago, it didn’t sound like he believed it anymore.

“Well, I should go back to my cabin, see you tomorrow.” Shane stated and left after Scott said goodbye. Shane didn’t know what to do, he wanted to help Scott. He never before met another boy who felt like his equal. Not that Scott was really like that, since he was older. But it was nice for Shane to have a competition and not be the best, he needs someone to drive him up to be better.

Shane thought that Scott needed help and support and he hoped he would somehow get to Ottawa or Kingstone because he wants Scott to be in his life. It was the first time he found a friend so easily and he didn’t want to lose it. He wants to meet Scott at the NHL and it would be a shame Scott couldn’t reach there because his life is messed up. Shane needs to figure out a way to help him. 

Chapter Text

18 july, 2003

Scott was very thankful his birthday was finally over. Something about the date changing made him feel much better when he returned to the cabin. Maybe it was Shane that helped, hanging out with him was a good distraction, it helped a bit. He still felt awful though, even if not as hollow and miserable as before, and when he collapsed on his bed he still felt like crying again. He was also embarrassed about the fact that a twelve year old was the one who had to help him with his shitty mood from yesterday. 

Scott was thinking that he should find Shane and apologize, he shouldn’t’ve acted like that. He yelled at Shane, he was out of line and it was wrong. It might have been their last practice together and Scott was off his game. Shane was a sweet boy and Scott didn’t believe he was so kind to offer to come watch him play. Not that Shane should come, Scott knew he was just going to fumble the game, and he didn’t want the younger kid to watch that. 

He knew that it was so lame of him to suck at hockey because of the fact that there will be parents watching the game and his parents won’t be there. They would never be there and Scott didn’t have anyone that had to care for him, didn’t even have anywhere to go. He was going to be sent somewhere that he had never heard of and his career would be ruined, never to be started in the first place. How could he survive like that?  

Why is he like this? Why is his life like this? Why is everything so messed up? Scott just wants to feel normal again. Something must be wrong with him fundamentally, he probably pissed off someone in a past life and to deserve all of this mess. It was his fault that the Hicks family didn’t want him. He was too much, he didn’t have anywhere else to go and they couldn’t get a break from him.

He noticed that his cheeks were wet, he was crying again. At least he was feeling something again, he scared himself yesterday, the vacant feeling was the worst, he couldn’t explain it. He was exhausted, and when he finally fell asleep he was crying again. 

*

Scott wasn’t woken up by the whistle, he woke up from Taylor yelling “Game day!” so loudly it had probably woken up the girl’s cabin, too. He didn’t sleep well at night, and he really wanted to go back to sleep. He knew they got more time to sleep today but he didn’t feel it, he still felt tired and exhausted. 

He turned to the side and ignored everything. They were all so happy and excited, Scott was scared. When Gertrude called him he was in a weird headspace and didn’t care about anything, but now he realized what actually happened. He has nowhere to go. He wanted to cry again, not from sadness, from fear. Scott felt like his body was about to start shivering even though he wasn’t cold. Fuck, what is wrong with his feelings?

“I see that you are all already awake, good, don’t forget to get ready for our morning run.” Scott heard Drake’s voice and immediately covered himself with the blanket again. He didn’t even care what everyone would think of him, or that he probably looked like a baby doing that. 

What run? Were they doing a morning run instead of yoga? Did Scott somehow miss Drake mentioning that? Wait, Scott did recall the morning run that they do on game day, he can’t believe he forgot about it until now. They did that every year, since they couldn’t do the usual morning practice. It's a good way to warm the body up for an intense game. Scott completely forgot about it, he really was not present nor focused. He curled into a fetal position, trying to make himself smaller. He thought he would feel better than yesterday, and well, he does feel better, but he is still so sad, but even more than sadness he felt panicked. 

“Scott?” Drake's gentle voice was near him again. It felt just like yesterday, Scott hated that he’s like that, he felt broken. 

“I’m awake!” Scott called and kicked off the blanket but put his hands on his face to hide himself. He needed to shake it off and act like a normal person. He said it with more energy then yesterday, he was faking it completely, but he was trying so hard to be present today. 

“You’re feeling sick? We have a game today, not the best time, man.” Lewis mentioned, as if Scott was completely clueless about the game. 

“I can play.” Scott said and sat on the bed slowly. He needs to play, he needed to act normal and do better than he did yesterday. Today, he decided, he is going to at least function enough to try to help his team win.

“Maybe you should go to the camp doctor?” Drake pondered out loud, Scott didn’t understand why he was saying that, Drake knew he was not sick.

“I’m fine.” Scott said quickly and got inside to the empty bathroom. Maybe the morning run will help clear his head, it could be good to run. He still took his time in the bathroom, and his movements still felt sluggish, but Scott felt a little bit less heavy, it was easier to force himself to do things today. 

When Scott opened the bathroom door again he was alone with Drake at the cabin. “How are you really, Scott?” Drake asked softly, like he was talking to a wounded animal that could try to attack him out of desperation.

“I’m better than yesterday, I’m okay, I can run and I can play hockey and I’m not sick.” Scott assured him and put his toiletry bag back with the rest of his equipment. He sat on the bed to put on his snickers. 

“What can I do to help you?” Drake asked, coming closer.

“Nothing, everything is fine.” Scott said he tried to stay calm and not snap at Drake, it took a lot of energy out of him. 

“Okay, tell me if you need anything.” Drake sighed and got out of the cabin. Scott tied his shoelaces and got out after him. Everyone was already outside stretching, including the girls. Scott stood up a little bit far from everyone else. They were all so excited and ecstatic and he didn’t feel the same way. He was still sad and it was hard for him to fake happiness right now. 

Scott ran at the back of the group, trying to keep his distance but unfortunately Patricia decided to run next to him. “Let’s talk about it.” She told him out of nowhere.

He was actually puzzled and wasn’t sure what she meant. “Talk about what?” 

“About why you’re not playing well, we have to fix it. Come on, talk about it with me and then we will play well and we’ll win today.” Patricia explained automatically, like it was obvious. 

“Pat, honey, you’re delusional, my team is going to win.” Macklyn stated and turned around to look at them and continued to run backwards. Scott was actually glad she was nearby because he didn’t like to be with Patricia alone and Macklyn helped to balance her bluntness.

“Not a chance!” Patricia retorted, “Come on Scott, tell me why you were off yesterday and we’ll get you playing properly today.” 

“I feel better today, don’t worry.” Scott assured her, it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t completely true. He ran at their pace because he didn’t have the energy to increase his speed and run faster than them. He was pretty sure both of them could run faster as well, and were only slowing to talk to him, so it won’t work anyway. 

“What happened? Wait, is no one coming to watch you? Because this is sad, you can hang out with my family, we don't bite like Mack’s.”  Patricia mentioned. Scott had no clue how she figured it out. 

“Pat, don’t ask him things he is not comfortable with. And my father is just harsh, and I remind you that your father can also be like that from time to time.” Macklyn scuffed. 

“My daddy is mostly harsh on my brother, I’m his perfect little girl.” Patricia smirked. “Besides, even though Rochester is close to the Canadian border it’s logical that they couldn’t come.” 

Scott isn’t going to tell her he has no one to come to the game for him in the first place, but he needs to make her stop assuming things about parents before she’ll hit too close to the truth. “It was my birthday yesterday and I just felt homesick, that’s all.” He explained, thinking it would be the best thing to get her off his back. It was a mistake. The girls’ eyes widened and Patricia almost shrieked. 

“You had your birthday and you didn’t tell us?” Patricia asked, a little bit mad. 

“Yeah, Scott, that explains so much. Of course you felt homesick, we would have done something for you if you would’ve said something about it.” Macklyn continued. 

“I don’t like to talk about it or celebrate. It’s not like I could celebrate properly here.” Scott shrugged, and decided to run faster to help himself calm, and maybe so he won’t be able to reply to them. 

“No, wait, what do you like to do for your birthday?” Patricia wondered. 

Scott gritted his teeth, but he missed his normal birthdays, so he decided to answer it. “Me and my parents always did something fun like going to the zoo or amusement park or museums and then we went to a restaurant.” He can say that in past tense, because he isn’t doing that this year, so it doesn’t matter. 

“Yeah, you can’t do that here. Well, we are going to do something, right Mack?” Patricia asked and elbowed her during the run. 

“Yes, definitely, we can put candles on the pizza tonight.” Macklyn offered. 

“Who is your hockey crush? I could get you a signed puck.” Patricia offered. 

“My what?” Scott almost stammered, was she just asking him if he had a crush on a hockey player?

“Fuck off.” Macklyn rolled her eyes.

“That's what I gave her for her birthday a month ago,” Patricia explained, pointing at Macklyn, “she has a huge crush on Andreas Bruun. Apparently there are not enough blonde hockey players and that is her type.” Patricia teased. 

“Andreas Bruun?” Scott had no clue who this player was, he didn’t recognize the name..

“First Danish player in the league, he got drafted last year to Toronto, a third round pick. He has potential, there is a reason my daddy chose him for the franchise, but he is still a rookie and he started the season in the AHL. Mack has had a crush on him since she saw him on TV at the draft.” Patricia explained. "I think she's been trying to catch his AHL games when they play them on tv." 

“Shut up!" Macklyn faux-shouted at Patricia "Don’t ever tell her anything, she’ll spill all of your secrets.” She then whispered to Scott. 

