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Laughter echoed across the street, the light nudges and rustling of coats as two detectives shoved each other around, shoes clacking down the concrete footpath. A brunette dragged auburn eyes to his partner, dragging across each feature that made him stand out in the otherwise quiet residential area. Fiery red hair fell delicately across toned shoulders, a fire-cracker attitude lighting up the short - yet admittedly muscular - frame.
Dazai had a lot of regrets. Clawing his way from a life plagued with Mafia black, never truly being able to discard the thousands of screams still ringing in his ears, always shivering under the ghost touch of his best friend's blood on his hands. He regretted not having saved Oda. He regretted not taking over from Mori when he was given the blatantly perfect chance. Regretted this, regretted that, regretted everything that dragged him down the spiralling staircase of 138 murders, 312 cases of extortion, and 625 cases of fraud.
Dazai didn't regret taking Chuuya Nakahara with him.
Having the redhead by his side when he had finally disappeared from the clutches of his old Boss. Arguing with each other - yet never leaving - under the stress of being wanted by the Port Mafia. Protecting each other when the calls were too close to make strategic decisions. Turning to a life of light, as Oda had wished for Dazai, but extended to both. Joining the Armed Detective Agency, finally setting alight the once out-of-commission title; Yokohoma's Deadliest Duo.
And now, walking through the quiet residencies of a small port-side town, side by side as they always had been and always will be. Dazai didn't regret living his new life, his partner rightfully by his shoulder.
"Stop staring. It's pissing me off."
Ahh, classic Chuuya. Ruining his beautiful reminiscence of their romantic getaway life together in favour of insulting him as per usual. "Come on Chibi~ It's easy to stare at something as exotic looking as you! I've never seen such a tiny man before!" "Why you-!" Dazai ducked a well-aimed kick, eyes pinched shut in the arrogant smile he knew the redhead loved hated. "My my, what a violent Chibi. What would Kunikida-kun think?"
He watched the redhead huff, snatching back his precious hat from Dazai's clutches - when had he gotten it? - and storming ahead. "He'd be pleased, you damn bastard. You make everyone in that office willing enough to throw you out at the nearest curb." Azure eyes flashed back at him, a cocky grin now exploding his chiselled features. "Too bad that's saved for me. Now hurry up and knock on the fucking door, I'm convinced this sack of useless shit is our guy."
The ADA had been tracking a long string of murderers across recent weeks, some bodies dumped underneath piers, while most were found in more urbanised - yet no less tragic - areas. Hidden in bins behind busy businesses, shoved underneath subway train tracks, sometimes placed for display on park benches - where a young family had reported the first victim. The only thing each victim had in common, was the brutal mutilation of any recognisable features, and clear marks of gruelling experimentation. With what, neither knew, but whoever the killer was clearly had broken dreams of entering the surgical field.
Dazai and Chuuya had been the ones to take the case, their experience in these situations usually helping them track down suspects a lot quicker than the others. Double Black - although the name long disregarded - tended to solve any case with flawless ease.
Dazai sighed. What vulgar language for such a decorated detective. "Yes yes, that dog sense of yours is never truly wrong, is it? I suppose I can entertain Chibi-Chuuya by introducing ourselves on time. Do murderers care about such trivial things and punctuality, though, I do wonder?" He didn't miss the redhead's frustrated groan of annoyance, followed by a small thump of a fist on his chest.
"God, you're infuriating." "Thank you."
The taller detective didn't bother waiting for whatever frustrated remark his partner had cooked up for him, moving to unlock the misleadingly domestic picket fence blocking their path to a surprisingly well-kept house. It definitely suited the surrounding areas, wooden panels painted a light baby blue, roof a shining gloss of white, lawn painted with such a bright green he wouldn't mind betting on how many bags of artificial soil had been poured throughout.
He rose up the wooden steps, taking a small moment to admire the intricate design of the golden door handle. The house was, more or less, gorgeous. A loving, family home designed for absorbing the laughs of happy children and delighted parents. How utterly disappointing it had gone to waste. A perfect disguise of what inevitably lay beyond the walls, stained with the blood of innocents. The selfish actions of a desperately sick man. Dazai hummed. What a hypocrite he had become.
Chuuya remained at the gate, eyes dragging over the property with about as much interest as his partner held for paperwork. Dazai couldn't blame him, being shoved around by rules wasn't exactly in either of their playbooks, let alone Chuuya's. The brunette still wondered how much the smaller detective missed his old life, the unruly chaos that came with the King of Sheep, the satisfying violence in being Port Mafia's strongest weapon; one half of the deadliest duo. Chuuya was a ticking time bomb, a cracking spitfire fueled by rage and power, a tiny body holding the immense ability to bring a city to its knees within minutes. And yet, he chose to turn to the - in comparison - mundane life of the ADA.
All because of how sickeningly loyal Chuuya was to him.
Dazai would never take that for granted.
