fullmoonhermit



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “Am I a bad friend?”

    Hayden has always been the guy Shane joked with, the guy he trusted to feed him without mocking him, the guy he roomed with on the road, and Shane is the only man who has ever seen Hayden cry, and Hayden loves Shane. He fucking loves him. They are like brothers, and they have been for almost ten fucking years. He’s always been Shane’s guy, Shane’s best friend.

    Except all along, maybe that wasn’t true. Ilya Rozanov, apparently, had been the guy. Before Hayden had ever met Shane, Ilya Rozanov had been there. And Hayden had never even noticed.

    Shane is all over every inch of Hayden’s life. Hayden thought that was reciprocal.
    +++
    “You know I think about you all the time,
    And my deep misunderstanding of your life,
    And how bad it must have been for you back then,
    And how hard it was to keep it all inside.”

    Language:
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    23 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya's hand continues its path up and down Shane's back, and Shane thinks again about how love is sometimes just this: a palm on the spine, moving in circles, waiting for you to come back to yourself. There is no promise of saving you—Ilya cannot save him, they both know this and are alright with it in their own ways—but there is a vow of staying, lingering in order to witness. Touching the bruise so that its pain triggers the memory that you are allowed to be touched.

    Outside, the snow continues its work of erasure. Inside, Shane's breathing begins to even out, every limb recalling how to be a man at rest rather than an animal fawning and freezing. The trembling subsides, wave by wave, as if Ilya's hand is smoothing it out of him.

    "Sleep, зайчик," Ilya says softly, his free hand coming to rest in Shane's hair. "I have you."

    This is not true, Shane thinks, and it is also the only true thing.

     

    recovery, shane learns, is not a straight line. to begin to understand something, you must first name it.

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    Language:
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    14,178
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    22 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Barred from his own locker room after a game against Boston, Shane shows up to the Bears room instead, hoping for refuge.

    He gets that and more.

    Language:
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    21 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Hayden only recognizes the signs because he’s seen them in Ilya.

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    21 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Can’t hang out tonight, Hayd. I have plans.”

    “Bullshit,” Hayden responds. “You never have plans.”

    Objectively, this used to be true. Nowadays Shane has many, many plans, between his nightly plans to look at Ilya’s penis through Skype and his various long-term plans laid out helpfully in his notebook, Canva (For Ilya’s sake. He is a visual learner), and more recently, Excel. Shane loves that excel sheet. He’s colour coded it.

     

    In 2017, Shane Hollander spirals and proposes to his boyfriend of 4 days (or 7 years, or 9 years, or not his boyfriend at all, depending on how you look at it), which leads to a lot of plans, weird theories in the Montreal Voyageur locker room, some Twitter drama, and Ilya Rozanov entering his WAG era.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    118,812
    Chapters:
    8/8
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    19 Jun 2026