“I noticed, she basically did it to me on Wednesday.” Scott teased as well, friendly chirping was good, he needed to be in the mood to play hockey and at least they were somehow a little bit easier then the boys. 

“If you want to get with someone blonde, you can always get with me.” Patricia called jokingly and ran a little bit faster so Macklyn wouldn't smack her. 

“She is so annoying sometimes.” Macklyn sighed. 

“I can tell.” Scott agreed.

“Are you really okay?” Macklyn wondered. 

“I will be after I kick your ass today.” Scott grinned. 

“Shame, I don’t want to be the reason you'll stay sad, but I guess we don’t have any other choice.” Macklyn shrugged and Scott shook his head. 

After they finished talking, they all returned to their normal running speeds. Well, kind of, Scott finished the run slower than usual, because even though the talking got a bit of his energy back, he was not up to his regular speed. 

*

After running they went and did yoga and then were told to go do whatever they want for the past two hours until their parents would start to arrive. Scott decided to go eat breakfast before showering because he wanted a little bit of quiet while most of his group went back to the cabins, and to see if he could talk to Shane. He wanted to apologize for yesterday. Telling Shane about his parents wasn’t something he planned, and he didn't want Shane to think that he was upset at him. 

Luckily for him, Shane’s age group just arrived to eat breakfast, Shane was the last one to arrive. Scott approached him, “Hey Shane," He waved to get the younger boy's attention. "Can I speak with you? Do you want to eat together?” 

“Yes, of course.” Shane nodded gleefully and then looked at his cabin table. Scott already realized that Shane doesn’t really have a good relationship with the other kids at his cabin, so he wasn’t sure why the kid wanted to go sit there. 

“Is something wrong? Are you okay? Do you want to talk at a different time?” Scott offered to give him a way out. Looking at the boy again, he only now noticed Shane’s eyes were a little red and puffy.   

“Everything is fine, but aren’t we always supposed to sit at our cabin table?” Shane wondered. Scott thought the other kids did something to Shane and that’s why he was wary, not that he thought it was wrong to sit at a different table. 

“No, you could sit wherever you want, I thought we could talk a little bit at one of the empty tables.” Scott clarified. He could actually see the relief on Shane’s face when he realized he didn't have to sit with the others. 

“Why has no one said that before? I’ll go take food and come sit with you.” Shane scattered out to the buffet table before Scott had a chance to say something else. It took Scott a moment before he followed Shane to take food as well. 

Scott took omelettes and toast. He would probably eat only a small amount of food, he wasn’t very hungry, he still felt pretty bad and sad. He just didn’t feel like eating, it was weird and unusual for him, but Scott felt even that little mundane action was taking tons of energy out of him. 

“Are you really okay? Your eyes are red.” Scott asked Shane again after they sat down at an empty table. 

“Yes, the other kids decided to play in the showers and some soap got into my eyes. But it was just playing, I'm fine.” Shane explained, Scott got the feeling the other kids might have done this on purpose but he decided not to push. “You stink.” Shane stated before Scott had the chance to answer. 

Scott was a bit surprised by Shane’s bluntness, but maybe at this point it shouldn’t surprise him so much. “Yes, we went on a run, so now we all need to shower at the cabin, but I wanted to speak with you so I came here to see if you finished with your hockey practice instead of waiting in line to shower.” Scott explained in detail, he wanted to make sure Shane understood what happened. Was it impolite to sit with someone when he is sweaty? They were athletes, it doesn't matter, right?

“Are you feeling better?” Shane asked. 

“Yeah, I actually wanted to apologize about yesterday, I shouldn’t have sprung all my problems on you, it wasn't fair.” Scott said he actually wasn’t sure how he wanted to say it but Shane helped. 

“Why are you apologizing? My parents tell me I shouldn’t apologize for feeling bad or for crying.” Shane answered. “I’m sorry, should I not mention my parents now?”  

“It’s fine.” Scott assured him. It was not fine, but Scott felt bad enough about last night and he knew that Shane is a sweet boy that doesn't mean any harm and shouldn’t need to deal with Scott's distress. “You really don't have to come and watch me if you have better things to do.” 

“I want to, it’s not a pity or something like that. I miss watching hockey, it would be nice to watch you play.” Shane promised. Yeah, right, it wasn't a pity. It was just a coincidence that Shane decided to come after he heard how lonely Scott is. But thinking about it sarcastically wouldn't help, Scott needed to believe in what Shane said, so he won't mention it.  

“Okay.” Scott mumbled, there was a lull in the conversation, Scott wasn’t sure what else he should say. He won't ask Shane not to speak to anyone else about his dead parents because Shane doesn’t seem the type who’ll start gossip about it, and Scott was the one who messed up and blurted it out to Shane, so if everyone will know it’s just consequences and what Scott deserves to get. 

“Do you want to do the hockey challenges tomorrow at the same time?” Shane offered. Scott realized he probably should say something if he didn’t want Shane to change the subject, but it was hard for Scott to do conversations right now. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt like everything was slower and it took him more time to say what he wanted to say. 

“Yes, of course, we’ll list our names when we finish eating. I need to beat you in accuracy.” Scott smiled, he still remembered their conversation from last night about it, but Scott knows he needs to pretend to be enthusiastic for Shane. Scott was also very scared, because the feeling from yesterday didn’t go away. He feels like something cracked inside him and like he can't believe in himself anymore. The fact that the feeling was still continuing was bad and Scott was actually starting to be afraid of his feelings. 

“Not a chance.” Shane grinned. 

Scott suddenly noticed someone approaching their table, it was Drake the counselor. “Scott, can you please come to the main cabin after you finish eating? We need to talk to you.” Fuck, fuck, fuck. Scott recognized that tone, it was the kind of way adults talk to him when they wanted to tell him bad news. Gertrude probably sent the email to the camp and they wanted to talk to him about it. 

Shit, what was Scott supposed to say? What if they realized that the Hicks' told him yesterday and he didn’t inform anyone about it? What if they’ll send him back to America to a foster family and he would never get to play hockey ever again? He needed Tom to solve this, he doesn’t want to return back to the US, he prefers to stay in Canada. What if he’ll get transferred to a southern country with no hockey like Arkansas? 

“What do you want from him?” Shane asked and tapped his foot at Scott’s under the table. It was sweet Shane trying to show support that way, but Scott’s mind was racing. 

“Scott, take a breath, it’s okay, take your time and finish eating. We just need to talk to you, but no rush.” Drake tried to reassure him and put a hand on his shoulder for a moment. 

“Okay.” Scott breathed and took a bite from his omelette he barely touched yet. He wanted to vomit, he didn’t actually want to eat but that’s his way to postpone that conversation. Drake's touch didn't help at all, if he didn't already take off his hand, Scott might have slapped it off. If the talk was only to ask what will help him today because he was all alone they wouldn’t have called him to the main cabin for a conversation, it’s not like they did that in earlier years. 

“Hey kid, I’m Drake Simpson, Scott’s counselor.” Drake turned to face Shane and introduced himself to him, “you were in the same group at trivia night, right?”

“Yes, I’m Shane Hollander, I’m twelve years old.” Shane explained and Scott saw he just took a bite as well from his food. Scott didn’t even notice Shane didn’t touch his food until now. He couldn’t blame him, the last thing Scott wanted to do was to eat. 

“Breathe, take your time.” Drake squeezed Scott’s shoulder and left their table. Scott waited for him to leave the building and freed the utensils he was clutching, they clacked on the wooden table and he took a big gulp of water, trying to breathe.

Scott buried his head between his hands and leaned on the table, trying to breathe property. He needed to calm down, he knows what it is that they are going to talk about, they won’t be the ones to give him the news. Scott doesn’t have any control on what’s going to happen, he doesn’t have the power to choose where he’ll go next, he just needs to continue living and see where he’ll go. It was just so hard for some reason. He wanted to feel numb again, at least then he didn’t feel that he couldn’t breathe, he mainly just hadn't felt anything. 

“Scott?” Shane called him and Scott took a sharp gasp and looked at him.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry.” Scott rasped and started slicing his omelette. If eating is the only way to postpone the conversation Scott 'would force himself to eat. He wanted to puke, eating was a bad idea, but he tried to do it anyway. 

“What do you think they want?” Shane asked him.

“Probably my billet family sent them an email about kicking me out.” Scott stated, he wasn’t sure why he was so nervous about the conversation, he knew what it was going to be about. Gertrude told him she will send an email to them. He wasn't sure how it would go, though. 

“So they probably just want to help you find a new place, don’t worry about it.” Shane said. 

Scott didn’t share Shane’s optimism and he just moved his food on his plate with his fork. “Maybe.” Scott mumbled. He didn’t have any energy anymore, it was like a flicker of light, one moment he was anxious, feeling something and then when he got himself to calm he just returned to be numb and indifferent about what was going to happen, there was no in between. 

“Why are you forcing yourself to eat?” Shane asked him. 

Scott didn’t consider that Shane might ask him that, but he answered anyway. “Drake told me to come talk to them when I finish, so I’m eating slowly to take as much time as I can.” 

“We could just continue pretending we are eating, that's what we did until now anyway.” Shane offered and Scott just now noticed Shane didn’t eat anything as well. Did he actually miss it this whole time? Scott really needed to be more focused on things, he wouldn't be able to play hockey if he kept being so distracted. 

“Why didn’t you eat?” Scott wondered. 

“My mouth tastes like soap, I didn’t plan to eat but I really wanted to sit with you.” Shane explained.