His knuckles rasped on the wood, hand returning to rest in his pockets. He waited, no answer. Sighing, his head tilted back to stare at the second-story window of the house, slightly jutted out from the wall for an obviously better view. It was locked tight, hinges dragging the wooden sides. Strategically thinking, the second story would hold most of what they were after. If the suspect was indeed their killer, evidence of his grotesque crimes would lie above or below. Incredibly boring, an obvious move. The house was modern, well-kept, walls covered in wood panels reaching the grass below. He noticed the lack of a visible concrete layer, ruling out the possibility of a basement. If he kept evidence and experimentations in the second story, air flow would be a top priority so as to not rot the surrounding materials, or draw unwanted attention.
The brunette detective hummed, taking a step back from the door. His simple deducing brought him to the single fact; their suspect wasn't home.
"Chibi~" The redhead groaned at the nickname, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. "What?" He snapped harshly, yet the tone lacked any real bite. Small blessings, Dazai supposed. "It looks like no one's home." He watched his partner move towards him, hands folded over his chest in annoyance. "Seriously? Didn't they say they'd be around often in case we wanted to question them? For some useless shithead being awfully cooperative, it ain't doing much to fix his image."
Dazai chuckled, digging around in his pocket to produce a folded envelope. "No need to fret. Kunikida secured us a warrant to search anyway." Chuuya rolled his eyes, snatching the paper and shoving it back into his own slack's front pocket. "Smug bastard. Get on with it, then."
The taller raised an eyebrow, making a show of looking between the door and his annoyed partner. "Oh? I thought you usually took charge. You know, with your record of breaking down doors during search warrants and all." Shoving down whatever snarky comment he had planned, Chuuya shoved his partner aside and raised his leg, boot sole connecting cleanly with the door and sending it slamming back on its hinges.
Dazai whistled, grinning. "And here I thought you would have to use that handy ability of yours. You really are a brute." "Shut the fuck up." He laughed, flicking Chuuya's shoulder on his way into the residence.
Everything was cast in a light, mid-day glow, the sun beating in through the windows. Despite the multitude of lights covering the ceiling, no shadows were present, windows large enough to drink in the golden glow. Small particles of dust flew in the air when Dazai scraped the top of a chair, humming as he rubbed his fingers together. "He lives alone. Only one chair gets frequently moved."
Chuuya snorted, nudging a cushion off the couch with his foot. "What a fucking shock. The ugly bastard who probably kills people doesn't have a partner." The brunette huffed a laugh, idly making his way through the kitchen cupboards. "You're in a wonderful mood today Chuu. Remind me to never get involved as a suspect, you'd just badger me with insults and make me cry my guilt."
The redhead hummed, eyeing the few pieces of artwork hanging in the living room. They were, unsurprisingly, slightly disturbing for such a peaceful-looking room. Most were beautifully painted portraits of medieval, European women. Others were landscapes, ranging from some South African mountain Chuuya didn't recognise, to Paris' Eifel Tower. Despite the admirable talent displayed in each, they were oddly...lonely. Chuuya shook it off, dragging his eyes away when he found nothing of interest.
Dazai moved away from the small kitchen, watching the window for a small second before he strode back towards the centre of the room, facing a beautifully crafted staircase on the opposite wall. It was the only feature in the room worth looking at, aside from the small office behind a closed door, that Dazai doubted was ever used. Chuuya moved to stand beside him, grimacing slightly. At the top of the staircase was a single, white wood door. The small, second-story room Dazai had seen earlier inevitably lay beyond. And, of Chuuya and his instincts were right, held any yet-to-be disregarded evidence of over 12 murders.
"That's not fucking creepy at all."
Dazai hummed his agreeance. "Yes well, the house was too nice not to have a damning feature. Wait down here in case our lovely friend comes home, I'll go take a peek at what we're dealing with." Chuuya huffed, glancing behind him. "What do you want to do from there? The police will be a pain in the ass to deal with, they're already pissed up over the fact we were given this case to start with. I'd rather be gone by the time those useless idiots arrive."
Dazai climbed the first step, eyeing the polished wood below. "We'll give Kunikida a call, get him to locate and apprehend this guy before he finds us here. He'll probably send out the alert, so we can let Tanizaki come around to deal with them. He's been wanting to get out of the office anyway, might as well put him to work." Chuuya nodded lightly, taking his stance leaning against the stair post. "Alright. Hurry up then, I promised to take Kenji to lunch with us when we got back."
The brunette let the soft smile climb on his lips. Ever since joining the agency a little under a year ago, Kenji had taken a massive liking to Chuuya. Everyone had, really. He was a kind-hearted man, with the right ideals despite his past. He had a loveable aura around him, easy to get along with if you were on the same side, and frighteningly protective almost every second of the day.
He reached the door, now deciding to raise his head to inspect what was in front of him. His eyes narrowed, already smelling a heavy antiseptic emitting from whatever lay beyond. A workstation, perhaps? Whatever it was, Dazai didn't appreciate the burning sensation it brung to his nose. The floorboards were slightly discoloured below, suggesting droplets of bleach had escaped. Underneath the door, he could only faintly see tiling. The room beyond would have to have been laid in white tiles, and he only faintly heard the light humming of fluorescent lights. He already didn't like what he was seeing.
His hand brushed the doorknob, looking back down at Chuuya for a small moment. The redhead was looking around the room, tracing gentle patterns into one of his gloved palms as he waited. Despite his eased posture and calm expression, Dazai noticed the extremely minuscule sign of an occasional sweeping blue gaze. He was on guard, watching out for Dazai.
