In Which Dave has Abs, Karkat has a Nice Ass, Jake Wears a Binder, Dirk Has to Socialize, and John Wields the Power of Balloons
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"Your name is Karkat Vantas and you’re mad.
You’re really really really fucking mad.
You’re mad because Dave-fucking-Strider has abs.
Has serious abs.
Has abs that you could grate shit on.
Has abs that would make girls fall over and die.
Has abs that gay men would weep for."
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"You had looked up and had seen that the fallen object was a…. romance novel. One of those shitty five dollar ones hopeless romantics bought from their local condom shop (or, CVS Pharmacy as everyone else called it.) Vantas had quickly scrambled to pick up said book and bent over and-
Damn…. Your ears began burning. Because bending over Karkat Vantas…. Had a very nice ass.
A very very nice ass."
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Your name is Karkat Vantas and no, you are NOT going out with Dave Strider.
Even if you did go on two dates with him.
And have gotten into the habit of eating lunch with him.
And sometimes wait for him outside the locker room after practice.
And text him at midnight.
Nope.
You are NOT going out with that soccer douche weirdo.
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Your name is Dave Strider and it has been a week.
A full fucking week.
A full fucking seven whole days, one hundred sixty eight hours, ten thousand and eighty minutes (but hey who’s counting?), since you had a wet, sexy and, (ironically) cold make out with a certain Karkat Vantas Senpai in the ice bath in sports med.
And you haven’t seen him in any shape or form since then.
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"Your think-pan (Fuck, you meant brain. Only the dumbasses that lived next to you called it a “think-pan.” Curse you Dirk and Jake!) comes to a stuttering halt.
Eridan?
Eridan had sent you condolences?
Eridan had actually believed that you were one hundred percent, six-feet under, dead as a doorknob, dead?
“Seriously?” you ask, regrettably noting how your tongue sticks a little too much to the roof of your mouth so that you’re lisping again. “That Ampora?” "
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"Your name is Karkat Vantas and you just punched Dave’s hot older brother in the dick.
God you’re an idiot. You were supposed to make a good impression and charm Dirk with your twisted sense of humor and your exasperated blood shot eyes that conveyed the not-so-hidden message of “Kill me now.” Instead, you ended up hitting the person whose brother you’re about to come out of the unofficial “not dating” gray zone in painfully. Painfully and in the dick.
There goes your chances of getting in Dave."
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