“Ah, that makes sense.” Scott muttered. Both of them went quiet again. Scott didn’t have the mental power to talk but he still needed the distraction of conversation and he wanted to spend the time with Shane until he’ll need to leave for his activity. Scott knew the younger kid could talk a mile a minute when speaking about hockey, so was the topic he decided to ask Shane about. “Shane, what are your predictions for the next hockey season?” It worked perfectly well because Shane started rambling about hockey without saying anything about the subject change.

It was interesting to listen to Shane and it was nice that Scott didn’t need to talk and Shane just controlled the conversation completely. Maybe at some point it would make Scott get frustrated but he didn’t have any energy to keep the conversation on his side. He just wanted to return to his bed and sleep, maybe forever, so he won’t need to deal with his life crumbling one more time.

When it was getting close to ten they both got up from the table and threw away their still mostly full plates. Shane listed both of their names on the board at the entrance of the dining hall that had the time slots for the tournament's hours for tomorrow. Then he handed him the pen so Scott could list himself in his other activities. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Shane told him before he left. He didn't have the energy to believe him.

Scott took another moment to himself and left for the main cabin, he was still in his running clothes which felt really unfitting for the situation. He got inside and saw Steven Berkeley, the camp director sitting with another woman he didn’t recognize and with Drake, all waiting for him. Scott didn’t look at them, he looked at the floor and sat quietly.  

“Scott, how are you?” Mr. Berkeley asked him. Scott didn’t answer, he couldn’t say he was fine, he tried to but he just couldn’t articulate the words. “Look, don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.” 

“Yes, we just need to speak with you. I’m Celine. I'm responsible for the parents' communications and we just got an email from your billet family saying you won’t be able to return to them.” Her voice was soft, like the voice of the people who showed up at his house after his parents' death, a voice that held bad news. Scott hated that tone, it made him want to crawl out of his skin. 

“They called you last night, did they say something?” Drake asked him and put a hand on Scott’s knee.

“Yes.” Scott answered shortly, not looking at anyone. He was afraid that if he looked at them he’ll start feeling again and will burst out crying. 

“What did they say to you?” Celine asked. 

“Not to return to their place.” Scott answered. 

“We are so sorry.” Mr. Berkeley said. 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Scott?” Drake asked softly and Scott moved deeper into his seat, feeling the disappointment like a physical thing around him.

“I just….” Scott muttered, not actually knowing what to say. 

“Mr. Wright isn’t picking up, his office said he is aboard until next week. Do you know who else we can call? The scholarship coordinate is also not available until Monday.” Celine mentioned.

“You just need to reach Tom, he’ll find a solution like last time.” Scott stated. He had too, there was nothing else to do if they couldn't reach him.

“We are trying, Scott, but we need to think about a solution soon, because you will be leaving here on Sunday and you need to have a place to go to, we can’t just let you go on the buses back to nowhere.” Celine mentioned. 

Scott actually wondered about that. The nearest city was Trois-Rivières and his school was there, he knew the city well enough to at least get by on his own for a few days until he could reach Tom so he could fix everything. Or he’ll sleep on the bench, maybe he'll get hurt by someone and then he will maybe end up in the hospital and at least be somewhere safe. Or he’ll be dead, it’s not like anybody cared if he wasn't here anymore. 

“So, what are you planning to do with me?” Scott asked them, because his mind caught the reality and he knew they were right. He didn’t care about the answer, Scott didn’t have any control over his life no matter the outcome, but he at least wanted to know if it was going to be ruined, if he was going to get sent to a place where he won’t be able to play hockey. 

“We just want to help, everyone here is in your favor.” Mr. Berkeley assured him.

“Are you feeling ready to play today? Do you need some time for yourself instead?” Celine asked him gently. 

Scott got tired of that conversation, what was he supposed to say to them? He doesn’t have any control over his life, and they would probably call social services if they won’t be able to reach Tom. He had nothing to do in this situation that would change the outcome for the better.

“Yes, I can play.” Scott said again, why did everyone think he couldn’t play today? Yes, he doesn’t have the energy to play right now but he’ll still force himself to do it, Scott had done this before. 

“Mr. Berkeley, the parents just started to arrive.” Someone got inside to notify him. 

“Thanks, Sienna.” The director told her.

“May I go?” Scott can’t be here anymore with all those pitying eyes of the adults boring into him. He just needs to be alone, the director needed to go meet the parents anyway.  

“Of course, we are sorry, you haven’t even showered after the run.” Drake noted. 

“Thanks.” Scott muttered and got up and left the cabin. He tried to walk slowly but he just wanted to run and lock himself somewhere so he'd be completely alone. The cabin was mostly empty; only the three boys from Barrie were inside. He grabbed his regular clothes for the day and locked the shower door without saying any word to them. 

He opened the water and collapsed on the floor, hugging his knees. Fuck, why was his life like this? He couldn't stop cycling all the bad things that had happened to him in his head. 

The moment the water touched his head he felt himself start crying. The shower was the only safe place for him to fall apart so Scott couldn’t stop himself from breaking completely sometimes. He was scared, he doesn’t actually want to go sleep on a bench or get signed into foster care. None of those options were good, they were all going to take him away from hockey. They were not actively happening yet, but Tom probably won’t answer the camp until Sunday and then what happened to him? What if he was about to play his last hockey game? 

Scott needed to stop thinking so negatively but his mind was spiraling, he wanted to scream. He hated the way he was feeling, he couldn’t understand what was wrong with him. One moment he wasn’t feeling anything and not caring about anything but the moment he was alone he suddenly felt so afraid he was shivering out of sadness and fear, without having the ability to change anything for himself.  

“Dude, what are you doing there? Jerking off? You’ve been there for almost thirty minutes.” One of the boys called, Scott thought it was Allen’s voice.

Shit, he lost the feeling of time. He didn’t even soap himself yet. Scott stood up abruptly, almost slipping from his too-fast movement. Well, if he would have slipped he would have had an excuse to not play. But no, he is going to play, he needs to finish showering. 

Why did he get so panicked about Allen asking him that? Scott knew the answer about it but he wasn’t taking a shower at the boarding school or at the Hicks household and he was not going to return to either place. It’s just that he always got scolded for long showers and he had the tendency to get lost in his thoughts while showering.

If it took him more than ten minutes to shower at the Hicks’ house, they would ban him from showering at their house for that week; it didn't matter, Scott still always showered at the practice center after training. It was just the fact they banned it because it was a luxury that they could take from him in their eyes. 

By the time he got out of the showers the cabin was empty, probably all of the parents had arrived and everyone went outside with them. No one else said that their parents would  not be coming, which was weird because they were in Quebec and some of the kids lived far away from the camp. Though most of the kids were friends with each other, so maybe they were hanging out with their friends' parents and didn't care if their own parents didn’t come.

If his parents were alive he wouldn’t mind it either, Scott knew that they were very busy and couldn’t be in all of his games and milestones, but they really tried at least and that was the important part.  

He took out his book, ‘Death on the Nile’ and stared at it. Fuck! He just now noticed that it was a book from the Victoriaville library. He probably wouldn’t return there, he couldn’t go there only to return the book, he was thankful that they were not going to charge the Hicks’ for the book, Scott didn’t leave their information and the loan for the library came from Tom’s pocket money so they would keep it for themselves anyway. He didn't remember to return the book and get the loan back, thinking he could when he'll return after the camp, but he still felt bad for stealing the book. 

Scott could only think about the book's origin and about the school when he opened the book. He couldn’t focus on reading, even though it was an interesting book, he still had no clue who the killer could be. Scott's mind was just racing, he felt guilty to think it was a good idea to take a book to camp. He barely even had time to read it, because even though he had free time, Scott just couldn’t bring himself to function well enough to read. The words were blurry, Scott liked reading, he would even say that he read quite fast, so why all of a sudden could he not even form the letters on the paper into a sentence? Why were they all blurring together in his mind? He dropped the book on the bed and buried his head in the pillow. He wished now he would have chosen a bed near a wall so he could hide his face. 

Scott could hear the cabin door open but he didn’t lift his head to look at who got inside. “So, that’s the cabin we sleep in, and here is my bed, the one on top- Oh, hi Scott, didn't see you there.” Billy told him and Scott turned around and sat up on the bed, to see Billy with two adults who were probably his parents. 

“Hi, Billy.” Scott answered.

“Scott, these are my parents, Alyssa and Nathaniel. Mom, Dad, this is Scott, my friend, he is a nice guy and a great hockey player.” Billy introduced them. 

“It's nice to meet you,” Scott got up from the bed to shake their hands. He needed to be polite, even if meeting Billy's parents makes him feel like someone was stabbing him.

“Hello Scott, it's nice to meet you too. Did your parents not get here yet?” The mother asked in a soft tone. Scott wanted to crawl back to bed, how many times will he need to have this conversation today?

“No Mom, they can't come! Scott’s from the US, he lives in Rochester!” Billy exclaimed and Scott flinched from the noise and sat back on the bed. Hearing people thinking he still lived in Rochester was hard, because it was a lie that Scott wanted to be the truth, he missed living there. He missed his home, he missed having a place where everyone around him spoke English, not French.

“Well Billy, if you knew his parents were not coming, you should have invited him to sit with us.” The father scolded.

“It’s okay.” Scott muttered, sitting on the bed with his shoulders hunched, he didn’t have energy for that discussion. 

“Macklyn and Patricia were looking for you, they also said you should come sit with them. Come on, man, don’t you want to eat lunch?” Billy asked.