For some reason, Dazai's gut was twisting, and it only worsened when he reminded himself of his partner. Something was telling him to grab Chuuya and hug him close, to walk right out, go home and never let go. He shook it off, frowning at the unwanted thoughts. What the hell had gotten into him?
He turned the handle, letting the door swing back on its hinges fully, so he could have a wide view of the room before stepping inside.
Dazai froze.
His feet moved quickly, body spinning right around and practically flying down the stairs. Chuuya looked up, startled at the sudden energy of his partner. "Dazai?" He didn't miss the way Chuuya's eyes widened slightly at Dazai's grim expression, lips pulled into a thin frown, eyebrows furrowed lightly and eyes hardened into his practised glare. The brunette huffed, slowing down slightly at the last steps, but not losing the urgency in his pace. His hands found Chuuya's shoulders, spinning him around and beginning to nudge him towards the door. There was a small struggle, but it quickly diminished when Chuuya felt his partner's grip harden. "Dazai! What the fuck are you doing?"
"Back out the door, Chuu. I'm calling Kunikida, we're letting him handle this one."
"What the hell are you on about? Let me go dammit!" When he was only shoved further, Chuuya's jaw clenched, heels digging into the floorboards to ground himself. Dazai stumbled at the sudden resistance, tilting so as to not shove his stumbling chin into the redhead's shoulder. He attempted to reach out and clutch his boyfriend's coat collar, only to grab thin air, watching Chuuya duck and swivel away from immediate reach. Dazai bit his lip, eyes shining with worry. "Chuuya, please just listen to me. We need to leave, you need to leave."
Chuuya crossed his arms, eyes narrowing to send a dagger-like glare boring into his gaze. "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not fucking leaving until you stop treating me like some helpless idiot. What's going on?" Dazai fiddled his thumbs together, hoping the small display of nervousness was enough to drag Chuuya's pride and frustration away. Sometimes, he truly wished the firecracker of a man wasn't so stubborn.
"I promise I'll explain later, okay? Right now we need to get out that door and let Kunikida take care of this." Brazenly stubborn as always, his partner only dug himself into the floor further. "You'll explain now." The brunette's teeth ground together, hands clenching violently. He couldn't tell Chuuya, not now. As long as they were both still standing inside the house, his partner was at risk. If he tried to explain it through his current predicament, Chuuya would panic and grow distressed. "I can't."
With a swivel of a coat, a small figure was pushing past him quicker than he could react. "Then I'm going up there myself." His heart sunk. Dazai had never moved so quickly before, racing to chase the redhead up the stairs. "Chuuya!" His hand reached out, barely grazing Chuuya's ankle before he tripped and slid a few steps down. "Chuuya stop!" Reaching the top step, his heel swung open the door with much less careful intent than Dazai had regarded it with.
If it weren't for the rigid locking of his joints in a scared response, his knees would have buckled beneath him.
Walls doused in curtains of white polish, luminescent lights blaring down on the blinding, septic feel of the tile-clad floor. A single operating table bolted to the floor in the centre, supporting the only splash of colour provided - thick leather straps winding from outlined ankle and wrist positions. Medical equipment sprawled - yet somewhat neatly arranged - across a metal surgical tray. Tiny, almost minuscule, pieces of dried blood were painted around each scalpel head.
A darkened figure, swallowed by the labcoat, moved towards him as one would a scared animal.
A5158, torn apart limb from limb, trying to escape the scraping steel tools with an open chest.
Arahabaki making its first marks on his skin.
Chuuya blanked, dilated pupils shrinking in fear. He stumbled backwards, hands barely attempting to find purchase as his body was thrown down. He managed to clamber backwards a few steps, pure adrenaline the only thing keeping his body from collapsing, remaining pressed into a terrified overdrive of emotions. "Chuuya!" His vision swam mouth drawing dry, mind tipping into a constant overflow of memories that mixed and produced a static blur.
Dazai's eyes widened, scrambling limbs underneath him finally pushing from the bottom steps. He surged up, arms outstretching just as Chuuya fell back. "Chuuya? Sweetheart?" The brunette gave a small huff when the weight was caught against him, shivering back against his chest. The response was almost immediate. Chuuya's knees buckled and the violent shaking increased. The taller detective kept a strong grip, slowly dragging his partner towards the front door.
"You're alright Chuuya. You're not there anymore. You're with me. You're okay, everything's okay." Dazai's lips brushed the shell of the redhead's ears, whispering sweet encouragements and words of praise despite knowing each syllable fell on deaf ears. Pulling the unresponsive detective out the door and onto the freshly cut grass of the lawn, he finally dropped behind him, cradling his boyfriend in his arms. His hands gently tilted Chuuya's head to rest on his shoulder, face buried in the crook of his neck - as it usually did when Chuuya was feeling panicked or overwhelmed.