“I just want to be alone until the game.” Scott told him.

“You know you are not the only one without parents here right? Why are you pouting about it like a little girl?” Kenny, who just entered the cabin, said as he walked to his bunk bed to take his clothes for laundry. 

“Lewis and Allen's parents are not here as well.” Billy added.

“Yes, some of the girls are also parentless today, Julie is just hanging out with the others. Allen and Alex are close friends so Allen is sitting with Alex’s parents.” Kenny elaborated. 

Scott got up quickly and grabbed his book, “I’m going for a walk.” He stated and left the cabin as fast as he could. The word ‘parentless’ hurt so much; he felt like he was about to burst into tears. Great, he really was acting like a whiny little girl. Why did it bother him so much? There were other kids that didn't have their parents here, it shouldn’t bother him so much. He wasn't the odd one out. 

But all of their parents were alive, his parents are dead, and he just lost another place that he tried to call home, how could it not bother him? He wished he could stop thinking about it, tune it all out and be present, he really was trying to be good, to be normal, it was just so hard. 

Scott ran until he found a big rock he could sit on. It was near the trees that were a little bit outside of camp so no one would think to look for him there. He put down his book and hugged his knees, panting from excursion and crying to himself one more time. At least no one will know, it wasn't like anyone cared to find him. 

*

When Scott finished crying he was completely drained. He still felt sad but he had no more tears in him. He looked at his watch to check the time and he didn’t understand how he had cried for more than an hour without feeling it. He really was so out of it. Well, he still had two more hours to avoid everyone else. 

He probably should drink something now, he cried a lot and sat under the sun and it probably was a pretty bad idea, he could get dehydrated. Maybe he would faint from the heat and won’t need to play. But no, Scott still wanted to play hockey today; it might be the only thing that would help him snap out of his weird feelings. 

Scott set his watch to beep at four pm so he would remember to go to the rink. Tom bought it for him last year so he could use the timer to monitor his run and training. He also used the watch sometimes as a waking alarm since the Hicks expected him to wake up on his own but didn’t get him an alarm clock for his room. He bought one eventually, which was one of the only things that he left at the house in Victoriaville. 

He tried to read his book a bit, but the words were still not really making any sense. Scott needed a distraction, he needed to get away from his world problems. Trying to figure out puzzles and riddles in mystery books always helped him, but he needed to actually read for that to work. 

Scott let his head fall backwards on a tree trunk and closed his eyes. Maybe after resting for a bit he’ll feel more refreshed and be able to read and let himself calm down before the game.

*

The beeping jolted Scott awake. He forgot that he fell asleep in the middle of nowhere. Well, it was finally four now and he could go to the rink and start warming up. Scott needed this day to be over, he was acting so weird and it was exhausting him. Every time he saw one of the other kids from his age group he moved off the path or hid behind something just to avoid the conversation. Why was he such a weak coward? 

Scott jogged to the cabin, to get his muscles moving a bit, so he could get less stiff and rigid. He was about to play a game soon, he needed his muscles to be ready. The cabin was empty, at least something worked for him today, so he put his book back in his bag and took his hockey gear and went to the rink. The other kids had already finished their game and even though the zamboni was still on the ice no one was at the locker rooms. Scott drank some water from his bottle because he knew he was in the sun for a few hours and he was about to have an intense game. 

When Scott’s blades touched the ice he felt like he could breathe again. It was good that he got some time to himself to warm up. He needed as much time as he could without people. He saw the parents starting to find places at the stands. Since it was only a rink for the camp there weren’t many seats, Scott thought maybe there were only three hundred seats? He was used to much bigger stadiums from his childhood years watching his parents' teams play.  

He circled the rink a few times, so he could move up his legs, he needed to be fast, he couldn’t be slow and heavy on the ice like he felt while running this morning. The other kids started to arrive. 

“Scott! there you are, you didn’t come to eat lunch with us.” Macklyn cried at him after she skated to him, sounding a bit disappointed in him.

“Yeah, you missed seeing Mack losing completely in basketball.” Patricia smirked.

“I played basketball against a former professional player who is now an NBA coach, I think I’m allowed to lose.” Macklyn rolled her eyes' looking a bit fed up with Patricia.

“This NBA coach disagreed on that.” Patricia continued.

“Shut up!” Macklyn snapped. “Are you okay, Scott?” She asked him.

“Yes, I’m fine, I hope you are ready to lose in all of the face-offs.” Scott chirped. 

“You first need to beat the other team, before you’ll meet me in the finals.” Macklyn reminded them.

“That will happen, don't worry, Mack.” Patricia assured her. Scott thought about chirping at Macklyn that maybe her group would be the one to not advance, but he actually thought she was a little too good for that to happen. Her team really was solid.   

“Anyway, we thought that maybe after all the parents leave we could meet up and do something for you. We’ll ask Drake and Hannah to keep some of the food for later.” Macklyn explained. 

“Yes, you shouldn’t be so somber on your birthday just because your parents can’t be here. We’ll have some fun.” Patricia added. 

“You really don't have to do that.” Scott objected, really not in the mood for anything. 

“It doesn’t have to be that much of a celebration, just a little bit of fun with friends.” Macklyn assured him. 

“And it could be fun for the other kids whose parents couldn’t come.” Patricia mentioned. 

“We already talked with your buddy Shane. It could be fun, you could get to know him better, I noticed you were close at trivia night.” Macklyn claimed. Scott panicked a little bit, he wasn’t sure it was a good idea for Shane to be around a bunch of teenagers three years his senior. 

“I’m sure he has better things to do.” Scott sputtered, hoping it would work. 

“Nah, he was pretty glad to join when we asked him, just told us to let you know again we are actually planning something.” Patricia disclosed. Scott wasn’t sure what he thought about the fact that they went to talk to Shane. They decided to do something and apparently he didn't have a say in it? Well, Scott just doesn’t have the energy to start arguing with them, he doesn’t even care, he can sit there and pretend and maybe it will be good for him, because he felt a little less sad near Patricia and Macklyn. 

Maybe Scott had some luck today because the four counselors just then started to give direction to their groups. Billy lingered next to him but didn’t say anything, maybe he wasn’t sure how to talk to him after what happened in the cabin? Why did Scott always mess everything up? 

He couldn't let himself dwell on that, he needed to make sure he wins this game now. He is going to win, he is an incredible hockey player. Maxime wasn’t that good of a center and Scott would win the face-offs. He and Patricia also had a decent dynamic on ice, they were good enough to win. Scott felt like he was using much more energy than usual to play hockey. He got tired very quickly and he was so drained. It wasn’t even a high tempo game because their hockey levels were different, and he was barely present mentally throughout it. At least they still won, that's what really was important. 

Scott was glad they played first because he had a lot of time to rest. The other game is fifteen minutes as well and then they’ll give them another twenty minutes of rest before the second game. 

“Come on Scott, you can come sit with my parents and watch the other teams play.” Patricia told him and basically dragged him to the stand. Scott just followed her, surrendering to his fate to sit with them. 

“Scott, these are my parents Doug and Jennifer, and these are Mack’s parents Rob and Dove. This is Scott Hunter, the center in my group.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Scott said, because he knew how to be polite. 

Patricia's dad looked at him with a weird expression. “Where are you from?” 

“Rochester.” Scott blurted out and immediately regretted it. Doug Kelley was a scout for the Guardians and a famous player from Vancouver with a retired number. There was actually a chance he could connect the dots. Scott's parents were kind of famous in the hockey community, they were outstanding coaches with trophies. Adults in the hockey world probably would have heard about their deaths. Scott didn’t consider himself as a celebrity child in the hockey world like Patricia, but her father could connect the dots between him and his parents.

“Were your parents not able to make it?” Doug wondered. 

“Daddy.” Patricia scolded him softly so he would stop asking. Scott shook his head but didn’t answer. The way he asked it’ gave him a feeling that he had already figured everything out.  

Scott wished he could teleport somewhere else, he felt the panic rise up in his throat and  breathing started getting difficult again. Her father probably figured out everything and he would tell Patricia that his parents are dead, and Patricia would hate him for lying but also pity him and she'll tell everyone and everyone will hate him and- fuck, he was so doomed.

He wished he could look for Shane, he was supposed to be here to watch him, at least Shane knew. I was bound to be easier to be around him right now, the kid didn't snoop or ask weird questions like everyone else when they heard about his parents. 

“Scott? Were you listening?” Patricia suddenly asked, snapping him out of his stupor.

“Wha- Sorry, what were you saying?” Scott stuttered, it was so embarrassing to be so out of it next to her parents. He noticed Macklyn was also there now, how much time had passed? Scott didn’t even manage to register anything about her game.

“I asked if you really think you can beat me after you watched me play?” Macklyn chirped at him and smirked. Scott did not see her play, he wasn’t even sure how much time had passed.

“We’ll see what you can do against me.” He plastered a fake smile on his face, he was feeling so drained, barely having the energy to even play, but he needed to pretend everything was fine. He felt like he was lying to everyone, pretending that he was okay and present when he felt so vacant and empty inside.

“Macklyn is going to win, she is the best player at her age.” Rob Celestine put a hand on Macklyn's shoulder, firmly holding her. It reminds Scott a little bit how his parents talked about him and his hockey talent when they were alive. Scott couldn’t be sure if everyone knew about him because he was James and Sarah Hunter's son or if he really had talent, but back then he was considered one of the best. 

Scott didn’t comment, he just returned to stare at nothing, he couldn’t muster the energy to even talk and chit-chat with the parents and their parents. He was just so tired, he wanted to sleep. 

Suddenly Patricia nudged his shoulder to sign to him to get up because it was time for the winners' game. Scott didn’t feel as if he rested between the games, he didn’t feel he replenished enough energy for another scrimmage, but he was going to play through the fog and the pain, it wasn’t the best thing to do but he didn't really have a choice.  

Scott could barely register the puck drop, Macklyn snatched it right away, he bolted after her trying to grab it, but she really was very fast and she scored right away. The game was brutal, Scott felt like he could barely move and apparently Macklyn was a generational player. He thought that if he would've played at his best they might have been equal or maybe Scott could have been better than her, but with Scott’s current state Macklyn was the best, no arguments. 

He was a little bit dizzy by the time the game ended. Scott wasn't even able to score, somehow he did score in the first game, this time nothing worked, he could barely handle the puck. Patricia was the only one who scored from their team, Sophie, Mack's team's goalie, really was very good. Macklyn scored a hat trick and her group easily won. Great, Scott really was a loser and a failure who was not even capable of winning an unofficial game.

When did he become such a terrible hockey player? What was going to happen with his life now if he couldn’t even play hockey? Hockey was his lifeline for the past few years, it’s the only connection he has left to his parents and he was going to lose it as well. He wanted to cry again, but his eyes were feeling so dry. 

He skated to the side so people would leave him alone, but of course Patricia came after him. “I know I played like shit.” Scott grunted. 

“Yeah, you did, I hate losing.” Patricia agreed. Scott really didn’t have the patience for this whole ordeal.

“Me too.” Scott added, he took out his mouth guard, it was dryer then usual for some reason.. 

“You are eating dinner with us, my father said he wants to talk to you, I bet  you still somehow impressed him, at least a little bit.” Patricia announced and skated away.

Scott definitely didn’t want to go and talk with Patricia’s father, he figured him out, Scott was sure of it. He clearly connected the dots, and Scott can’t handle it. But he didn’t have the energy to argue, he was just so drained and tired. He wasn’t hungry but he knew he had to go to the gathering with the rest of the kids. 

“Dude, what’s wrong with you? We would have won anyway but you were barely there at the game.” Allen chirped after they were in the locker room.

“Allen, don’t chirp him after he lost, come on, he clearly isn’t feeling well.” Billy stated as he moved towards Allen, Scott wondered if they were about to fight. Scott just didn’t have any power left, he left the locker room and went to shower. He didn’t care what the boys were going to do in the locker room, but he thought that maybe they wouldn't fight with their parents here. Except Allen’s parents weren’t there, so who knows?

Scott wanted to sit on the floor and let the water drown everything out, just stay there until all the parents were leaving, but Patricia was waiting for him and he was pretty sure he couldn't just stay here until the world around him disappeared. Only after the other five boys got inside the showers Scott started to wash himself and actually shower.

Maybe he could finish quickly and avoid everyone, and run away to hide somewhere far from everyone again. But of course it wasn’t an option because when he got out of the locker room, Patricia was standing there already dressed and waiting for him. Scott followed her silently, not arguing or complaining. 

Outside the rink, Shane was also waiting for him. “Hey, it was nice watching you play, you’re a great player to watch.”

“Shane, my game was horrible.” Scott stated, because he didn’t have the power for pleasantries. 

“Well, yeah, the second one, but I know your play and you were better in the first game. It was nice to see you in a real game and not only in practice.” Shane mentioned, he seemed excited about watching the games. 

“Thanks.” Scott muttered, really not sure what to do with this conversation. 

Shane glanced at Patricia who wasn’t butting into the conversation as usual for some reason before asking Scott, “how are you?” 

“Fine.” Scott said automatically, he was not planning to talk with Shane about his problems even more than he already did. It’s not like anyone actually cared, Scott didn’t have anyone to talk about his life with that could really do anything. 

A quiet settled between them, Scott knew by now that Shane needed to be prompted to join in conversations but he didn’t have the energy to bring anything up. After a moment Patricia put her hand on Scott's shoulder. “We should go, you could meet up later okay?” 

“I can’t understand if you like this kid or not, but Mack thinks you're friends.” Patricia scoffed after they were far away from Shane.

“I’m just tired, I do like him.” Scott answered, his shoulders were slumped and he looked at the ground, but he didn’t want her to think it was because of Shane. “You really are planning to do something and you also invited him?” Scott tried to change the subject.

“Well yeah, Mack said you looked close and that it would be nice if you’ll have other people you know there. She said he was probably a little lonely because he did trivia night with a bunch of teenagers and not anyone from his age group.” Patricia shrugged. 

“She is certainly smarter than you.” Scott decided to chirp, because it might get him a bit more energized or convince her to leave him alone.

“You are right about that.” Patricia laughed, a little fondly. Apparently she agreed with him and didn’t get insulted? 

The rest of the way to the hall was quiet, and Scott noticed he still felt dizzy, he was probably just very tired and lacked energy. 

Macklyn was waiting for them at the entrance. “I was waiting for you!” She called and came to walk in with them.

“What happened? You won, your dad will let live another day.” Patricia pointed out. 

“Shut up.” Macklyn groaned. 

“What do you like on pizza?” Patricia mentioned walking with him to the table with the pizzas. 

“Can you get me feta?” Scott mumbled and Patrica handed him a slice with feta. “Thanks." man

“Come on, let’s go sit.” Patricia told them and Scott found himself sitting at a table with both of their parents.

“It’s your first slice, right honey?” Rob asked Macklyn.

“Yes, we just arrived.” Macklyn promised. 

“Are you sure you want to eat this? You can take some salad, you are the best player here, you should preserve your body.” Rob offered her. Scott found it weird, why shouldn't she eat after playing? Everyone always told him eating after games was important.

“And I just played two games and lost a lot of calories, I need to return some energy to my body.” Macklyn snapped. It seemed like it wasn't the first time they had this argument. Macklyn immediately took a bite, probably so her dad won’t say anything more about this subject.

“Robert, let her eat. It’s only one day in the summer.” Dove, his wife, said to him.

“I just want to make sure she keeps track of the things she eats.” Rob argued. 

Macklyn rolled her eyes and threw all of her olives on the plate, leaving the slice bare before she continued eating. “Happy?” She scoffed.  

Scott took a bite from his slice. For some reason his sight was a bit blurry. He wondered if his parents would have been like this as well. Macklyn’s parents were clearly very strict with her, but she was an incredible player so it was probably just that they wanted her to reach her full potential. 

His father was also very demanding and Scott was all-in for his hockey career since he remembered himself, but maybe it was part of the problem. He has had six AM skating practices twice a week since he was nine, something that most hockey players only started doing at twelve.  

The smell of the pizza flooded his senses and he started to feel nauseous while eating. He wanted to eat because he thought it might be good to show Macklyn’s parents that the rest of them were eating. Though it made him feel sick. 

“Scott, what team do you play for?” Doug promoted him. 

Great, he really was trying to gather information to figure out if Scott’s parents are dead. Scott felt like he was going to vomit or maybe faint, he felt lightheaded. At least this would save him from that discussion. “I played at Victoriaville Cheetahs, I was living with my billet family this year.” Scott mumbled, he could barely speak, he felt nauseous.

“Well, Canadian hockey is definitely better than American hockey. It's logical to move to Canada for hockey.” Doug mentioned, at least he gave Scott an out for why he was in Canada. 

“Please don’t give my parents ideas.” Macklyn said lightly. 

“I'm not getting any ideas, Macklyn, I want to monitor your progress to make sure you’ll be the best player you can be. I can't do that if you are away in boarding school.” Rob reassured her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“So, what do your parents do?” Doug asked.

Scott couldn’t answer that question, he felt so bad, he could feel bile in his throat and he ran to the nearest trash can. It was so embarrassing to vomit in front of tons of parents when that was all they would remember about him. Scott wanted the ground to swallow him, he was such an embarrassment, he couldn’t do anything right. It shouldn’t even be surprising for him, Scott should know better and not eat after losses. 

Drake came to him and patted his back right away. Scott wasn’t even sure where Drake was in the room before. “Let’s take you to the medical cabin, Scott.” Drake said after Scott finished and handed him a cup of water to drink. He felt so bad, he was mad at himself for humiliating himself like that and really wanted to disappear. 

“Erin!” Drake called after he opened the door and the doctor was on her feet right away. “This is Scott Hunter, he vomited just now and he was a bit unwell for more than a day by now.” Drake told her.

“I’m fine.” Scott mumbled, just wanting people to leave him alone in peace.  

“You are not fine.” Drake argued with him and didn’t move his hand from Scott’s shoulder until he was on the treatment bed.  

Erin started to check him up. “Okay, you don’t have a fever so I bet you're just dehydrated. Did you drink anything after the game?” 

“Um… I don’t remember…” Scott admitted, he wasn’t really sure how much he drank today at all, the whole day was a bit blurry. Why was he so messed up?

“I think you're dehydrated, drink this.” Erin the doctor gave him apple juice. 

“I need to return to the parents, I’ll come check up on you later, kid.” Drake told him, tapped on Scott’s shoulder once and went to the door. 

“Drake, will you tell his parents or do I need to call them? I’m assuming they are not here.” Erin asked and Scott flinched from the question. He felt sick again and lowered himself to the bin near the bed. He vomited most of the content of and he was dry heaving. 