Dazai grit his teeth, feeling the smaller's shoulders tense and relax at uneven intervals. It was a different rhythm to the continuous shaking, wracking his small body like a wildfire. He realised, as he dipped his head to press a reassuring kiss to Chuuya's cheek and wipe his tears, that the redhead was indeed slipping in and out of consciousness. Stuck in a mindless loop. The brunette took a small moment to look away and gather himself, taking deep breaths in an attempt to push down his own tears.
Worry clawed at his heart, digging into the sensitive flesh and practically tearing the organ apart piece by piece. Seeing Chuuya in a critical mental state like this only served him the worst pain he had felt in years. The worst stinging sickness he had experienced since the first time Soukoku had learned the limits of Corruption.
He couldn't ground Chuuya, not when he wasn't awake for more than a few painful seconds at a time. Dazai calmed himself, taking a moment to draw in the soft sounds and feelings of Chuuya's shivering. 5, 8, 4, 9, 2, 7. He dropped his head low, carding fingers through fire-touched hair. Chuuya didn't stay awake for longer than five seconds, but wasn't passed out for any less than 6. It would be impossible to ground Chuuya until he was conscious for longer than three minutes.
Shaking hands dug into a tan coat pocket, pulling out a small phone long overdue for an upgrade. No matter how many times Chuuya yelled at him for always using an outdated phone as an excuse for missing work calls and messages, he still refused to settle for anything more. Perhaps, that was the particular reason why.
Within seconds he had dialled Kunikida's number, every ring a pulsating beat of time wasted in his mind. "Dazai? You never call unless you need something. Have you thrown yourself into another river, you damn bandage-wasting idiot?! Where's Chuuya?" He allowed him time to ramble, squeezing his eyes shut to try and prevent the thoughts swimming through his ears from being washed out by the overwhelming pour of concern and worry.
"Kunikida." He grits his teeth. The line stilled, and background rustling seemed to pause. He was on speaker, no doubt. The whole office could hear the deadly seriousness dripping from his tone.
"I need you here now."
"Dazai what-" He clenched the phone tightly, tears stinging the corner of his auburn eyes.
"Don't argue with me on this. Just do as I say. I'll explain when you get here, just you. Anyone else and things will worsen."
"I'll be there in 5. Dazai I swear if you've gotten yourself in trouble-" Dazai cut him off, clicking out of the call before Kunikida could express his distaste for the situation. He knew the blonde was only concerned for the brunette, having heard his unusual tone switch. He imagined he was only more concerned for Chuuya. Normally, the temperamental redhead would interrupt Dazai's calls, or everyone could make out his annoyed yelling and sarcastic remarks in the background. The dead silence had put everyone in an uneasy state.
Still, Dazai couldn't afford to waste time humouring Kunikida's own concerns. Worrying about Chuuya was his first priority, even if there wasn't much he could do.
Chuuya's panic attacks were akin to liquid fire, as often described by both parties. They started strong, sudden bursts of dangerous mood swings. It was always one of two reactions. In fewer sudden panic attacks, sparked by overwhelmed emotions or stress, Chuuya usually exploded in a fit of anger before breaking down into a frustrated panic. They were harder to control but easier for Dazai to ground his partner through. On the other hand, when exposed to something that scared him, particularly medical or experimental orientated, he'd often lose consciousness and slip away into a constant state of disassociation.
When Dazai is finally able to breach the initial wall of conflict, they smooth themselves out into a consistent loop of panicked breathing, shaking sobs and desperate ramblings for comfort. But no matter how calm they seemed to appear, the second Chuuya was exposed or questioned about his state, it burned to the touch. Liquid fire.
Now, cradling him against his chest, the only thing that burned the most was knowing the amount of pain his partner was going through.
"Chuuya? Are you with me?"
There was a small shift on his chest when suddenly Chuuya jerked his body back into Dazai's with a pained gasp. He had snapped out of his swimmingly unaware state. Dazai didn't know whether to be grateful or not. Having Chuuya slip in and out of consciousness in his arms was heartbreaking, but when the panicked waves and jerking shivers started it only worsened.
The redhead shivered, head locked underneath Dazai's chin. His shoulders shook, and he panted out a breathy sob. "-zai, Dazai? Daz- Samu?" Dazai bit his cheek, wrapping thin arms around the shivering body. "I'm right here, I promise. And you're here too, Chuu. You aren't in the lab anymore, no one is going to hurt you." The promise was whispered into his hair, lost to deaf ears when all Chuuya did was continue to call his name.
"Osa-Osamu, Osamu!" Chuuya sobbed out, the words catching in his throat. His eyes were glazed over, and his chest heaved with staggering effort.
"Right here Chuu."
"Osamu...Osamu, Samu,"
"Easy darling, shhh, wake up now. Where are those pretty eyes looking? I'm right here."
He rocked the two of them softly, humming light praises when his partner seemed to relax, even if it was by a small fraction. "No!" He jerked, being held down by the brunette's grip. "No? I can assure you, I'm right here holding you. You can come back to me now Chibi." Chuuya gasped, tears streaming down his face.
"H-hurts." Dazai's eyes darkened.
Chuuya's mind was hazed, barely registering the acceptance of his own consciousness throughout the situation. Dazai remembered the times when Chuuya would tell him about the lab, the small parts he could remember from his dreams and memories washing through him after panic attacks. He was unable to describe anything but the pristine, white septic clashed with rustic blood, and the searing hot pain he felt. The times he would hold Chuuya in his arms on late nights, whispering that Chuuya was safe, not being pulled apart and reassembled like a marionette.