“I’ll take care of that,” Drake answered after a pause and left. 

Erin came to pat on the back until his body relaxed a bit. She handed him the apple juice back and he returned to the bed. He looked at the wall trying to avoid her. He just wanted his parents back. Feeling sick in those years was one of the worst situations for him, because he was left alone to take care of himself. But Scott was older now, he needed to know how to take care of himself. 

“How was the game, Scott, did you win?” Erin asked, trying to start a conversation.

“No, I’m a terrible player.” Scott said, frustrated and mad at himself, hiding his face in his hands.

“Well, I’m sure you are a good player. You aren't very well and you're also dehydrated, you probably weren't at your best. Don't beat yourself up” Erin mentioned.

It was a lie, but Scott couldn’t continue with this conversation, he felt so sick physically and that caused him to feel mad at himself and bad mentally. “Can I lie down for a bit?” Scott asked pleadingly, he was so exhausted.

“Of course, are you still feeling dizzy?” Erin asked and checked his eye movement. 

“Yes,” Scott admitted. 

“Alright, drink more water please and then you can close your eyes.” Erin told him and handed him a bottle of water to drink. Scott drank some gulps of water and closed his eyes.

*

Scott didn’t think he would open his eyes to Shane, Macklyn and Patricia sitting together but that's what was happening right in front of his face. Erin told him she was leaving a moment ago, so he opened his eyes to see why she returned so quickly. He didn’t actually sleep and he still felt bad and wanted to continue resting, but it was nice seeing them. 

“You look like shit,” Patricia stated. Scott wasn’t sure how many times she told him that this week but it was true every time. 

“Pat!” Macklyn scolded.

“What? It’s true. Did you not want us to throw you a birthday party so badly that you got sick?” Patricia teased. 

“What? He didn't get sick on purpose!” Shane exclaimed, sounding affronted. 

“Pat, if you won’t be nice I’ll literally kick you out of this room.” Macklyn called and started physically shoving her towards the door.

“Chill out, I’m just kidding.” Patricia rolled her eyes.

Scott didn’t know how to react to this, he was so tired and exhausted. “I really do not feel well, so you should cancel whatever you planned.”

“Yeah, yeah, we are not doing anything, don't worry. But I brought you a cupcake. I know you probably still don't want to eat anything, but maybe you can save it for later.” Macklyn said and put the cupcake down near his bed.

“I’m sorry.” Scott choked out.

“I was joking, you don’t need to apologize for us losing.” Patricia sighed. 

“Yes, you are dealing with a lot, you’ll play better soon.” Shane agreed. 

“Wait, what time is it? Why aren’t you with your parents?” Scott suddenly wondered, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. 

“They just left, we couldn’t come before now.” Macklyn explained.  

“Everyone probably hates me. It was so embarrassing, I puked in front of all of them. It’s going to be such a horrible story that would be their only impression of me.” Scott groaned and buried his head in his hands. 

“Everyone feels sick sometimes, you played through it and that's what's important. If someone asked about you as a teenager, they could say 'Scott always played hockey even when he was sick. He really was dedicated the whole way.' It’s not embarrassing, it's inspiring.” Patricia assured him.

“And if you play like that when you are sick you must be a much better player when you are healthy. You’ll show up for the next game, I'm sure.” Shane added. 

“Thanks.” He wasn't even sure that he would have a next game. Scott said it while holding the water bottle because Erin told him to drink every time he is awake, so he doesn’t feel the need to talk much. Scott wanted to make them change the subject and also wanted a distraction, so he decided to do the same thing he did in the morning with Shane and directed them to a hockey conversation. 

It was useful because they could just ramble to each other about hockey and Shane looked more comfortable than before, he seemed a little bit off-centered near Macklyn and Patricia, like he didn't quite know what to do with himself. Scott mentioned the player Macklyn and Patricia talked about this morning because he had no other idea about which other player to talk to. He wasn’t very focused on trivia night and didn’t remember the other players that were mentioned.

After some time Drake returned with Erin. Scott didn’t actually process that the doctor was missing until now. “I think we should let Scott rest a bit more.” Erin told the three of them, expecting they’ll leave. 

Shane, Macklyn and Patricia said goodbye and left the cabin and Scott left with his counselor and the camp’s doctor. He drank more water so he could show her he was listening. “How are you feeling?” Erin asked him and sat on a stool near the bed. 

“Tired and exhausted.” Scott told her honestly. 

“Do you want to return to the cabin?” Drake offered. 

“Can I please stay here to rest more? I don’t think I have the energy to deal with everyone else right now, and I won’t really be able to rest there.” Scott asked, almost pleadingly, he didn’t want to be next to everyone else who will surely talk about their parents.

Drake and Erin shared a look, it probably wasn’t in the protocols to let a kid be alone in the medic cabin. “Fine, but I might send you there when it gets late, you still look pretty bad and I want to make sure you get your fluids back.” Erin decided. 

“Rest up, kid.” Drake nodded at him and left again. Scott finished the bottle Erin gave him earlier and laid on the pillow again. He really was tired now and just wanted to sleep.

The moment Shane was woken up by the whistle sound he instantly felt the blanket and the sheets touching his skin. It was a horrible feeling, the sensation was very disturbing. They had an early practice again today, because the rink needed to be empty before the oldest group's games.

Shane was glad that the game started after their activities were over so he could watch Scott playing. He actually really wanted to see him play, he was very intrigued about it and Scott should have someone for him there. He couldn’t imagine what it will be like if he’ll lose his parents, they are all he has. If he loses them, he’ll probably lose everything.

He knew his parents wanted to have other kids, Shane heard them talking about it. They were worried he was too lonely and to stay all alone, but for some reason it didn’t work out for them to have more kids, though they did try. Shane liked having all of their attention, if he had another sibling it could influence his hockey time and the money his parents spent for his hockey, but he did feel lonely sometimes. At least if he had a sibling they would have been stuck with him even if they didn’t like him, not like everyone else who kept their distances and didn’t want to be near Shane most of the time. 

Shane wanted to take a shower to make his skin forget about how scratchy the sheets were, but he really should just wear his hockey gear. He didn’t even want to cuddle into the bed anymore, he was very uncomfortable. At least it made it easier to wake up.  

They had their usual morning yoga and went to their hockey session right away. It was pretty annoying that their training today was the last training before their game. Shane was thankful he could train on Friday as well this year, because in former years since he wasn’t staying overnight it was always a free day from camp and he couldn't train at the cottage. Tomorrow though they had the tournament and he might be on the rink but without a scrimmage. At least the older kids have their game today so they can have fun tomorrow and don't need to keep their strength for their actual game. 

Since it was a joint training session with the one year older group, the scrimmages were a bit different because they didn't know the other players and how they played. Shane didn’t like it, he preferred to know who he played against, he hoped when he'd grow older he could ask for tapes of players so he could learn from them. He likes knowing as much as he can, if he could analyze his rivals he knows that it will make his game better.  

Showers at the rink were weird today, apparently instead of being jerks the older group didn’t try to fight them on getting to the showers early. It always took Shane a little bit more time to take off all of his gear, he wanted to make sure nothing would be ruined. He didn't want to wait in the locker room naked, so he entered the showers after everyone else already got in. Unfortunately for him, that meant that there weren't any empty showers.

Shane stood there in between the shower heads trying to figure out where to go. The other kids just decided to share one and spray water at each other and played. It felt a little bit like a water war or something similar but they couldn’t splash enough water on each other so there were soap bottles involved as well. He wasn't sure anyone was getting cleaner like that.

“What are you staring at?” One of the boys Shane didn’t know exclaimed and splashed soap in the direction of his face. The soap hit his face and hair and Shane felt his face starting to burn. He could taste a little bit of soap in his mouth and the sensation of the soap on his dry hair felt like glue. 

Shane just got inside to the closest open shower head because he needed to balance it, having soap on his dry body felt very wrong. “Fuck off, who said you could shower with us?” One of the boys in the shower asked, Shane had his eyes closed, he had no clue who it was but the voice sounded familiar so it might have been someone from his cabin. 

“I have soap in my eyes. I just want to wash it.” Shane explained, trying to return to the water. His eyes were stinging and Shane was a bit nervous not being able to see at a place he wasn't familiar with.

“Well, we can help you with that.” Another voice said and Shane felt hands grab him. The water changed temperature and Shane shivered from the cold water trickling down his body.

“Stop!” He called, the water made the soap get inside his open mouth and he wanted to vomit from the taste. 

“You wanted to shower, you asked for it.” The first boy said. It was Josh, Shane saw that it was him after he opened his eyes. The other boy was Chad, Shane thought he remembered they were both from the same city. 

“Let’s go, I don’t actually want to shower with him.” Chad told Josh and they let him go, leaving him beneath the cold water. At least that meant Shane now got the shower head to himself. He finished cleaning up and left the rink. He wasn’t under the cold water for too long, but the fast change in temperature from going out of the rink to the hot sun made his skin itch and he went quickly to the dining room to not be under the sun anymore. 

When he got to the dining room Scott found him almost immediately. Shane finally felt a little bit more at ease when he saw Scott. Shane was very glad Scott offered him to sit together because he didn’t want to sit at his cabin table, but Paul said they needed to sit there so he glanced at the table sadly. 

Why was Shane always completely messing up? Scott thought now that Shane doesn’t want to sit with him only because he glanced that way. He needed to clarify why he looked at them. He wasn’t sure he could sit somewhere else.