Dazai really wanted to hurt the people who managed to scar Chuuya.
"You're fine darling. You're not hurt, you're okay."
"Dazai?" "Right here Chuu." He hummed, picking his head up at the sound of an approaching car in the otherwise silent neighbourhood. He continued to cradle Chuuya, watching intently as a familiar car pulled towards the curb.
"Dazai?" It was a different voice this time, a blonde detective practically hurling out of the car when he saw the position they were both in. "Is Nakahara injured? Are you alright?" He dropped, kneeling down beside the pair. His eyes washed over Chuuya, taking in his tear-streaked face - despite Dazai's best attempts at shielding it - and his shaking figure. "Is he-"
"Panic Attack. I need to ground him."
Kunikida shuffled back, silently giving Dazai more space.
"What happened?" Dazai leant forward, doing a quick once over of Chuuya to make sure he wasn't completely tuned into their conversation. He noticed the redhead attempting to grasp some sort of awareness of the voices around him, a good sign.
"This suspects' our killer. There's a room, at the top of the stairs, you'll see it. Full of medical equipment, hospital-grade stuff, likely stolen from the ward on the south-end. He's experienced, it's not just some back-alley surgery room."
"You don't think-"
"Experiments."
"On what?"
Dazai lifted his head up, eyes squinting at the sudden brightness of the sun. "I won't know until I decide for myself. Trying to find evidence wasn't exactly my first thought when I walked in." Kunikida gripped his gun, concern washing over his gaze.
He didn't know Chuuya's past, not as well as Dazai. In fairness, no one knew anything better than Dazai when it came to the temperamental detective. He recalled the time they had spent at the agency, a couple of years now. It didn't take long for everyone to figure out Chuuya had some form of PTSD surrounding anything medical. He clicked with Yosano almost immediately, earning her respect when she admitted he was one of very few who managed to intimidate her. Despite the relationship they shared, he made his distaste for the infirmary and the addition of her lab coat clear.
Dazai was grateful she was so perceptive. The first time Chuuya had seen her wearing it, she had thrown it off the second his breathing hitched. Yosano understood how hard it was for him to accept her line of work as anything but a threat, she saw him as brave for trying rather than ignoring her completely. She did her best to make him feel safe, everyone did. To warn him when they noticed something that could have triggered a negative reaction, without seeming condescending or overstepping. There were still days it grew harder when he would avoid Yosano completely after a restless night or early-morning scare. And days where accidents happened, days like today.
"Did Chuuya..?" Kunikida trailed off, eyes shining in worry.
"He saw the room, reaction was almost instant. I tried my best to get him out but he's a stubborn chibi." He smiled softly, squeezing his partner's shaking hand. "I should have pushed harder. I knew he wouldn't listen to me like that."
"You did what you could at the time, Dazai. He understands."
They dropped their gazes when Chuuya's shivering decreased significantly, head burying further into Dazai's neck. They noticed the way his fingers twitched, anxiety practically seeping from every joint in his body. There were violent jerks of his head, eyes desperately trying to see past the fogged haze in his mind.
"Kunikida-"
"I know. Get him back, Dazai. I'll sort this out."
His arms tightened around Chuuya, tuning Kunikida out as the blonde made his way inside the house, phone pulled up to his ear. "Chuu?" The smaller male jerked his head slightly, pressing it further into Dazai's neck. "Chuuya?"
"Dazai?" The brunette nearly cried with relief at the response. "Right here Chuu, I'm right here." Chuuya nodded, swivelling his body to press as close to his boyfriend as he could. Dazai wrapped his arms around his shoulders and let Chuuya's head rest under his chin, long legs on either side of the shivering body to safely cage him in. "How do you feel?"
"C-can't breathe." He hushed him, fingers grazing through fiery locks. "You can, follow my breathing, yeah?" Chuuya gave a gentle huff of agreeance, focusing on the shaky inhales and exhales rattling his chest. "In, and out. Just like that, you're doing so well." The praise came from Dazai easily, smiling gently when he noted the soft words of encouragement helped his partner calm down and focus.
They stayed calm and still for ten minutes, Dazai rocking Chuuya back and forth in a slow, easy motion. He whispered encouragements and questions into Chuuya's ear, grinning when he would receive more receptive responses each time. Chuuya had been lost to unconsciousness and hazed shivering for longer than normal, experiencing the first truly serious panic attack in nearly a year.
Chuuya's breath had begun to even out, the occasional hiccup and light sob interrupting the calm rising of his chest. Dazai pressed a kiss to his cheek, his hand not once leaving its position on top of Chuuya's, helping ground him through light squeezing and tracing patterns with his thumb. Auburn eyes scanned his boyfriend's figure, smiling softly and the notably less tense figure. Chuuya had relaxed in his hold, putting trust in the detective.
The brunette lifted his head when the soft click of a door echoed behind him, Kunikida stepping back into the soft glow of the sun. "Dazai?" He hummed, letting Chuuya shuffle in his hold to bury his face into Dazai's shirt, inhaling the calming scent. Dazai smiled to himself when his mind's first response tipped to tease the redhead, reminding him of the constant 'fish smell' complaints.