Apparently the cabin tables were only a recommendation, not a rule. Shane was a little bit mad no one told him about it. Maybe he would come to eat a little bit more in camp if he would have known he could've sat alone and not with everyone else. 

That knowledge made Shane go to take food right away. He didn’t plan on eating much because the bitter taste of the soap was still in his mouth so he chose random foods because he didn’t plan to actually eat them. But he wanted to take some proper food and not cereals. Because it was special, Shane was actually very excited. No one ever wanted to sit with him, ever, this was the first time and Shane wouldn’t give up on it or tell Scott he was not planning to eat, because he wanted to sit with him. 

Scott asked him again if he was alright and Shane didn’t even lie to him about his eyes, it was better to tell the truth, he didn’t want Scott to think he cried, it was really just soap. Shane needed to change the subject, Scott had much bigger problems than his, and he doesn’t need to worry about him. Especially since everything was a bit better after Paul’s scolding. Shane needed to deflect the conversation so he said to Scott the first thing he could think about: “You stink.” Shane was pretty sensitive to smells and it bothered him a little bit, but he didn’t plan to eat anyway so it was fine.

At least Scott wasn’t alarmed by his bluntness, other kids got insulted by him sometimes but not Scott. He didn’t get up and leave or shut him out, he just explained why he didn’t shower and Shane appreciated the honesty. 

Scott finished speaking, so that meant it was Shane's turn to speak because that’s how conversations worked. Shane was thinking that he should ask Scott how he is feeling after yesterday, Shane was a bit worried for him.

Scott's response to his question was an immediate apology. Why was Scott apologizing? What was he apologizing for? Shane didn’t think Scott needed to apologize about last night but he still did it. So, Shane asked why. His parents always told him not to apologize for how he feels, so Scott shouldn’t do that as well. Then after Shane said it he realized it might have been a bad idea to mention his parents. Scott told him it was fine, but Shane wasn’t sure about it. He felt very guilty for talking about his parents when Scott had none. 

He realized that mentioning his parents really wasn't good because it made Scott tell him not to come watch the game. Shane really did want to come, he wasn't going to do that out of pity, he really doesn’t. He wants to see Scott play, he wants to see how good he really is, it was just that he realized it only when Scott brought it up yesterday night. Shane already knew Scott was good like him, but he wanted to really see it.

After Shane told him that, there was a lull in the conversation and Shane wasn’t sure what to do about it. He wasn't fond of silences in conversations, he always felt as if he was messing something up, he needed to speak. He decided to offer Scott to sign up to the same time slots for tomorrow's tournament. Everyone could choose what order they wanted to do the challenges in, and it wasn’t ordered by age group, so he could do the hockey challenges at the same time as Scott. He was still a bit bitter about the fact that it was going to be the only ice time he would get tomorrow.  

Shane was glad that talking about tomorrow made Scott return to his more enthusiastic self, something that did not happen yesterday when he had mentioned the accuracy contest. Shane was pretty sure he was going to win at the challenge for his group age but not necessarily in the whole camp, he didn't care very much for not winning overall, he was still very young so it was okay. 

Someone approached their table and Shane looked at the guy patiently waiting to hear why he came to their table and what was going on. When Shane glanced at Scott, he saw that something had changed, it seemed like he suddenly froze. Turns out they wanted to speak with him in the main cabin which sounded very ominous. Shane would have panicked as well if he was in the same position. 

He decided to press his foot to Scott’s to help him ground himself, to sign to him that he was still there. When Shane was nervous in school conversations one of his parents would put their hand on his hip to reassure him, so Shane hoped it would do the same thing for Scott. Touch from familiar people reminded him that he was not alone and that nothing really bad could happen.

Shane was a bit wary about the guy, who he assumed was Scott’s counselor. He didn’t trust Paul so he was worried about the other counselor as well. But he was seeming nicer than Paul and tried to reassure Scott. 

Drake the counselor introduced himself to Shane and offered him a hand to shake but Shane had utensils in his hands and he wasn’t sure how Drake expected him to shake his hand. Shane just took a bite as well from his food like Scott did to help pretend they were eating. He was pretty pissed at himself for not taking cereal as usual, he didn't want to eat any of the food he brought for himself. He didn’t actually plan on touching it in the first place. But he could eat a tiny bit of egg, it won’t kill him. Even though everything tasted disgusting because he still had the taste of soap in his mouth. 

Shane told Drake his name and his age so he’ll know what group he’s in. Drake also connected the dots about the trivia night team so it probably won’t be weird for him that they were sitting together.

Scott buried his head in his hands after Drake left, and Shane waited a few moments to let him compose himself. Shane got it, he sometimes also feels like he can’t breathe, Scott wasn't having an easy time right now, so it was logical he was feeling like that. After a couple of minutes of silence, Shane called his name, only to check if he was okay. Shane appreciated when people gave him time to compose himself without cornering him, so that is what he tried to do for Scott.  

Scott started to eat again, but it didn’t seem like Scott actually wanted to eat. Shane could tell Scott looked like he was in a lot of distress. Shane tried to calm him down by talking about the conversation, when Shane knows what the topic will be and what to expect it helps him be calmer before stressful conversations. They probably only wanted to help Scott find a solution for his situation. 

Shane was wondering why Scott was eating, he noticed before that Scott looked like he didn't want to eat. Shane also felt like that a lot of times, so it was pretty easy for him to recognize it and he asked Scott about it. Drake did tell him to come after he finished eating, so it was logical Scott would want to eat so he could say he ate and not lie if they would ask why it took him so much time to arrive. 

Starting a completely different conversation, Scott asked Shane about his thoughts for the upcoming season and Shane immediately started talking about it. He was excited to have this conversation, he had so many things to say about what was coming next year.  

When Shane noticed it was time for him to go to archery he got up and went to throw away his food, Scott also went with him, and afterwards they went to sign themselves for the tournament tomorrow. Shane wanted to do hockey first so he’ll be fresh and ready to do his best outcome. He also decided to have breaks between his activities, instead of finishing everything and having rest time after all the activities. After he finished he handed Scott the pen, he really needed to go so he wouldn't be late, so he told him it was going to be okay and hoped Scott would calm down a bit. He really believed no one was against Scott and he wanted to believe that Scott would be fine.

“Hockey boy!” Someone called behind him, he assumed it was a girl based on the voice.

“It’s not his name, jerk, he won’t understand that you are calling him. Shane!” He turned around to see Patrcia and Macklyn, who he met before at trivia night. It was very weird that they wanted to talk to him, girls never wanted to talk to him. Not that boys did much, either. 

“Are you talking to me?” Shane asked, puzzled, he really couldn’t believe this was happening. He pointed at himself while he asked the question to emphasize his point. 

“Yes, You and Scott are friends, right?” Macklyn asked.

“I guess? I’m not sure, we didn’t talk about it really.” Shane said questioningly, he really wasn’t sure if they were friends, he didn’t have many friends and when Shane was a child he thought kids were his friends, but actually disliked him and didn’t want to be around him, so he can’t know if they are friends if they haven’t spoken about it yet. 

“Well, he likes you, I guess.” Patricia added. 

“Yeah, anyway, did you know he had birthday yesterday?” Macklyn wondered. 

“Yes, he mentioned it.” Shane affirmed. 

“See, you are close, he didn’t tell us that until this morning.” Patricia exclaimed. 

“Anyway, we want to do a little something for him, he was so sad yesterday so we thought it would be good to meet up after all of the parents leave.” Macklyn explained. 

“Okay?” Shane asked, not sure what they wanted from him. “What does it have to do with me?" 

“Don’t be so thick, hockey boy. We thought he might want you to be there.” Patricia declared. 

Shane for some reason was very excited, did they just invite him to a birthday party? The kids in his class never invited him and he was actually a bit excited that now someone did. But Scott was sad yesterday because his parents are dead. Should Shane say it? Scott didn’t tell him not to mention it, but if he wanted Patricia and Macklyn to know about it he would have told them right? 

“Did you speak with him about that?” Shane asked, because he wasn’t sure if Scott was in the mood to celebrate with everything that was going on in his life.

“Yeah, we told him we were planning something.” Maclyn assured him.

“Okay, so when will you do that?” Shane asked. 

“After all the parents will leave, we’ll come pick you up, we don’t know the exact hour.” Patricia stated. 

Shane didn’t like not knowing when things were going to happen but he was excited to go to a birthday party and it’s not like he actually had plans. “Just tell Scott about all of that.” He told them. He wasn’t sure if Scott would be in the mood for anything like that, especially when he needed to see everyone’s parents coming when he was all alone. 

He was worried about Scott and had no idea how to help him. He had a lot of hockey potential and Shane would really like to meet Scott one day in the NHL. Shane was very glad to have a connection to someone who is good at hockey just like him. His only friends were best in their fields but it wasn’t hockey. Shane needs someone to challenge him, it will be very sad if Scott won’t be able to be an NHL player only because he is an orphan without resources. 

*

The rest of Shane’s day at camp was nice, kids kept their distance from him. Shane was afraid they’ll return to harass him like they did in the showers, but everyone kept their distance. He didn’t speak with anyone his age the whole day. Since Scott told him he didn’t have to sit at the cabin table he ate at a different table at lunch and it was much more pleasant. Shane barely noticed the time had passed until it was time to go and watch Scott’s game.