"You made the right call, trying to get him out. I've called Yosano, she'll be here soon with Tanizaki and Kenji. This isn't the best place for Nakahara to be, I'll help you take him home." Dazai nodded, silently thanking his colleague for the overwhelming understanding. "Chuuya's in no condition to go anywhere himself. I'd rather have us gone before they get here, but I doubt the Chibi will want to move so soon. Ask them to ignore us, if you can. Chuuya doesn't need to feel overwhelmed, and he'll get upset later if they see him like this."
Kunikida nodded, patting Dazai's shoulder softly. "I'll let them know. They won't be long, five minutes, maybe."
"Thank you."
"And Dazai?"
Kunikida paused, eyes blazing in concern.
"I don't mean to overstep, but none of us has seen it this bad before. Forgive them if they're overly worried. It's our understanding it takes moving planets to scare Nakahara."
The mention of Chuuya's occasional anxiety went unsaid, but Dazai didn't catch the way Kunikida seemed to struggle in finding the right words, hoping to press for more. He knew it wasn't out of disrespect, simply concern and worry for his colleague. Dazai realised how delicate the situation would become for his partner. It'd be difficult to convince the agency to forget the incident. They often struggled to hold back in questioning the state of someone's health.
"I understand. Right now, just ask everyone to keep what they see and hear to themselves." Dazai paused, taking a soft moment to check on the unusually quiet redhead. He was recovering, slowly but surely. He was so focused on his breathing that Dazai was certain he wasn't processing a single word either of them said.
"It won't do Chuuya good to have his pride hurt. He wants to be strong, untouchable, something you can all look up to. Until he understands it doesn't take hiding to accomplish that, it'll hurt."
"Of course. I'll take care of it, Dazai."
Kunikida took a few steps back, surveying the lawn before opting to lean against the car he parked messily on the curb. Dazai wouldn't mind betting it went against a few ideals, but he supposed the blonde was admittedly happy to ignore the finer scheduling in favour of making sure the pair were alright. "Dazai?" The brunette stooped his head low, kissing the shell of Chuuya's ear.
"What do you need Chuu?" "Everything's foggy 'Samu."
He hummed, tightening his already secure grip. "I know, shh, I know. You had a pretty overwhelming panic attack, hey Chuu? That's why everything would seem foggy and slow, yeah? Just keep taking those deep breaths for me. We'll be home soon, I promise. I won't leave your side for a second." When Chuuya gave a watery gasp and squeezed his hand, he pressed feather-light kisses along his upper jaw - to the best of his abilities with the admittedly awkward reach.
To Kunikida's truth, it was barely five minutes when a separate car pulled up. Dazai assumed it belonged to Yosano, Kunikida having already used the Agency car when Dazai had first called him to the scene. He silently thanked the fact that Chuuya wasn't facing any of them, or he would have blown up over the concerned and anxious glances he was receiving. Dazai and Yosano shared a quiet glance, the woman nodding and moving towards the house without a further inch of attention to the shivering redhead.
Tanizaki followed behind, doing his best to stare at the ground and ignore the pair. Kenji had been halfway towards them before he was dragged back by Kunikida, undoubtedly beginning to form the demands for information in his head once they had stumbled inside. Kunikida pointed behind him right before he disappeared back inside, drawing the brunette's attention to the agency's car keys tossed just behind him.
"Are you alright to move?"
He didn't miss the way Chuuya immediately nodded, shoulders tensing and jaw practically grinding under its own harsh pressure. Dazai sighed, pulling Chuuya further up his lap. "You don't have to go with my suggestion just for the sake of it, Chuu." Despite his gentle coaxing, the redhead remained still, pressing against his boyfriend the best he could.
He wasn't surprised. Chuuya was scared of ignoring or disobeying him again in favour of avoiding another difficult panic attack or a tidal wave of anxiety.
"Chuuya. I could never be upset with you for not listening to me, darling. It was my fault for not explaining the situation to you, I didn't protect you the way you deserved. If you aren't comfortable you need to tell me, I won't be upset, and I'm certainly not going to be angry over being contradicted. Especially by you. I'll ask again, honey. Would you like to move?"
There was a soft moment of silence, a hopeful spark in Dazai's eye. "Can we stay for a few minutes?"
His pride bubbled at the sudden change, practically beaming at Chuuya having responded perfectly to his gentle explanations and soft coaxing. For the first time in a long time, he was willing to take in worried advice so soon. "Anything. You're doing a great job Chuu, just keep breathing." With the soft nod, he continued the gentle humming and soothing tone, hoping it would do its job in both comforting and calming the shivering male in his arms.
It wasn't long, perhaps only a few minutes, he mused, before Chuuya's sobs and hiccups had died down to the occasional watery gasp. Chuuya tugged on his sleeve softly. He had been here long enough. He was craving the soft warmth of his weighted blanket, and the familiar feeling of lying on Dazai's chest with the TV crackling softly in the background. Dazai found himself craving that same feeling too.