Sometimes it was very overwhelming for Shane to watch hockey games because of the noise, but he liked watching hockey and he wouldn’t say no to that. It was different in his own games, when he was on the ice or talking strategy on the bench everything but hockey disappeared and he could play without distractions. At least in camps it was only parents and some other kids who watched the games, so the audience was pretty quiet.  

Scott was a very good player, he wasn't playing his best right now, it was evident. But compared to his teammates he played well enough, especially when Shane considered that he must feel bad. Shane noticed his movements and shots weren't good enough but they weren’t that bad. Scott was a great player to watch, he catched people's attention on the ice and he was far better than everyone else. He, Patricia and Billy actually were pretty good together. 

Macklyn was in the next game and Shane didn’t understand before how good she was, she was better than everyone else on the ice. She could be a generational player, that explained why she was so frustrated she won’t be able to play professionally. She is a very good player, it will be a waste of talent for her. He didn't understand why she couldn't play at the same level as everyone else.

Shane noticed Scott was completely off in his second game, facing off against Macklyn, who was obviously better than him right now, and maybe overall, probably didn’t help, but he was much less focused than before. Scott still was one of the best players but he wasn’t able to score or play properly. He was not playing well enough. Sitting with some parents probably ruined his game in their intermission. Generally it was a fun game to watch but Scott didn’t show up to the game at all, so he was mainly watching Macklyn. Her puck handling was so good, he thought he would ask her about how she has so much control of the puck if he had the opportunity later.

He went to wait outside the rink to talk to Scott. He wanted to check up on him and to talk about his game. Shane had a lot of corrections and Scott probably won’t be the type of guy who will be mad at him for that, but maybe Scott was not in the mood for that. At least he had the patience to hear Shane out, not many kids did. Shane didn’t know how to lose and get over it, and it was very hard to talk to him after a loss and Scott could be the same, so Scott might not want to talk to him at all, but Shane was going to try. He would stop bothering him if he wouldn't want to talk to him.

When Scott got out with Patricia Shane realized he couldn't talk freely if Scott didn’t tell her about his parents, but he could still say it was nice watching him play. It wasn’t a lie, was Scott thinking he was only saying it to be nice? Yes, Scott played horribly compared to his potential, but he was aware that Shane didn’t need to tell him that himself as well.

Shane wasn’t sure how to continue the conversation so after a little debating with himself he decided to ask how Scott really is and see what he’ll answer. Shane didn’t believe Scott was really fine but that is what he also answers most of the times when people asked him that, because besides his parents he knew that people don’t actually care about him and it's just fake pleasantries. 

Since Shane didn’t know how to continue the conversation Patricia stopped them and took Scott away. She told them he could see Scott later and winked. Was that her way to tell him the party is still happening? Why did she just winked at him? At least that means they told Scott about it. 

He also went to eat dinner in the dining room. He took chicken fingers, salad and some rice. After he finished eating, Shane went to the swings to wait for the older girls to call him to do whatever they planned to do for Scott. 

Shane wasn’t sure how much time had passed, he could lose himself in thoughts for a long time, but suddenly he saw Macklyn approaching him. “Scott doesn’t feel very well," She told him, "he’s in the medic cabin, me and Pat are going to see him later. Do you want to come? We aren’t doing anything, of course, he probably doesn’t have energy to celebrate.”

“Yes, I’ll come with you.” Shane wondered what had happened but when he thought about it Scott really did look a bit flustered after the games, maybe he played badly because he was sick as well? 

It took some more time until Macklyn and Patricia approached him, Macklyn held a cupcake in her hand. “Come Shane.” She said softly. 

“Are you still planning to do something?” Shane wondered, because he thought they don’t plan birthday parties anymore. 

“No, It’s just a cupcake that I'm bringing him, nothing else.” Macklyn assured. 

They started walking to the medic cabin. It was good Shane followed them because he had no clue where it was. Somehow he never got hurt at camp. 

“Since when did your father start bothering you about your food?” Patricia asked Macklyn. 

“Don’t worry about it, we just have a meal plan for the whole family. It’s important, you know, we're all athletes.” Macklyn mentioned her. 

“So, he has full control on everything you eat?” Patricia scoffed. 

“Yes, professional athletes have strict diets, you know.” Macklyn reminded her.

When they got to the cabin the doctor was there. “Are you here to visit Scott?” She asked. 

“Yes.” Macklyn told her. 

“Good, I didn’t want to leave him alone, if he doesn’t drink tell him to drink.” She said and left.     

Patricia and Macklyn started bickering because Patricia wasn’t nice to Scott. Shane was very confused by her, it didn’t seem to him like she was kidding, he really thought she was blaming him for being sick on purpose. Shane assumed Scott got dehydrated because of what the doctor said, he might not have drunk enough but it was still not his fault. 

Shane knew Scott didn’t actually want them to do something for him because one of the first things he said was they should cancel it. Scott really shouldn’t have played his game if he was feeling sick, but he could admit it was a decent game for someone who can’t play at his best. 

He thought that maybe all of the parents coming made Scott feel physically ill. He also could understand why Scott worried that’s how he’ll be remembered, it is embarrassing to puke in front of everyone, especially because some of the parents were important people. When he felt sick at school a couple of years ago everyone laughed at him. 

“Shane, do you have a puck signed by a player? Macklyn told me this morning she has one.” Scott asked him. 

“Oh, I do! It's from Leroy Lévesque, he's a defenceman for the Metros, and he's decent but not one of the best players on the team, but his parents live in Ottawa and my mom is friends with his mom, and she got her a signed puck for me! It's really cool!" Shane suddenly realized he was rumbling and also brought up his parents near Scott, so he tried to calm down a little by smacking his hand on his thigh a few times. And then he remembered this was about Macklyn, so he turned to her and asked,  "Which player's puck do you have?” 

“Andreas Bruun, he is the first Danish player in the NHL.” Macklyn explained.

“I wonder why there weren’t any Danish players until now,” Shane hummed. “You mentioned his name at trivia night, right?” Shane suddenly recalled. 

“Yeah, he’s one of her favorite players.” Patricia put her elbow on Macklyn’s shoulder. 

“He is just a rookie, but he has potential.” Macklyn shrugged. 

“Yeah, my father knew what he was doing picking him.” Patricia stated. 

“That reminds me, I wanted to ask you if you knew if Colby Rice is related to Anthony Rice?” Shane wondered, because he thought about that since she mentioned him on trivia night.

“Yes, Colby is his son.” Patricia confirmed. 

“Cool." He said, but that made him think, "Wait, then why didn’t he get drafted to the Admirals? They had an earlier pick, they chose a goalie and they didn’t even need one. I remember I didn’t understand why because they have two very good goalies. I bet Eric Bennett is gonna win a Vezina trophy some day.” Shane mentioned.

“It doesn't look good when you're drafted into the team your father is managing, it could cause conflicts.” Patricia mentioned. 

“Okay, I guess that makes sense.” Shane shrugged.

After a bit more talking about more players who were legacies of teams but got picked for others, Shane remembered he wanted to ask Macklyn something.

"Macklyn! I wanted to ask you a question, it's about your game." Shane said.

He didn't interrupt what Patricia was just talking about before, which was about some guy whose father was the top goal-scorer in the league in his time as a Carolina player, but after playing barely half his rookie season in the same team himself, was sent down to the AHL. Shane thought it must be very hard to disappoint your parents like that, he always wanted to be as good as his parents expected him to be. He waited patiently until Patricia finished her story, but was maybe a bit too enthusiastic about his question, because after asking he realized he was maybe saying it a bit too loud.

His tone must have been funny to Macklyn, because her answer came between her giggles. "Sure, Shane, what do you want to know?"

"You have really good stick handling, your puck is almost always going exactly where you want it. Do you have any tips for me to get better at it?" Shane wasn't bad at stick handling, but when he was younger it was harder for him to grip the stick correctly, and sometimes he still almost let go of his stick during games, especially if he didn't use his usual tape.

Patricia was also laughing now, and Shane had no idea why, she whispered something in Macklyn's ear that to him sounded like 'handling'. He really didn't know what was so funny about his question.

Macklyn shook her head at Patricia and responded to her with an, "Oh my god, Pat, stop." And then turned to Shane to answer him.

"I think it's because I've been cross-training a lot. Both my parents and my siblings play other sports and I always train with them in their sports to learn different skills. I think learning how to handle a basketball, a soccer, and even a tennis ball all made me understand better how my movements and position affect my play, and that helped me understand how to better use a hockey stick."

Oh, that wasn't exactly the answer Shane was looking for, but it was interesting. Shane was less interested in sports that weren't played on ice, but maybe he should try and give them a go. It sucked that the other kids didn't let him try volleyball, maybe that could have been a learning experience for him.

"Thank you for answering, I'll think about that." He thanked Macklyn, of course he did, that's what his parents always reminded him to do when someone answered his questions.

"No problem, kid. I'm glad to answer questions about my play style." She told him with a smile. Patricia giggled again and Macklyn elbowed her. 

It was nice to talk with people about hockey, but after this Patricia jumped to tell another weird story she heard about from her dad and Shane didn't have the energy to ask any more questions.

The conversation continued until Drake and the doctor came to kick them out. “Thanks for taking me to see him.” Shane told the girls after they went outside. 

“Sure,” Macklyn shrugged. 

Shane went back to his cabin, he still needed to shower. He was a bit disappointed that he couldn’t talk to Scott alone after their morning conversation, he really wanted to ask him what his plans were. Maybe he should ask Scott to move to Ottawa. It would be nice to have him around.