"Good to stand?" Dazai knew his answer, Chuuya huffing and nodding - ever so defiant. Dazai kept a firm hand on his arm as the redhead stumbled to his feet. He took a small moment, blinking away the blank dots dancing in his vision. "Easy." It was a gentle command, but it managed to calm the nervous energy radiating from the usually confident detective.
Stopping to pick up the keys, it was a small struggle to get Chuuya safely into the car. It took far longer than it should have, but Dazai couldn't find it in himself to care. Chuuya came first, always. If they needed a constant pit stop to regain what little energy he had, then he would stand there and wait. Now, safely tucked under the seatbelt and staring glassily out the window, Dazai silently thanked the fact his patience extended to every aspect of the relationship.
He wouldn't trade it for the world.
"Dazai?"
The brunette tilted his head, giving a gentle nod to his partner as the car pulled away and trudged down the road at a smooth pace. "My h-hands won't stop shaking."
The car seemed to slow for a small moment, the deeply concerned gaze of the taller male flickering to eye Chuuya's hands. They were indeed shaking - terribly. Dazai now understood why Chuuya hadn't reached for the water bottle in the console the second they got in. "Alright, alright. Just take deep breaths and keep your eyes on the road, yeah?"
Dazai clenched the wheel until his knuckles were white. It seemed to be a never-ending spiral with Chuuya's panic attacks. The redhead didn't understand what was going on half the time, depending on Dazai's introduced coping mechanisms. It didn't take long, perhaps only a few seconds, before Chuuya's hand sought out his. He squeezed it softly, smiling when it was reciprocated with a small tug of its own. A step in the right direction, he supposed.
The car ride was slow, slower than Dazai would have liked. Yet he couldn't place whether or not the negatives outweighed. He wanted to get Chuuya back as soon as possible, to hold him tight and whisper how much he loved him. Despite that, the calm atmosphere brought an almost heavy weight on his shoulders to break. It was hard, especially since bringing Chuuya into a cooperative and settled state was difficult, panicked or not. Then again, he decided, silence with Chuuya never was a good thing.
The car came to a stop underneath the apartment complex, a somewhat sloppy job that he supposed would do. Dazai had never been the greatest driver anyway.
Reaching over he unclipped Chuuya from his seatbelt and pressed a quick kiss to his temple. The door was opened softly and he helped his boyfriend out, doing practically all the work considering Chuuya's legs shook with each shuddering step. He debated carrying Chuuya inside but decided the grounding feeling would be of far better use than wasting time grounding Chuuya in the apartment. If he was given the chance, the redhead would simply slip back into disassociation.
"Easy Chuu, let's go."
Chuuya walked silently, at a slow pace, but Dazai didn't mind. He liked letting Chuuya control how fast or slow they went. Whatever he needed, the brunette would accommodate. They were shoulder to shoulder. Although the taller made Chuuya walk slightly in front, keeping a supportive and grounding hand on his shoulder as they made their way across the foyer and into the elevator. Just in case the chibi decided to inspect the marble flooring.
The apartment complex - much to Dazai's distaste - wasn't overly different to Chuuya's first apartment. The building had been drowned in black, shadows casting in every corner no matter how many lights directed themselves at the wailing walls. It reeked of blood money, and the stench of iron and rust, differentiating from the new apartments' much simpler 'rich asshole' feel. Built on coins drowned in crimson, the scaffolds were tainted with innocent lives before they were even drawn together.
Dazai never cared for expensive things. Didn't bother indulging himself in useless items that didn't pique his interest at all. Didn't care for his appearance especially, only when it really mattered to Chuuya on important nights, or whether he was being forced to clean up nicely for a case.
He especially didn't agree with Chuuya using the Port Mafia paycheck to afford their ridiculous penthouse. Chuuya did indulge in very nice things. Expensive wines, watches, clothing and home decor. Useless things that Dazai knew didn't matter to him, but at least aided in healing the bruising of Chuuya's past. Moving out from Mafia quarters into agency dorms would have reminded him of the backpedal into his life on the streets of Suribachi city.
The only issue for Dazai, was it was another easily understood display of reminiscence for a life not far gone. Chuuya would have come with him regardless, followed Dazai out of the Port Mafia and to wherever he wished to take them. But he knew Chuuya regretted most of the mundane things they experienced now. He missed the brutality of fights, something he had openly admitted to Dazai he craved. Similar to Chuuya's fashion sense, the dark colours hadn't changed. While the introduction of a crimson red button-up made Dazai practically drool, the coat and god-forbidden hat remained.
Not that Dazai expected him to throw away the ugly thing anyway.
They reached the apartment door, and Dazai fumbled with the keys way more than he probably should have. Chuuya began slipping out of his shoes, kicking them gently across the doorway to rest underneath the hat stand. He hung up his coat and hat, Dazai not missing the way he swayed slightly. It was a miracle Chuuya was even aware enough to do something as simple as taking off his shoes and coat. Perhaps it was pure unconscious action.
The brunette watched his shorter boyfriend shuffle down the hallway, entering the bedroom and dissapearing behind the corner. It was when he finally heard the rustling of Chuuya changing his clothes that he broke. His elbows hit the kitchen counter, his head burying itself in his hands.
It was his fault. He could have done so much more. Something, anything. If only he had taken the time to explain the situation to Chuuya, rather than falling into the manipulative stage he used for everyone but. Chuuya wore his heart on his sleeve, sure, but manipulating him always felt wrong. Both the way the redhead was aware of it and fought back, and the stinging sensation trying to trick the love of his life gave. It hurt. He should have trusted Chuuya. He should have-
"'Samu?"
A voice tore him away from his self-destruction. Dazai lifted his head, spotting the petite detective leaning against the bedroom door, clad in an oversized shirt and sweatpants. His hair had been loosened, but his hands were shoved in his pockets. It was then that Dazai realised Chuuya had been protecting his hands since his initial panic.
"What do you need, hon?"
"You. Please don't go."
Noticing the small dip in his knees, Dazai moved quickly towards him and wrapped his arms around the built figure. "Shh, I won't. I'm right here with you, okay? Don't you want to go to bed? Little chibis need their nap time." He smiled when he felt Chuuya slump his head against his shoulder, upset Chuuya's equivalent of a headbutt.
They made their way back inside the bedroom, and he shut the door behind him. Chuuya dropped onto the Alaskan-sized mattress, his hair a stark contrast to the cream silk sheets. Dazai stripped himself of his work clothes, opting to remain shirtless with his usual oversized sweatpants. It often got hot underneath the layers of blankets Chuuya liked to pile on when stressed or upset, and he didn't feel like leaving his partner to change. Finally, he rummaged through the closet and dragged out a large weighted blanket before slipping into bed with the redhead.
The blanket was draped over the sheets on top of them, providing the comforting weight Chuuya often craved. Dazai turned to face him, ever so softly and took his trembling hands to his. He cupped them gently, blowing a short gust of hot air towards them before intertwining their fingers. His face dug into the crook of Dazai's neck, lips brushing the skin so softly Dazai was afraid the touch would wither away.
Chuuya's hands were a tough thing for either to get around, often hidden under gloves throughout the day. It helped him hold on to the one sliver of humanity he desperately tried to convince himself he had.
Dazai didn't need convincing. He knew. Chuuya was the most human person he had ever met. Wearing his heart on his sleeve, respecting and protecting every single person under his command no matter their stance with him. Always putting everyone above him, especially Dazai. And if he wasn't human, then his humanity outshining all others truly spoke volumes about humans themselves.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
The calm serenity almost spoke for him, projecting it's answer in waves of still air. Seconds turned into minutes, and as the moments clocked by, Dazai came to terms with the silence providing the response he asked for. It wasn't until the small fidget in his fingers that he realised Chuuya was deciding.
"It felt like last time."
"What do you mean by last time, Chuu?"
He hummed, softly encouraging his partner to continue. He wouldn't push, certainly wouldn't mind if he decided to drift off into the silence without much elaboration. Chuuya trusted him. He would speak when he needed to, and project his feelings when it became important for him.
"The last time I panicked."
"And they felt the same, hey. What was it like, honey?"
"I remembered what it was like to be there. I remembered how it felt."
To be pulled apart limb from limb. To live years of your life as an experiment, watching time tick by with terrified eyes wondering when the painful nights would return. To sit with your back pressed against a metal cage, constantly praying you could either die or be swallowed by the cold sheets. To lose your memories of a normal childhood, and become plagued with terrifying flashbacks of churning medical instruments and doctor's feral grins.
All of it went unsaid, yet it had never seemed so loud before.
Chuuya trembled, and Dazai rocked him gently. "That's alright darling. You're not there anymore, you're with me. No one can hurt you. Not anymore." He held him as tight as possible, doing his best to let Chuuya calm himself. Dazai's intervention might seem too much. His presence and soft words were what Chuuya needed at the moment.
Calm atmosphere finally restored, Chuuya nuzzled closer to his boyfriend.
"That's it, shhh. Stop thinking about that, just focus on me." Dazai dipped his head low, brushing his lips against the shell of Chuuya's ear and kissing his forehead. "Aren't you tired?"
The gentle nod and curl of Chuuya's body into his was all he needed to wrap his arms around Chuuya and nudge him back into his chest. He wanted the redhead to feel as safe and secure as possible. "Rest now, honey. I'll be right here when you wake up."
"Samu?"
Dazai hummed, resting his head on top of Chuuya's. "Mm?"
"Thank you. I love you."
He smiled, kissing the fiery locks that graced his boyfriend's pretty little head. He was absolutely gorgeous. Dazai failed to understand what he had done to become graced with the presence of perfection. He was so terribly in love.
"I love you too, my Chuuya."
Dazai had a lot of regrets. Not being able to protect Chuuya. Not being able to rip away his horrible memories and replace them with the perfect childhood both craved to believe. Not having been more understanding of his suffering and cues in the first year of knowing him.
He didn't regret afternoons like these, the peaceful bliss slumber brought after an achingly worrisome episode from his partner.
He would remain by his side, through sickness and health, doing everything he could to make his promise to Chuuya that much more real. That he would always be there to drag him back from the depths of his own panic and replace the shaking of his hands with the laughter of genuine, joyous emotion.